Girls! Can't live with them - can't live without them

observer

right guys and gals. being seeing someone for a while about 2 month. just getting to know each other but i really like her so far.
but at the weekend ended up being with an old flame who i said i would never be with again . i immediatlaely told this flame "look i'm seeing someone but she already knew" typical!

now apart from the fiflthies all my female friends are giving me i'm being made to think that i've cheated on this girl whom i've being seeing

whats your opions on this have i???


now i think i wanna go out with the nice girl so a little talk is necessary to see if she wants the same. but i'm not sure whether i should say look i kiss someone a few weeks ago in a drunken night out!

i doubt it would go down very well but at least if i'd have a clear conscience?

any thoughts. hit me hard if you think i deserve it! i can take it

Nevyn

Had you agreed that you were exclusively dating the girl over the last 2 months ?
Was it clear that you were not to see other people and only each other ?
If the the answer is yes then you did cheat.

observer

no not at all.thats the whole point

i only met this girl for the first time about 2 months ago and haven't seen her for the last 3 weeks though we've been in contact!

kdouglas

well if you haven't seen eachother in 3 weeks, then i would say your not exactly at the exclusive stage, tell her what happened and how you feel about it, and that it was a mistake etc...

if she's worth being with then she'll understand that you weren't exclusive and it wasn't technically cheating, although id imagine she might be a little bit annoyed about it.

talk to her, see what happens...

RandomOne

Turn it round. If she did everything you did, would you feel cheated on?

There's your answer.

observer

RandomOne wrote:

Turn it round. If she did everything you did, would you feel cheated on?

There's your answer.

no i wouldn't! but girls are so different! i was amazed that i pulled away cos i thought of her even when i was quite drunk!

girls are different. are you a girl or a guy?

cupsoftea

I don't think you cheated per se. Especially if you hadn't seen her in a few weeks. But at the same time I doubt she would be impressed if she found out. If I were her, I'd just think you were a bit of a player and would probably stop thinking of you as boyfriend material. That it was an ex-girlfriend wouldn't help either, with emotions and all that being involved. It wouldn't really be seen as just a drunken snog-(even if it was). I would probably see it as a sign that you weren't that serious about me. But i don't think i'd consider that you cheated on me.

RandomOne

observer wrote:

no i wouldn't! but girls are so different! i was amazed that i pulled away cos i thought of her even when i was quite drunk!

girls are different. are you a girl or a guy?

girl

BeardyGit

Nah,

Unless you had 'The Conversation', you're okay. If you want an exclusive relationship, agree on it though. Don't let her assume it's exclusive while you approach it like it ain't. What I mean by that is, don't hold off on having 'The Conversation' just so you can refer to it later, to ease your conscience if you really do cheat. That doesn't go down so well at all. I'm writing from experience - Many moons ago but I still remember the filthy looks and foul language that followed me around the office....

Gil

jellie

why havent you seen her in so long? if id met someone 2 months ago & then after a few weeks just stopped meeting for 3 weeks id kinda think hmm ok this isnt going anywhere.

i say tell her. but make it clear how you feel about her before/after you tell her. make her aware that you DO like her. as it is now, it kinda sounds like you're messing her around, & unless youre careful thats what shes going to end up thinking.

hope you sort it out

LegacyUser

Whats with this 'The Conversation'. The only time I ever had 'The Conversation' was when I was 14 going out with my first girlfriend. I'm now 33, me and my girlfriend never had 'The Conversation'

Come to think of it I don't think any of my mates have had 'The Conversation' with there wives/girlfriends

Is it just me???

BeardyGit

TheConversation wrote:

Whats with this 'The Conversation'. The only time I ever had 'The Conversation' was when I was 14 going out with my first girlfriend. I'm now 33, me and my girlfriend never had 'The Conversation'

Come to think of it I don't think any of my mates have had 'The Conversation' with there wives/girlfriends

Is it just me???

How can you say none of your mates have? It's not like everyone turns around and says "Right, sit you hole down, we're going to have the conversation" and then gossips about it in the pub or after sunday morning 5-a-side, is it?.

It's about a realisation that at some point the two of you have agreed that it's a casual thing or that you have an exclusive deal with each other. It may be you telling her "it's just a bit of fun, right?", her getting upset and you consoling her and telling her you were just kidding. It could be agreeing to move in together. Maybe it's a run-off thread at the end of the one where you discuss contraception. But along the way, you'll have one conversation where your relationship is laballed, by the two of you. You're either going to be bg/gf (or gf/gf, or bf/bf ), or you're going to be two adults who "enjoy each others company". Understand?

fuzzywiggle

When you say ''seeing someone'' does that mean going out with them or is it just a casual thing. If you're going you with the girl then yes, you did cheat, if you're not then you didn't.

observer

i haven't seen her cos she's being working in the opposite end of the country for a few weeks and then on holidays.

observer

fuzzywiggle wrote:

When you say ''seeing someone'' does that mean going out with them or is it just a casual thing. If you're going you with the girl then yes, you did cheat, if you're not then you didn't.

you know when you meet a stranger on a night out and start going to dates with them getting to know them! thats what i mean

LegacyUser

Im a girl. Was seeing a guy for a month or so, casually dating I suppose you'd put it. He went on holidays for 3 weeks. Didnt really hear from him. I kissed another guy. When he came back, he rang me. I met him and told him what happened - that I was a bit confused what the situation was with us - that I didnt really see us going out.

He was a little offended - but understood. Few weeks later he asked me out officially. Yes - we did have the "conversation". Think its important to lay the ground rules.

AngryBadger

RandomOne wrote:

Turn it round. If she did everything you did, would you feel cheated on?

There's your answer.

yeah, see there's a lot in this.

At the same time though, you're not actually "with" her, it doesn't even sound like you've been seeing her that regularly, so if it were me I wouldn't feel bad about someone doing that. So i guess in my view you didn't cheat.