Feeling useless

LegacyUser

Don't know where to start with this really.

Basically life at the moment is pretty crappy. I'm a 22 year old girl, I've recently finished college and I'm finding it hard to get a job. I've had a few interviews but nothing has come of them yet. I'm still living at home and really want to move out and I'm so tired of depending on my parents for money. I don't even have the money to get the bus to where my boyfriend lives. I absolutely hate putting the hand out to my folks and when my father asks me if I'm ok for money I'll just nod and leave it at that. I spend most of my days lately in front of the PC cruising jobsites applying for random jobs and it seems like I'm getting nowhere.

My relationship with my boyfriend has been suffering a lot lately. We've been together for a year and a half now and we have talked about moving in together. I really want this to happen but at the moment it seems hopeless. I'm so pissed off with the state of my own life and I have been taking my frustrations out on him. I'm snappy and moody and I don't talk to him when he tries to get me to open up. He's a fantastic bloke and he puts up with a lot of my crap and I'm worried that I'm going to push him away.

Our sex life is non-existent at the moment. With not working and spending my days in front of the PC I've put on a bit of weight and I was never a small girl to begin with so I feel enormous. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend but I don't want him to see how repulsive I am.

I just feel so crap at the moment. I have no routine at all and my sleep has seriously suffered. I'm awake til really late and then I sleep late and the pattern just repeats itself. All throughout college I had a pretty good sleep routine, getting at least 8 hours a night but this has completely thrown me.

I don't know why I'm even posting this as I'm sure there's very little advice that can be given other than "go get a job ya slacker". I just feel so useless.

LegacyUser

You are not alone on that front. It may be slight depression. Try changing your lifestyle. Get a burst of energy somehow and go out and have a good time with mates. If that doesn't help, you should speak to a doc and describe your lifestyle accurately and with the description, let him know in each example like what you gave us in this post, how you were feeling. eg if you were just slacking in front of a pc all day say maybe "i just didn't feel energetic enough to do anything else". It helps the docs decide.

Marksie

Bleh_06 wrote:

Don't know where to start with this really.

Basically life at the moment is pretty crappy. I'm a 22 year old girl, I've recently finished college and I'm finding it hard to get a job. I've had a few interviews but nothing has come of them yet. I'm still living at home and really want to move out and I'm so tired of depending on my parents for money. I don't even have the money to get the bus to where my boyfriend lives. I absolutely hate putting the hand out to my folks and when my father asks me if I'm ok for money I'll just nod and leave it at that. I spend most of my days lately in front of the PC cruising jobsites applying for random jobs and it seems like I'm getting nowhere.

My relationship with my boyfriend has been suffering a lot lately. We've been together for a year and a half now and we have talked about moving in together. I really want this to happen but at the moment it seems hopeless. I'm so pissed off with the state of my own life and I have been taking my frustrations out on him. I'm snappy and moody and I don't talk to him when he tries to get me to open up. He's a fantastic bloke and he puts up with a lot of my crap and I'm worried that I'm going to push him away.

Our sex life is non-existent at the moment. With not working and spending my days in front of the PC I've put on a bit of weight and I was never a small girl to begin with so I feel enormous. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend but I don't want him to see how repulsive I am.

I just feel so crap at the moment. I have no routine at all and my sleep has seriously suffered. I'm awake til really late and then I sleep late and the pattern just repeats itself. All throughout college I had a pretty good sleep routine, getting at least 8 hours a night but this has completely thrown me.

I don't know why I'm even posting this as I'm sure there's very little advice that can be given other than "go get a job ya slacker". I just feel so useless.

Ok it seems like you need to geta little structure in your life and that your self esteem has taken a knock or two. Late nights and late mornings will throw youre moods off kilter.

Don't sit at the pc all day. Go out and get some exercise, ask your boyfriend to meet you and go walking.

you visit him by bus? could you get a bicycle? kill two birds with one stone perhaps.

Also talk to your boyfriend... communicate. If you are worried you are pushing him away, you have already told us the reasons why... tell the person who matters most. Tell him that you are frightened that you are no longer attractive to him.

I don't know what you studied at college, but have you considered volunteer work to get experience on your CV? Have you visited a careers advisor?
What skills have you acquired in your course that can be applied to something other than what you studied?
have you considered going back for a further degree.. a masters or a switch to something else.

i understand that you dont like to live off your parents I was the very same.. but i believe they are only trying to help you. Maybe you should sit down with them and tell them as well how you feel. they know you and may be able to help.

Ruu_Old

Good advice. Make out a schedule for yourself and stick to it everyday (I found it helps me otherwise I would get nothing done). Get on the bus (or bike), go into town, walk around and you never know what might come along. You might see some help wanted signs in shop windows or something, even if its something small, at least its a start.

LundiMardi

Chill out, it's not the end of the world, we've all been in the same position. Believe me, when you do get a job(and you will) you'll wish you were unemployed haha... There was a period of about 6 months when i was unemployed, i actually got a gym membership as a birthday present in that time, i used to go a few times a week at about 10am, the gym is usually empty enough around that time and i'd enjoy having the pool and the jacuzzi all to myself:)

Maybe try that, have a more structured sleep pattern, get up at a certain time, go to the gym, come home chill out for an hour(you'll feel great after the gym) then do some job hunting, chill out, go see your boyfriend etc etc...

It's probably not the best advice, but i just think you should make the best out of a bad situation.

LegacyUser

marksuttonie wrote:

Don't sit at the pc all day. Go out and get some exercise, ask your boyfriend to meet you and go walking.

you visit him by bus? could you get a bicycle? kill two birds with one stone perhaps.

It takes an hour and 20 minutes by bus to get to my boyfriend's place. That and the fact that I have no money to buy a bike.

marksuttonie wrote:

Also talk to your boyfriend... communicate. If you are worried you are pushing him away, you have already told us the reasons why... tell the person who matters most. Tell him that you are frightened that you are no longer attractive to him.

I've never been great when it comes to talking about my feelings (hence the anonymous message board) I'm worried he'll think I'm being stupid and irrational. I get annoyed really easily these days and when it comes to talking about emotions I go on the defensive straight away.

marksuttonie wrote:

I don't know what you studied at college, but have you considered volunteer work to get experience on your CV? Have you visited a careers advisor?
What skills have you acquired in your course that can be applied to something other than what you studied?
have you considered going back for a further degree.. a masters or a switch to something else.

I studied social science and while I would like to go on and do a masters at some point I don't want it right away. I want to pay for it myself when I do get round to it and it's a lot of money.

I have worked various part-time and summer jobs since I was about 14 so I have a pretty full CV. Like most students I've worked in shops and stuff and during the summers I worked in a processing area of a bank in town. So I have office experience. Going back to the bank isn't an option at the moment.

At the moment all I want is an office job. I don't care what it is once I can get some money together and pay my own way.

I just feel stuck in a rut and I'm not sure how to get out if it at all.

I appreciate the advice

roundcrisis

I have to confess I never went to a gym before in my life, but I started to go about 3 months ago, and the change in energy levels have improved a lot and it boosts your self confidence, not only because you are loosing weight but also because you get your body on the move, so i would really really recomend it.
Regarding the job, if you are so stuck for money get a Mac job believe me you ll learn loads from this, particularly what you DONT want in a job; besides you get to know a lot of different people. Also when someone is interviewing you and they will ask you what you were doing this time and it does leave a good impression that at least you were doing something.

I hope it helps let us know anyway

newcomeramy

Hey you,

I really feel for ya pet. Sounds like you're on a real downer. Can I make an assumption here? The most frustrating thing for you, (which is making it worse) is that you know you're the only one that can put this right? I am in the same position as you, so i felt great empathy when i read your post.

I do understand exactly where you're coming from. Sometimes you can have everything going well for you and nothing to really worry about yet not be fully aware of it. Yet you can easily still feel the loneliest person in the world. No one on this forum can advise you to do anything that deep down you dont already know. It just helps to vent your spleen in this way sometimes. And getting feedback from others in the same boat helps ease the pain.

I hop this is just a phase that you're going through and that you will look back on it in a few weeks or months and wonder what you were stressing about.

You and you alone are in control of your destiny. I hope you find the strength to pull through from this and make some positive changes in your life.


Let us know how you get on.

muckwarrior

OP I can see where you're comin from. It took me a few months to get a job, and i was basically left sittin on me hole in the mean time which wasn't good. I'd end up sleeping half the day and then spending the other half on my pc like yerself. I'd often not leave my apartment for days at a time, with hunger the only thing eventually forcing me out This leaves your sleeping pattern fυcked up and you inevitably end up feeling lethargic and somewhat depressed. But eventually I got a job that I really liked and everything returned to normal Hang in there, things will go your way before long.

greys

Hi!

Since you haven't got any job offers yet, I suggest you stop applying for them randomly and make up your mind. And here's why:

Right now you feel really irritated. Feeling useless is not the most pleasant experience, I'm sure. But at the same time, please understand few things about money and your career:

1) Money can't and won't buy you everything
This means, that you have to choose your position wisely. Do you see yourself working in an office? How do you envision this? What kind of office do you want it to be?

Just take your time and think it all through in great detail. This is important, because you've got to know exactly what you want. Then, and only then, continue your job search until you find the perfect position.

2) Giving value is very rewarding, in many ways (not only with cash)
Come on! You've got to have so many opportunities around you to give something good to people around you?

Go help you parents with something, just to show them how you appreciate what they're doing for you. Read some books and cook something nice for your family. Find out what else you can possibly do to make them feel loved and appreciated?

Trust me, providing some value to others is rewarding emotionally so much, that you'll feel much better if you try and do even small things.

3) Find what you really want
You can't be possibly spending all your time looking for job? Find out when you can start doing some excercises. I don't think you're as repulsive as you think you are, but it's good that you realise something has to change.

Go on and do something really simple, take a long walk maybe? Even if you don't lose weight (which you will of course, even if you're just walking for 15 minutes a day), you'll feel better because you'll know you have the strenghts in yourself to make a decision and stick to it (start excercises). Go get a skipping rope - it's the cheapest way to get back in shape, and it's provides most value for the money. Costs only eur3-5, I think you can afford it?

Make some decisions. Decide what you really want. And see what it is that you definitely don't want in your life. Just analyzing the situation and making few decisions is going to make you feel better!

Wish you all the best! I'm absolutely sure you'll get over this!

Black Swan

Bleh_06 wrote:

Basically life at the moment is pretty crappy. I'm a 22 year old girl, I've recently finished college and I'm finding it hard to get a job. I've had a few interviews but nothing has come of them yet.

This is typical of jobs after having finished college. Just keep trying!

My relationship with my boyfriend has been suffering a lot lately. We've been together for a year and a half now and we have talked about moving in together. I really want this to happen but at the moment it seems hopeless. I'm so pissed off with the state of my own life and I have been taking my frustrations out on him. I'm snappy and moody and I don't talk to him when he tries to get me to open up. He's a fantastic bloke and he puts up with a lot of my crap and I'm worried that I'm going to push him away.

Don't ruin your relationship! Sure you are stressed. Tell him about it, but don't punish him. You will succeed, get a job, move out, and look back at this time in your life as an ordeal you succeeded to win at.

bush

Go on the dole if you cant afford bus fare.

free2fly

Trust me, the worst thing you can possibly do is stay in the house and feel sorry for yourself. I know because I have been there. A few years ago I lost my job with a company that I had worked at for 10 years. I was absolutely miserable and felt much the same way that you do. Even with my skill level and experience I couldn't find another job. I felt useless. I fell into a rut and stopped caring about my appearance. I never went out. I sat in front of the computer for hours and hours searching. I told myself I was searching for a job, but in reality I was searching for myself. I finally got up off my butt one day and forced myself to go for a walk. And did that again the next day, and the next, etc. I finally managed to pull myself out of my depression. And I did get a job eventually. And let me tell you something else. I work in HR. If you walk into an interview with your head up and are confident of your ability to do the job, in other words, sell yourself to the person interviewing you, you will get the job.

LegacyUser

you're entitled to the dole, even if you're living at home. it might not be very much, but its some money towards getting the bus or going out with your friends.

u said your boyfriend lives 20 minutes away on the bus? that doesn't sound very far to me, but i guess it depends what town you're living in. in dublin thats nothing. why not try walking? even if it takes an hour or an hour and a half at least your 1) seeing your boyfriend 2) getting excercise.

i know how you're feeling though, i get like that myself a lot. maybe give yourself a holiday from stress and guilt - for example - tell yourself "ok fine, i'm haing no luck getting jobs, thats probably because its summer, and theres so many others looking for the same type of work, so i'll just give up for a few weeks until the job market changes" and then start trying again. and then spend that time doing stuff u like but never think u have time for.

another option is to move out anyway, if its bothering you so much. u dont have money, but thats ok, you can sign on the dole from your friends couch. plenty of people do this, especially when they've just got back from another country. you'll get the full dole, then once u've found a place of your own, apply for rent allowance. then you'll be sorted with free money for 6 months at least.

try calling in to your local fas office too, and have a meeting, they can really help you get focused and let you know of places you might not have thought of looking for a job..

craichoe

Are you getting interviews,

If not then something is wrong with your CV or you lack the qualifications.

Cut your CV down to two pages and tailor each one with the experience you have thats relevant to the job your applying for.

I've must have gone through 50 - 100 CV's at this stage and ones are littered with non relevant information go in the bin.

Also if your applying through alot of recruitment agencies the STOP right now, 2 reasons basically.

1. You'll forget which jobs you applied for and the recruitment crowds will realise your CV is floating around the place.

2. Alot of companies choose recuitment agency candidates LAST as they cost circa 5% of the persons wages to employ, in other words try going direct.

Have you considered moving ?
Don't know where your from but you could consider someplace else.

Amazon, Apple and EMC are hiring in Cork for various Call Center + Operator jobs, not great jobs but its good to get your foot in the door and make a bit of money.

Anyways,

Best of luck

Hermione*

In all the upsets of my life, the one thing I've found that never fails to lift me out of a black mood (and some of them have been REALLY bad ) is a walk somewhere nature-ish, especially along the sea. I find it just yhelps put everything into perspective. It'll also give you a chance to spend time with your boyfriend, it's easier to talk in such an environment, and it won't cost much money. Plus, you'll get endorphins.

Think of the advantages you have, you've got a great relationship (I'm presuming so, if you're thinking of living together), plus a good education. Sign on for the dole, if you're living at home, it's enough money to live off. Try to get up earlyish in the day, you'll feel better and when you bet a job, it'll be less of an adjustment. Try to eat well, I always feel better when I take the time to have my fruit and 2L of water every day.

Take care. Keep smiling - the more you smile, the happier you feel

Monkey61

Go to a recruitment agency straight away.especially if you want an office job, an agency will usually find you a job within a week.if you're in Dublin, check out Office Angels on Grafton street.
Good Luck!