Too many calls and txts?

LegacyUser

Happily going out with a girl for a long time now. You know in the evenings when you are wrecked from work do you ever get annoyed at all the phone calls and text messages from your girlfriend\boyfriend?

In the space of 3 hours this eve I've got 4 calls and 7 txts. Its just like "arghhhh, what now?!".

When we are not meeting up I'd be more a long the lines of a call after work and one when going to bed. Thats on top of emails and a call during work. But what do you think?

seamus

Ah yeah, but this is the joys of the difference between men and women. After a tough day at work, there can be nothing better than vegging out in front of the couch and doing nothing for an hour or two.
Of course your lady friend wants to talk about her whole day, thus removing any relaxation aspect to your sitting.

It's what relationships are about...

chump

seamus wrote:

Ah yeah, but this is the joys of the difference between men and women. After a tough day at work, there can be nothing better than vegging out in front of the couch and doing nothing for an hour or two.
Of course your lady friend wants to talk about her whole day, thus removing any relaxation aspect to your sitting.

So true

"Happily going out with a girl for a long time now."


You've been going out with her long enough to get away with ignoring her - so just ignore her

Nevyn

How about this really novel and inventive idea

Turn Off Your Phone.

If you want time out turn it off.

seamus

Thaedydal wrote:

How about this really novel and inventive idea

Turn Off Your Phone.

If you want time out turn it off.

If she's anything like my girlfriend, she'll freak out. That is, if I don't return calls or texts after about two hours (and particularly if the phone is off), she'll start ringing my family to find out where I am (Not to check up on me, but because she'll be climbing the walls that I've been killed in a car accident or something).

iFight

Turn off your phone, or smash it with a sledge hammer (might be fun )

KdjaCL

Phone off = affair or dead , better be the 2nd one for your sake


"sorry long day fell asleep watching simpsons"


kdjac

Creamy Goodness

three simple words... i am gay.

ha no on a serious note, bring it up with her, say you're trying to cut back on spending so you dont have to reply.

if you have a bill phone ditch it and get credit, you could run out of credit permently.

iFight

If its a price issue, just use internet texts, theyre free, i get 300 a month

Nevyn

seamus wrote:

If she's anything like my girlfriend, she'll freak out. That is, if I don't return calls or texts after about two hours (and particularly if the phone is off), she'll start ringing my family to find out where I am (Not to check up on me, but because she'll be climbing the walls that I've been killed in a car accident or something).

That's nuts.
/me boggles.

Tbh people will only insist that you answer them right away if you do so all the time.
people leave thier phones upstairs/downstairs, in the car, in thier bag, forget to charge it or they are in the bath and thier phone is not, or they have head phones playing the pc or listening to music all the time.

You will only be at the beck and call of your phone and of people using it to keep tabs on you if you let them.

What is the harm of putting the phone to voice mail ?

jellie

4 calls & 7 texts? thats a bit insane. especially if its a nightly thing!

maybe space out your text replies, sometimes 10mins, sometimes half an hour, make it so she doesnt expect a reply immediately.

other than that all i can think of is to tell her its a bit much & to maybe try calm it a bit.

LundiMardi

Don't turn it off, just put it on silent and leave it in another room. She'll get used to it.

Victor

Director wrote:

When we are not meeting up I'd be more a long the lines of a call after work and one when going to bed. Thats on top of emails and a call during work. But what do you think?

Tell her that the boss has cracked down on worktime interruptions.

Anti

~I had this problem with my ex, i would always reply to texts and answer th phone even if i was busy. to cut a long story short, it got worse and worse it started effecting my work life, boss getting annoyed that i always had my phone in my had, and interupting nights out with the lads as id spend alot of time talking at texting and less time drinking, and looking at other women. She is now gone, i had enough. dont make the mistake i made.

Ruu_Old

Try to be gentle with her if you end up having a chat about the texting and calling, don't want to scare her off. I totally understand your situation and have been through it in the past.

Black Swan

For me, this was the thread of the day. For some reason I started to laugh, then realised that I was probably victimizing my b/f with too many contacts per week. Thanks OP and posters. I will ask him what he (really) thinks.

aidan24326

Yeah like previous posters said you are probably being too cooperative for your own good. If I don't wanna answer my phone I just don't answer it. Simple. Just put it on silent for a while and let it ring away. You can ring back/answer later and there can be any number of reasons why you couldn't answer your phone right away. Take your time replying to the text messages aswell. She only rings and texts so often because you are there and you're available and it's easy. You just have to be a little less available sometimes!

Pyr0

iFight wrote:

If its a price issue, just use internet texts, theyre free, i get 300 a month

i'm doing that now actually, it's a pain when you can't leave the computer to watch tv lets say then you have the girlfriend moaning at you. You then have to move yourself off the chair and up the stairs...then back down. It's not handy at all

But seriously, just say you were in the shower, fell asleep on the couch. You'll be grand with that.

Gordon

Seamus, you've got to tell your woman who's boss!

Definitely put your phone on silent, that would drive me barmy.

Miss Fluff

sar84 wrote:

maybe space out your text replies, sometimes 10mins, sometimes half an hour, make it so she doesnt expect a reply immediately.

Yeah, that's what I'd do. You may be adding fuel to the fire by replying straight away so leave it longer/put your phone on silent and keep it at a distance:eek:

Beruthiel

Director wrote:

In the space of 3 hours this eve I've got 4 calls and 7 txts. Its just like "arghhhh, what now?!".

Jebus :eek:
That borders on stalking and would drive me insane!

When we are not meeting up I'd be more a long the lines of a call after work and one when going to bed.

I would even consider that too much, when I was first going out with my b/f we would see each other every 3/4 days, I never felt the need to call him on the days we weren't together, busy doing other stuff and no need for it.
I would also assume that calling a bloke all the time would do his head in, as it would mine. I would feel like I'm being checked up on for some reason.

bragan

I'm a girl, and when i come home from work i just want to veg out in front of the T.V for a while. I think that many calls and texts is a bit obsessive for one day. I am in a serious long term relationship, and I call him or he calls me every night, and we chat for about half an hour (/hour), and thats it. I would only hear from him otherwise if he was coming over to visit, or wanted to meet me after work, etc.
I think you need to tell her it annoys you. And maybe try the one longer phone call, rather than loads of texts, and phone calls. That way you can relax afterwards.

LegacyUser

here's an idea...tell her you're tired or watching something and you'll call/text later and then actually call or text!! why not actually be honest but put it in a nice way! girls do like to talk but we also understand guys dont need to talk as much as we do!

Deadevil129

Yeesh, that'd wreak my head anyway.

Would you consider maybe calling her for a half an hour every evening as opposed to all the little texts. I know if my phones constantly going off with messages I get really pissed off, I much prefer spending a long while on the phone to my boyfriend than spending the same amount of time texting. The whole day without contact gives us something to talk about plus we talk so late in the evening it gives me plenty of time to sit around on the couch after work and I'm not being consistantly bothered by my phone all the time.

seamus

Gordon wrote:

Seamus, you've got to tell your woman who's boss!

Don't worry, she already knows.
Though it's not like she does ring and text constantly, and if she is, she apologises.

BossArky

I get the same thing, drives me nuts having to talk or text when I just want to sit down and stare at the wall. Must send my gf a link to this thread

LegacyUser

Well, when she rang again last night I was kinda cranky and short, she got the hint but went into a big huff and was pretty annoyed. Havnt heard from her yet today. I did text her too to say there were too many phone calls and txts in such a short space of time, to which I got a very short "Ok, nite" reply by text.

Its just like she puts all her focus onto me and many times I've suggested in a nice way about taking up a hobby or something as she often feels she has nothing to do in the evenings and weekends. And in that case her attention turns to me which sometimes makes me feel smothered.

I have a few things I like doing like football, soccer, reading, GYM, computers, etc that give me distractions from an unheathly level of becomming dependent on somene else all the time. Its about the right balance isnt it.

I really have mentioned this to her a lot. Dont know what else I can do really.

Her intentions are in the right place but its juts sometimes too much!

seamus

Director wrote:

And in that case her attention turns to me which sometimes makes me feel smothered.

Well you'll have to mention that to her, but don't put it quite so bluntly. Some people are the "I love being around you all the time" type, and others are the "I think you're great, but I cherish my time with my own brain" type. There's no reason why a relationship between the two types can't work, but it requires a lot of understaning and compromising from both sides.

Perhaps if you put it to her in terms of "I enjoy having time to myself" instead of "I feel smothered", then she mightn't think you're getting bored.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote:

Perhaps if you put it to her in terms of "I enjoy having time to myself" instead of "I feel smothered", then she mightn't think you're getting bored.

Actually thats nearly word for word what I do say to her, but the "I feel smothered" is what I feel.

I will just try to change the habits over time. Certainly last night I was getting stressed big time!

Good to see I am not alone! It is not really a big issue I suppose anyways.

free2fly

That would drive me mad as well. I am a woman and I like to chill when I get home from work as well. I would agree with other posters who said that you should start lengthening the time before you answer her texts. She should get the hint.

Ava

my ex boyfriend used do the whole at least five phone calls, numerous texts and a couple of emails. I used to leave long spaces between replies hoping he;'d take the hint but he used just ring if i didnt reply.it used to drive me INSANE. it felt like 80% he genuinely wanted to talk yet 20% clingy neediness wanting to check up on me..

metrovelvet

I had a boyfriend like that. It cost me several phones due to russell crowe moments of throwing my mobile at the nearest wall. It was like a ****ing umbilical cord. If I turned it on silent or didnt respond, oh my god the ordeal I would get.

Id have had less contact from a parole officer. The thing about it was so HE could talk - absolutely no interest in what I had to say.

I have a friend now who gets 40- 50 text messages a day from her boyfriend. Id like to take her phone and stick it under an 18 wheel truck.

Anyhow - OP you should try to talk with her about why she feels the need to do this.

If that doesnt work, take action for your own sanity.

jesus, am i the only one that thinks there's nothing wrong with that many calls and texts?

I've sent 200 texts in one night to my gf (would ring but texts are free). Not just once either. Its not a big deal imo.

Also, i'm amazed at how little some of you see of your bf/gf. Its interesting to see the difference between what people consider normal, and others consider "clingy".

TomCo

My friend was late home from work one day and his girlfriend started asking me every few minutes where he was and why he wasnt answering the phone over Googletalk. How the hell would I know? He lives in Swords I live on the south side.

I got a bit fed up and told her that he'd probably been run over by a bus, she totally freaked out.

I actually had to ring him in the end and explain what happened, we laughed pretty hard about it.

CiaranC

I've sent 200 texts in one night to my gf

wtf?

TomCo

Thats insanity, could you not have just rang?

Probably would have taken 10 minutes.

Tobias Greeshman

CiaranC wrote:

wtf?

That's what I thought as well.

As for the person who sent 200 texts to his gf in one night, ever hear of Blackberry Thumb, it's a form of Repetitive Strain Injury.

http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/99/105403.htm

And in case of going off topic here, yeah OP that's pretty excessive. Especially the calls (4 times), 7 texts a day could happen, but that amount of calls is a bit excessive. I know when I first started going out with my gf we did the texting thing a fair bit 5-10 per day, but that soon died down. Now it's just a case of the odd text during the day, and maybe a call every couple days or so.

If you want her to stop texting you, maybe add "anyways text ya later.." to the end of the text and that should stop the texting. And if she keeps calling you tell her you're watching tv and that you'll call her later or get her to call her before you go to bed.

Having that much contact can't be good for a relationship. You have to have a bit of independence.

bush

Next time reply with "**** OFF!"

Ickle Magoo

4 calls & 7texts in one night would annoy me too, 200 would signal the end of the relationship!

I would call or text the odd time but usually to arrange to meet up & TALK! I'd run out of things to say when face to face if I sent a text about every little thing that was happening as it happened....

secret_squirrel

Deleted User wrote:

jesus, am i the only one that thinks there's nothing wrong with that many calls and texts?

Yes, yes you are.

Deleted User wrote:

I've sent 200 texts in one night to my gf

Nutter!

Third_Echelon

To avoid upsetting her too much you have to treat the situation carefully....

If its a very negative approach, she's obviously going to feel hurt, and i'm sure that's not what you want.

You have to turn it into a 'I'm ok', 'you're ok' message. Explain your situation, i.e. "I'm tired when i get home from work, I'll call you later in the evening". She then understands why you mightn't answer straight away etc. It defuses the situation somewhat....

ircoha

Director wrote:

Happily going out with a girl for a long time now. You know in the evenings when you are wrecked from work do you ever get annoyed at all the phone calls and text messages from your girlfriend\boyfriend?

In the space of 3 hours this eve I've got 4 calls and 7 txts. Its just like "arghhhh, what now?!".

When we are not meeting up I'd be more a long the lines of a call after work and one when going to bed. Thats on top of emails and a call during work. But what do you think?

What will you do if u move in together?

Does she call text u when she is out with her girl friends?