Abandoned baby

LegacyUser

Have a problem that I need some advice with, am a regular boards user but for obvious reasons, wish to go unreg on this one...

Some time ago, near where I live (along the east coast of Ireland), a new born baby was found abandoned. The baby was found shortly after he/she was left at this particular location, (don't want to get into specific detail for obvious reasons, but lets just say the baby was left in a location where it would be have been discovered before much time had passed).

I am posting this thread because I think the father of this baby is a friend of mine. Before everyone replies saying "tell the authorities/Garda/health board", etc..., I cannot prove anything, I only have circumstantial evidence but circumstantial evidence I think leads to strong grounds for me believing that my friend fathered this child. I spoke to him about my concerns and he is in another relationship now and warned me to say nothing, but he does agree that the factors that point to the situation being as I suggest it is (that he is the father of this child) are "freaky".

I phoned the relevant health board with my concerns and the woman I spoke with said if I could give them a name they could follow it up, but I wouldn't give any information that would identify my friend or who I think may be the mother as I didn't want to be the person who caused a load of serious hassle and ****e if my analysis is completely incorrect, this would be seriously embarrasing for all involved. There is no firm evidence I can offer, but I cannot help but think that my gut feeling is 100% right on this one...

The long and the short of it is that my mate and I were abroad on a sun holiday and he had a holiday fling with a girl on this holiday. As far as I can establish, thiey had unprotected sex on two-three occasions during this holiday. Nine months later a baby is found abandoned literally a stones throw from where the girl who he had the fling with was living in Ireland. Just after we came home, the girl went on a mysterious there was a mysterious trip to London for one day "shopping".

Looking at the full picture, I have come to believe that she discovered that she was pregnant when she came home from her holiday, she was with two guys on this holiday (my mate was the 2nd guy according to what this particular girl told him on the night in question). Obviously if this is true, my mate might not be the father at all but in any event it could be a 50% chance that he is and the question of who is the mother is, is still open. The girl in question didn't know either of them before she met them in a nightclub at this holiday location, I think she went to the UK to have an abortion but couldn't go through with it so she came home, had the baby and then left the child in a place where she knew it would be discovered soon after being left there...

How on earth do you do the right thing here??????????? If I have this wrong and go pointing fingures at people, I'm the worst in the world. If I have it right, I'm still delaing with two people who didn't even know each others sirnames when this child was conceived... What the fu*k should I do, please bear in mind before replying that I've already contacted the relevant health board and have told them of my concerns and they now want the name of my friend and the girl in question if I am to be of any assistance to them... Which I am terribly afraid to give them in case I am reading into this far too much...

At the end of the day, somewhere out there, this child has a biological father & mother.

The Sweeper

...yes but you really, really are putting two and two together and coming out with 19.

There is a huge population on the East Coast of Ireland. Just because somehting seems to fit it doesn't mean you're right. Have you any other reason to think this, besides some circumstantial evidence of timing?

I mean, why else would someone not want their baby? Perhaps it's the child of a rape, or incest, or some other one-night stand. A pregnancy is hard to hide - this girl you're thinking about, do you reckon she really is the size and shape that she could have hid a pregnancy?

Why are you so convinced that you know the parents of this child?

spurious

I think leave well enough alone TBH. What difference would it make? Is your friend likely to take the child and raise it?

I don't see what difference you think his being named as the father would make to the child's current circumstances. As an unmarried father he has no rights to this child.

What makes you think the 'shopping' trip wasn't successful?
If it is this woman's child, it would be a very simple thing for her to prove and she has legal rights. She doesn't feel able to do this at the moment.

I don't understand what you think would be achieved by this being your friend's baby or not. Maybe I'm missing something.

AngryBadger

Honestly I'd let this one go. You don't actually know anything, you've jus come up with a theory that might be posisble in the very vaguest sense.

Let's assume for a second you were correct, it's a bit of a leap that the mother went for an abortion, couldn't go through with it, and so decided to abandon the baby instead. It could happen, but from your perspective it doesn't square with your theory. There's other reasons why your theory is probably way off, and some of the previous psoters have touched on them.

Forget about it, you're on the wrong track here.

fuzzywiggle

I wouldn't do anything about it. It's a very serious issue and it's none of your business

RE*AC*TOR

Am I missing something?

If she went on a mysterious one day trip to london, I assume she had an abortion - hence - no baby.

RE*AC*TOR

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

Am I missing something?

If she went on a mysterious one day trip to london, I assume she had an abortion - hence - no baby.

Ditto, yes...

Beruthiel

Need advice... wrote:

At the end of the day, somewhere out there, this child has a biological father & mother.

Yes it does, and if they wanted it then it wouldn't have been left for someone else to find.
This is not your business and certainly you should be keeping what you think to yourself.
What do you hope to gain by this?

dudara

You have managed to conjure this whole complicated senario out of thin air. I would respectfully suggest that you concern yourself with things that matter to you and that are your own business.

AngryBadger

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

Am I missing something?

If she went on a mysterious one day trip to london, I assume she had an abortion - hence - no baby.

Go cut up some mice Cuz

....still bearing in mind this was originally an assertion about a girl who may or may not have had sexual contact with someone the OP was on holiday with, and his making a connection between that and an abandoned baby which may or may not have been delivered without a timeframe that might or might not happen to coincide with its being conceived while he was on holiday with his mate and the girl who may or may not be the mother of the baby in question, and that's only assumed because the child was found somewhere nearby where she happens to live.

Surely there's at least one other woman living in that local who may have managed to find someone to have unprotected sex with in a roughly similar space of time?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

Yes it does, and if they wanted it then it wouldn't have been left for someone else to find.
This is not your business and certainly you should be keeping what you think to yourself.
What do you hope to gain by this?

I personally didn't hope to gain anything from this. I happen to have a close friend who was adopted and through circumstances specific to her adoption, it has not been possible for her to find out who her father is. It's not a matter of the information being there and her not being able to gain access to it, the fact is that there is nobody alive who knows who her father is and there is not a day that goes by where she does not have difficulty coping with this.

She met her mother who has since died but will never know who her father is and this is something that she has found extremely difficult to come to terms with, in fact I'd say she will never come to terms with it. The male friend I refer to above who I think could be the father of this child actually accepts that on the face of it, it looks like this could be his child. The town the child was found in is not a big urban town, the girl he was with had the type of figure that could easily hide a pregnancy. How many women in that town would be pregnant full term or in the 9th month at any particular time??? Of that number, how many of those pregnancies would be unplanned??? Of those that were unplanned, how many would not want to have the baby as is the case here??? Of those number, how many would have become pregnant through having unprotected sex on a holiday with some stranger twice???

With regard to the abortion suggestions, please read my OP fully.

biko

Don't do anything - you will only add to the confusion and gossip that is almost certainly already buzzing in town. Perhaps in time the mother will come forward.

dermot_sheehan

While understanding your predicament, and while not trying to sound callous it's not your problem and do you really want to make it your problem?

You've told the person who you suspect is the father. The mother presumably knows, if either of them want to assume their parental responsibilites they can come forward.

With regards to the child not ever knowing who it's natural parents are. The child if in the care of the HSE will eventually be put up for adoption and won't know. If the natural parents come forward ever and decide to put the child up for adoption, the child will never know who their natural parents are anyway (this information is kept secret). So there is nothing really to be gained for the child when it grows up if the natural parents are going to put the child up for adoption anyway.

The consequences of disclosure are embarassment for you if you're wrong, and embarassment for the parents if you are right. No one's the winner.

Beruthiel

OP
You have a lot of valid points to make.
You maybe as concerned as you like about this baby and what happens to it.
Yet still, I fail to see how sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong will gain anything. Can you not see that this is none of your business?