Worried - sex after famine

LegacyUser

Here is my worry...

Finally felt ready to get out there 3 years after marriage break up. Met nice guy, I'm keen, hes keen.. had a couple of dates, next step is doing the business.

Here is my worry, I've had a child, haven't had sex with anyone but xh since then. New guy has never been out with anyone who has had a child before.

I'm fretting about..stretchmarks, looseness, episiotomy scars etc. I guess I assumed I'd meet a guy who was also separated and understood that a women's body carries the marks of child bearing.

The first kiss after so long was daunting, but this is scaring me witless.

Anyone?

theTinker

Im not in that level of experience but if this guy has been on a number of dates with u and u are ready to go there then unless u have sum wierd alien monsters talking from ur stomach I cant see any guy being turned off enough to make it an issue. if u are self-conscious about an area, thats fine but he is in no way half as concerned about it as u. if u think about it, 3 years no hard sex, I would imagine things are alot more cosy down there then u remember .
obviously there is small things u can do to make YOU feel more comfortable and to lessen any chance he might see sumthing u dont want him to. Firstly a little bit of alchol would prolly be consumed so its not like hes gonna try exam ur pores, secondly bright lights in a room are not expected so dont have them, I find it makes it FAR more sensual to have just dim lighting, its just sexier and it will completely hide anything u dont want him to see. try check urself in the dim and if u have a hard time then he wont notice anything..No body is perfect and im at the height of sexual prime (21) and even i know theres nothing wrong with "characteristics" on a girls body. makes it unqiue. dont forget that he is definitely worried about one or two of his parts too.

ah cool Thaedydal: ur post reminded me of this, i was with a girl before who had a mark or two from being a bit overwieght or sumthing and she was selfconsious about it ( i could get the vibe) so i kissed each and every mm around there and she was totally relaxed about it after that. it became a bit of a cute habit i think.

Nevyn

Kengel exceries can easily restore the tightness to the muscles in the area,
infact they can make you tighter then you were before you gave birth.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise

As for the strechmarks well they are part of the price paid and marks of honour that you did have a child, most women have them. Hell some men have due to weight loss and again.

Episiotomy scars aren't that big really, it is hard to get your head arround at first I had an eposoptomy with both my delieveries and it can take a while to adjust that 'down there' your pussy or yoni just is not the same any more.

The this is your new man from what you have said alreay finds you sexy and he is not going to know your body from before and he is not going to go running due to a few strechmarks and episiotomy scars he prolly won't even know exsist never mind what they are.

If you are worried or concerned sit and have a cuddle and a chat with him about it, the same way you would about contraception and safer sex.
This can be a serious but light hearted chat.
Hopefully he will understand and ease your worries and if you are lucky honour the fact that you are a Mammy by kissing each and everyone of your stretchmarks as an act of whorship and apprecation. It is a hell of a fun thing to have done to you if you can relax and let it be done.

I wish you much joy in your new relationship.

RandomOne

Loads of non child-bearing people (men and women) have stretch marks so I doubt he'll pay them any attention if he even notices them. Unless your ex-husband made any comments that your body had significantly changed, there's no reason to think it didn't go back to pre-birth times either. There's always self-conciousness about when first getting naked with a new person, but I doubt very much there will be any negative reaction from him.

milod

Stretchmarks wrote:

I'm fretting about..stretchmarks, looseness, episiotomy scars etc. I guess I assumed I'd meet a guy who was also separated and understood that a women's body carries the marks of child bearing.

Think of it as a sort of filter - if he reacts badly to a natural development of womanhood, do you really want to be with him? And just to reassure you, every woman is different - I've had relationships with women who have never had kids and also with women who have had kids, and guess what? I didn't really find any correllation in tightness or stretchmarks. The 'tightest' woman I've ever slept with had two kids. The girl with the most stretchmarks had no kids - but she'd gained, then lost a lot of weight. Every woman is different, and most don't have p0rnstar features down below. Don't succumb to the media onslaught that says you must be tight, shaven, skinny, blonde, or whatever. Be yourself because that's who you want him to want...

LegacyUser

I agree with what others have said, everyone's unique.

You say he's keen. He's obviously physically attracted to you, & is attracted to your personality.

He's obviously been checking out your figure through your clothes & loves what he sees & is anxious to get at you without your clothes.

I doubt V much that the odd stretchmark on an otherwise highly desirable body is going to make the slightest bit of difference in his eyes.

Go & enjoy the feelings of being desired by someone, it's wonderful, oh & yes, try dimming the lights to help you relax.

PS:- I've had stretchmarks since I was 13:- LOTS of them. (I was practically anorexic before puberty, then gained some puppy fat causing my skin to stretch, also have had cellulite since about then too. I'm a real woman, so what!!!! It's never caused any issues for me)

Sleepy

OP, he knows that you've had a child so unless he's incredibly naieve he knows to expect some stretch-marks.

No need to be self concious at all imho.

Kell

Stretchmarks wrote:

I'm fretting about..stretchmarks, looseness, episiotomy scars etc.

Dont fret. Its not a major put off at all. If it is a put off for him, he just aint worth it.

K-

free2fly

Stretchmarks wrote:

Here is my worry...

Finally felt ready to get out there 3 years after marriage break up. Met nice guy, I'm keen, hes keen.. had a couple of dates, next step is doing the business.

Here is my worry, I've had a child, haven't had sex with anyone but xh since then. New guy has never been out with anyone who has had a child before.

I'm fretting about..stretchmarks, looseness, episiotomy scars etc. I guess I assumed I'd meet a guy who was also separated and understood that a women's body carries the marks of child bearing.

The first kiss after so long was daunting, but this is scaring me witless.

Anyone?

I have not been with a man in five years. I haven't even kissed a man in five years! But I am about to ebmark on that journey. I have met a wonderful, loving, caring man. Before I met him I was terribly nervous about being with a man again. But this wonderful person has helped me to love myself again. Just the way I am. With all of my flaws. And now I am ready to be with him and to be open and to give myself him completely. Don't worry about your flaws OP. Embrace them as being a part of you.

damonjewel

I had a previous girlfriend who was similar to your yourself, her husband had left her and had left her to raise her children. When I first dated her there was no sex other than kissing and cuddling. After a while we decided to take a weekend break away and left the children with her mother. I guess that she had had the same concerns as her, however on our weekend we had very passionate lovemaking. Believe me I was not concerned on the details of stretchmarks etc. Although we eventually broke up, I still reminisce about it. So therefore my advice is to leave your hangups by the bedroom door, be passionate and fun and your guy will be more than happy.

Anti

looseness is not always a bad thing. espicially if your partner is well endowed. I have had relationships with women with children and the stretchmarks dont put me of at all. its not a big deal to men really. We do understand that women having children does make some small differences on their body. If it was going to put him off it already would have.

ron.dolan

If he is really bothered by this then he is a dork and not worth it....however, he is also human and may be a little surprised, but if he is a good guy, then he wont be too bothered at all. I mean, how much do we actually look down there anyway, I am usually too interested in trying to keep my balance for long gazes at the 'goods' anyway......

Sorry if thats a tad out there, but in a nutshell, dont worry bout it sister!

LegacyUser

Wow, I'm really touched by all the replies, and every single one has helped allieviate the hangups. As the fear is going, the excitement and anticipation is mounting. I'm starting to look forward to the experience, rather than dread it. Thank you all.

Marksie

Stretchmarks wrote:

Wow, I'm really touched by all the replies, and every single one has helped allieviate the hangups. As the fear is going, the excitement and anticipation is mounting. I'm starting to look forward to the experience, rather than dread it. Thank you all.

Quite right too..in teh heat of passion neothing will matter ... just enjoy

SexeeAussie

Hey there Stretchmarks! I have to say that I too have been in the same position you are in now, and I guess I am 'still' in that same position (albeit almost 5 years after my youngest was born!)

Two kids later and carrying my 'war wounds', made/makes the thought of being intimate with someone who didn't know me "BC" (before children) bloody nervous to say the least!

But the fact of the matter is, if someone likes/loves you for who you are and with all your 'warts and all' then that is all that matters! And even with all the pressure in society today to be flawless and model-esque, the truth is that we are all unique, we all have our good points and our not so good points! Be proud of who you are, what you look like and if you show confidence in yourself you will exude beauty anyway~!

Plus beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and although I am no "Elle Macpherson" I have certainly been able to maintain relationships with lovely, caring blokes! (Present time excluded!!)

Good luck and enjoy your new found romance!

Marksie

I had a partner who had had her gall bladder removed in the days before keyhole surgery.

The scar (which had badly healed) ran from the side all around the front

Y'know what.. didnt make a jot of difference

Black Swan

milod wrote:

Think of it as a sort of filter - if he reacts badly to a natural development of womanhood, do you really want to be with him?

Good point!

McGinty

I had a caserian (sp) which was over 8 years ago, and no one has noticed, I gathered stretch marks since puberty, because I developed very quickly

LegacyUser

Just to update you all.... You were all so RIGHT. Had it not been for airing my secret worries on here, and getting all the reassurances and shared stories, I'm convinced I would have chickened out.

But I didn't, employed the dim lights and alcohol tips. Left my hangups at the door, and had a wonderful time. The famine is over.

Anti

Were glad we could help you

SexeeAussie

YAY for you!!!!! :-)

See, there is hope for us all.....

damonjewel

great to read your update! congrats

Terry

EDIT: missed the update.
nice to hear things turned out well for you.