GF broke up with me but we might get back together

cluborange86

hey all,

my gf of almost 2 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. we have always been happy with her but i have broken up with her on 2 occasions. one because i was immature and broke up with her because i was going on a 6th year holiday with my friends and i dint want to miss out on the fun. I totally regret doing that now, only scored with one girl and didnt enjoy it at all. the second time we broke up was because i was doubting my commitment in the relationship and my feelings for her. also i started to notice feelings about an ex and couldnt live with myself having feelings for 2 girls so i had to see if my feelings for my ex were real or not, we scored for awhile and had a drunken night where we kind of slept with each other. i totally regret this and wish i could take this back. turns out theyre not but my gf was really messed up that i broke up with her for my ex.

now since my gf broke up with me ive had a lot of time to think bout us, her and myself. ive realised a lot of things about myself. i was always adverse to commitment and always questioned "love". im not sure why this is but i lost my older brother when i was 13 and he was the person i was closest to in my life, he knew everything about me, more than my parents.my gf is the same, her and my brother are the only people that ive connected with on that level. my brother was one of the most important people to me and loosing him at that age was a massive blow to me. he was 10 years older than me btw so he was always there to look out for me and what not.

i think my reason for not believing my feelings of love for my gf are because of loosing my brother. im not sure if this is me just looking for an excuse, but i really believe that loosing someone i loved at that aged made me more reluctant to admitting my love for her as i wanted to protect myself from going through the same pain as i did b4.

now the reason for us breaking us is my fault, i shouldnt have hurt her so much by breaking up with her twice and by scoring with my ex. also she felt our relationship wasnt equal and that it wasnt as good as it used to be. i admit that i wasnt the best boyfriend but i think ive matured in the last month or so. ive started to become honest with myself regarding loving my gf and realising that im ready for commitment.

my gf thinks that the only reason that i want her back so much and that im ready to say i love her is because i want what i cant have. i can understand where she is coming from but how do i get her to believe me that i want her because she makes me happy? the old me would have been delighted with this break as im going on a two week holiday and it would give me an opportunity to score other girls, but im not excited about it at all. i dont want to score other people. she says that we wont get back together IF we do actually get back together until i get back from my hols. this is really getting to me as thats a month away and i really really miss her.

she went on hols just after breaking up with me and she scored 4 guys but nothing else happend. this really got to me but im not odd or pissed off with her for doing this to me. im just really hurt by the situation. i understand the need for her to have scored someone else but 4?

i know i love her and i am ready to admit that to both myself and her and im ready to commit to our relationship fully but she doesnt know if shes able to take the risk of getting back together incase she gets hurt again. i know actions speak louder than words but i really am genuine when i say i wont hurt her anymore. she says she loves me too so surely if anything is wortha risk its love?

sorry about the extremely long post and i know i wont get any replies because its so long but i just had to get it off my chest. im 20 and shes 18 and we're both in college btw

thanks for anyone who reads this and for anyone who replies, but i just need to know what i should do.

thanks for any advice

Femelade

well see how you get on on the holidays first, you never know your feeling might have changed once you get out there.
if not, then i think you should tell her everything you just wrote there, even better still, email it to her.
You have hurt her big time, getting back into the relationship will be very difficult, she will probably find it very hard to trust you as you have broken up with her before, and once for an ex!
Tbh , i don think the relationship will ever get back to the way it was. 3 break up's wil be a hard thing to overcome if she decides she wants you back.
I hope this is not a case of wanting what you cant have, because a few weeks into the relationship ye will be back to square one.

cluborange86

Femmy wrote:

well see how you get on on the holidays first, you never know your feeling might have changed once you get out there.
if not, then i think you should tell her everything you just wrote there, even better still, email it to her.
You have hurt her big time, getting back into the relationship will be very difficult, she will probably find it very hard to trust you as you have broken up with her before, and once for an ex!
Tbh , i don think the relationship will ever get back to the way it was. 3 break up's wil be a hard thing to overcome if she decides she wants you back.
I hope this is not a case of wanting what you cant have, because a few weeks into the relationship ye will be back to square one.

hey thanks for the reply. ya people have told me to just enjoy my holiday but i can still enjoy it without scoring other people. i have already told everything thats in this post. i know how much ive hurt her and she will find it very hard to get over what happened.

i know its hard to tell what will happen in the future but other couples i know have been better off for over coming such big incidents. i think this is a make or break moment for us.

its def not a case of i want what i cant have because i have never felt this way about a girl before

event

i hope ye dont use the word 'scoring' in front of her

Explosive_Cornflake

You're young. Don't get to tied down, enjoy your youth while you have it.

Femelade

event wrote:

i hope ye dont use the word 'scoring' in front of her

must say , dont like that term much myself, but i dont like snogging or shifting either. what ever happened to a good old fashioned Kiss.?

to OP, just dont put pressure on her, give her time, and space. If it is meant to be , then it will be.

cluborange86

i dont. i just have certain words that i write on boards and in texts that i never ever say. its weird

Tarakiwa

From your story I am guessing you are quite young - "6th year holidays" / "scoting" / getting more mature in 1 month etc ........

I would say that you should just try to relax a bit.

So you F'ed up & dumped her a few times. If it is supposed to be then you will end up together in the end........ so - get out there & just enjoy life!

cluborange86

Explosive_Cornflake wrote:

You're young. Don't get to tied down, enjoy your youth while you have it.

that was my view for a long time and is a big reason to why im in this situation. i could have thrown away the best thing in my life because of it

cluborange86

Tarakiwa wrote:

From your story I am guessing you are quite young - "6th year holidays" / "scoting" / getting more mature in 1 month etc ........

I would say that you should just try to relax a bit.

So you F'ed up & dumped her a few times. If it is supposed to be then you will end up together in the end........ so - get out there & just enjoy life!

ya i am quite young. really regretting the term scoring now! its not something i say.

thanks for the advice

shinners007

why not tell her that you love her and all that stuff ask for a chance and see how things work out.

obviuosly she wants to wait til you come back from hols as she prob thinks youll score out there and doesnt want to be two timed.

your 20 most guys your age would love heading off on a hol being single or are you simply down an out as its a month away and you dont like the thought of being single for another month?

also if yer in college will it be a long distance relationship or whats the story there if ye got back 2gether.

would you be able to last that.

cluborange86

shinners007 wrote:

why not tell her that you love her and all that stuff ask for a chance and see how things work out.

obviuosly she wants to wait til you come back from hols as she prob thinks youll score out there and doesnt want to be two timed.

your 20 most guys your age would love heading off on a hol being single or are you simply down an out as its a month away and you dont like the thought of being single for another month?

also if yer in college will it be a long distance relationship or whats the story there if ye got back 2gether.

would you be able to last that.

i have told her i love her and ya thats the reason why she's not getting back with me until after becasue she doesnt want me to end up cheating on her even though i know i wont. i thought i would like to be single going on this holiday but i dont want that anymore. i understand what your saying about me not wanting to be single for another month, but i genuinely believe that i want her for her, rather than just so i wont be single. im prepared to wait until she's ready and comfortable to make a decision, but that doesnt make it any easier to go another month without her

well she's not in college yet but she will be in the same college as me. shes getting her results next week.

Colm_OReilly

cluborange86,

Ask yourself this question: do you want to get back with her out of true love for her, or fear of being alone?

I noticed in your post you carry a lot of regret and guilt around with you. As oversimplified as this sounds - don't! Give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Also, since you mentioned your brother dying it obviously affects your trust. Your subconscious might have interpretted it as an abandonment.

Anyway, think about my first question: is it motivated by love or fear? If you're genuinely confused PM me and we can have a talk about it.

Colm

cluborange86

Colm_OReilly wrote:

cluborange86,

Ask yourself this question: do you want to get back with her out of true love for her, or fear of being alone?

I noticed in your post you carry a lot of regret and guilt around with you. As oversimplified as this sounds - don't! Give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Also, since you mentioned your brother dying it obviously affects your trust. Your subconscious might have interpretted it as an abandonment.

Anyway, think about my first question: is it motivated by love or fear? If you're genuinely confused PM me and we can have a talk about it.

Colm

hey thanks for the reply. i genuinely think its because i love her. i dont fear being alone. whenever ive been single before ive always been happy. im not they type of person that always needs a gf to make themselves feel happy, safe and secure etc. believe me i have 2/3 friends that always need a gf for those reasons.

thanks for bringing up the issues with my brother because ive always kept those to myself and its only recently that ive started to think of how it really effected me. ive always bottled up those feelings and pretty much all other feelings but i feel that im ready to really take time to think bout it all.

thanks again

blorg

2nd thread in only a few days with serious overuse of the word "scoring."

Have you considered your ex-girlfriend's point of view. She may be entirely right about the "wanting what you can't have;" I can certainly see why she might think that with the way you have treated her in the past.

1 month is not very long to wait if this is in fact the love of your life. So take it easy, maybe send just a few just friendly texts while you are away, and see how things go when you get back.

ShiverinEskimo

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years over a year ago. Thought it was what I wanted at the time because I was just about finish college and pressure was on for my Thesis etc. and I panicked and wanted out - I used the argument that my degree must come first blah blah to fool myself into thinking I was right. It really hurt my better half. I finished college and things settled down and then I realised that I was an idiot to say the least. After a while we got back talkin and then I got drunk one night and told her how much I missed her - which really only ****ed her head even more.
Eventually I asked her to meet me for lunch and we went and just had a good laugh and left it at that only for things to start getting back to normal. Within a week or two we were back and although it took time to get back to normal it was fairly dead on.

I will say one thing though - if you want the same to happen - be 100% sure. You just have to be sure. You can't dick around with people's feelings. Like someone else said - go on your holiday, have a good time, come home and see how you feel. This will give your girl some time to thing it over.

cluborange86

hey sorry about the use of the word scoring but i just used a universial word because most people wouldnt understand cork words.

ya i can see it from her point of view and i totally get it. so much so that i hate myself for being so shortsighted and being such a greedy so and so for wanting my cake and still getting to eat it.

i know a month isnt a long time and im prepared to wait for as long as it takes until she's ready, comfortable and 100% sure shes making the right decision

cluborange86

ShiverinEskimo wrote:

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years over a year ago. Thought it was what I wanted at the time because I was just about finish college and pressure was on for my Thesis etc. and I panicked and wanted out - I used the argument that my degree must come first blah blah to fool myself into thinking I was right. It really hurt my better half. I finished college and things settled down and then I realised that I was an idiot to say the least. After a while we got back talkin and then I got drunk one night and told her how much I missed her - which really only ****ed her head even more.
Eventually I asked her to meet me for lunch and we went and just had a good laugh and left it at that only for things to start getting back to normal. Within a week or two we were back and although it took time to get back to normal it was fairly dead on.

I will say one thing though - if you want the same to happen - be 100% sure. You just have to be sure. You can't dick around with people's feelings. Like someone else said - go on your holiday, have a good time, come home and see how you feel. This will give your girl some time to thing it over.

hey thanks man for the reply and its always better getting advice from someone who has been through something similar even though theyre not that similar but you know what i mean.

ive always been the type of guy that loved my freedom and the further i was from commitment the better. but this girl isnt just a girl to me i really do love her and im 99.99% sure of that. i understand why your saying to enjoy my holiday etc and i will just so i know im sure.

blorg

cluborange86 wrote:

hey sorry about the use of the word scoring but i just used a universial word because most people wouldnt understand cork words.

Please, no really, please, do elaborate.

chump

blorg wrote:

Please, no really, please, do elaborate.

You must prove your LOVE for her by not SCORING, humping, or shifting any horsies while your away on your hollidays.

And don't feel bad for using the word scoring, loads of people do, it's no big - just a lot of vocabulary muppets around boards.