How do I tell my gf and family I have cancer?

LegacyUser · 16-08-2006 6:37pm #1

Hi,

I'd been feeling this weird pain in my side for days and decided to go get it checked out. I've had it for ages but it just got a lot worse lately so thought it'd be best to play it safe.

To make sure I didn't end up worrying anyone for nothing, I didn't tell anyone. Got some tests done at the hospital later on after the doc seemed concerned about it.

Again I didn't tell anyone as I was sure it would turn out to be nothing.

Stuipd as I am though, I kept complaining about that stupid pain so I ended up promising both my mom and my gf that I would go and see a doctor. This didn't bother me too much though as I'd have the results back any day anyways so I'd just say I'd gone to the doctors and be over with it.

Well, today I got a call. I have bone cancer. And apparently it doesn't look good as its been there for a while untreated.

How the h*ll do I go about telling my gf and my family this? They're going to be destroyed but I feel I can't keep up the brave face much longer.

free2fly · 16-08-2006 8:48pm

Oh geez OP. I'm really sorry to hear that! Has the doctor given you a prognosis? Has he recommended treatment? I think the only way to do this is to just sit them down with the facts that the doctor gave you and give it to them straight. It's going to be a shock, but they need to know so that they can be there for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Civilian_Target · 16-08-2006 9:23pm

Tell them face to face. In somewhere they you and they feel comfortable. They'll be devastated but almost certainly supportive.

Sorry to hear it, hope its cureable, and keep your chin up! If you need marrow transplants or whatever, be sure to post here if they don't match you to a donor.

tbh · 16-08-2006 10:06pm

man I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out ok, and me and I'm sure the rest of boards will be pulling for ya.

Your parents and your g/f will just want to do what's best for you. The sooner you tell them, the sooner they can all get on with doing that. It'll be hard, but at least you won't have to keep it to yourself.

good luck mate.

CathyMoran · 16-08-2006 10:22pm

You need to tell them so that they can be there for you, they will understand. I remember when a close relative of mine did not tell me that he was going for a cancer check up, when I found out that he had cancer I was upset but it brought us closer together. 8 years on he is thankfully still alive.

Going through a cancer scare myself at the moment so I do feel for you.

Kalashnikov_Kid · 17-08-2006 1:39am

Chin up mate. My brother was in a similar situation as you. Came home at Christmas, thought he had a hernia, hadnt told anyone for weeks, Mother begged him to see doctor, diagnosed with testicular cancer. Even though diagnosis wasnt the quickest, he pulled through and there was no need for chemo thank god, so I really hope you beat this too pal.

I think you should tell your family face to face. You will get immediate support no doubt and it will help cushion the shock of it all. My brother told me on the phone when i had just finished college exams even though he had been diagnosed a few days earlier. It wasnt the most ideal way of being told such news, I mean one moment im celebrating, drinking with friends, the next im packin my bags in the car to the hospital not knowin what the hell is goin on.

Tell them as quickly as you can. As you have done here you need to tell them the facts straight, what the doctor has told you, otherwise you will add to the anxiety levels. It will be hard, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will get and once youve told them, you can go about dealing with what needs to be done.

Best of luck

Suaimhneach · 17-08-2006 1:59am

Tell your family as soon as possible. All the stress of putting a brave face on it isnt worth it. It's family and freinds who get you through times like this in life. They're there to support and love you. Let them.

Ruu_Old · 17-08-2006 4:17am

Tell them soon OP, get it done with, it won't be easy but it is a must. Best of luck and do take care.

Blub2k4 · 17-08-2006 8:25am

I'd speak to your doctor and ask him is there any help they can give or advice with regard to helping you break the news, it wouldn't be the first time they would have been confronted with such.

Good luck.

AngryBadger · 17-08-2006 2:02pm

That's harsh OP. As has been said, tell them sooner rather than later. Whatever the outcome, and I don't want to bring you down here, but whatever happens if they know sooner they'll have some time to digest it, they'll be able to support you and each other.

Fanny Cradock · 17-08-2006 2:26pm

my sympathies. just to reiterate: sit them down and tell them asap. the sooner you do this the sooner they will be able to support you throughout your recovery.

Pipp · 17-08-2006 4:13pm

Tell your family and your gf Op, they will all rally around you and support you and help you deal with this ilness and all the things that come with it.
Ive been through something similar, and I was completely blown away with the lengths the people who really care about you are willing to go to when you need them.
Im sorry you have had to go through this, and my thoughts are very much with you.

jmsc · 18-08-2006 10:22am

Unfortunately i had to go through the same situation in Jan 05, my first mistake is that i started by telling my girlfriend, then my family one by one until my Mother was the last, this was quite upsetting for her, so if i could recommened one thing it would be to get them all together and tell them as a group, the very fact that you were able to discuss the issue here in such a calm manner probably means your probably quite a rationale person, this quality along with the unbeliveable support you are going to get from your family will help alot in the upcoming months.

The road ahead is going to be a tough one my friend, my thoughts will be with you.

God speed.

Lust4Life · 18-08-2006 11:59am

Big comforting hugs sent to you, Op!

yes, tell your mother first off if not a room full of people.
This will be hard on all of you.
But do not put it off. And do not put off recommended treatments even for a day!

You are young and have a fighting chance. Get it done and put it behind you.

I wish you strength and courage.

L4L

Blu Eyz · 18-08-2006 12:38pm

Best of Luck x

quad_red · 18-08-2006 2:58pm

Good luck mate

hallelujah · 18-08-2006 3:02pm

Sorry to hear about that. Keep strong and remember your family and girlfriend are there to support you.

spurious · 18-08-2006 3:33pm

I'm astonished someone told you you had cancer over the phone. Was this in Ireland?

You need to make sure you tell your family so that they can support you.

Kiera · 18-08-2006 4:05pm

My sister has cancer in her bones too. Bottom of her spine, she also has a tumor in her breast and neck which have disappeared with the chemo. She got all the family over to hers and told us all together. Her and her husband got all the info from the Doc so they could explain any questions we all might have. She said herself that it was the best way to do it, that she would be in bits telling everyone, one by one.

Talk to your doc face to face and get all the answers then ask everyone over to yours or a family member’s house and tell them then. Obviously everyone’s family is different but this really worked for us as we were all there together hearing it.

One word of advice. Do not read up about it on the internet. It will only scare you and no case is the same as the next. Let the doctor tell you all you need to know.

Best of luck with everything x x x

chump · 20-08-2006 11:17am

I'd personally prefer to tell people one on one or in smaller numbers. A group may be a bit daunting.

Best of luck anyway, however you decide to tell.

CathyMoran · 22-09-2006 10:03pm

Not trying to hijack thread but am going through something similar to the OP - have precancer or cancer of the oesophagus, find out which on Wednesday and just found all this out today. I had to tell one or two people today as I will be in hospital for quite a while. I do think that it is easier to tell someone face to face or at least over the phone, texting is out, some people I told today burst out crying but they are getting used to it now and are rallying around to support me but it is still hard to tell people. You do need your friends at this time so do not be afraid to lean on them. To the OP, I wish you all the best.

tbh · 22-09-2006 10:54pm

we're all pulling for ya Cathy.

0utshined · 22-09-2006 11:05pm

CathyMoran wrote:

have precancer or cancer of the oesophagus

Aw no.

Real sorry to hear that Cathy. Only know you from your posts but you seem like a great person and it makes me sad to hear that. Not just e-sad but actual sad. I hope everything goes okay for you and please let us know how you get on. I'll be thinking of you and the OP. {hugs}

spurious · 22-09-2006 11:15pm

Sorry to hear your news Cathy. I don't know you except through your posts, but I wish you all the best on Wednesday.

CathyMoran · 22-09-2006 11:20pm

Thanks everyone and sorry to the OP for taking over the thread a bit (hope that things work out for the OP). Will keep you posted - still getting used to the news at the moment.

chuckles30 · 22-09-2006 11:27pm

Best of luck Cathy and OP. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Dave! · 23-09-2006 12:15am

Sorry to hear it OP. Everything will turn out fine, but it'll be a tough next few months! Keep positive and enjoy the time off work!

carryboy · 23-09-2006 3:43pm

have faith! dunno if you do believe in miracles but i do!...just try.

Fanny Cradock · 23-09-2006 8:11pm

Hope yoy make a full recovery, cathy

Motley Crue · 23-09-2006 10:21pm

i wouldnt hold it in a big place, id just have a private meeting between one or two at home, tell them about an hour apart. just be strong, for their sake, you can cry when theyre not around...i knew someone who had to go through this themselves

all the best man

puss · 25-09-2006 12:16am

Motley Crue wrote:

i wouldnt hold it in a big place, id just have a private meeting between one or two at home, tell them about an hour apart. just be strong, for their sake, you can cry when theyre not around...i knew someone who had to go through this themselves

all the best man

From my experience it will be a great support for you when you tell them. They will be there for you and that is what you need at the moment. Dont feel you have to be strong for them. Cry if you feel the need to and laugh as well.
Thats what family and true friends are for ie: to be there for you when you need them and to give you space when you need it.
I would advise you to get in touch with the cancer society. I found them a great help as did my family member who is going through treatment at the moment. Good Luck and you will be in my prayers.

speck · 26-09-2006 8:29am

Its one of the hardest things you and your family will have to deal with.My mum was told she had bone cancer 3 years ago. we all cried (for ever it seemed ) but when it sinks in you all become a lot closer and cope with it together. Its been over a week since you post so I hope you have talked to them by now .

The only advice I can give you is that when you talk to the docs don't do it on your own there is way too much for 1 person to take in and any questions you and your family have write them down before, if your like me any time we walked into their office I would just go blank and forget half the things I wanted to know.
There is a lot of suport out there for both you and all your family.
Best wishes hope things work out for you

How do I tell my gf and family I have cancer?

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