Some help

LegacyUser

hi everyone, i am in abit of a tizzy at the moment, i am very fond of my bf and very attracted to him and having being out with him for just over 6 months now (he was my first serious relationship, i'm 21)...i am just really confused at the moment and don't know what to do so maybe if some users could offer me different perspectives that would be great..

the problem is my bf is sometimes very clingy/ very over protective and never knows when i need my own space. for example sometimes something bad happens to me (eg getting wrongly marked on my college work) and i need someone to laugh if off say im only worrying about nothing and then i can relax...but he takes everything so seriously even when i'm not even delibrately going quiet im constantly asked what are you thinking about or is anything up...naturally silences occur in conversations but it just gets annoying sometimes when im constantly asked what's wrong when there is nothing..and i am normally an honest person so i would say if there was..iv told him before to stop worrying about my silences as nicely as i can because i don't want to hurt his feelings but even that doesn;t work...

i meet nearly every 2nd day on his own and then at society meetings in college but when a big group of us go out sometimes i like to chat to my girlfriends and often am not able to give him 100% attention / able to hold his hand all night

im so upset with what happened tonight. we we're all sitting down and i was chatting to one of my friends and he went over to sit and chat with one of his but kept coming back every ten mins (but we we're having a girls chat and i suppose it was hard to keep up with our conversation but we didn't exclude him on purpose although i did feel annoyed that he didn't join in and seemed to want me all to his self i didn't make a consious effort to include him)..but he just made me feel guilty for wanting some time to myself / some space / and to be able to talk to one of my best friends when she's around...he also drank an awful lot tonight (two drinks at once at one point) and then when he realised i was going to wait for my other friend to come with us a bit of the way towards the bus..he just got up and left...now i know i may not have given him my full attention but am i not allowed to give some time for myself and my friends, i just felt i wanted to talk more to my friend then him at that point and was annoyed he wouldn't give me the space.
don't get me wrong i really like this guy and the last thing i ever want to do is hurt his feelings but it just seems like mission impossible sometimes..when sometimes i can't always be myself (eg my sometimes moody personality at certain times of the month, he always seems to think the issue is with him).. i even would like to change my sometimes moody self but i can't help it when things go wrong i can't always be in a perfect mood....and i keep explaining this to him that i am not perfect and never to take it personally but sometimes i seem to hurt him without trying...the sensitive side of him also making him a more caring boyfriend and the reason i have dated him for so long.

Trinity

cant offer much advice only i went out with a similar guy and eventually i had to end it for my own well being.

inthe beginning i was flattered by all the attention and thoughfulness but it got to a stage where i could not sit quietly for 2 minutes without being asked what i was thinking about.

i would suggest you talk to him. tell him you care about him but for your own well being and the good of the relaitonship you need your own space and he needs it.

give him a chance to mend his ways, you could have a boyfriend who is a complete arse hole. but do keep it in check as it could lead to more serious problems in the future

byt give the guy a chance and talk to him. communicate your feelings. he may not realise hes doing anything wrong.

he obviously cares for you and relationships dont come with instructions.

aonfocaleile

You need to talk to him - he sounds quite immature and I get the impression that this might be his first proper relationship?

Explain to him that although you're part of a couple, you're also your own person and you can't always be in a good mood. Explain that you need to spend time with your own friends - sometimes when he's around and sometimes just you - Recommend he does the same. Explain that you also need some time on your own to just relax but reassure him that you think the world of him and that you're happy to be with him but that you don't want to be with him 24/7. Give him a chance to sort it out - you'll soon see whether he's overly possesive or just plain mad about you and wanting to spend all his time with you.

Also - its not acceptable to leave a female friend to make her own way home late at night because he wants to be on his own with you. If he doesn't like the fact that everyone heads off together - tough!

Minto

Hi OP,

I have a freind who is pretty much the same with his GF, it can be very annoying for the friends aswel! Would I be right in saying that your friends have mentioned it to you before? Unfortunatly, I have no advice to give you because my friends GF just puts up with it! But I just wanted to let you know your not alone!

Akrow

It goes both ways... my girlfriend is right clingy to the point of frustration. A lot of it has to do with not being comfortable in your surroundings.

If you were out with your boyfriend and all his friends, and you had nothing else to do, and you were dependant on him for entertainment, it might start to get on his t**s that you're hanging out of him all the time. That been said, if he has friends around and he's still clinging to you, then there's something up with that...

event

OP, what age is he?

LegacyUser

Just tell him to stop pesterising U.

Ruu_Old

Have a chat with him OP, he needs to be more self confident, know he can do things on his own and that wrapping you up in cotton wool is not going to help.

oulu

Why cant you just have your girls night out ,just the girls no guys would 'nt that make sense, But if he is not given you space now after only 6 mths I would hate to see him in 2 yrs, If you really like him now is the time to put things straight with him, ie when we go out together and you see me chatting in conversation dont keep coming over every 10 mins, you need to do this asap before other people in your company also feel awkard not only you, Are you allowed to go out on your own tongue in cheek when I say that, Is he jealous,insercure find out these things before its gone to far, make one night a week with just your friends, is he in your college is that why he was out that night

Black Swan

Talk. Share with him what you just shared with us.

LegacyUser

well he's 21 for anyone that's asked (nearly 22 and i don't think he's been in a serious relationship before this)..i did tell pretty much the above...he's not really talked to me properly about it since and today has not even said hello on msn (not that's really a good measure of anything)..i do know he was out was his mates after his discussion with me so i don't know if they may have influenced him or not not that they have any idea how things are going on my side he tends to listen to them alot... nothing much more i can do as i know you can't really change a person even if you get a temporary change i can't see this problem rectifying itself...im just a person that needs my freedom and hate being put on a lead or something so i don't know if i can see this working longterm as it seems to have gotten worse if you compare it to when we were first going out...thanks for all the replies anyhow at leas they have made things abit clearer to me.