Weird roomate HELP!!!!

LegacyUser

Ok I need help with this as confused and slightly overwhelmed and going anon to get advice!

I recently moved out and I'm living with a guy who you could easily say had OCD everything is neat and tidy almost uncomfortably so! When I moved in he said he would do all the cleaning and I would only have to clean my room and bathroom, No problem with doing this at all.
He said to me then that I had to separate my waste at all times, I have never recycled before so I assumed that meant paper in the paper bin etc. he also said I have to put waste suitable for compost in this other lunchbox type thing he had on the kitchen counter!
Now I’d been doing this the paper bin filled with cardboard very fast because I had some flat pack stuff also I had to throw out some stuff not a lot, 1 black bag.
He's never there as he works shift work and I'm never there either hardly! (I'm still getting used to living on my own and I’ve been finding it hard)

Also I have my friends over (never more than two) and my little sister stayed with me too she's misses me and we had a sleepover
My friends when there would usually just be in my room and only have been there to help me organise the room or eat dinner with me before we head somewhere

Last week Sunday he went away till yesterday, never told me and I only copped on on Friday when I hadn’t been there in a few days, He never told me he was heading away or left an emergency number or anything and me living there a week and a bit! My friends said he probably didn’t tell you because he thought you'd have a big party or something but I doubt he'd think I'm that stupid!
He came back yesterday and called me and said he needed to have a serious talk with me; I went home as I’d been staying in my family house this week as they are all away!
He gave out to me for filling up the bins so fast and he said he seen an egg carton in the regular bin and specified I had to recycle at all times and use the compost thingy!
He said (and this was strange) that while he didn’t mind visitors they weren’t covered under his house insurance so therefore if they had an accident under his roof they were libel to sue him, so I said 'does that mean your not allowing me to have my little sister stay with me', He said officially I'm saying No but its up to you! I'll only say these things to you once and that's it!
So I’m getting the feeling if I do anything he’ll kick me out!
Can he even do this? What should I do? Am I being weird about this?

Spaniela

:mad:

He can only kick you out if he (a) has sole signing on the lease (if any) and even then you can fight it through the landlord. (b) he owns the house then a month's notice is the required time he has to provide you with.

Seriously though, I think he would be doing you a favour kicking you out....if your description is accurate, he is totally fu*%king anal!! The place where you live should be a calm comforable place, where you can unwind from the stresses of the day, not a place where you dread putting your key in the door for fear of reprisals about cleaning the lock after your key!

Get house hunting asap for health reasons, if you are constantly on edge it will only make you ill!

Good Luck :eek:

petes

To be honest I'd move out anyway. I don't think I could live in a situation like that.

Jayhaitch

I've hard more than my share of anal flatmates. They make everything so uncomfortable. And mine don't sound half as bad as yours.

If this is your first time away from home you should be enjoying the freedom and independence.

My last roommate told me she made the rules in this house because she was her longest. I was paying the most rent but I had to live by her rules.
Now in a much more casual situation. It makes a huge difference when you are coming home from work and you can flop on the sofa and not feel you have to watch your every step.

Get out of there asap.

Sleipnir

I would move out.

Just wait till your down a pit in the basement.
"It puts the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever it's told"

^CwAzY^

lol if u are moving out, before u go, shred all his rubbish into tiny pieces and mix it all together, plastic, paper, glass, food, everything so he can't separate them.. lol his head will explode or something.. but seriously I would move out somewhere else, no1 needs that kinda stress, good luck!

Susannahmia

If i were you id start househunting. I was in almost the exact same situation at the start of the year, anal live in landlord, no visitors allowed etc. Moving out was the only solution; you’re just going to be miserable otherwise. And if has like my old landlord he will get progressively worse!

Kiera

Confused! wrote:

Last week Sunday he went away till yesterday, never told me and I only copped on on Friday when I hadn’t been there in a few days, He never told me he was heading away or left an emergency number or anything and me living there a week and a bit! My friends said he probably didn’t tell you because he thought you'd have a big party or something but I doubt he'd think I'm that stupid!
He came back yesterday and called me and said he needed to have a serious talk with me; I went home as I’d been staying in my family house this week as they are all away!
He gave out to me for filling up the bins so fast and he said he seen an egg carton in the regular bin and specified I had to recycle at all times and use the compost thingy!
He said (and this was strange) that while he didn’t mind visitors they weren’t covered under his house insurance so therefore if they had an accident under his roof they were libel to sue him, so I said 'does that mean your not allowing me to have my little sister stay with me', He said officially I'm saying No but its up to you! I'll only say these things to you once and that's it!
So I’m getting the feeling if I do anything he’ll kick me out!
Can he even do this? What should I do? Am I being weird about this?

First off, he does not answer to you and does not need to report to you when he is not around. Its none of your business.
Second, its his home and you are paying rent therefore are entitled to live there but your sister is not paying rent. He probably said that to you in the manner that he did because he didn’t want you taking the piss and having her stay over constantly.
Thirdly, a lot of people are anal about recycling. If it’s a house you live in and you use the normal black bins then he might be just thinking about bin tags. Have you offered to buy any yet? I don’t know how it works if its an apartment, I assume you pay a service charge?

You said its your first time living away from home and now you are learning how others live their lives. I’m sure a few on here will remember my story about my male panty wearing housemate, he had OCD and he freaked me out but there was nothing I could do. You have to see the funny side about stuff or it will drive you insane.

So to answer your question, no I don’t think you are being weird but I also don’t think he is either. After all he has told you that he will do all the cleaning, and works shifts, so I’d say you have it pretty easy. If you wanted a party house you should have moved in with younger people.

Chinafoot

Yep, move out. You're home should not be uncomfortable and you most definitely should not be prevented from having friends and family over.

Moving into an aparetment like that is supposed to offer you independence and comfort to do your own thing. You'd probably have more freedom living with your parents than with this guy.

Start flat hunting again or maybe a house-share. You should ask around your mates and see if anyone is thinking about moving out and you could get a place together.

damnyanks

A wreck the head flatmate can really ruin your time in a place. If he continues to make you feel bad start to consider moving out. If you are that much of a burden to him he probably won't care.

LegacyUser

Kiera wrote:

First off, he does not answer to you and does not need to report to you when he is not around. Its none of your business.

It is common courtesy if you live with someone to let them know if you are going to be away for a week, the way I look at it is if you go missing or somthing happens to you your flatmate is the one person that would notice you missing, like your parents or friends probably wouldn't see you everyday so wouldn't notice for a couple of days if something happened.

Hope that makes sense, OP I think you should move out, who wants the hassle of living with such an anal person and always having to be on guard, you should be able to relax and have anyone you want over.

ronanp

Leave, its a disaster waiting to happen. Straight onto daft.ie with ya. Easiest decision you should ever have to make.

Static M.e.

Move out, he seems a little nuts to be honest, not worth the hassle imo.

Your new apartment / house is your new home.

YOU PAY RENT, you have entitlements.

Seriously he isn't worth living with, so many nice people out their that you can live with, easy going fun people who couldnt care less who who bring over at the weekend as long as your some what tidy..

stovelid

Can I borrow him once a week?

Joke - sounds like there is nothing to do but move out IMO

Confused! wrote:

When I moved in he said he would do all the cleaning and I would only have to clean my room and bathroom,

Ayla

Confused! wrote:

Last week Sunday he went away till yesterday, never told me and I only copped on on Friday when I hadn’t been there in a few days...

Ok, yeah, as a housemate, it's common courtesy to tell the roomies that you'll be gone for awhile. It's a nice thing to do, but it's not really required. You said you were gone for a week or so as well...did you leave him a note?

Confused! wrote:

He gave out to me for filling up the bins so fast and he said he seen an egg carton in the regular bin and specified I had to recycle at all times and use the compost thingy!

You had mentioned that you had filled the bins yourself...why didn't you empty them before you left the house for your trip home? Again, that's a common courtesy (and perhaps why he might've given out).

Confused! wrote:

He said (and this was strange) that while he didn’t mind visitors they weren’t covered under his house insurance so therefore if they had an accident under his roof they were libel to sue him,

Unfortunately this is true, and whereas most roomies are willing to take that risk, some aren't. If I were in your shoes I'd think it was a bit extreme of him to say this, but if he's the house/apartment owner it is his right to lay down the rules.

Bottom line, living in a house with someone (especially a stranger) requires a certain amount of flexibility and understanding. If you'd like to stay there, I'd suggest that you start a conversation w/ him about where you're coming from (i.e.: that you've never recycled before, so you don't know that eggcrates can be composted, etc). Also let him know that you'd appreciate a note if he'll be gone for a few days (and you'll do the same thing for him).

No living situation is perfect, but he may just be trying to get things right from the beginning to avoid any future hassels...maybe he just lacks tact? Talk to him, and if you're still uncomfortable then move out.

Seraphina

ok seriously, no offence, but on the waste thing, he's totally in the right. you're being pretty immature about being asked to recycle. you've never lived away from home so you clearly have no idea how much the waste charges can add up to (i know in alot of places its done by weight and there's a standard charge just to collect the bin). we do all that stuff at home, seperating waste and composting. its not a big ****in deal, get over yourself.

so he left for a week without telling you. maybe he didn't get a chance. whats the problem. just ask him nicely to let you know when he's going to be away next time.
with the people staying over, i'm assuming he's just worried that you'll be having people over all the time and taking advantage. there's all kinds of people out there are there are plenty of people who'd take any opportunity to sue someone over something stupid and make a few quid. he may have had this problem with people he lived with previously. you said yourself he said he didn't mind visitors and he didn't say you couldn't have any. whats the problem?

i think you need to grow up and realise that when living with other people you'll have to compromise. it'd be alot worse if he was totally laid back and never did a thing around the house, leaving his mess everywhere etc. its not home with mammy and daddy cleaning up after you, you can get used to it, or live like a slob. it doesn't really sound that bad at all from how you describe it. moving out isn't one big long party, you'll have a lot more responsibility now.

Feast

ok, first of all. Being passionate about recycling has nothing to do with OCD. Maybe research this terrible condition before you use the term too loosely. You may offend someone. I have OCD! And im not a freak thank you very much.

You say you have never recycled before!! Well in that case you should be ashamed of yourself. Have you no respect for your environment? Or is it only OCD sufferers that do?

With regards to everything else, being in a house too clean by someone elses standards can be uncomfortable. I agree with you there. (people can be tidy people and not have OCD either by the way). If you cant stand the fact that he is obsessively clean, maybe you should move out.

Lastly, the thing about your sister is a bit weird. That is a ridiculous thing to come out with about being liable etc etc. Sounds anal there in fairness.

Good luck. you should move out though I think.

Miss Fluff

Just don't live with an owner occupier - NIGHTMARE :eek:

Miguel_Sanchez

Does this guy own the house or is he just renting it like you?

To be honest he doesn't sound half as bad as people that I've lived with in the past. Maybe he's not being the friendliest when making points but asking you to recycle properly isn't really being a demon or anything.

He doesn't sound like he has OCD - just that he's neat. Granted some people take it a bit far but that's hardly OCD.

But then again, if you don't get on with him then you probably would be better off moving out so you're not at loggerheads all the time.

Chinafoot

Seraphina wrote:

with the people staying over, i'm assuming he's just worried that you'll be having people over all the time and taking advantage. there's all kinds of people out there are there are plenty of people who'd take any opportunity to sue someone over something stupid and make a few quid. he may have had this problem with people he lived with previously. you said yourself he said he didn't mind visitors and he didn't say you couldn't have any. whats the problem?

That's fair enough but come on, it's her sister. What happens if her sister gets stuck one night and needs somewhere to stay. Nobody should have to worry about the possible backlash from their flatmates over something like having a member of your family stay with you

The way I see it, if you're not happy move out. You sound like polar-opposites and you'd be doing both of you a favour. Tension and a bad atmosphere is no environment to live in.

blue banana

I'm an owner occupier. OK rules need to be laid down from the beginning, re -recycling etc but his guy is OTT, he didn't need to be so rude about the whole thing. I would let my housemates know when I'm going away for the weekend, etc just out of courtesy and so they know they have the place to themselves. It works both ways.

If it was me, I'd be getting out of there.

Marksie

I was an owner occupier once... never again.
Was easygoing about people stayging til i found that she had had a b/friend over for the weekend and had been S****ing in my bed.

Tar.Aldarion

Move out, if only for the fact that you should live with poeple you like and can have fun with.

There is nothing wrong with the recycling thing, it's good but he seems a bit...over the top.
Move somewhere more relaxed, where you can let your little sister stay...

Sony

I dont think this is even a matter of opinion - GET OUUUUT he sounds like a weirdo and not only that but he sounds like an a-hole too!a serious talk?!:rolleyes: I wouldnt have been able to stop laughing at that If I was you!

michaelanthony

It's not natural to be housesharing with people that you are not related to or having a relationship with.

vorbis

god brings be back to the last bitch I shared with in Galway. The other two roommates were sound but shewas permanently in a bad mood. She'd complain about the noise the door makes while shutting it when I'd come home on a Friday night. Fair enough, I banged it once or twice but was it really worth bringing up a month later.

What took the biscuit was when I accidentally used her bottle of orange cordial. She came into the kitchen saw her bottle on the counter and threw a fit saying I shouldn't take other housemates goods. She began to calm down when it dawned on her that what I had taken was worth about 2 cents. Thank god I was only staying there a few months.

Move OUT if you don't get on with your roommate. Its not worth the stress. Had I stayed another few months with that battle axe, I'd have killed her.

elexes

if i was u id move out . you should be able to have a good relationship with the people you live with . if you cant then you shouldnt be there . i realise he wants to keep his house tidy and neat but the stuff ur comming out with is pritty stupid . not one of my previous land lords told me i couldnt have friends over because of insurance and since i became a landlord ive never spoken those words to any of the tennants . its your room its partially ur house look to see what you signed up for in the t&c if it dosnt state anything your unhappy with bring him up on it.

as for the rubbish issue ... its rubblish hes looking for things to complain about . sounds like hes on a power trip

and always rember your never having a party its a social gathering

Dudess

marksuttonie wrote:

I was an owner occupier once... never again.
Was easygoing about people stayging til i found that she had had a b/friend over for the weekend and had been S****ing in my bed.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

I was an owner-occupier for four years. Some of them I knew, some of them I didn't. Never ever felt the need to be as OTT as the OP's landlord (if he is the landlord, that is). Was laid-back about stuff and if there were ground rules, I'd state them. Simple as that. Be nice to people, make them feel comfortable and life will be a lot easier, as well as the atmosphere being a lot more pleasant. A place where there's tension and a lot of walking on eggshells? Come on. The OP is in the right, the guy she lives with is in the wrong. As for someone's post about it not being natural to live with people you're not related to or having a relationship with, what about living with friends? And, yeah, it's not ideal moving in with strangers but sometimes you don't have a choice.

ferdi

Sleipnir wrote:

I would move out.

Just wait till your down a pit in the basement.
"It puts the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever it's told"

LOL.
move out now or you'll get the hose again. this guy is clearly insane.

abetarrush

kick him in the face

FranknFurter

Move out.
Your home should be a comfortable enviroment for you to come back to and relax. No matter who's right or wrong in this situation, the fact is you are not comfortable in the place you live and are living with somone you don't trust.

Maybe find somwhere with people more your own age group, mixing ages can be a huge problem in owner / occupier situations.

For example, a lot of 40 year olds can have completely different ideas of whats "normal" these days.

b

omahaid

It takes a lot of discipline to be that "organised". I am so disorganised i have to no choice but go to those extremes, not something i enjoy but if i dont do it i will forget things, thats the way i am

Nevyn

Sharing with friends can be just as probmatical and it can be harder to move out when there are clashed and not ruin the friendship.

TheTruthFairy

OP, did you do any cleaning whilst he was away? When he went away were you worried about his safety or was it that you just want someone to tidy up afer you?

It isn't really your business if he went away, it could have been a personal matter.

LegacyUser

maybe its seraphina you live with.....what if you lost your keys...house was burgled...house went on fire.....who would you call??? people here Saying its none of your business if he goes for a week is bull****.It should go without saying for everyone to have everyones numbers that your living with, especially only 2 people...but seriously,this guy is a freak..move out asap.
As for the recycling,,what a jerk he is hitting the roof when you put something in the wrong bin...everyone does it sometimes...unless they are a fruitcake and not normal, being a dick about this type of this should not be tolerated,,,so leave before your sanity does!!!! Obviously there are a few people on these boards that have the same mindset as your flat'mate'.

[Jackass]

He sounds like a fuc*ing loop the loop...move out...who wants to put it with all that sh*t in their own house (yes, you're paying the rent, it's your house while you're there) ... "serious talk", "wrong bins" ,"no friends", tell him "shove it up your hole buddy"

Don't move in with people you know, but get a house share with other randomers...and for the love of god, meet them first and suss if they'll be cool, laid back and a bit of craic before deciding where to move in...

Best of luck

blorg

Difficult to tell just how OTT he might be from a one-sided description, (he might just be tidy and OP might be a hellraiser) but irrespective it's important that you are sharing with people who are similar to you, especially when it comes to conceptions of general house rules and tidyness.

It would seem very strange that he would offer to do 100% of the cleaning but I could see how in doing this he might expect more control over the general house (I am not saying you have to live with this but your option is either negotiation - including sharing the cleaning - or moving out.)

Is he much older then you? What are the details?

LegacyUser

vorbis wrote:

god brings be back to the last bitch I shared with in Galway. The other two roommates were sound but shewas permanently in a bad mood. She'd complain about the noise the door makes while shutting it when I'd come home on a Friday night. Fair enough, I banged it once or twice but was it really worth bringing up a month later.

What took the biscuit was when I accidentally used her bottle of orange cordial. She came into the kitchen saw her bottle on the counter and threw a fit saying I shouldn't take other housemates goods. She began to calm down when it dawned on her that what I had taken was worth about 2 cents. Thank god I was only staying there a few months.

Move OUT if you don't get on with your roommate. Its not worth the stress. Had I stayed another few months with that battle axe, I'd have killed her.

here, in fairness, it can be really irritating if someone comes home a few times and be's all slamming the doors and inconsiderate. like its really disrespectful, like you're not even thinking of them, and they live there too. feeling disrespected can make the most sane people crazy.

same goes for drinking her drink, sometimes i get like that if my housemates are always using my stuff. ESPECIALLY if i'm actually in the house, near by, so u could easily just go "hey X, is it alright if i nick a drop of yr orange?", it makes it so much more civilized, and its like an invite for them to do the same for u. not saying anything makes it sneaky and like taking the piss, like they think you won't notice or you just don't care that something belongs to them.

seriously, i understand u thinking "well, it was only 2cents worth" but it all adds up, not just numericly, but emotionally. if you're using someones stuff AT LEAST have the decency to mention it to them, so they know its alright to use yours, and then actually make sure that u do buy your own eventually.

LegacyUser

He’s late 30's and yes he's a quiet type and I respect that but I still have to live there and I am hardly there either
I pay 450 a month for an ensuite double but he’s also hardly there too (he works shifts)
I know we are diff, he's late 30's I’m a young 20 something girl, but he’s not thick either he's bound to know I’d have a few mates/family over!
My parents are going a bit mad about him reacting to my sister staying because my sister got a bit upset as we are close enough!
He did say well I’m saying no officially but it’s up to you

I wish he'd have been more honest upfront as in I’m renting to you but I like things my way and your not to change it but I don’t have time to move out and I’m trying the recycling thing

i'm telling him to **** right off if he starts again though!

Kiera

I think you are being the pain in the arse here not him. You are never there and he is never there so its not like you are living in each others pockets. You are just throwing a hissy fit because your sister isn’t allowed stay. Move back home where your parents can deal with your tantrums.

Anti

i had a house mate like this before, big into recycling and the likes. gad to move out because i was to scared to do anything incase its wrong. move out now and save yourself the hassle.