Am I too old?

Victor

OrangeOranges, take it easy.

antodeco

hey, sorry for coming across on this, but was jsut looking at all the posts. I would just like to know, are peoples concerns and judgements, based on the age gap, or the fact that she is underage?

Mrs_Doyle

I don't know if the real problem is that you are too old for her, it is more a case of 'she is too young for you'.
At 16 she has yet to finish school, she cannot legally have sex, smoke or Drink.
Should you holiday together you would be required to take on the role of legal guardian.
Give her a couple of years and then see if it is possible to make a go of things, but for now, leave her alone and let her grow up with people her own age.

Marksie

Zillah wrote:

Age is just a number, maturity is a concept..

Some numbers don't add up.

The diference between someone who 16 and themselves at 18 or 20 in terms of experience and maturity is considerable.


An age gap of 8 years when epople are mature adults is nothing. But at her age it is definitely something

so YES: you are too old, or rather she is too young

sutty

Your to old for the relationship side of things... a distanced friendship might be ok. But I'd be worried that she first told you she was 20. If she lied to you about it. How many other people might she have done it to.

TomCo

Do her parents know about this?

If they don't they'll find out sooner of later, how do you think it will look to them? Her father certainly wont be happy.

One way or another you're going to get hurt.

Kell

Older wrote:

What I would like to do is maintain a friendship and then when shes older try at a relationship.

And you really reckon you'll manage this. That it wont turn into a "I know I shouldnt, but one thing led to another..." thread?

Jeebus. You're 24. Aim for someone your own age or at least someone who isnt a child.

K-

LegacyUser

eh, ye you're too old.

cupsoftea

Jotter wrote:

I went out with a 23 yr old when I was 17, nothing sexual ever happened (which I am glad of now!) but I met him about 2 years ago in a nightclub and I cringed at the thought of being with him bec I could now see why he didnt date a girl his own age, he made my skin crawl and was such a nerd! Oh and he told me Id grown up very sexy - yuk yuk yuk !!! Dont get me wrong he was a nice enough fella at the time just that I now know that 17 and 23 dont mix, let alone 16 and 24!! QUOTE]

Oh my God, I have the same story. I was 17 when I started going out with a 25 year old. He was all about planning for the future but I could never make plans further than what night club to go to at the weekend. Needless to say it didn't end well and I cringe at (rare ) sighings of him now. I was very mature (i think) but still only intersested in friends and having fun. As you say 17 and 23 don't mix and certainly 17 and 25 (=16 and 24) don't mix.

iremex

OrangeOranges wrote:

The tut-tutting is completely justified.

This guy has continued contact with the girl even after he found out the truth.

All these people saying "its ok once its no more than friends"!!
What in the name of god does a 24 year old have in common with a 16 year old to base a friendship on?

totally agree with you on the above point. i went out with a 19year old when i was 25 and after two weeks she was wrecking my head with childish stuff.. i cant see how a 16year old girl would bring anything to a relationship with a man..
u come across as a serious guy, either that or u are looking for justification for your current relationship

a tip, OP, might be an option to date an older woman or the same age so u can see the gap that is between u both mentally and legally..
i dont know how long u can resist the urge for

MotherGoose

I started reading this thread yesterday with interest as i am in a similar situation myself. I know this girl who is 20 and i am 26, i only found out after about her age after we were together. I have been texting her and that and she wants to meet again. I know this sounds like such a clesha but she is qute mature for her age. I have mentioned her age to a few close friends and they say its all fine?

I was just wondering what the general feeling here was on this one?

thanks.

LegacyUser

My god, what's the big deal?

Mothergoose, that is totally ok - 20 is pretty old, and for a female, definitely old enough for a relationship.

When I was 23 I was going out with a 16 year old - big deal? When I was 25 I was going out with a 17 year old!

It's no big deal. Do it if you want to. I can't believe people here are so narrow minded. I mean, what IF things DID work out, and she turned out to be THE one? Wouldn't you prefer to have a relationship and find out one way or the other? So what if it doesn't work out... mine didn't, but at least I've learnt now that maybe I need to look at girls my own age more.

Now I'm seeing a 25 year old, and I'm 26. We have a great relationship. But if I could go back in time, I would still have gone out with the 16 and 17 year year old. Why? Learning experience, and I learnt a lot about myself. Also... they were pretty damn hot as well

Age difference is not big deal - in some situations, it doesn't affect the relationship at all, and you may have a very nice relationship. On the other hand - you may discover that you personally would prefer someone your own age. Either way you win...

Just try it out and see for yourself. Don't listen to any of the "knee jerk" reactions from this forum...

King of Kings

hey OP

The king reckons some of the other posters are idiots esp. the tut tut peoples.
ORANGES that you.

You didn't know till recently that she was 16 so it ain;t your fault.
However you should step away cos among other things you are going to open a world of pain on yourself.
For one as a dad myself i can say me and you would be having "the talk" if you were hanging out with my 16 year old.


I do think 16 and 24 is wrong.
But i don't know this girl -she has left school and done her leaving cert _ although are you sure that's not a pork pie too?

She may get a job a be a bit more mature that the average 16 year old. But I remember when I was 16 I was a kid.

I'd walk away.....get over the crush and met somebody new.

MonaLisa

Hay Old,
I read all the posts ... To be honest with you ... I don’t see a problem in be friend her at least until she is a bit Older .... And then if you both want to take it further then do so ... There is nothing wrong with that ...

I had older friends when I was young and I Appreciated their advice and their friendship. I am sure she will too. You can also use this time to get to know each other...

Any way most 16 years olds are very Sexually active (I am not saying it's right- SO PEOPLE DONT ATTACK ME. I AM just stating the Fact) ... But from my understanding you want to be a true gentleman and do the right thing ... (which I think you u will) ...

Just keep in mind that a 16 year can be quite sensitive. A bad experience cold scar her for life ...

good luck with your friendship/relationship ...
Monalisa

Older wrote:

Sorry for posting this, but saw the other post below. Slightly different though. Just started seeing a girl I met in a bar. Met her around 2/3 weeks ago. She told me today that she younger then she really is. She originally told me 20. Shes actually 16, im 24. Yes it is a huge gap. Now the thing is, we havent done anything sexual together. She wants to now, but Im telling her no, simply because its illegal. What are peoples thoughts on this age gap? Also, as silly as this may sound, does kissing her mean Im breaking the law? Theoretically, it should, but I dont know.

I know Ill probably get slated for this, and rightly so. I really like this girl and we get on really well. I know I shouldnt pursue this at all because of the age difference, but as I said I really like her. Any advice comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks