Bad luck all at once

LegacyUser

Right folks, going unreg for this.

Broke up with my long term girlfriend. None of my mates are talking to me anymore. Work is going really bad, think im gonna get fired. Anybody ive met recently has stopped all communication with me.

All of this had happened in the past 4 weeks. Does anybody believe that if you get bad luck, you get it all at once?

My life is sh!t at this point in time, and im struggling to get through each day. im so depressed and down, and i just feel like im on the edge of crying every minute.

Any suggestions?

Marksie

Oh yeah!

But you do get through it. I posted on a thread on depression and how i over came it, so here goes
in a list within six months

Dad had cancer
Manager at work continually tried to get me sacked and made life unbereable
My only nephew dies of heart attack at 28.

Surrender

Don't think op was looking for a competition, you're prob just feelin the post break-up blues, it goes away, there'll be sunny times ahead

Marksie

Surrender wrote:

Don't think op was looking for a competition, you're prob just feelin the post break-up blues, it goes away, there'll be sunny times ahead

yeah..forgot to complete the post!

Took time off work, went to the docs for short term depression and pulled around.
after 4 months went back and went off the pills.
turned it on its head basically

Surrender

marksuttonie wrote:

yeah..forgot to complete the post!

Took time off work, went to the docs for short term depression and pulled around.
after 4 months went back and went off the pills.
turned it on its head basically

Makes sense now, apologies for any misunderstanding

Miss Fluff

The last 4 weeks? The last moon was a PARTICULARLY odd one, lots of really frenetic stuff happended to a lot of people I know. It's well on the wain now so you should be feeling better already. Yes, sometimes lots of really awful stuff seems to happen at once. Things will get better

Marksie

Surrender wrote:

Makes sense now, apologies for any misunderstanding

No offense taken, I shoulda completed the post properly.. thanks for pointing out

humanji

You've got to confront the reasons for your problems. Break-ups happen. They're never pleasant, and without knowing the reasons behind it, I can't really say much more on the subject other that you will get over it eventually.

As for your friends. Why are they not talking to you? Is it something you did, or something they did, or is it just that you've drifted apart. Don't just give up on them if they're your friends. Talk to them about whatever has come between you and try and work it out. If they're not talking to you now, then the worse that can happen is that they still won't talk to you, so you've nothing to lose.

And what is wrong with your work? Are the problems in work beyond your control? Could it be that because you are feeling depressed that you're getting distracted or not putting 100% into it? Or if the work isn't what you want to be doing, then maybe you should move on to a job you would enjoy doing.

I used to be in pretty much the same position as you a while ago, and basically what I did was change my outlook on life. It's not exactly easy, but it seemed to work. Healthy eating and excercise are very important. Eat lots of fruit, in particular. You'll have more energy and you will feel better about yourself. Try and be active. Don't just sit around watching tv or at a computer. Do something that will keep you're mind and/or body working, eg read a book instead of tv, or go for a walk, simple things like that.

Don't blame these bad things on luck. Don't make excuses for them. If you want something to change, then change it. Even if you fail, at least you're trying, and as they say, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." With a more positive outlook and some determination you'll be fine

oneweb

The most important thing is no matter how you _percieve_ your friends to be reacting, don't do the worst thing possible by forgetting them altogether. They may just be giving you some breathing space, maybe they're just very busy, maybe you left them out in the cold in favour of this girl and they didn't appreciate that, or maybe they just don't know what to say to you, they may not want to upset you more.

There's no instant fix, but do try to sort things a bit at a time - ask your mates what they think, maybe even start looking for a better job.

Above all else, get out, do stuff - take up cycling or something, see people.

Static M.e.

All of this had happened in the past 4 weeks. Does anybody believe that if you get bad luck, you get it all at once?

Definatly happens.

But what you need to do is start focusing on things now in your life or things will get ALOT worse. You cant simply sit back and let things slide because that is exactly what will happen.

Ill take them one at a time.

Broke up with my long term girlfriend.

Ok, this obviously alone would be enough to make anyone depressed. First thing is to find out why she broke up with you? any ideas? Had you been fighting alot recently? Was the relationship fizzling out?

None of my mates are talking to me anymore.

Why is this? What happened so that your friends aren't talking to you? They are still your friends but are probably just giving you space because they dont know how to deal with you. Give your best mate a call and just explain whats going on.

Work is going really bad, think im gonna get fired.

This HAS to be a priority, you really must get on top of this otherwise alot of other things will start to slide downhill rapidily. Speak to your boss explain whats going on in your life at the moment and try and concentrate on your work, focus all of your fustration in your job and make sure you get on top of it

Anybody ive met recently has stopped all communication with me.

This one is easy your depressed things are going **** in your life at the moment and people can probably sense your in pain or very distant at best. This will change once you start getting on top of things again.

About 5 years ago I was in the same situation broke up with my long term GF, who broke my heart, work was going down the tubes and my friends were useless simply because they didnt know how to help so they just just avoided the issue, at the time though I thought they were ignoring me.

Long story short I focused on work, worked crazy long days we are talking about 9 am to 11 at night home to bed and same thing every day (Im not suggesting you do this) looking back now that was probably a bit much but it sure has hell impresssed my boss!! we became great friends after that still in contact today. Also I suppose its now easier to see where my friends were coming from great bunch of people but they just didnt know what to say to me or how to help, they knew I was hurting and tried in their own ways to help but my head wasn't screwed on enough to see that. As for the X well now I can see that we weren't actually suited at all, she was a really nice girl but we just clashed on where we both going in life or wanted to go.

Anyway just wanted to let you know that you arent in this alone, your friends are their probably just waiting for you to call them and know your hurting. Things will get better but you must concentrate on your life at the same time so that things dont get worse. Hopefully things will get better soon. GL

Zulu

Chin up old boy, life has a habit of kicking us good and hard when we're down, but it's character defining.
It's how we (re)act when we are down that makes us who we are; when life is rosey it's easy to make the right decisions.

DapperGent

Miss Fluff wrote:

The last 4 weeks? The last moon was a PARTICULARLY odd one, lots of really frenetic stuff happended to a lot of people I know. It's well on the wain now so you should be feeling better already.

Are you ****ing kidding me? The guy was looking for help not nonsense.

OP go to your GP tell you've been going through some stuff and that your feeling depressed, get some certified time off work. Think about getting a referal to a counselor if that's something your comfortable with. Give yourself some to think things through, getting away for a bit would probably be an idea. Back to your family home? Or a short holiday if you can afford it. What ever appeals to you.

Don't let your doctor be lazy antidepressants should always be a last resort.

Aoileann

Unlucky13 sometimes things do all happen at once but perhaps there is something to be taken from that. Sometimes it takes a complete meltdown in one area of our lives for us to see what needs to be changed, in this area and in other areas.

It depends really on your situation...

How long were you with your girlfriend?
Was it something you saw working in the longterm?
How do you feel about her and the relationship now?
Have you amends to make and/or can you forgive the wrongs that have been done?
Why are your friends not talking to you?
Are they mutual friends? If so maybe they are just stepping back for the moment until things settle one way or the other.


Your job is not the first thing you mention in your post. Could it be that all these other events in your life, as mentioned previously, have distracted you and had a knock-on effect on your job. Are you happy with your career choice, is it right for you?

In essence what I'm saying with all this is... yes you are hurting now and it is hard but maybe this is your time to look at and examine these areas of your life and see where you are with them and where you want to go with them. It is important to feel the feelings you're feeling now and be gentle with yourself but more importantly don't run from them and try and figure out why you're feeling them.

It was Carl Jung, I think, who said..

"Those who look outside dream, those who look inside awaken"


and there's a lot to that I think.


The best of luck,


Aoil.

Nevyn

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

Kell

Thaedydal wrote:

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

What a lovely sentiment. A mate of mine says "not every good experience is a nice one".

OP- when a few things start to go wrong at the same time its v difficult to remain positive. Jeebus the weeks on end I have had. Dont try and deal with everything at the same time. Take it one thing at a time and really ask yourself if things REALLY are that bad.

One Q- why arent you'r mates talking to you? Are you sure they are not talking to you or is it that your need for them to be supportive has gone up and they havnt responded they way you think they would? Ask yourself if they are any different to the way they when everything is dandy and put it into perspective. Nothing worse than being down and thinking your mates arent on side.

K-

NewFrockTuesday

And....



.....always look on the briht side of life...tada tada tadadada.....



http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/da/Eric_Idle_Bright.jpg/150px-Eric_Idle_Bright.jpg



Sorry. Im a disgrace.

randomman

well know what you're going through. Last November I got fired from job due to not getting on with totally unreasonable manager, broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years & had to find new accomodation then father died all within 6 weeks. Felt like **** for a long time. Now though circumstances have much improved. What I did was got myself a new & better job and then bought myself a car just to treat myself so to speak. Things do get better, trick is not to rush it too much, my friends found it difficult to be with me at the time as I wasn't much fun to be around & was getting very drunk to try and forget about stuff. Still not completely over all that happened but getting there. Found it good to push myself to focus on things like career, hobbies etc. Best of luck..

Belgareth

Thaedydal wrote:

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

Probably the best quote I have read in a long, long time!

I wont pretend to have any sort of solution to you problem, but from experience and from what I have read, time is the real solution. However and I do know what I am talking about here, its very very hard to see that now. You see, my life has gone terribly lately, not sure if it is as bad as yours, but I dont thinkwe should be comparing problems, no matter how bad each of them are they are our problems. People here give good advice and I think the hardest thing we can do is to take it as it involves letting go and starting again, sometimes the hardest thing we can do. If we do get bad luck all at once then maybe this is a good thing, but I cant really say if that is so. Just remember that what got you to the good points in life is still there inside of you and is buried at the moment waiting for the chance to reemerge. Cryin can be addcitive as I believe that it releases some sort of chemical in your brain which you get to depend on, I know I have cried many a time as it made me feel better afterwards, but you cant live life like this.

Bite the bullet and try and rebuild your friendships, friends are the family you choose they say and I think its a good one. Also, and i dont want to sound like a preachy religious person as i am not, but something that i heard in school stuck with me, it was one of the saints, who said that if you desire to be good, think good thoughts, do good deeds and act as one who is good and one day you will find that you have become indeed good.
I think you can apply that to happiness, think happy, act happy do happy and one day you will BE happy. It sounds like a long shot, but I am giving it a try myself here?

Chin up, this time next year we could be sitting alongside each other on a crusie in the carribean without knowing that we had this chat!

Hopefully!

Anti

i know how you feel tbh. just broke up with my pregnant girlfriend. work is going ****, as a girl i had a one night stand with is now my boss,and is gicing me wicked grief.

Still hold your head up high and think of brighter times:)

LegacyUser

Hi folks,
Thanks for all the advice.

With my gf for several years, we have a child together.
My friends arent talking to me, bacause I drifted away from them years ago, as happens when you are in a relationship. Yes, these have caused a knock on effect in my job, i cant help it! When I have good days, I have great days, when I have bad days, I have terrible days. My good days seem to be around longer though, which is good.

I know im just going through a depression, but its just so diffiult. I feel so lonely and empty. Ive lost my fiance and daughter basically, because I only c them once a week. AH i know ill get over it. And once thing as said before

Thaedydal wrote:

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

Thank you for that. That is a great thing to say. My only concern is I hope I have enough bricks left to rebuild it..

gerrycollins

why dont you see this as a way to make a new start in life is there anything you ever really wanted to do but regretted not doin it?

eg I always wished I went and worked on a holiday island/resort in a bar or something just for the experience I regret not doin it

but its not the end all and be all of it i might do it in years to come but this time own the bar you never know!

RoundyMooney

Thaedydal wrote:

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

That's a lovely sentiment.

At the end of the day, the only person who can sort this out OP, is yourself. Yes, life can deal out a bum hand, but you just have to pick yourself up and move on. You are responsible for you, no one else, although there are many people you can lean on along the way. Conscious and real effort is what is required here. You'll thank yourself later when you look back down the line and see how far you've come.

It is worth it.

Hermione*

Thaedydal wrote:

Sometimes our lives are ment to fall apart so that we can build them into something better.

Totally agree, in fact I may even add this to my sig! I've always believed what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and my life experiences have only confirmed this. You only know how strong you really are when your strength is tested.

OP, my sympathies, I hope you manage to get through this difficult point in your life. Time will help get you through this. I also find being outside, preferably somewhere nature-ish, a huge help when I feel depressed, and a good walk always lifts my spirits, if only temporarily. The one consolation you can find in getting through this on your own is the knowledge that you're ot dependent on others for your emotional health and that you get to know yourself better. Three friends that you can trust to take care of, and be there for, you is worth any number of fair-weather friends. Life, unfortunately, goes on no matter what the circumstances.

I hope life improves for you. Take care.