Friend or not?

LegacyUser

Iv been really good friends with this girl for about 6 or 7 years and she and my ex boyfriend never got on. in fact she went as far as to tell me she hated him! about a year ago myself and this boyfriend broke up and my friend was very happy about this... told me all the things i needed to hear...i could do better etc! then last christmas she came into my house and was telling me she got talking to him one nite they where out and she realises now he's a lovely fella! this didnt really bother me because i knew the guy in question was lovely (i wouldnt have been with him for 4 years otherwise!) he just wasnt the one for me. i thought if they get friendly then it's nothing really to do with me. iv since started seeing another guy who i love very much and have known for years. we get on the best and every1 can see how happy we make each other.

Then last week my friend called to my house for a chat. she started going on about my ex again and about how friendly they have gotten. this doesnt bother me even though she knows a lot of personal stuff about me which i wouldnt want repeated back to him. i trust the girl! the thing that does bother me is the fact that she seems to keep trying to put doubts in my head about my new fella. she keeps asking me would i not be happier with my ex. (the answer here being no, as i wasnt really happy for the last year of our relationship).

Basically im wondering wots going on here? is she jealous of my new relationship? does she fancy my ex? is he trying to get her to find out stuff from me? or am i just over-reacting?!

Black Swan

wee_me wrote:

the thing that does bother me is the fact that she seems to keep trying to put doubts in my head about my new fella. she keeps asking me would i not be happier with my ex. (the answer here being no, as i wasnt really happy for the last year of our relationship).

Well, have you expressed these concerns with your girlfriend? If she is a good friend, she will drop it. If not, maybe you should reconsider your friendship with her? At least make your feelings known to her.

LadyJ

wee_me wrote:

Basically im wondering wots going on here? is she jealous of my new relationship? does she fancy my ex? is he trying to get her to find out stuff from me? or am i just over-reacting?!

Who cares?

Just stop listening to her. Tell her that her advice is unwanted and that you know what's best for you.

If she's jealous,then tough. If she fancies your ex,do you give a toss? You're happy in your new relationship so what does it matter if she's trying to find out stuff from you for your ex?

And as for the "over-reacting" part,any reaction at all to a person who is trying to interfere with your life is an over-reaction.

petes

wee_me wrote:

she keeps asking me would i not be happier with my ex.

Maybe she is relaying things your ex said to her? Who broke it off?

LegacyUser

I broke it off. i thought it wasnt working for a while but he took it quite bad. when i got together with my new fella he said quite a few nasty things about me but to be honest it was water off a ducks back. i still care for him, i did spend 4 years with him. but i dont love him anymore and if he and my friend got together i can honestly say it wouldn't bother me! i want them both to be happy. im happy now and secure in my new relationship.

another thing i dont get is her hatred for him when we were together wasnt one sided. he told me more than once that he couldnt stand her either!

Sony

I think its clear that shes looking for your approval to start seeing your ex, which I think is sickenening to be honest considering what happened in the past

shes clearly jealous as hell - the only reason she now likes your ex is because they can now get "friendly" with each other..

I dont think thats an over reaction either

LegacyUser

i feel also i should mention i am definatly not having doubts about my new man! i love him too much for that! i did ask her if she liked him in a romantic way and she claimed she was very hurt that i would even think that!

takola

If I were you I'd just tell her that You're very happy in your new relationship and that you finished with your ex for a reason. Nobody know's what's right for you better than yourself. You sound like you have absolutely no doubts about your new relationship so no matter what her reasons are it isn't going to work! Tell her to lay off. If she likes him let her sort it out herself. Nothing to do with you. Just tell her you aren't going to listen to it anymore and if she keeps going on about it walk away from her when she says it until she eventually gets the message.

Beruthiel

wee_me wrote:

Basically im wondering wots going on here? is she jealous of my new relationship? does she fancy my ex? is he trying to get her to find out stuff from me? or am i just over-reacting?!

None of us can answer this question.
My best guess would be that perhaps she wants to go out with him and is trying to find out that you are 100% over him and are happy with your current b/f.
She maybe just making sure of this so she doesn't hurt your feelings or get in the way of a possible reunion with your ex.
Why don't you just ask her if ye are good friends?

Miss Fluff

wee_me wrote:

the thing that does bother me is the fact that she seems to keep trying to put doubts in my head about my new fella. she keeps asking me would i not be happier with my ex. (the answer here being no, as i wasnt really happy for the last year of our relationship)........Basically im wondering wots going on here? is she jealous of my new relationship? does she fancy my ex? is he trying to get her to find out stuff from me? or am i just over-reacting?!

Your "friend" sounds like a jealous cow in my opinion. She didn't like you going out with your ex and now she doesn't like you seeeing your new BF either. Sounds like she wants to see your ex too. You say you're really good mates....I'd wonder about that.

wee_me

iv already asked her if she likes him and she got really stroppy with me! iv told her iv no feelings at all left for him but i would like him to be happy. thing is tho if they do end up together maybe it would be the end of our friendship? but if i said this to her she would automatically assume i still liked the ex and that would be wrong too! it's a no win situation, i dont particularly want our friendship to end but if they get together how can i talk to her about my current relationship without things going back to him? and likewise how could she talk to me about hers since her boyfriend would be my ex!

RandomOne

wee_me wrote:

how could she talk to me about hers since her boyfriend would be my ex!

Quite easily since you know him well and will understand what she says. I've been the one in your ex's shoes and both guys talked to one another before the second guy made any approach. He was making sure my ex wasn't hoping for a reconciliation is all. Nothing personal that went on between me and my ex was ever discussed by me or my ex (to my knowledge) with the second guy. I guess it comes down to respect in the end. Both of us checked my ex was ok (independantly) with the new relationship and all of us respected the boundaries of what we talked about.

Tar.Aldarion

Either she wants your new bf - doubt it, she knows your ex wants you still and is testing the waters for him, or she wants to see is it ok for her to go out with him, making sure you have no feelings for him.

LegacyUser

wee_me wrote:

Iv been really good friends with this girl for about 6 or 7 years and she and my ex boyfriend never got on. in fact she went as far as to tell me she hated him! ....

Sounds more like your jealous of her.

wee_me

Nah have never been jealous of her. the type of mates we are, we share everything and generally have different tastes in men. therefore iv never been jealous of any guy she's been with. and i thought the same of her till now!