I read his email by accident....

mantrouble

The other day my BF called me and asked me to check his emails for him....it was his secondary email and basically full of crap...itunes, college related etc. The first email in the list was from a girl......I thought that it was maybe the email he was looking for. It was not until later that I realised I recognised the name..He had had a raunchy weekend with her right before we met. She does not live in Ireland. i was suprised to see that they still kept in touch. I am ashamed to say that I did read the email.....and I couldnt help it but I also read his sent mails. He has been mailing her on average about once a month for the past 2 years. The emails consist of general chit chat and there is sexual inuendo (nothing dirty) anf flirting; words like baby, babe, hot stuff, hugs, kisses, talk soon etc. I think they are also talking over AIM because they exchanged AIM names, and I know hes not the best at mailing(although he is doing a god job with her)

I just feel so hurt, its like he is hanging on to her in case we break up, although he always tells me he will love me forever and we often have serious conversations about the future.

In a recent email he told her that he thinks we will go our separate ways..

What should I do?
-Dump is ass?
-I could confront him and tell him the whole truth? ie I read his emails....
-I could ask him if he is still in contact with that chick? and see what he says?
-I could forget about it and cop on, he is only emailing her (but why, he onyl knew her for a few days?)
-
Please help.........

Jim10000

confront him and be honest - what you did wasn't THAT bad when he asked you to go and check his mail for him, whereas he's acting well dodgy.

you must want to find out where you stand with him after he's been saying he thinks yizzle split up?

Maybe he only said that to keep his insurance ride on side, but its still no good.

sutty

So you read one mail by mistake. Then went through all his sent mails reading them on him. You dont think you may have crossed aline there? Yeah he has been emailing a girl he hooked up with pre your relationship. So what. So he calls her babes or what ever. It may just be how they refare to each other. Just because they where only together for a few days, doesn't mean a friendship has started.

As for a past mail saying ye might be braking up. Could there been a chance you two might have been having a fight or through some lack comunication he though you where upset with him or something along the lines.


In other words. The person in the wrong here is you. All your boyfriend is done is keep in contact with a friend.

Zulu

Ouch. There's a lesson here...
I'd confront him. Tell him exactly what happened. Explain that you know you were in the wrong, but ask him to straighten out the whole "thinks we will go our separate ways.." thingie. At least then you'll have peace of mind. DO NOT throw a wobbler!
If he thinks you are going to split up, this will give him an easy oppertunity to do that, and in the long for, that's better for you.

Good luck!

sutty wrote:

In other words. The person in the wrong here is you. All your boyfriend is done is keep in contact with a friend.

Steady on! I think she aware she was in the wrong. It's where to go from here is the issue as far as I can see.

BoozyBabe

Don't know who I agree with here.

He asked you to check his emails, so obviously you have his password etc, so obviously he doesn't think he has anything to hide, or else he's very stupid / forgetful.

On the other hand, I don't think I'd be happy with my bf keeing in contact with someone he had 'relations' with just before meeting me, & referring to her a 'hot-stuff' & the likes & flirting with her.

I would have to have it out with him, it would do my head in as well as my self confidence, otherwise.

He can hardly get mad at you for reading his emails when he asked you to.
Who cares that you read his sent items.
Anyone would have done the same in that situation.
Anyone who says otherwise is lying. (imo)

Chuchu

I dunno, what about the possibility of him wanting you to see the mails, I mean it is a long shot, but getting you to check his mail knowing whats in his inbox was a bit thick, you were dead right to read 'em!:D

Nevyn

Why not have a chat with him about your plans for the next while 6 months to a year and see what he says ?
You can easily move the conversation from there on to where your relationship is going and what you can both do to improve things if you want to.

Duras

Why would he ask you to check his e-mails for him... and how would you check them without reading them? And why would he ask you to check his e-mails if he is flirting with other girls on e-mail? Maybe he has something in mind? Or maybe he just kept in touch with that other girl and thats it... no big deal.
Just ask him what's the story.

sutty

Well for starters then, Tell him you read one by mistake and then went off and read them all. I'm sure he'll be dead impressed with you for doing that. I'm sure when he asked you to take a look in his email it was bacause there was one he needed. But then you took it apon your-self to read the others. Correct me if I'm wrong about this op.

You want to know what you should do. Tell him. Then say your sorry and dont try turn it about on him like he is "cheating" on you. Else he will more than likely dump you. I know I would.

BoozyBabe

sutty wrote:

Else he will more than likely dump you. I know I would.

I know you'd be dumped before you got the chance!!!!:p

sutty

BoozyBabe wrote:

I know you'd be dumped before you got the chance!!!!:p

So you'd dump someone for chatting to a female friend through email? Its called a bigger picture here. try thinking about it. The OP never said her b/f had sugested more "raunchy" days out or anything of the sort. Infact, all he has done has said something along the lines of "Hi Hotstuff" or "babes". Which not knowing how it was meant has been taken out of context and turned into how you fear it was meant.

aidan_walsh

sutty wrote:

The OP never said her b/f had sugested more "raunchy" days out or anything of the sort.

Which could have been difficult given that she is no longer in the country... I agree with what you're saying though. Emailing once a month hardly suggests any kind of affair, but rather to me a close confidant that the OPs BF feels comfortable talking to.

OP, do you know of any prior friendship before they were together? Is it possible that they may have known each other longer than you're aware of?

I'm also curious as to how you "accidentally" read asomething of that kind of length... Its a conscious action, its not like you can't stop once you start.

mantrouble

sutty wrote:

I'm sure when he asked you to take a look in his email it was bacause there was one he needed. But then you took it apon your-self to read the others. Correct me if I'm wrong about this op.

You see he didnt ask to check if "John Doe" emailed; he couldnt remember what name he was looking for.(dont wanna mention details) His inbox only had the most recent read email from this chick and it was the only one that wasnt a college/itunes/invoice email, it was the only one that was first name second name, and it was on top of the list so I automatically clicked into it.

mantrouble

aidan_walsh wrote:

I'm also curious as to how you "accidentally" read asomething of that kind of length... Its a conscious action, its not like you can't stop once you start.

In all fairness who would?

Ickle Magoo

I would just come clean....

On one hand he asked you to check his e-mail so he obviously doesn't think he's doing anything wrong or he would surely have had the sense to delete his sent mail & anything else that may implicate him....

On the other now you know & you're not happy about what has been said so your best bet is to appologise, tell all & ask for complete honesty in return...beware, you may not like the answers tho...

jammie

Mantrouble, personally I think it's harmless as he asked you to check his emails, if he thought for one second he had anything to hide he wouldnt have asked you, however I think you should speak to him and tell him how it makes you feel..I know it's easy for everyone here to dish out advice unless they are actually going through the same thing but sit down have a chat about it and see where to go from there

Nehpets

He's cheating on you emotionally?

Emotionally getting attached to someone while with someone else is far worse than physical cheating

biko

could confront him and tell him the whole truth? ie I read his emails....

This option.

Or let him see this thread by "mistake"

AngryBadger

Basically you feel threatened by his ongoing contact with this other woman because you know he had a fling with her in the past. No surprise really, so you either say it to him, and tbh if it was me I'd be inclined to laugh at you because he's entitled to have other friends who happen to be female, you don't own him after all.

Or you can not bother syaing it to him, and it can fester away until you've blown one e-mail into a monstrous affair going back decades and probably involving goats.

free2fly

Nehpets wrote:

He's cheating on you emotionally?

Emotionally getting attached to someone while with someone else is far worse than physical cheating

How so?

OP if he asked you to check he email then he obviously didn't think he had anything to hide. You should just tell him what you did and how you feel about it.

alantc

Maybe he wanted you to notice the first email. And I think if you have to ask the question to internet message board then it's time to Dump his ass.

mantrouble wrote:

In a recent email he told her that he thinks we will go our separate ways..

ircoha

There is no way I would confront him about this- no need.

There is no need to admit you were wrong, Eve didnt and the fairer sex has not done much of that sort of stuff since,

After all ur title says it was by accident, does not read like that, all the sent ones as well- great.

Log onto his email, create a rule to forward all emails from her to a new email address u create for yourself and keep an eye.

Then some night when u have him well oiled, or when he is a few seconds away from climaxing if u are "doing it" ask about "Mary" and does he have any contact with her etc.

BossArky

OP you are right to be pissed off.

He also has a right to keep in touch with who ever he wants. Don't suffocate him or cut him off from his past or he will crawl into a shell and feel that you are smothering him.

Have a talk about it with him.

The Bollox

mantrouble wrote:

The other day my BF called me and asked me to check his emails for him....it was his secondary email and basically full of crap...itunes, college related etc. The first email in the list was from a girl......I thought that it was maybe the email he was looking for. It was not until later that I realised I recognised the name..He had had a raunchy weekend with her right before we met. She does not live in Ireland. i was suprised to see that they still kept in touch. I am ashamed to say that I did read the email.....and I couldnt help it but I also read his sent mails. He has been mailing her on average about once a month for the past 2 years. The emails consist of general chit chat and there is sexual inuendo (nothing dirty) anf flirting; words like baby, babe, hot stuff, hugs, kisses, talk soon etc. I think they are also talking over AIM because they exchanged AIM names, and I know hes not the best at mailing(although he is doing a god job with her)

I just feel so hurt, its like he is hanging on to her in case we break up, although he always tells me he will love me forever and we often have serious conversations about the future.

In a recent email he told her that he thinks we will go our separate ways..

What should I do?
-Dump is ass?
-I could confront him and tell him the whole truth? ie I read his emails....
-I could ask him if he is still in contact with that chick? and see what he says?
-I could forget about it and cop on, he is only emailing her (but why, he onyl knew her for a few days?)
-
Please help.........

tbh I think you are overreacting. it is just innuendo, it means nothing, and shame on you for reading the sent mails

Civilian_Target

I agree that you're overreacting. Some people disconnect themselves totally from old partners but some stay in contact as friends for ever, and some of the past has sexual stimulus, so it's inevitably going to be part of that relationship.

But just because he's in contact with her, and behaving in a way you define as flirtatious (and lets face it, you're going to be immediately suspicious) doesn't mean anything except that you're not as secure in your relationship as you might like to be. Maybe you should work on that!

The fact that he gave you access to this mail account shows you just how little emotional attachment he has to these mails.

BossArky

Civilian_Target wrote:

The fact that he gave you access to this mail account shows you just how little emotional attachment he has to these mails.

I concur.

Fanny Cradock

you said yourself that there was nothing overtly sexual in his emails, so, other than your jealously, what is the problem? lets face it, you got envious and you decided to check out his other emails - nothing here happened by accident.

the fact that he said that he thinks you'll go your separate ways was written in confidence to a friend (who just happens to be female). there is little difference between doing what you did and listening from the other side of a door to a private conversation. i'd suggest you come clean, apologise and then discuss your future. he's done NOTHING wrong, you have!

BoozyBabe

sutty wrote:

So you'd dump someone for chatting to a female friend through email? Its called a bigger picture here. try thinking about it. The OP never said her b/f had sugested more "raunchy" days out or anything of the sort. Infact, all he has done has said something along the lines of "Hi Hotstuff" or "babes". Which not knowing how it was meant has been taken out of context and turned into how you fear it was meant.

No Sutty, I was taking the piss with you.
You said she'd be SO dumped for reading emails which he asked her to do.

I was only saying if that was how you reasoned with things, you'd be dumped long before you got the chance to dump me, that's all;)

Froggie101

mantrouble wrote:

I just feel so hurt, its like he is hanging on to her in case we break up, although he always tells me he will love me forever and we often have serious conversations about the future.

In a recent email he told her that he thinks we will go our separate ways..

Ok so iv been here before! And im sorry but i think you are all missing the point, she needs to say it to him! He is telling this other girl that he think they will go their separate ways, what doen he think hes playin at? Tell 'Mantrouble' its forever then tellin the other one its not goin to last!

I say confront him! He asked you to check his mail therefore he made the decision not to keep it private! Gotta ask why!
Let us know whats happens.:)

Magic Pips

get a grip... so what if he still talks to someone he was intimate with some kind of banter... theres no suggestion he has or would cheat on you!!!

justsomebloke

OP the only thing that I can see as being an issue is that he thinks you are going to go seperate ways, as this indicates that he thinks there is a problem with your relationship at the moment and that in the long run he can't see it lasting, so you you are going to have to talk to about it.

In relation to him emailing the other girl, big deal, it is obvious it didn't work out for them in the first place or he would have stayed with her in the first place. So now they keep in contact with each other every so often to see how the other is getting on and have a little bit of banter there is no big problem with that and you said they didn't even have each other instant message details so there is nothing going on if there was something would of happened by now, The only reason he probably hasn't told you already is he probably thought you're reaction would of been like, well actually like you are acting now treatening to break up with him over nothing. so guess what he was right.