The honeymoon is over

LegacyUser

I'm in my mid twenties and I've been married for just under a year now (10 months) after dating for three years.

I still love my husband so much but admitedly our sex life has slowed down and this is hard for me. My husband suffers from depression so we're getting that worked out and I'm being supportive and patient.

The problem is that I seem to have developed a crush on his friend. I don't want to have a crush on him and I would never act on it (I get upset just thinking about doing something that would hurt my husband so much) but I can't deny it, I'm infatuated with another man. I don't have anyone to ask if this is normal, do married women get crushes on other men and how to stop it.

I feel really guilty for feeling this way.

LegacyUser

it's just a crush, don't worry about it. You know you're not going to act on it so it's ok.

eddyc

I'm not a married woman so I wouldnt know about these things, but, on the other hand, if you are not satisfied with your sex life it may be a natural impulse to look for satisfaction from somewhere else,

That being said , if you truelly love your husband and want to work through his depression, you should not cheat on him.

Think about it, it will damage (probably end)the marriage, damage your husbands friendship, and will most likely not amount to anything.

The question is , would it be worth it? I dont know you or anyone else involved so I cannot say, most of the time its not.

At the same time , have you talked to anyone about this, a therapist, your husband, there are sex therapists out there that can give you advice on such things.

LegacyUser

I don't have a therapist, my husband does though.

This is not a question of whether or not I should cheat, I don't even want to cheat. I just don't want to feel this way about a man who isn't my husband but I'm scared that if so soon into our marriage I have feelings for another man... what if our relationship is doomed and this is just the warning sign?

free2fly

Don't worry about it. It's just a crush and yes, it is normal under the circumstances. Does he pay alot of attention to you and make you smile? Maybe he just makes you feel better about yourself. You know that you are not going to act on it. So stop beating yourself up about it And be sure that you are there for your husband. He needs you right now. Once he works through his problems things will get better between you. And he will always be grateful that you were with him through his troubles.

dr.bollocko

Two words, three way.

And now that we are done imagining what will never happen in this possibly fictional post, why dont u just release your crush, then realise what a great guy your husband is and I dunno, jump him the next time you see him or something. (don't forget the high heels)
Unless he is just a bastard and u arent willing to admit that to yourself.
But I doubt that.
Its just, u know, what are you asking of us here?

LegacyUser

Thank you free2fly... that is just it. The friend makes me laugh and I don't laugh much lately. I think he feels sorry for me too, because he knows of my husband's troubles, but he doesn't make me know he pities me. He just tries to cheer me up and that makes me love him for his kindness.

Ruu_Old

It could be just a crush and thats all, so don't feel too guilty about it. Focus on your marriage I reckon. Take some time out to realise what a wonderful life you have, look through pictures of your wedding day or memories with your husband. If you are having trouble finding time or whatever, work out a schedule and make sure to stick with it. Good luck.

Oryx

I think its normal, and understandable. Maybe youre not getting much in the way of love and affection from your hubby at the moment, its natural to look at someone else and wonder what if? You know its not going to happen, as long as you dont fixate on the other man too much and make yourself unhappy, dont worry about it.

I hope your hubby starts to recover soon, and you get back the man you married. Good luck.

free2fly

Newlywed wrote:

Thank you free2fly... that is just it. The friend makes me laugh and I don't laugh much lately. I think he feels sorry for me too, because he knows of my husband's troubles, but he doesn't make me know he pities me. He just tries to cheer me up and that makes me love him for his kindness.

You're welcome. Just enjoy his friendship And you can PM me if you'd like to talk privately about this. I've been there.

aidan24326

You say your sex life is dwindling. Is your husband on anti-depressants? If so, he may not have a very strong libido right now. SSRI's in particular can reduce sex drive considerably. If this is a problem for you and your husband there are alternatives.
As for this crush on the friend, I'd avoid getting too close with him if I were you.

The Sweeper

It's a crush. Some time in the next few weeks you'll see him picking his nose or scratching his hole or something and it'll disapper. Maybe in a year it'll reappear. Marriage doesn't change your thought processes. What it should do is alter your impulses.

LadyJ

Newlywed wrote:

but I can't deny it, I'm infatuated with another man.

Shock,horror!

I assume that throughout your whole life you've been infatuated with many different men no?

I know I have. And I've fancied other people while being in relationships too. That kind of thing doesn't just stop dead in it's tracks once you start wearing a ring.

As long as you can stop yourself from acting on it then there's nothing to feel guilty about.

(I get upset just thinking about doing something that would hurt my husband so much)

Well,unless you're determined to ruin your marriage (and I don't think you are) you won't be doing anything to hurt him.

I feel really guilty for feeling this way.

Well stop. Do you think your husband will never fancy another girl again?
He probably will. It doesn't have to go any further than that though. It will pass. Crushes are fleeting.

You can't feel guilty about something that you don't control. Just concentrate on the rest of your life and worry about controling your actions instead of your feelings.