Too sensitive emotionally

LegacyUser

Long term poster going anon because this is kinda pathetic imo...

I don't know if this qualifies as a real problem or not, but it really bothers me. I have a tragically low pathos level. The smallest things seem really sad to me, and I can't stop thinking about them when I'm in that mood. For instance, the very thought of somebody (particularly an old man) eating alone is enough to make me well up with tears. Now, I know that they probably don't even notice it, and it probably doesn't bother them. Indeed, I regularly eat on my own and enjoy it, yet when I think of someone doing it, I feel overwhelming pity.

I read an article recently where the author mentioned that she nearly started crying in the supermarket when she saw an old man at the checkout had forgotten him wallet. That's been playing on my mind since, and it makes me feel so sad, even though I wasn't even present at the event.

When I'm in this mood, if an ambulance passes, I can't stop thinking of the person insides' family and how they'll feel. It's like I feel their emotions myself. I put myself in their position and imagine how I'd feel if it was me, and can't stop thinking about it then. I can't even watch certain ads on TV because they upset me too much - particularly ones for animal cruelty.

Sometimes, even after just a small argument with my mum, I can't stop thinking about how she might be feeling upset and I inevitably have to find her and hug her and tell her I love her. Also, I always picture the worst case scenario.

I know everybody feels like this from time to time, but it seems to me that I feel like this far too often for it to be healthy. Even now, listing those examples has made me tear up. Is there anything I can do to stop being so sensitive, or is it something I'm doomed to live with for the rest of my life? Is there something causing it, or is it just part of my personality?

I should stress that this isn't a constant condition, it comes and goes. I can go for a week or maybe more without feeling like that, and then it'll hit with a vengeance for another week.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

LegacyUser

Apparently one in five people is born with heightened sensitivity - this is normal. Sometimes society perceives this as a weakness but your increased empathy and emotional intelligence has its benefits.
This is a great book - http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0722538960/202-3268651-6960636?v=glance&n=266239&s=books&v=glance

Sensitivity occurs naturally in a lot of people, it has obvious drawbacks and benefits - reading this might help you to understand
I bought this book myself

Laslo

Well at least you should take comfort in the knowledge that you're a decent, empathetic human being. You seem to have a great heart... unlike so many people out there who are selfish, self-absorbed, nasty pieces of crap. Your pathos is hard to come by these days and it's an endearing quality - albeit a bugbear for you. You're just going to have to begin to accept that life is tough and people sometimes suffer. It's a big, bad world and there's no point in upsetting yourself over it too much. Just do what you can to make things better for those less fortunate whenever you get the chance. It's about as much as you can do.

LegacyUser

sensitive wrote:

Long term poster going anon because this is kinda pathetic imo...

I don't know if this qualifies as a real problem or not, but it really bothers me. I have a tragically low pathos level. The smallest things seem really sad to me, and I can't stop thinking about them when I'm in that mood. For instance, the very thought of somebody (particularly an old man) eating alone is enough to make me well up with tears. Now, I know that they probably don't even notice it, and it probably doesn't bother them. Indeed, I regularly eat on my own and enjoy it, yet when I think of someone doing it, I feel overwhelming pity.

I read an article recently where the author mentioned that she nearly started crying in the supermarket when she saw an old man at the checkout had forgotten him wallet. That's been playing on my mind since, and it makes me feel so sad, even though I wasn't even present at the event.

When I'm in this mood, if an ambulance passes, I can't stop thinking of the person insides' family and how they'll feel. It's like I feel their emotions myself. I put myself in their position and imagine how I'd feel if it was me, and can't stop thinking about it then. I can't even watch certain ads on TV because they upset me too much - particularly ones for animal cruelty.

Sometimes, even after just a small argument with my mum, I can't stop thinking about how she might be feeling upset and I inevitably have to find her and hug her and tell her I love her. Also, I always picture the worst case scenario.

I know everybody feels like this from time to time, but it seems to me that I feel like this far too often for it to be healthy. Even now, listing those examples has made me tear up. Is there anything I can do to stop being so sensitive, or is it something I'm doomed to live with for the rest of my life? Is there something causing it, or is it just part of my personality?

I should stress that this isn't a constant condition, it comes and goes. I can go for a week or maybe more without feeling like that, and then it'll hit with a vengeance for another week.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

You could be talking about me, except I do this constantly.
Its awful. I'm a natural born worrier, i can't help it. Sometimes i wish i could let go of these awful thoughts.

I'll give you an example - if my phone rings, what pops into my mind straight away is - someone is calling to tell me someone i love is dead.
For no reason at all, everyday.

I have constant dark thoughts which i can't seem to get rid of, i know is not healthy and its been this way going on 10 years.
If you find anything that helps, please post it up, i would love to know.

Black Swan

Empathy can be a grand thing. Have you ever thought about working in the helping professions? Medicine, mental health, social work, etc.?:cool:

Pipp

You probably wont believe me but Im the same as you. I get upset about things like that. I cried my eyes out for an hour the other day as I felt completely useless and overwhelmed about the situation in the middle East. (That sounds so stupid but its true). I just wanted to DO something but didnt know how or what? I get frustrated that I cant help.
The thoughts of kids being bullied is another thing guaranteed to set me off into a very very dark place. I suppose its because I had some horrendous experiences with bullies in my own life.
My heart breaks for my mother too, I get overwhelemed at the thoughts of her not being around any more. Ive been known just to show up at her house to tell her I love her.
I suppose the flip side of feeling things so acutely is that when I show someone affection, or tell them I love them I really mean it.

Chinafoot

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Have you ever thought about working in the helping professions? Medicine, mental health, social work, etc.?:cool:

I have to say I wouldn't recommend this. To work in positions like those you need to have a very caring nature but you also need to be able to detach yourself emotionally at the end of the day in order to maintain objectivity in individual cases and to maintain your sanity. Being overly emotional would see a job like this destroy you.

OP: I think empathy is a good thing and it's unfortunate that there aren't more people in the world who care. If it is affecting your day to day life and making you miserable then maybe a therapist could help you to maintain your empathy but not let it affect you to the point where you are feeling so low.

greys

I also agree that it is good to be a loving and caring person. But it is crucial to learn to detach yourself from certain events and facts of life. Exactly for the reason of not being able to do anything about them.

Life is complex. It's vast. There are billions of people just like us in this world. Some of them love and care for others, while many don't care about anything at all. These are the differences we were born with - it's just one of the facts of life.

It's very hard to train yourself look at things differently, but it can certainly be done. And learning to detach and accept things less painfully are the first steps.

Here are just a few ways to do this:

1) Accept facts of life
People die. And there isn't necessarily a reason or an explanation for this. Just accept it. Make sure you concentrate on living and providing value to others, not just spending day after day crying for the ones which have left us.

2) Stop taking it all personally
If an accident happens, don't take it personally! You're no Superman. You can't possibly take care of everything around you and prevent all the negativities. You can make a positive difference though, so you should concentrate on this, and not on taking anything negative as your personal fault or pain.

3) Learn to let things go
I know there are different problems in this life, some of them are tiny and you simply exaggerate them, others are horrible and you need to try and make them seem smaller and feel less painful.
Learn to forgive and forget, starting with yourself. Even if you feel personally responsible for something, learn to forgive yourself. Accept whatever the past is, and move on with a certain plan to do better next time around. Yes, there may never be another chance to do the very same thing, but hey - it's a big world! You'll get a chance to be nice, caring and loving if you really want one.

pS: I wouldn't recommend going for a helping profession in your situation. You have to be really strong emotionally and know how to let the pain go through you and never stay in for too long, otherwise it will burn you down very quickly.

LadyJ

OP,I am exactly the same. I cry a lot when I see old people that (in my mind) are lonely. I cry at the news,I cry at everything.

I have been like this most of my life but moreso over the last five or six years. I decided to start seeing a therapist,not just for this particular problem but for other things too.

Anyway,since starting therapy,I've noticed that I've become even more sensitive. I told this to my therapist and he said that it was completey normal,because going to therapy has sort of loosened up my emotions,as it were.

Whenever I say to him that I nearly cried on the bus,for example,because I saw an old woman sitting alone,he'll ask me

"What is it like for you to be alone?"

"Are you worried that you'll end up lonely and abandonned?"

Basically,my point is that,although we can feel empathy for someone, (which is a great thing btw), when it comes to the point that we are cryibg over the potential situation of a stranger,(who,for all we know,could be perfectly happy!),we should really look within ourselves and find out what it really is that is hurting us.

There is a strong possibility that this is all about you and what you are worried about with regard to your own life. Even if you can't notice it right away. Sometimes we can be so afraid to look within us for the answers that we start to project our feelings onto other people and other things.

LegacyUser

thesame wrote:

Apparently one in five people is born with heightened sensitivity - this is normal. Sometimes society perceives this as a weakness but your increased empathy and emotional intelligence has its benefits.
This is a great book - http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0...books&v=glance

Sensitivity occurs naturally in a lot of people, it has obvious drawbacks and benefits - reading this might help you to understand
I bought this book myself

Thanks a million for that link, the book looks like it will be really helpful.

LadyJ, did you find that therapy helped? I've been thinking that it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some counselling, for this amongst other things.

Thanks a million for your replies, everyone, especially for the kind words .

LadyJ

sensitive wrote:

LadyJ, did you find that therapy helped? I've been thinking that it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some counselling, for this amongst other things.

As I always say,there's not a person on the planet that wouldn't benefit from a few therapy sessions.

I found that it help me to understand more about why I feel those things and so now I am able to control my emotions a bit more.

Therapy does not "fix" a person. It just gives you the tools to help you cope with the person that you are and the things that you can't help feeling.

It's hard work but you will come out feeling much more in control.

eddyc

OP, this is not pathetic at all, the more people like you we have in the world the better IMO, you seem like a really great person, dont put yourself down for feeling like that, you have a gift for empathising with people, this is a very precious gift in my opinion.

If you feel it somehow hinders you from day to day, do not feel bad, there is a lot of pain in the world, if you want to help people maybe look into volunteering with a charity.

snorlax

affects lots of people myself included. Best thing is just to step back from it all when things get too much and avoid suituations which are less then empathetic ,ie uncaring bosses etc.
Try to be as objective about it as you can and also remember a sense of humour and ability to laugh at what the world throws at you can sometimes go a long way towards helping you make light of the situation.

jrey1981

I get moments like this too - it is part of being human and shows you are a rounded and empathetic person.

Recently I have tried to channel my feelings into ideas. I often look into things that have made me think or "fired me up" by reading and research. Better to channel the feelings into something positive than wallow in them.

As others have suggested, have you thought of looking into volunteering in some capacity?

My thoughts are that it could be down to fluctuating hormones...and men can have fluctuating testosterone levels as well as women and oestregen, from my limited knowledge.

The other thing that occurs to me is that I think we can develop patterns of thinking, and that perhaps we form habits of thinking in certain ways. Maybe NLP therapy would help those that mentioned therapy, rather than traditional therapy...just my two cents....