How do you recognise a come on from a good friend?

justafriend?

Hi just a quick question for the boys mostly!

I have a very good friend we were in college together... i have known him for 5 or 6 years and we are relatively close. We are both early to mid twenties. recently i have been picking up strange signals from him .... nothing that i could call him on! But at the same time very much a noticeable change in his behaviour towards me. -far more concern for me or my comfort, extra thoughtful, a few mildly suggestive remarks, occasionally caught him looking at me but nothing extremely out of the ordinary. So much so that i had thought that i was imagining it.

We were out recently and in the nightclub he asked me for my help in carrying some drinks from the bar... nothing at all unusual in that... then he took my hand.... at the bar he very fleetingly kissed me on the cheek twice... so much so that i could almost have imagined it. Before i could do anything about it we were interrupted by a friend.

later after the nightclub he actually asked for my hand.... while i would often link arms with him i wouldn't ever hold his hand

i just don't know what to make of it! i am confused because i had him firmly in my friends box... but now i don't know if he is even interested or not... i think that fact that my skin isn't crawling probably means that i do like him more than just a friend but i'm totally confused... as i don't know what he is playing at....

i know that if it was me i very much wouldn't cross a line like that with my friends accidentally it would only be if i really meant to... are boys as cautious
any and all thoughts would be gratefully appreciated!

Victor

justafriend? wrote:

I have a very good friend we were in college together... i have known him for 5 or 6 years and we are relatively close. We are both early to mid twenties. recently i have been picking up strange signals from him .... nothing that i could call him on! But at the same time very much a noticeable change in his behaviour towards me. -far more concern for me or my comfort, extra thoughtful, a few mildly suggestive remarks, occasionally caught him looking at me but nothing extremely out of the ordinary. So much so that i had thought that i was imagining it.

Maybe, just maybe, he really likes you as a human being.

But would coming on to you be such a bad thing?

There are one or two women out there, that I've not had relationships with, that I would like to grow old with - as their friend or their husband.

Ruu_Old

I reckon the pair of you are confused. Why his feelings suddenly changed as you mentioned like this I don't know. I do think you need some space to sort your head out, don't go avoiding him but do ask for a little space if he attempts anything more.

justafriend?

Victor wrote:

Maybe, just maybe, he really likes you as a human being.

But would coming on to you be such a bad thing?

There are one or two women out there, that I've not had relationships with, that I would like to grow old with - as their friend or their husband.

thanks for your advice.... see thats the thing i know he likes me as a human being and i like him too, and his friendship is really important to me

... i just dont know if he is comming on to me or not.... ?

hence my confusion.... if i knew one way or another i could then proceed to sort my own head out.

But as i am not even sure if he is or is not coming on to me or not i am even more confused!

lostone

So all he did was ask for your hand or did i miss something?...well i think you should figure out if you would want anything to happen before you lead him on and except his advances to hold hands or whatnot because they will become more sexual over time if he thinks your on the same wave length...on another note he may have just wanted to hold your hand...i personally feel more connected and safer when i hold a girls hand and it doesnt always mean im interested in a relationship...maybe he just wanted to feel more connected...or maybe hes interested...i dont know...i dont think i even helped here...but i tried:cool:

justafriend?

thanks for your advice....:)! i really appreciate it!

lostone wrote:

So all he did was ask for your hand or did i miss something?...:

no it was not just him asking for my hand... he took my hand on the way up the stairs and held it.... then at the bar kissed me on the cheek twice....that is just strange behaviour from him... later outside the night club he asked me for my hand, again while we would regularly link arms he would not ordinarily hold my hand and certainly not actually ask me for it...

i know it sounds totally crazy doesn't it! Gosh i am actually starting to feel like i am a crazy hormonal teenager again!

Cy Kotic

All the signs say that he has fallen for you. It's not unusual after 5/6 years of friendship. He probably doesn't know how to tell you or is afraid of your reaction. He's showing you how he feels by his actions. This way he doesn't have to come straight out with it and risk embarrasment or rejection. He knows you will get the picture eventually and will be looking for signs from you. Be gentle with him, he's probably in love.

Kell

justafriend? wrote:

probably means that i do like him more than just a friend but i'm totally confused... as i don't know what he is playing at....

Ask him then. Is it really that hard a thing to do?

Your post is titled "how do you recognise a come on from a good friend". I would imagine the same way you would spot a come on from a stranger TBH.

Cy Kotic wrote:

He knows you will get the picture eventually and will be looking for signs from you.

Yes but some women are plain dumb and dont get the hint.

K-

Nevyn

Why not kiss him the next time he behaves in such a fashion,
ie snogg him ?

ferdi

he is well into you. go for it if your interested.

Magic Pips

sounds like you like him... you want to kiiiiis him.... haha

seriously though, perhaps this feeling has evolved or perhaps its always been there, and college is drawing to a close... you could drift apart so why not have a shot( )

melekalikimaka

usually i'd recognise it if when i got a friendly kiss good bye or whatever, she slips the tongue

Tar.Aldarion

Sounds like a clear cut, he likes you.
Sounds like how I started to change two years ago, before it went all wrong.

If you like him too, let him know.

justafriend?

Thanks for all the advice! I really do appreciate it:) ... with the benifit of hindsight i think he was coming on to me.... as for whether that was on his part a drinken mistake or not... i think i will just play it by ear and see what his behavour is like the next time we meet! In the mean time some of you guys are right.... i do need to know what is going on in my own head first!