Mother emotionally blackmailing me?

LegacyUser

I'm mortified to post this but I suppose there's the benefit of annonimity.

I'm 29 years of age and I've just moved home for a few months to save money. In a few months time I'm moving to Limerick to move in with my boyfriend. We've bought a house there and I'm going to start a new life there. We eventually plan to get married and all that, but neither of us are in a rush.

My mother is appalled at the idea of us living together (traditional Catholic mammy in the extreme) and is appalled that when I go to Limerick at weekends I stay at my own house with my boyfriend. I have been warned not to tell 'my poor father' about the living situation as I will be 'cut out from the will and not get a cent'. She also tells me that my father has woken up nights worrying that I'll move in with my boyfriend. I get this at the breakfast table every morning before I leave for work. AND this morning, a piece of toast went down the wrong way and while I was coughing and spluttering and heaving over it my mother walked in and went 'I hope it's not morning sickness, I suppose that'll be the next thing'. On top of this I get lectures on whether I think my boyfriend is even serious about me (after 4 years) and whether or not he's using me to be able to buy a house. It's nasty and I'm sick and tired of being treated like a nine year old.

I feel like moving out and never speaking to her again, though, at the end of the day she's my mother, I love her but I can't STAND her!

Nevyn

Move out as quickly as you can.
I would certainly tell her you don't want the money from a will you would rather have them alive and happy and surely that is what she would want for you.
Next time she get stroppy about you being pregant tell her you prolly can't have kids and then watch her face.
You have to stand up to her.

Huggles

Thaedydal wrote:

Move out as quickly as you can.
I would certainly tell her you don't want the money from a will you would rather have them alive and happy and surely that is what she would want for you.
Next time she get stroppy about you being pregant tell her you prolly can't have kids and then watch her face.
You have to stand up to her.

LOL v good Thae

You sound like my older sister, she was the eldest girl and got this crap off my Mother. Just move out and do your thing, when they see you happy they will catch up with the times and deal with it.

Be careful eating your brekkie in future

foxy06

I Know how you feel but in a different way, my mother walked by me today when she got home from work (I dont live there and dont see her that often) She didnt even acknowledge me, what a bitch! I have two kids and she hardly says a word to them either. Basically what im trying to say is that some mothers dont have your feelings in mind, just there own, and you would be better off without them, im so glad I got out of that house!!

b3t4

Here's a possible way to twist this into something positive for your mother

Explain how yeer moving in together as you take the whole idea of marriage very seriously. Throw in the old saying of how "you don't know someone till you live with them". She'll probably nod at this one. Throw in how lots of marriages break up these days and you don't want to be in the same situation years down the line. This also gives her something to say to the neighbors/family as from what I can tell this would be of concern to her.

Your mother is just concerned as it wasn't how things were done in her day.

Also, if the talk above doesn't work then make it very, very clear to her that you will be doing things in your life as you see fit and she can feel as she pleases but you will not be changing your mind. People can't be bothered arguning with someone who's clearly made their decision on something.

A.

ircoha

move out pronto, the money saved is not worth this crap.

Been there, know ALL about it.

In addition, dont be surprised when, please God, you do have a papoose to show, that your father will tell u to get that bastard out of his sight.


As they say we dont pick our parents

LegacyUser

To save muny ??????

Move OUT immediately !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or do U not value your sanity ?

Can't U hear 'de tiger' roaring for U ... right outside the door ????????? There has to be plenty of other ways to make a bit of extra muny (other than staying at home).

Besides, I thought the 'friendly' bank guys were whipping themselves up into an orgasmic frenzy to give muny away to young, hard-working people such as yourself and your boyfriend ?

And, if U really want to piss her off - as U go out the door - tell her with a straight face that your preggers.

'Oh, d shahme of it !'
'We'll be dishgrached in frunt of de neeeboors !'

(U can always tell her 'twas a 'false alarm' later).

aonfocaleile

B3t4's advice is spot on - if you take this approach you'll come across as reasonable and mature. If your mother throws a hissy fit then say "I don't want to argue - I thought we could discuss this in a reasonable way" or something like that and WALK AWAY - do not get drawn into an argument. Let her shout or whatever but you must stay calm and reasonable. I have experience in this area - I could've written your post myself!!

Long term you have to live your own life and make your own choices. Move out and do your own thing - she will get over it. If the religion thing comes up, say something like you have a more personal relationship with God as you don't agree with everything about Catholicism (and I'm assuming you don't from the tone of your post) and you're not going to be a hypocrite about it - Used this on my own mother lately and it silenced her straight away!

Maybe don't do both things above together - you'll have to ease her in to a situation where she realises she's not in charge anymore. Start small and work up to major issues. Good luck!