Flirting

LegacyUser

OK going unreg for this one. I'm a youngish male and baiscally I just need help with the ladys, what to do what to say etc (its a real weakness for me at the minute). No fear of women or anything but I feel the need to be more 'creative'. Any advice/help much appreciated

Kuz_3040

Ders no manual or set way to do it otherwise u jst gotta go wit the flow n be relaxed always look at them n listen to what they say when u reply keep it short n sweet dnt 5 words when 3 will do. Dont get too personal with questions ask how they are n if they would like a drink n thats it if they respond then u proceed but if they dont then stop there. Thats the way i do it n it works but like i said no set way to do it n different things work on different women best of luck coz end game we all need it when it comes to women

Dudess

Kuz_3040, this appears in the charter regarding textspeak: Text Speak is possibly the most annoying thing EVAR to try and read! It makes you sound 14, and as such, people are likely to view your post as some teenage angst post. Hence your use of txt spk may result in incorrect advice due to misunderstandings from illegibility (if the post is your first post of the thread), unintentionally annoying posters and causing lingual aggravation, and in the worst case scenario it can get your post binned. Continue to flaunt against this rule and txt spk can get you banned from PI.

OP, you don't have to be "creative". That's ludicrous. Just relax, be friendly, don't try to be witty - can be spotted a mile off, talk to the girl, listen to her, be sincere, warm, approachable, YOURSELF!!!

Squirrel

Just be yourself. Compliment them when nessecary but don't go overboard. Pretty much be yourself, why bother pretending

Ruu_Old

Don't try to be someone else OP, forget what you seen on Friends or whatever. As Dudess said, it will be spotted a mile off, so just relax and take your time.

UU

Here's a GRAMMATICAL translation of what Kuz_3040 said:

Kuz_3040 - edited by UU wrote:

There's no manual or set way to do it otherwise you just got to go with the flow, be relaxed always look at them and listen to what they say when you reply. Keep it short and sweet - don't give five words when three will do. Don't get too personal with questions. Ask how they are and if they would like a drink. If they respond then, you proceed. If they dont, then stop there. That's the way I do it and it works. Like i said, no set way to do it and different things work on different women. Best of luck because in the end we all need it when it comes to women.

Is that a bit more comprehensible? :rolleyes:

Gillo

In my experience it's better not to flirt. You can go into Waterstones, Easons, H&F or seach online line and you'll find hundreds of books on how to flirt. The problem is you then try what you read and chances are you come across looking like a $pa.
Be yourself, don't try to flirt, instead just try to have a chat and thrown in the occosional joke here and there; you'll end up flirting without realising. Remember flirting is basically making someone feel good about themselve's and liking you. Golden rule is don't overdo it.

Dudess

Exactly. That's what I also meant to add. If there's a way to flirt, then flirting is clearly fake. I never flirt. Think there's something quite idiotic about it, frankly (intentionally flirting I mean). I do, however, talk to people. If it comes across as being flirty talking, then so be it. It's not my intention to flirt though. I just act as myself.

Colm_OReilly

Unreg2,

I've met and worked with a shed load of people who think all they need is more creative techniques. (So feel good in that you're not alone with this problem!)
What it has invariably come down to is confidence. I know people say this all the time but it really is true.

There are hundreds of pick up and seduction resources out there that teach techniques, but I've seen time and time again people fall down going this route.

Just be yourself. Compliment them when nessecary but don't go overboard. Pretty much be yourself, why bother pretending

Squirrel,

While I agree with this in theory, in practice people get very nervous in front of strangers/new people and aren't themselves at all. We form most of our impression of someone in the first four minutes of meeting them. So if we mess up that initial interaction it's very difficult to change this.

Yes I think people should be themselves, but that doesn't mean they can't learn how to present their best selves, or learn how to evolve their identity. Not an attack on you, I just have found this advice doesn't help people when they've a problem of this nature. (At least not when it's phrased this way.)

Colm

greenteaicedtea

Just try to have pleasant conversation. Talk about recent movies, music, ask if she's in school or working or whatever, if she went anywhere on holiday or stuff like that. Don't get TOO personal, and don't discuss your problems... keep the conversation kind of light. Talk about general interest things, lecturing her about the server setup at your work might not be a good idea (at first). Don't interview her - don't ask question after question. Give her space in the conversation to ask you the same questions back.

Don't corner her, or monopolize her time. I hate nothing more than a guy who corners me at a party or something. If you don't get her phone number this time, maybe she'll remember you pleasantly if you meet her somewhere again, whereas if you try too hard, you might give a bad impression and she won't want to talk to you anymore, ever.

sounds like a lot of don'ts... but just keep things non-controversial and respect her personal space and you should be fine.

LegacyUser

hmm, my main issue is I dont know what I should say to them to break the ice. Obviously u dont walk across a bar and go "so, where u going on holidays?". Its the first sentence that I don't know what I should say. Any suggestions? (sorry dont mean to interrupt this post, but i think its relative enough not to be in a different post)

Black Swan

When you're in a crowded pub, although you try to respect people's privacy, sometimes you cannot avoid overhearing a guy making a first approach on a girl. A few days ago I heard one that may be useful as an example. I will try to recreate it as best as I can.

He comes from someplace across the room, approaching the girl sitting next to me at the bar. She is sipping a half pint. The seat opposite her is vacant. He stands next to the seat and turns to her.

"Hi" he says, with a genuine smile, looking her in the eyes.

She turns to him and says "Hi," but I cannot see her expression as her back is to me now turned towards him.

"I'm Tom," and he offered her his hand to shake.

"I'm Sherry," and she sakes it lightly.

"I'm really not very good at this," he laughs. "But I saw the open seat next to you and was wondering if you would like to chat? May I?"

"Sure," she says.

He now takes the seat, the bartender happens by, he looks at her and her drink (which is less than half full) jesturing, she covers it with her hand, and says, "No, I'm fine." He then orders and turns back to her.

"You attend university?" he says (There is one close by that he attended).

"Psychology major," she says. "third year."

"Oh," he laughs. "Does it help you in situations such as these?"

"No," she now laughs. "But you're doing OK."

They went on with their exchange. It was light, casual, and friendly, sharing details about each other, their university experiences, etc. Before she left, he got her phone number. He asked for it, and she wrote it for him. They shook hands at the end, she left, and he finished his drink.

greenteaicedtea

What Blue Lagoon said. ^^

-Hello
-introduce yourself
-asking permission is a good idea "would you like to chat?"
-make some remark on what is going on around you "you're here with friends?" "Busy night tonight" etc.

LegacyUser

my only advice has already been said, but its true be yourself, the only other thing is to make a girl laugh! its puts both u and them at ease as she is obviously enjoying herself and a laugh will confirm that for u too!!

melekalikimaka

this may sound silly but i talk to girls on nights out just as i would to a friends friend i 've just been introduced to, don't do the charming stuff really until i'm well in a conversation.its easier

LegacyUser

Thanks for your help everyone