Erm, strange situation. Not bad, but weird.

LegacyUser

Hello,

I know stuff like this has been posted before, and i never took any notice but now i'm in the same situation. And don't know what to think... it's all a tad strange.

Well, i met this girl online. We ''met'' on tuesday and started msg'ing. At first it was friendly natter, but it just so happened this msg'ing went on for about 5 hours. We both said it was a good chat and that we'd do it again on Wed, which we did, again, it lasted about 5 hours of random chatting and having a laugh. So thursday is the same again, except we talked over skype rather than msg'ing. (Skype = online phone if you are unfamiliar).. Again, lasted a long time, hours on end and it's been like this for the past week. Averaging on about 5+ hours a night, there was one night where we talked for 13 HOURS!!!!!!!! non stop..

It's just a completely crazy situation, obviously it has gone from friendly banter, to both of us having mutual feelings for each other, strong feelings (I know.... CRAZY, after a week) We both think of each other constantly, she says she just can't concentrate cos she just can't stop thinking of me, and i have to say i feel the same.

She's a really cool girl, and i like her alot BUT..... there's one small set back.....

She lives in New York!!

Before any feelings came about it was mentioned that she was coming over to Ireland next summer, and i said i'd show her around. I also said that NY is one place i've always wanted to visit, and she said she'd show me around...

Now, she says that if i did ever want to come over, then to go in January, cos she'd be on her Winter Break, and we could hang out. And i'm SERIOUSLY considering it!!! I've checked prices for plane tickets just out of curiosity.

Now don't get me wrong, i'm not worried at all, i've seen her, she's seen me... I'm not scared for my life or anything!! hahaha... It's just the location, it's soooo awkward and thats where i'm just stuck.

I don't even know what i'm asking, just looking for some guidance and peoples opinions.

Thanks in advanced.

Ruu_Old

Well I had two experiences with people online, I met one girl in England and we got a long for a while but it didn't turn out well (I ended it because she cheated on me). The second one was much more pleasant because I am now over 2 years married to someone I met online, after many, MANY trips across the "pond". However, I didn't really consider meeting her until about after about 2 years, had a short trip there but then went back and ended staying for much longer a few weeks after I came back to Ireland.
I don't really know what advice to give you, I guess a few years ago I didn't know of the dangers on the internet but I was lucky in that I knew the second girl for sometime, stopped talking for a while as I moved away then came back and started chatting again and we clicked. Maybe give her a call if she has a landline phone. Is she living with her folks and do they know about this? Hope it works out regardless.

Cosmonaut

I dont think i can give as personal advise as Roo there, but id say its a case of "he who dares". If it feels right, then why not. Just like any chance meeting.

And even if you go over and your just mates, it still sounds like a great holiday.

Just make sure its safe ect.. You know, just common sence, bad things do happen with meeting people online. Im not saying look her up, but u know, just make sure u beleive her, and be 100% honest yourself.

good luck dude

secret_squirrel

Go for it.

I've had 2 online 'relationships' 1 with a girl from the UK and who I started seeing for a while til the distance got too much for her, and a second with a girl in Ohio or similar that never got beyond the spending huge amounts of money on phone calls stage.

Both were learning experiences.

The only word of advice I would give it that sometimes the sheer 'intensity' of an online relationship can make them fade as fast as they bloomed....

Good luck!

Wacker

I was in an online relationship of sorts once, with a girl from Roscommon. We got on great over the net and on the phone and stuff, but when we met up (which was quite a few times), there was very little chemistry. The relationship did not last too many meetings, as we could not deny that it simply wasn't working in the real world.

My advice for you is (and please, don't have too much faith in this), go to New York in January, if you guys are still doing your thing. If possible, don't go alone, as you don't need the pressure of having to spend all your time with this girl if the situation turns out the way mine did. Spend some time with her, and take stock of things. Even if things don't work out with her, enjoy New York! It is the greatset city I've ever been to.

biko

Go for it mate. At worst you'll have NYC to entertain you!

Rb

biko wrote:

Go for it mate. At worst you'll have NYC to entertain you!

Good point!

OP: I'm with the others on this i.e go for it. You've nothing to lose and sure you've between now and January so you'll learn more about her and by then it'll seem less like an impulsive decision and more like a good one

And sure at the very least you'll have a great little holiday for yourself, and should it go well between you and her...well,come back to PI then if you're looking for advice on what to do then..but don't let distance stand in your way 'cause ya never know, you could miss out on something great.

Good luck and hope you enjoy it all.

Blisterman

Just use common sense and make sure you meet in a public place.
Good luck anyway.

Ruu_Old

Oh and feel free to send me a PM with any other questions if you wish OP. Best wishes once again.

BossArky

1) Get a photo to check she's not a prize heifer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heifer

2) If she passes the test, carpe diem - why wait around - go for it! Good luck.

qz

Guess I was lucky to find that my current internet "relationship" lives just down the road from me! I've been seeing her every day!

The internet ftw.

BossArky

qz wrote:

The internet ftw.

For those of you like myself who had no clue what "ftw" means, which I see popping up all over boards these days:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ftw

LegacyUser

BossArky wrote:

1) Get a photo to check she's not a prize heifer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heifer

2) If she passes the test, carpe diem - why wait around - go for it! Good luck.

Oh, trust me, she's absolutely gorgeous!!!!

But wow, i'm surprise with all the positive comments, i was expecting the whole ''she could be a psyco killer'' paranoia etc etc...

I'm actually speaking to her right now, have been since 9pm, thank christ for skype, otherwise this would cost a fortune!!!

It's not only seeing her, it'll be sucky cos if we meet and get on, she's still a long way away and it's expensive, so it's not as if we'd see each other much.

biko

Hmmmm, Weird!! wrote:

Oh, trust me, she's absolutely gorgeous!!!!

Pics?

trilo

Go for it.
Myself and my fella met online about 3 and a half years ago. I moved to Cork to be with him after 6 months of long distance dating. I never looked back.

Akrow

Okay... sorry to have to go against the grain on this one...

I would say BAIL OUT.

I live in Dublin. My girlfriend lives in New York.

Nevermind about the meeting online thing. These days that's absolutely normal. The real trouble is in the long distance. You'll start wishing your life away until January if you allow yourself to fall in love with someone 3000 miles away. You'll not enjoy your life as much in Ireland, because you'll end up shying away from social opportunities in favor of putting money away for plane tickets.

If you do get stuck in a relationship with a chick in New York, you'll never get the chance to travel anywhere else. Believe me, I've been doing this for six years now. New York, New York, four/five times a year... I've never even been to France or Italy.

True, this girl might be nice and all. But think logically, and explore your prospects here first. If there's a chance you can be happy with someone here, I would go for that first.

There's certainly no rule about not being friends with her. If she's coming to Ireland, all well and good, and don't hesitate to visit her, either. Even if things heat up, I would take it in your stride, and don't rush into anything. It only starts to be a problem when you talk about commitment. After that, all the worry kicks in, where you'll worry if they're cheating on you, where you'll have second thoughts about the whole thing and feel guilty about bringing it up.

My advice is to be really careful. These kinds of relationships, especially over such a long distance, are VERY hard to make work. Remember, you aren't talking about seeing this girl once a week, or even once every two weeks (difficult enough even at that), but once a month or even a lot less.... if you're in a physical relationship, you're missing out on something vital.

In the end, the decision is yours. Look around you, and make sure you aren't pursuing something of a curiosity with this hard-to-reach chick purely because you can't have each other right now, even if you want to.

Akrow

Oh, and you're right about Skype... before it came out, I had spent literally thousands on phone cards... money I'll never see again.

dr.bollocko

Well it is just the start of the relationship you know. I mean at worst it means that u dont have to pay for a hotel when you do go there.
Plus you arent exclusive or anything yet. I dont see any reason why u shouldnt go.
But new York is freezing to the point of ball-shrivellage in January.
Make sure she doesnt see the one-eyed monster till you are nice and warmed up.

Rb

Hmmmm, Weird!! wrote:

it'll be sucky cos if we meet and get on, she's still a long way away and it's expensive, so it's not as if we'd see each other much.

Well I guess you can cross that bridge if you come to it. Long distance relationships do work(when the effort is put in,and it does take a lot of work but to the people involved I'm sure it bears its own rewards.) and theres millions of them going on every day. I've a friend whos girlfriend lives in NY and he lives in Dublin/London, working out perfectly as long as theres a good foundation/backbone for the relationship. But yeah, sure if it happens you can deal with it then but you shouldn't let it deter you in any way.

Trilo wrote:

Myself and my fella met online about 3 and a half years ago. I moved to Cork to be with him after 6 months of long distance dating. I never looked back.

Awww


Arkrow: Seems like you're unhappy with your own relationship tbh, maybe you should look into that before giving others advice?
Don't mean to be judgemental but it seems you're somewhat angry at your girlfriend for something she can't control.

shoegirl

BossArky wrote:

1) Get a photo to check she's not a prize heifer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heifer

2) If she passes the test, carpe diem - why wait around - go for it! Good luck.

Even better still, make sure she is actually a girl!!

I used to do the online chat thing. A very common scenario was for girls to be chatted up by other "girls." It often transpired that not only was one of them a guy - in many cases both were guys pretending to be girls. A friend who did a lot of online dating did find that guys lied a lot online (but then again she also found that married guys who want affairs also lie a lot offline too).

Its certainly worth meeting up, in a public place, of course. But do be aware that sometimes you just don't hit it off to the same extent offline. Or you might.

Its not really all that different from the old system of penpals when you think of it, except its all much faster.

Trinity

A trip to new york in January wouldnt do any harm in fairness!!

However i would keep my emotions in check as it were, falling for someone you never met after a week could lead to major disppointment when you meet for real.

in the meantime keep your own life, keep dating here, dont put your life on hold for the next 5 months. it could just be infatuation then again maybe not.

I personally couldnt have a long distance relationship. A partner/BF to me is someone to hang out with, go to the cinema, socialise, accompany me to social events like weddings and vice versa - a bit tricky if they are the other side of the world!

Plus i think going months without physical contact or sex would finish me off in the end!!

But good luck with it anyway!

free2fly

I have met a few people online. One about 6 months ago and the other about 3 months ago. I invited the one that I have known for 3 months over to visit me in Boston. He came for a visit two weekends ago. We met on the assumption that we were friends. No expectations or pressure for it to be anything more than that. We hit it off really well, and we are now more than friends

The one that I have known for 6 months I will be meeting in Dublin in two weeks. I already have special feelings for him. But we have agrred to meet with no expectations as well.

My suggestion would be to go to NYC and meet this girl. But go with the same attitude that I had. Meet as friends with no other expectations. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

secret_squirrel

Akrow wrote:

Okay... sorry to have to go against the grain on this one...

I would say BAIL OUT.

I live in Dublin. My girlfriend lives in New York.

If its so crap - why are you still involved?

Unless of course you see it as somehow still worthwhile, which contradicts the whole tone of your post.

iremex

ok a quick question for all the peeps, where exactly are you getting in contact with these people? via dating sites or msn or something a little more hidden??

secret_squirrel

jeebus where cant you?

For the old school theres irc. (My personal fave)

For the middle agers theres Yahoo, MSN, AOL, ICQ.

For the cool hip kids theres MySpace, Bebo etc.

And a multitude of things in between.

And thats not even counting Dating and Sex sites.

iremex

hmmm, i might have a quick look into msn and yahoo.
irc must be kinda old school alright as i havent even heard of it.!!

Ruu_Old

Make sure to look for the inner beauty as well as the physical features OP. Good luck. For me it was on IRC many moons ago. You can get in touch with old friends with Bebo these days, I had an account but chucked it because I realised why they were old friends once again.

secret_squirrel

iremex wrote:

irc must be kinda old school alright as i havent even heard of it.!!

Sacrilege! Get thee to the biki and repent your sins.

Mine were a few years ago now also from Irc same as Ruu.

dazftw

Hmm.. Im kinda in the same position now... Just like I dont want a relationship or anything with this person(Dont know them personally so...)

But we do get on pretty well and I talk to her alot on msn most nights since months ago.. Only talked about meeting like the last couple of weeks!

Now she lives in Toronto Canada and I live in Waterford Ireland and tbh If she came over here or I went there I would meet up with her cause we get on so well like.. What harm could it do?

Just I dont commit myself in anyway to her(not worth it tbh at the moment as I dont know her personally)She says she thinks about me alot and really enjoys talking to me so im guessing she pretty much likes me.. but I dont actually fancy her! I honestly dont think its worth it unless we actually met up I think I could decide then!

I dunno I do believe it could work for you, if your prepared to make sacrifices meeting/travelling and such

and also if yer both over like 18 I think it would make it easier!

That probably sounded like aload of jiberish but yea...

As yer man said The internet ftw!!! lol

LegacyUser

shoegirl wrote:

....1 Even better still, make sure she is actually a girl!!

....2 Its certainly worth meeting up, in a public place, of course.

1 and 2 are worth repeating.

Re 1 could also be a TV or a pre-op
re 2 essential

why not wait for her to come over here?

Victor

99Unreg99 wrote:

Re 1 could also be a TV or a pre-op

I sense profound unnecessary paranoia here.

Pigman II

13hours straight? :eek: Clearly this woman (and perhaps you too?) have no problems avoiding reality for prolonged amounts of time.

She's a psycho. Watch out. She probably talks to cats and uses plastic bags for shoes.

"Can't stop thinking about you?" More like can't stop thinking what you'll look like hanging from her living room wall.

http://www.bugboard.com/custom/image/blog10/misery.jpg

tbh

Victor wrote:

I sense profound unnecessary paranoia here.

or possibly the voice of experience??!?

OP, my 2c: I'd certainly go over, but someone else suggested bringing a friend with you and i think that's a cracking idea. It'll take the pressure off and if you don't get on - and it's certainly a possibility, however remote, you have an out. DOn't build it up too much in your head if you can, although I know for experience that's easier said than done. Try not to put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. Remember you are only seeing one facet of her really. Anyway, if you plan on just being friends and taking it from there, you won't go far wrong. I hope it works out for ya fella.

BossArky

Tell her you're prepare to meet her half way, i.e. Iceland. See what she says to that.

eskimo

Eh, it's only been a week and you're planning return trips to New York. Dude, to me this looks like just one horribly expensive case of infatuation.

If you're a firm believer in "the one", then obviously go for it. But if that's not your belief system, don't get into this situation. You live in different continents. It's gonna end in pain. and debt.

Beat the infatuation!