Good mates GF cheats on him and i know about it...

LegacyUser

Heres the deal.

'Me and Suzie' are a couple, who are good friends with 'tim and jen'.

Tim is my good friend, and jen is my gfs good friend. I dont really like jen, but thats neither here nor there...

Basicly, suzie and jen went away and jen slept with a random chap. She wont tell tim. The random chap shall be called bob.

I later found out that Jen was with another guy at an event that we were all at.. After that event Jen told tim that she was going to stay with her father, when in reality, she went to stay in bobs house. This was before suzie and jen went away. So bob flipped out, because basicly jen poked another chap, while he was with her doing the dirt on tim.

I had a party for suzie over the weekend, and tim couldnt make it, so jen came along with bob - which was a shock to me. She didnt tell tim he was there...

Tim called me asking what happened, and i couldnt tell him the whole truth.

If i tell tim what happens, the only other personal that knows is suzie, so jen will instantly know who told me, thus ruining their friendship (they are best friends).

What should i do? I really really want to help tim out, i've been trying to drop hints to maybe help him catch her out. Im in a serious pickle here, beacuse if he finds out i know, im screwed, but if she finds out suzie told me, suzie and jen will fall out..

Any ideas?

OrangeOranges

Tell him. Your good mate is being made a fool of and your gonna let him.

If Suzie has a problem with then so bad. It was her look-out not to make it your problem by telling you in the first place.

Also random punter turned up at your house!!!! Cant believe your girlfriend would put you in that situation. Most blokes would of blown a fuse if their mates GF walked in the door with a bloke on the side!!!

Tell him. Tell suzie go jump, and prepare for holy war by contributing absolutely nothing else to the argument.!!! ie say that when you tell him that your only gonna say this once and want nothing more to do with what happens between the two of them

randomname2005

Thats a pretty nasty situation, but from the sounds of it, Jen doesnt seem to have a huge amount of respect for Tim (and to echo OrangesOranges, or for you). If she had cheated just the once, it could have been a drunken incident (not that it would excuse it) but to blatently bring Bob to a party in your house is bad form. I think you need to talk to Jen, tell her it wasnt acceptable and if she doesnt tell Tim, you will.

Maybe she isnt happy in the relationship, wants out and figures the easiest way (for her) is for you to tell Tim that she is cheating on him?

Another thing you might consider is how serious you and Suzie are. Do you value your friendship with Tim more than your relationship with Suzie? If you feel you have to tell Tim, and Suzie gets annoyed with you and sticks up for Jen, how would that effect you?

R

Caryatnid

What Tha fewk?! wrote:

basicly jen poked another chap, while he was with her doing the dirt on tim. ........

What Tha fewk?! wrote:

Any ideas?

That Jen is really a man?

event

i think you have to tell him

whatever about if she had just done the dirt, but to take the chap to a party, thats downright being a b1tch

tell him, she has made her bed so let her lie in it

edanto

What does Suzie think? You'd expect her to be kinda appalled at the way Jen is treating Tim and she should understand you wanting to tell him.

If you ask her for advice and explain your sticky predicament, she might offer to talk to Jen about it.... hell she might even talk to Tim with you. Just go see what she says. Ya gotta look out for your mate, that girl Jen is poison.

Sleepy

Tell him.

theTinker

I believe that everyone can make a mistake so i originally thought that you should only tell ur friend tim if his GF did it more than once, but bring bob to a party and do it more than once ?? this is just a humiliating thing to do to your friend. she made u spend time with the guy who is doing ur friends girl. that DISGUSTED me.

you completely have to let Tim know. Either get ur GF to get jen to tell him or tell him urself but this is sumthing u owe, imagine Tim knowing suzie was doing this to u and kept it a secret. Its not like jen is going to decide not to keep doing it if she can get away with it in such a public fashion and i think that would make u a really **** friend if u knew and didnt do anything about it. I certainly would end my friendship with u if u let it happen for too long.

I see your problem with ur GF but your GF should respect u enough to accept u are in a horrible position and u need to do the right thing. She could lose a friend i know but the alternative is to put u through more bad stuff, make u lose Tim cause he could learn u knew if his GF ever takes a fit and spills her sick beans that suzie (read u) knew.
if (read WHEN) u tell tim, tell ur GF what u are doing ahead of time so SHE can prepare but be sure to tell her not to tell suzie other wise she will just make lies(if shes not a complete slime pit).

EDIT: didnt read others posts until after mine but absolutely everyone seems to think the exact same thing, cheatin is gross but COULD be a bad mistake, but more than once and bringing him to the party seems to be the humilaition/disgusting line that everyone seems to take as far too far..,,u must have amazing temperment to not of made a huge scene.

melekalikimaka

my god, just tell your friend, that disgraceful, you havent said this to him yet, what sort of friend are you

LadyJ

Mention to Tim that Jen came to the party with Bob but say no more. Let the two of them sort it out from there.

LegacyUser

I don't think Jen has even sufficient respect for U if she'e flaunting that in front of your face. I think it's time for your friend to find out, to kick her to the kerb and show her the door. She's just making a fool out of him. He should find himself a decent girl.

metrovelvet

If your loyalty is to your girlfriend then say nothing because its her trust which is the priority. If you blab confidences then she will think you cant be trusted and she'd be right, although admittedly she has put you in an awkward situation by saying anything to you in the first place.

If it is to this guy Tim then tell him as his trust is your priority.

You need to be clear with yourself about where your priorities and allegiances are.

Ruu_Old

LadyJ wrote:

Mention to Tim that Jen came to the party with Bob but say no more. Let the two of them sort it out from there.

Agree with this, you are stuck in an awful spot.

DaBreno

Be a mate and Tell him!

ferdi

you have to tell him if you are indeed his friend.

Oryx

You need to say something, so either tell Suzie you are going to tell Tim everything, so you can both work out how to handle the fallout, or tell Tim that Jen was at a party with Bob, and let him figure the rest out. I doesnt sound like Jen cares much if shes found out anyway, shes being a bit blatant about it all.

Moojuice

Let us know what you decide to do and how it goes down. You need to tell him, personally if I wa in your situation I would not hesitate to tell him.

LegacyUser

suzie is the only person that knows all the details, and jen told her not to tell anyone. Its eating her up aswell. She told me in confidence. Jen is suzies best and.. honestly, only good friend that she has.

So me telling him stuff like that, will ruin my gfs friendship. Thats why...

Ive been prodding at him to look more into it, and telling him its not what it seems.

I gave her 2 choises for the one that i would know about that didnt lead back to suzie. I said, you tell him, or i will. She told him the bare bones of the story and he forgave her. I called him to see if he was ok, and he said 'yea im grand, same as last time we talked'. So i then told jen that she needs to tell him the full story, and she claims she has..

its easy to point the finger and say 'tell him, your a sh1t friend' and so on...

Put yourself im my shoes

secret_squirrel

Discuss it with your gf and tell her you are going to tell Tim.

Then she can tell Jen to tell Tim first.

Problem solved.

Your gf needs to realise what a position Jen is putting you in and support you.

She needs (in this particular case) to but you and your relationship over her friendship with Jen.

abetarrush

Cut all the middle men, its not Chinese whispers!


You said he's a good mate, and im guessin he thinks the same of you, so if you want to keep that, just tell him.

If he finds out himself, then knows you already knew, he'll never feel like ye have his back

Chucky the tree

wawdawd wrote:

suzie is the only person that knows all the details, and jen told her not to tell anyone. Its eating her up aswell. She told me in confidence. Jen is suzies best and.. honestly, only good friend that she has.

So me telling him stuff like that, will ruin my gfs friendship. Thats why...

Ive been prodding at him to look more into it, and telling him its not what it seems.

I gave her 2 choises for the one that i would know about that didnt lead back to suzie. I said, you tell him, or i will. She told him the bare bones of the story and he forgave her. I called him to see if he was ok, and he said 'yea im grand, same as last time we talked'. So i then told jen that she needs to tell him the full story, and she claims she has..

its easy to point the finger and say 'tell him, your a sh1t friend' and so on...

Put yourself im my shoes

I would tell my mate. It doesnt matter if the gf goes mad. Its her fault for putting you in this position. I cant really see how she can lose the plot with you for telling your mate.

If the roles were reversed, would you want your mate to tell you? Of course you would. Bite the bullet and be a decent mate and tell him.

Shaque attack

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing

forget loyalties and do the right thing. if your gf is going to hate you for having courage and loyalty well...

this jen character seems like trouble for all me thinks.

LadyJ

wawdawd wrote:

Put yourself im my shoes

If you do what I suggested and mention to Tim that Jen showed up at your party with Bob,then your gf can't be blamed for blabbing. You saw Bob.

You don't have to say they were kissing etc.,but at least if you mention she showed up with another guy then he might ask Jen what that was all about.


That way,your gf dodges the blame. Jen waved Bob in front of your face. She can't blame your gf for telling you anything.

milod

OrangeOranges wrote:

Tell him. Your good mate is being made a fool of and your gonna let him.

If Suzie has a problem with then so bad. It was her look-out not to make it your problem by telling you in the first place.

Also random punter turned up at your house!!!! Cant believe your girlfriend would put you in that situation. Most blokes would of blown a fuse if their mates GF walked in the door with a bloke on the side!!!

Tell him. Tell suzie go jump, and prepare for holy war by contributing absolutely nothing else to the argument.!!! ie say that when you tell him that your only gonna say this once and want nothing more to do with what happens between the two of them

Excellent advice! you were put in an awkward situation and if Suzie doesn't like it she's being over-loyal to her friend and seriously lacking respect for your position. Be prepared to dump Suzie though if she sides with Jen...

smallpaws

Tell him, he's your friend. Jen Whoever is just toxic.

DAEDULUS

tell him... umg, you gotta dude :O

ircoha

Probably too late for this now,. Anyway u need to tell tim but u dont want to risk losing ur own gal so send me tims mobile number by PM and the date of the party and I will text him from an unregistered sim via the inet from a inet cafe.

Grimlock

LadyJ wrote:

If you do what I suggested and mention to Tim that Jen showed up at your party with Bob,then your gf can't be blamed for blabbing. You saw Bob.

AT last someone with some common sense. YOU saw her with another guy, it wasn't your GF telling you, it had nothing to do with your GF.
Tell your friend FFS no one needs someone as poisonous as that in their lives.

Also you never mentioned your GF opinion on this issue. Have you discussed it with her and explained to her that your loyalty must be to your mate and not hers.

ShiverinEskimo

What about giving Jen an Ultimatum.

Tell her you saw her with Bob at the Party and she has a week to tell Tim or you'll tell Tim. Tim finds out either way and if Jen tells him it'll won't be as rough as hearing your mate tell you your GF is cheating.

skywalker

abetarrush wrote:

Cut all the middle men, its not Chinese whispers!


You said he's a good mate, and im guessin he thinks the same of you, so if you want to keep that, just tell him.

If he finds out himself, then knows you already knew, he'll never feel like ye have his back

thats pretty much how I see it. You need to bring your mate out for a pint and have that chat with him that your dreading. He will thank you in years to come.

LegacyUser

You should tell tim.

Your wan Jen flaunted this Bob chap in your face. So she knows that both you and Suzie know.

If she is a real friend to Suzie she wont hold it against her what you said to her boyfriend. You know what you need to do so do it now before you wreck your friendship with Tim.