Lost after GF gone

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,going un reged for this but alot of ya know me.Need some help advice.
Cpl of wks ago my gf of along time broke us up.Since then Ive been all over the place just feeling lonely and whats made matters worse depressed.heres the story,sorry its long

Ive been on medication4long&always will be for medical condition which can cause mood swings small bouts of depression. 3months ago had long chat with GF, talked bout moving in 2gether etc & we both agreed we would love it,I was excited and so was she,but knew there was something niggling at me.. A wk after talking bout movin in i told her that i was having probs,felt depressed lonely,some concerns and most of all numb,nothing really cheered me up & felt nothing bout anything (strange i know but just felt that way) she asked if i loved her & stupidly enough I said i didnt know i wasnt sure(which honestly at the time i wasnt).
The whole moving in thing which she was SO excited about was out windows & the grl now wasnt sure that i loved her, she asked me how long had it been going on for i had said a month or so, this didnt go down to well and she was upset,which i totally understand. She is upset and im sure so hurt bout the whole thing. Im not one for opening up, or should i say im better off shutting myself off from things like this & the result ive pushed the best friend & GF ive ever had away to the point where she broke up with me cause she couldnt stand being close to me knowing or not being sure i cared. Just b4 break up i had myself checked out my Doc and my medication has been ncreased,but now that my body is on road to recovery im left with no GF,she wont answer her phone,seems to be gettin on with her life and when she does txt me,after i txt her to talk or chat she just reminds me to stay away that she is too hurt and to realise we're not getting back.
I do understand this is alot of my fault but i want to know from grls and of course the guys perspective,is she just giving it time away from each other to heal or is that it? She loved me when she broke up and is she just protecting herself for now or....../
Sorry for this being so long but thought b better to let u know all details now. Thank you for all ur help in posts after.

free2fly

Tough one OP. No one can really answer that question but you ex. I'm sure she is feeling very, very hurt right now. And I'm sure her pain is still very raw. I think it best if you just give her some time to come to grips with what happened. She is probably unable, emotionally, at the moment to see you. Leave her be for a while.

Strokesfan

Would you consider writing her a letter explaining this if she won't talk to you right now?

LegacyUser

@Strokesfan: I already have I sent her a written letter with a bunch of lillies with a card just to say bothing more than sorry for hurting her and later an e-mail. Still i get same response
@free2fly: Thak you for advice i was thinking the same and its prob with what Im going with but what if its left too long?
Anyone else any opinions?

Autumn Water

You know what.
I can tell you exactly how she feels. Because i'm in a similar situation and i'm the girl.

About three weeks ago my 5 year relationship ended. Just like you, my and my bf were talking about buying a house together for a while and we were both happy.
But at the start of July he started acting withdrawn, so a few weeks ago i asked if he still loved me and he basically gave the same response as you - i don't know.
I was devestated, and i still am, as i refuse to be with someone who doesn't love me.
Over the next few days he tried to call and text me a few times, all of which i've pretty much ignored except to send him a text saying not to text or call me as its just too hard to talk right now because i need time to get over this relationship. Its not that i don't want to talk, its just too hard to even hear his voice

To the op - i imagine your gf is feeling pretty much like me. Hurt, angry and betrayed. You made all these plans together and now they've pretty much gone out the window. She is probably feeling a bit messed around too, you went ahead and made these plans with her and then not too long later you're saying you don't love her. Which to me, felt like a knife in my heart.

Personally, i would say just give her some space, she is probably pretty angry with you right now and she also has to come to terms with her future plans going out the window, which is a very hard thing to do. Personally its the thing im struggling with the most

shinners007

as a girl i think you should try to win her back everyway u can. this is the girl you love and your best friend you say ifshe loved you she'll understand that you were having problems. explain to her how youll open up and communicate and tell her how much you love her. then shell either say get lost or lets try again...

dont leave it be wondering what space will do for her or ye as a couple its only drawing the process out longer.

ask her out on a date or for a drink and open up to her, tak things slowly and give her time to try regain faith and trust in u. you must remember you have hurt her and only you can make it better.

place your cards on the table and try win her back. then itll either work or it wont at least then u can say i tryed when you look back on it. dont regret it at least try to fix it if that is what you really and truly want.

best of luck

Giblet

She's definatly been hurt by your comments. She had a plan with you and it totally back fired on you. I'm sure if you explained your reasons she should understand, despite initial reservations or "revenge" type tactics.

LegacyUser

@AutumnWater: "I was devestated, and i still am, as i refuse to be with someone who doesn't love me. "
I can fully understand that and Im sorry for what has happened with your relationship. I do truely love this grl and since my body getting back sorted I just consantly think about her, lonely. I know my feelings for her,A cpl of wks ago i would say i was confussed but I know I love her now. Just hope its not to late.
As for leaving it, giving her space I want to do the best thing for her, i dont want to hurt her more, i want her to be happy but happy with me would be nice Do you not think though if your ex listens to you and doesnt contact you till you contact him your just going to forget him and move on?
@shinners007: I have tried to talk to her tried to ring her asked her to meet and except for apearing at her door,although I was about to do this and I met her on the street, she wasn't impressed.
Thank everyone for all your help. I think at this point I need to talk to her need to explain everything hopefully she will understand, but I will give her time and space then talk. I miss her so much its just impossible to think straight at times. Ill let you know if anything changes

free2fly

Good luck OP. I know it will be difficult not to talk to her right now. But she needs time to heal. Maybe you should write what you are thinking and feeling in a letter. Wait a few days and then mail it to her. That way she can deal with it in herv own way. And at least you will know that you tried.

Vegeta

don't give up, ring her and txt her and tell her everything you have to say.

Don't just give it time as she is currently trying to get over you and if you give it time she will be over you.

Man the last thing you want to do is let it slide. You'll always have that "what if" feeling in the back of your mind.

Tell her about the doc and the fact your meds weren't right which led to the emptiness and since you are now on the correct dose you know exactly how you feel about her.

Don't give up tell her everyday you love her and that it was the biggest mistake of your life so far.

LegacyUser

Back down. Let her come to you. You have told her so now the ball is in her court.

LegacyUser

She knows about my meds and always has she knew about the fact that I was all over the place and that I had to go see the doctor. When got results I told her what was going on etc but I think at the time that damage had been done.

I think that its best I leave her for the moment. I’ve text her and am txting her at least once a wk to say hi, how is she etc, even though wont get a reply just to let her know I’m there and thinking about her. Not that its up to her but I’ve told her how I feel now with my body back to normal I’ve let her know etc. Its really hard not to text her email her ring her, but I think for now its right choic=???? Thank you to everyone who has posted its really helped, even to spit it out. (wonder if ex reads these boards)

aidan24326

Metalman,
giving her a bit of time and space is good but just not too much! Let it sit for a week or two if you like but then you're gonna have to put your cards on the table and tell her exactly how you feel. She is hurt now so I wouldn't mind her saying 'you should realise that theres no getting back together', she may not really mean that. I think writing to her could be a good idea. You say you wrote a letter to say sorry but this time it has to be more than just sorry. Tell her exactly how you feel, how much you love her, how confused you were and how much you want to make up for all of this and make her happy again. And don't hold anything back. And if that doesn't elicit a response phone her up and tell her again. You've got to go out on a limb here.

I would think your relationship is still salvageable, you say she loved you only a couple of weeks ago so you can be quite certain she still does. Feelings can't be switched on/off that quickly. Right now she's confused by the mixed signals you gave her and probably now thinks you don't really love her. You have created enough doubt in her mind for her to end it with you, so now you're just going to have to take that doubt back and replace it with the absolute certainty that you love her and want to be with her 100% (assuming you do). Not easy but that's what you have to do. If you really love her and think she's worth fighting for then you know what's required of you. After that if she still gives you the cold shoulder you may have to accept that it's over, but if you play your cards right here I'd be a little surprised if that happens.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Hope your all good. Just thought Id let you know, I sent a long long letter there on monday, got email back today just saying to forget it, too much hurt and leave me alone...........so well I dont know....... i think she means it, but Im not sure and i definitly dont want it to be either I miss her so much specially now Ive got my life and medical stuff all sorted out.

Just letting you all know i apreciate all your advice and help, thank you.