I need advice, I'm such an idiot

Marksie

Surfer Chick wrote:

He didn't tell me because he was afraid I wouldn't be with him anymore.

Maybe there's an easier way out of all of this. I sometimes think whats the point

Surfer Chick wrote:

Yes I must be nuts. All the odds are against me but I love him and he loves me. The only reason I'm doing this is for love.

I am also beginning to wonder about this thread.

Can anybody be so immature, stupid, self-absorbed and childish.

Surfer Chick

I'm sorry i posted at all. Thanks and good luck.

metrovelvet

Kidnapping the kids is illegal. Are you willing to go to prison for your love?

Are you prepared to stand by him during a custody battle?

I don't know what kind of man introduces his children to his mistress.

I really do not mean to sound offensive by this, but marriage takes a lot of personal character, strength and integrity - its not just about love - and Im not sure that you are ready for it.

You will have exactly the same problems with this guy that you have with your husband.

Smellyirishman

ianmc38 wrote:

This like every 3rd post in PI these days is blatant trolling BS.

Was wondering if it was just me.

I am just struck by the lack of "I love my husband but...." that usually accompany such situations. The only clear cut answer is that you need to do your husband a favour and divorce him, then you can consider disrupting everyone else life.

The_Conductor

Surfer Chick wrote:

He's taking the kids with us.

I know its going to be very hard on his wife but she beats the kids so I've told him i'll love them as they are my own so he's going to take them from her and off with us. If this does all happen theres no way we can stay in the country. He is very wealthy so we are going to buy an apartment in Spain and live there for the time being.

First of all- there has been no seismic shift in Irish family law. The likelyhood of him being awarded custody of his two children is neglible- unless there are factors that we do not know about. Whatever the ISPCC might have you believe- disciplining children is an everyday part of bringing kids up- assault occasioning actual bodily harm aside.....

You seriously need to take a long cold look at the situation- and quit with all the doe eyed fawning.

There is *no* merit in what you are proposing. Even if there were- he would spend the next decade in and out of court fighting over the kids- and eventually get whacked for maintenance and support. I am not even going down the road of all the carnage you propose to leave in your wake.

Cop yourself on....

Fanny Cradock

AngryBadger wrote:

The only way for you to go is to leave your husband because you obviously are not in love with him if you cheated on him before marraige, and now you're pretty much looking for a handy way off the hook so you can do so again.

That's some wonderful advice to give, angry badger. i mean, for you to advise someone to end their marriage based on one post must take a HELL of a lot of insight. Anyone here who suggests this as a definite course of action is just being irresponsible, imo. You CAN’T know enough to advise this.

Anyway, OP, as has been said before, don't meet him. No doubt the times you spent with this guy look even more wonderful because you are in a situation with your husband at the moment. However, if they were that great with the other guy why did you marry your hubby in the first place. Go see a marriage counsellor, and try sort out the relationship you have committed yourself to.

Looking over your latter posts they appear saccharine, mawkish and overly sentimental. You need to get a bit of perspective - you only slept with him a couple of times, both of you are married, and he has kids. It really sounds like you are convincing yourself that happiness lies with this man simply because things are going badly with your husband at the moment. How well do you actually know the guy? Sleeping with him a few times and the odd meeting and text wouldn't seem a satisfactory way to judge his character as someone “worth” to leave your hubby over?

All you have to do is scan previous threads posted here, and you will find a plethora of people who found themselves in a similar situation as yourself. Many of them were/are deluded into thinking that happiness lies with this other "special" person who just so happens to be around when the times are tough. Whereas the reality (in my humble opinion) is that when the times are tough the grass is always greener on the other side.

Now, I'm not saying that you MUST stay with your husband, and maybe guys like Angry Badger are correct, but I would warn about trusting your tainted feelings too much in this matter. You need professional help with this, and never mind a bunch of strangers glibly compelling you to make life altering decisions.

The Sweeper

Surfer Chick wrote:

He's taking the kids with us. I know its going to be very hard on his wife but she beats the kids so I've told him i'll love them as they are my own so he's going to take them from her and off with us. If this does all happen theres no way we can stay in the country. He is very wealthy so we are going to buy an apartment in Spain and live there for the time being.

Okay - here it is - let him move, buy his apartment in Spain, and become legally separated from his wife. Then leave your husband. Coz "she's mean and she beats the kids and I'll leave her for you" is about the oldest trick in the book tbh.

Sleepy

OK, from a guy who's dad ran off with another woman:

If you go with this guy, what's to say you won't meet someone else you 'love so deeply', I mean, surely you loved your husband at some stage or were you just in love with the idea of a big day wearing a white dress?

Look at your options logically:

You stay with your husband and break contact with the other guy:
Your husband has been betrayed in a horrible fashion by you and you'll live a miserable existance once the guilt for what you've done catches up with you, you'll end up confessing 'for his sake' and hurting both him and yourself.

You leave your husband for the other guy:
You hurt your husband. You hurt his wife. You hurt his children (and don't dare delude yourself that you can just try to replace their mother and they'll thank you for it and love you). You probably hurt yourself when reality catches up to you both and he loses the custody battle over his children and ends up resenting you for being the reason he's "lost" his children.

You come clean with your husband, give him the divorce he deserves taking only from the marriage what you brought into it. He'll be hurt. You'll have a second chance to live a better life. You don't break up a family and ruin 3 other people's lives.

Sleepy

metrovelvet wrote:

Kidnapping the kids is illegal. Are you willing to go to prison for your love?

Are you prepared to stand by him during a custody battle?

I don't know what kind of man introduces his children to his mistress.

I really do not mean to sound offensive by this, but marriage takes a lot of personal character, strength and integrity - its not just about love - and Im not sure that you are ready for it.

You will have exactly the same problems with this guy that you have with your husband.

Holy crap, that's two threads in about a week where we've agreed on something metrovelvet!

AngryBadger

Fanny Cradock wrote:

That's some wonderful advice to give, angry badger. i mean, for you to advise someone to end their marriage based on one post must take a HELL of a lot of insight. Anyone here who suggests this as a definite course of action is just being irresponsible, imo. You CAN’T know enough to advise this.

I don't have any insight beyond what the OP has provided, and what she has provided is that she cheated on her husband extensively before they got married, and is now cheating on him again after they're married with a guy who has a marraige of his own that involves 2 kids. Not exactly a shining endorsement of her potential as a wife someone could trust or rely on. But I'd say it's pretty solid empirical support for her to quit her marraige and save this guy more heartbreak.

event

OP, what age are you?

mickd

I am really surprised that this thread is going for as long as this. I reckoned that most members of this forum are an informed sorted bunch. So why persist with posting to this nonsense? It hardly deserves a moments thought

CathyMoran

Stick with your husband and make a go of your marriage - forget this other man.

Muggy Dev

Surfer Chick wrote:

He also has 2 kids. He said he's going to leave his wife for me.

.....and he has communicated this to you by text?

I'm going to speculate here but I'm guessing that your "soulmate" is probably looking more for a "playmate" whilst holding on to the things in life HE cherishes,like his wife,his children,his friends,his job,his house etc etc.

Tread carefully Surfer Chick.You could be in for a nasty fall.

free2fly

Surfer Chick wrote:

What I mean by saying you don't know the full story is that you don't know us, you don't understand the love between us and how close we are.

You may think he has lied to me about his wife beating the kids but he didn't. I know it. He's even allowed me meet his kids, thats how much he is into this. I've met them and they know me and they are beauts.

You need to snap out of it! He is only telling you what you want to hear.He is not going to leave his wife for youHe is a cheater and a liar. Why should he leave his wife when he can get what he needs from you? And if he is very wealthy do you honestly think that he is going to want a messy divorce where he is going to end up having to fork over part his fortune to his wife just so that he can be with you? You need to grow up. And you need to get yourself out of this dream world that you have created. And leave your husband no matter what you decide to do with this other man. It sickens me that you show so little respect for your husband. Or yourself for that matter.