In Love with best friends Girlfriend

LegacyUser

OK,

Im going unreg'd for this one for reasons that will become obvious pretty quickly.

I have fallen completely in love with my best friends girlfriend, and she is the same.

At the end of June there we ended up being out without him which had never happened before, we were having a great time and on the way to the nightclub she started to lick my ear from the back seat. I was in the front.

Our other friends were there too but couldnt see it, probably looked like whispering. I didnt know what the hell she was doing and then outside the taxi she grabbed me and started kissing me. At first I freaked out but it felt so natural and made so much sense at the time. We had always gotten on really well.

I went home with her that night but we just stayed in my car for the night and yes we had sex, great sex.

Since then ive been meeting her numerous times a week, and even when we are out we are all over each other as soon as we get alone.

He would never suspect anything cos we have been best mates since playschool, he trusts me with his life and i with mine.

Of course I know im being a complete scumbag and the guilt has gotten too much for me. Thing is, telling him would absolutely devastate him. He has a family bereavement at the start of the year and hasnt gotten over it at all. This news would ruin his life so badly i dont think he could ever recover from it.

Now i know im gonna get flamed cos im being an absolute lowlife. But i feel bad for her too, she isnt happy with him anymore but she knows that leaving him would break him.

What makes it even more complicated is that even though they have been going out for 3 years, they were broken up for a few months before xmas and it was ME who convinced her to get back with him after the bereavment. So i feel like its my fault she is stuck in this position.

Im not really sure why im even posting this, flame me all you want guys but what i want to know is what you think i should do from here?

Obviously stopping the cheating is a priority and i should come clean to him, but i just dont see how thats gonna make it any better for him. He really couldnt take this with how things are in his life at the moment.

Ok,

Flame away,

I deserve it

bug

thats a f**king horrible situation to be in.

Im not going to judge you because whats done is done. No amount of calling you a horrible fool and her an e*il beatch is going to change that.

What you have to understand is the following:

Your going to lose one or both of them. End of...

You had better be damn well sure she is worth losing this mate over, because that is what is going to happen. And you had better be damn well sure that you arent just a "lightener" for tough situation she's being dealing with.

In fairness, in so much as I would hate to have a girlfriend or a friend like either of you, I doubt this will end in happiness for either of you.

Be prepared for perhaps losing everything and perhaps gaining nothing, because after the solace she finds in you dissapears and you become the boyfriend (if that ever happens), you will have possibly lost a childhood mate (which no woman is worth).

Sucks to be you in fairness, but you made the choices.

ozt9vdujny3srf

So, you think the girl whos cheating on your best friend with you is worth losing your friend over?

She clearly isnt trustworthy, so say she dumps your friend and goes off with you - would it ever be able to get serious? Why should YOU ever trust her?

She's probably not a good thing for you in the long run. I think you should tell her that the two of you are finished and that she should break up with your friend if thats what she wants to do. If possible try and make sure youir friend doesn't find out though. I don't see the benefit of him knowing anything about it.

hiscan

bug wrote:

thats a f**king horrible situation to be in.

Im not going to judge you because whats done is done. No amount of calling you a horrible fool and her an e*il beatch is going to change that.

What you have to understand is the following:

Your going to lose one or both of them. End of...

You had better be damn well sure she is worth losing this mate over, because that is what is going to happen. And you had better be damn well sure that you arent just a "lightener" for tough situation she's being dealing with.

In fairness, in so much as I would hate to have a girlfriend or a friend like either of you, I doubt this will end in happiness for either of you.

Be prepared for perhaps losing everything and perhaps gaining nothing, because after the solace she finds in you dissapears and you become the boyfriend (if that ever happens), you will have possibly lost a childhood mate (which no woman is worth).

Sucks to be you in fairness, but you made the choices.

im with bug on this one

LegacyUser

You screwed up so badly. If you were my "best friend", i'd probably fcuk you up.

aidan24326

Agree with Truckle, even though you really like her and are having fun with her now she is obviously not the most trustworthy. Even if you and her became an official item you'd always know what she had done to your by this stage ex best friend and might find it difficult to trust her.

Stop messing around with her first of all. Then insist that she end the charade with your friend. He might be upset about it for a while but he'll get over it like everyone else. Better that than have him made an eejit of. And DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON!!! No matter how guilty you feel just keep your mouth shut. You've made a mistake, we all do. It's about damage limitation now. No use in causing any more hurt than is necessary. Forget it happened and leave it at that.

Of course if you consider this girl worth losing your friend for then that's another matter. If you are genuinely in love and want to be together then you'll just have to face the music and accept that you'll have alienated a friend. That's a decision you have to make. IMO wisest course of action right now would be to cool it with her at least for a while. That's not to say you could never be with her at some future time, though it's gonna be pretty awkward no matter what you do.

BeardyGit

Actually, I don't think you're complete scum.

You've ended up in a sh1tty situation but if everything is like you say it is, I think you should make the decision you think will make you happy in the end.

While I'd commend you for considering your friends position following this bereavement and so on, you have to watch out for numero uno too.

A long time ago (10+ years ) my childhood best friend and my girlfriend of 2 years at the time did the dirt on me. I took it hard but who wouldn't? You know what though? They got married 2 years ago and are mad about each other. They treat each other with respect and each one is top of the others list of priorities.

So I'm not going to slate you for this. But you have to decide what you want and then let the other parties know. Which one of them is top of your list of priorities? Decide that and then do what you can to treat the other right without interfering with the others happiness more than you have to.

DaDa

Sorry, have to say this ... you eejit!

IMO ...She needs to break up with him. Now. Him having to deal with that even though it's a rough year is the lesser of the evils. You two need to cool it completely. You wait a resonable amount of time (only you know how long that should be). Give him all your attention (least you could do). Only then see if You and She are meant to be. If it is then hopefully he'll accept it. You never, ever tell him what's happened in the past.

Just my humble opinion.

easyontheeye

no offence to you BUT if i was your friend I would get consolation out of severely hurting you, you are not a best friend to him, you betrayed him along time ago and he is better off without you and that slapper of a girlfriend! Man! as you said you are low life and a scumbag and i hope he gives you what you deserve...im sorry for being harsh but best mates dont do that on eachother!

fuzzywiggle

Stop with the girl and leave it so. Don't say it to your best friend. And please don't do something so idiotic again. I hope you learn from your mistakes

Kell

Scum wrote:

Ok,

Flame away,

I deserve it

Yup. You fúcking tít.

How the hell did you manage to find yourself in that position? I am going through all the permutations in my head, and while I have considered it on numerous occasions, I would never shag the GF of a mate. Never. Theres a small thing called loyalty to your friends that maybe should have occurred to you before things escalated this far.

As Bug says, you need to come clean to your mate and soon. People are generally made of stronger stuff than you give them credit for, so tell him. At some point in the future he'll respect the fact that you did.

As for this girl being untrustworthy going forward, not necessarily the case. By the sounds of it both of you have had it on your minds for a while and cant get enough of eachother. Not an indicator that she is going to shag the leg off the next likely suitor that comes along is it.

K-

PS- Did I mention you were a complete tít?

Kell

aidan24326 wrote:

And DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON!!! No matter how guilty you feel just keep your mouth shut. You've made a mistake, we all do. It's about damage limitation now.

Err..... what about that thing that most friendships are built on called honesty?

Sheesh. Some mate you'd make!

K-

SGKM

Have to agree with bug,YOU WILL LOSE AT LEAST ONE OF THEM. I saw the exact same situation happen with two of my friends and they we're best mates at the time. Now they are back mates,it took a long time and they only started back talking because they guy who cheated with the other one's girlfriend agreed that nothing more would happen between him and the girl. He said that their friendship was far more important than any girl.

stovelid

I'm not suggesting that you don't really like the girl but generally speaking, you will have your friends longer than your partners. Unless you end up with this girl forever, it would be awful to lose your best mate for it.

Jotter

You are an idiot bec I dont care what you say you guys didnt need to have sex, you should have and could have dealt with all this after the kiss but you didnt so the hole is well and truly dug and now you have to try claw your way out of it.
First things first, she needs to break up with him. Both of you are lowlifes but her relationship with him is dead in the water so she needs to end it, no more bs about how hurt hell be, its a bit late for that and its just an excuse for the 2 of you to run away from what you have done.
If you want to go out with this girl and stay friends with the guy then I would avoid all contact with her for at least a year to let the dust settle and to make sure your feelings for her are real and not just infatuation. That means not meeting up for chats etc just cut off contact. That way your friend could have moved on himself and maybe he wont mind you dating his ex - unlikey but you could try.
Otherwise you need to choose between friend and girl bec you cant and wont have both. If you choose friend then dont tell him, it might make you feel better but it will make him feel sh*t, if he ever finds out then your friendship is doomed anyway. You just need to always remember what a s*itbag you are so you never do anything so stupid again.

Kell

Kell wrote:

Yup. You fúcking tít.


K-

PS- Did I mention you were a complete tít?

Somebody is going to get banned!Well done!:rolleyes:

Just my opinion, i think you need to tell him...

exactly what you've posted.

Honesty usually results in short term pain, but long term gain.

Kell

Deleted User wrote:

Somebody is going to get banned!Well done!:rolleyes:

:rolleyes:

Scum wrote:

Ok, Flame away, I deserve it

Open invitation I would say?

K-

connundrum

bug wrote:

Your going to lose one or both of them. End of...

I would bet on a situation where you lose both of them.

If you tell him and decide to make a go of it with the girl - I can nearly guarantee that guilt will be the overriding factor which will break ye up in > 1 year.

If you don't tell him and continue with the affair - you will get caught and will lose both.

If you stop seeing her and decide that his friendship is worth more than a girl - I can nearly guarantee that she will spill the beans to him and you'll lose both.

I cannot see a way out for you dude, I'd suggest simply walking away from both simultaneuosly and cutting your losses. It's crap, but this is life.. don't do it again.

youcancallmeal

You shouldnt be allowed have friends.

Forget about both of them and try and find a new circle of friends where they dont know about your backstabbing ways.

LegacyUser

From the moment you first slept with this girl you no longer where his best friend. I don't know why you think you still are?

If you had strong feelings for her and she did for you and hes was your "best friend", you should have done it properly and waited till she broke up with him but oh no you couldn't wait. There is no excuse.

aidan24326

Kell wrote:

Err..... what about that thing that most friendships are built on called honesty?

Sheesh. Some mate you'd make!

K-

Like I said this situation is damage limitation now. Honesty isn't always the best policy. He'll likely be pissed off enough about being dumped rather than having more salt poured into the wound. Coming clean to someone just to ease your own conscience is not being a friend, it's being an assh*le. Friendship is also about protecting people's feelings. The only justification here for telling all is if he'd be likely to find out anyway. Which is possible, but only the OP knows that.

oulu

If this girl is the real deal for you then you might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb, you are not the first and you wont be the last, but if you want to stay friends with your mate and keep this girl then she needs to break up with him straight away. then the 2 of you should not see each other for at least a month to test how you really feel about each other. Then if you guys feel the same then you could start of easy and then you both must tell him you are an item, but dont say you both betrayed him this is for his benifit not yours. Ask yourself could this be you next time if she did this to him what is to stop her doing it to you, the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater.

chump

Yea, agree with everyone - you fukked up bigtime and deserve a hiding.

Only solution now. Do not mention it EVER. Break off complete contact with her and tell her to get her **** together and never tell the best friend.

The news of this will come out sooner or later - pray it's later. As if she's off the scene for a few years and the news comes out, it won't be so bad and you could gloss over it slightly.

You just have to pray and do everything in your power to not let this news out now or anytime soon.

Also forget the girl, there's never any excuse to jockey onto a friends ex. Especially when they went out for a decent length of time, and you cheated with her.
It's going nowhere - even if you think you 'love' her. It's gotta end.

So in summary.
Break it off with her.
Swear to secrecy.
Ensure she breaks it off with him.
Tell her to disappear.

secret_squirrel

Weigh things up in your mind.

Try to forget the amazing sex.

Ask yourself is she a longtermer or is it just the illicit fun of the wholething.

If longtermer, come clean to your mate and carry on shagging. As Gil said you might end up hitched!

If just fun, stop seeing her and never mention it again.