Help

brum

Broke up with my gf of 3 years earlier this year. Shes after going away on a J1 to america. We've been in contact for the last 6/7 weeks chatting online most days, calling and a couple of texts.... We agreed to try and get back togther when she gets back in september.... last week, she told me she had slept with another guy a few weeks back, drunken shag! Just the once, meant nothing, and so on! She thinks we should forget about it.......... After getting on so well the last few weeks, should i not care, should i live with it as we werent together, should i get back with her or not?



I need advice!

Kimbot

brum wrote:

should i get back with her or not?

That my friend you will have to answer on your own!!
If you feel strongly for her then it will make the situation easier but ultimatley its your say!!

Hmm_Messiah

Definitely one to answer on your own. But if it was nothing, drunken romp a guy she doesn't know, maybe doesant even know more than a first name then it would be easier than some one significant or some one she retains contact with.

after 3 yrs of a rship it does happen people have sex with some one else for any reason : because they want to, because the can (no obligations to you), because they see it as a way of getting past the rship, etc etc etc

I think that she told you isa good thing; if it really was nothign then she never had to let you know but felt she should. you have months of contact to develop your rship over a distance, when back in the same place take it from there

Kell

brum wrote:

She thinks we should forget about it..........

What? The drunken shag or the relationship?

K-

easyontheeye

are you and her technically still single? if so maybe you should enjoy yourself until she gets back and then sort it

brum

Its a guy we both know... not a great friend but a friend....... wouldnt be going drinking with him or anything...friend of a friend sort of thing. She said she regreted it straight away. Im just confussed.... I feel like she ripped me apart...

easyontheeye

yeah it would have been easier if you didnt know him, sure find out from her were you both stand..if she doesnt make a decision well then you should..dont be a puppet on a string waiting for her to decide what she wants.

miles teg

brum wrote:

I need advice!

You need a kick in the arse.
You're not in a relationship with her and the vast majority of women have seen more than one guy. Have you been with anyone since you broke up?

loadabollocks

i think you should go have sex with someone....preferably someone you thought you would like to bang while you were going out with your ex.
your head might be clearer then. i think mine would

kdouglas

you broke up, she's in america, stay in contact with her by all means, but not on a daily basis, maybe once every week or two kind of thing, itll make it easier to get past the relationship and remain friends, once she comes home again, if there is still something there, then by all means give it a go

PopeBuckfastXVI

Get out and get laid. Don't bother contacting her, let her contact you. Let her bang anyone she wants over the summer, just make sure you enjoy yourself. Tell her she's free to do what she wants and you don't want to know about it. that way you can sleep with as many people as you want without telling her. When she comes back pick up where you left off, but always remember you da man!

PS the other guy is obviously a dastard that's been sniffing about for a while. He's a loser that she regrets being with so don't worry about him as competition, just remove him from your christmas card list!

unnameduser

Most people have several sexual partners.
Just cause she was with someone it doesnt change what ye do/did have together.

brum

Its fine to say people have loads of sexual partners, i was with her for 3 years, i kinda now she doesnt! The whole thing shocked me bc she kept sayign she hadnt slept with anyone all summer and then bang(literally). I just forgetting it now. Its all I can do...

Dampsquid

Did she sleep with him before you were talking about getting back together. If so, then i would forget about it. You can't expect her not to see anyone else when you aint goign out.

Stench Blossoms

So what if she was with someone else? She's single she can do what she wants.

Why would she even bother telling you that? Or was it you that asked?

melekalikimaka

I couldn't get back with a girl if she did that...but that sort of thing really puts me off a girl

brum

orla wrote:

So what if she was with someone else? She's single she can do what she wants.

Why would she even bother telling you that? Or was it you that asked?

Well we were talking about getting back with eachother. She was drunk and it was just after we first started talking about getting back together. I asked her for the truth and she told me. I understand we are not together, I understand she is and was free to do as she pleases.... the fact she still wants to get back together and just forget about what happened....

My problem is i have a mental picture in my head of the two of them and trying to forget about it is prooving hard... How the hell can i forget about it?

Dub_Ster

Come on man your not married yet , a drunken shag meens nothing .......

mentle picture in your head how so ?

Da Bounca

Just to clarify things, you know the guy that she shagged, and have been out drinking with him before?
If thats the case, I wouldnt get back with her, not a ****ing hope, and I'd never talk to the bloke again either.

There are some unwritten rules that must be abided by. Find someone else.

brum

Dub_Ster wrote:

Come on man your not married yet , a drunken shag meens nothing .......

mentle picture in your head how so ?

mental picture of the two of them....

I dont think id care so much if we hadnt been so close the last few weeks.... I want to forget the whole thing like she does but i cant get it out of my mind...

Stench Blossoms

brum wrote:

Well we were talking about getting back with eachother. She was drunk and it was just after we first started talking about getting back together. I asked her for the truth and she told me. I understand we are not together, I understand she is and was free to do as she pleases.... the fact she still wants to get back together and just forget about what happened....

My problem is i have a mental picture in my head of the two of them and trying to forget about it is prooving hard... How the hell can i forget about it?

Why did you ask her?

If knowing about something like would put you off getting back with her well then you have your answer.

brum

orla wrote:

Why did you ask her?

If knowing about something like would put you off getting back with her well then you have your answer.

I asked her bc i wanted to know.... bc we never kept secrets. Even throughout the summer she told me if she had scored with people. I asked her if she had slept with anyone and she eventually told me. She said she wanted to tell me in person bc she knew it would hurt me.

Im fully aware we were broken up, she was and is single so i have to live with the fact she slept with someone we both know. Im sure once she's back i cant just completely forget it all. Its just hard now bc she's still away.

At the end of it all, i want to forget it happened and move on and see what happens when she gets home...now how the hell will i manage that!?