lost

ck100

how do i go about counselling? im lost, i feel as tho certain things in my life have affected my ability to move on, ive got some great things in my life but i cant seem to progress. i feel just like a fart in a spacesuit. going nowhere. maybe its not counselling i need just a change in scenery..
i dont know

Trinity

Depends what area in your life you feel you want to progress. Is it everything?

or just work, relationships, social life?

its very easy to get into a rut. are you sure its counselling you need?

Ruu_Old

As above, if you wish to give us more information (you don't have to) maybe we can help you out better.

ck100

a bit of everything really! i feel really peed off cos everything and everyone i know moves on with theire life and im the gob****e that works his arse off and goes nowhere

ircoha

to let the boards help you with this we would need some more info, such as age/sex/job/relationships and why you think u need counselling. we need a bit more than "a bit of everything."

Ther are many types of counselling avaialble and at maybe 100 euro a pop you would soon run up a large bill, so we need to get the correct focus

Trinity

But where do you want to go? DO you mean you want to up the ladder or basically 'go' as in leave the country?


are u happy in your job? is money the issue?

ck100

i aint leaving the country, im in a serious amount of debt, ive a job i hate which is funding a business im trying to start.
Everyone i know is in a relationship and when it comes to going out im not invited, third wheel etc or im in work...

Trinity

Ok, i 'personally' dont think that requires counselling unless there are some deeper issues you may feel the need to discuss. It will cost you a bomb when all you really need is a friendly ear and a bit of impartial advice. Thats what you're getting here!!

you are in somewhat of a rut right now. a temporary one (debts need to be looked at or they certainly wont be temporary).

Debt is the most serious of the issues i think. Is the business up off the ground yet? Are you in it alone or do you have partners? Do you feel you are going to profit from it when it does get off the ground or are you losing faith in it?

You could talk to MABS, they help people to budget their money and they also have quite a bit of pull with some companies and can act of your behalf asking these companies to reduce your payments.

I personally am awful with money so i wont say too much about that. All i will say is i collated all my debts into one weekly manageable payment. i cleared off the whole lot with one big loan from the credit union and i just pay them now about a fifth of what i was paying in all the other smaller loans. that mite be an idea too. they say you shouldnt get a loan to clear a loan but sometimes there is no other way.

as for friends they dont sound too great if they are excluding you. is there any way to expand your social circle? i notice you have your son weekends is there a club/group you could join mid-week? How about the sites aimed more at friendships as opposed to dating?

everyone around you might be in relationships but that doesnt mean its right for you just now! YOu have a lot on your plate. and again joining a club will help you meet more people both male and female.

hey i know its lonely but its better to alone than to be with someone just for the sake of it.

i used to moan to my friends f**k i'm 28 with a kid and i am single, what the hell is wrong with me i better do something quick and i ended up dating pricks.

Now i'm 31 with a kid and single and i couldnt care less. whats meant to be will be and when it happens it happens.

and if it doesnt i can always surround myself with feral cats, yellowed newspapers, wear plastic bags for shoes and i am sure i will still be happy as a pig in **** without the relationship hassle :rolleyes:

Bosco84

'as for friends they dont sound too great if they are excluding you. is there any way to expand your social circle? i notice you have your son weekends is there a club/group you could join mid-week? How about the sites aimed more at friendships as opposed to dating?'



How do you know he has a son?

ck100

thanks trinity
other posts elsewhere bosco...

Ruu_Old

Well I think that serious debt needs taken care of right away. Cut up those credit cards and make yourself out a budget, stick to it and also if its to do with your bank then have a chat with the manager about your situation. They will be able to advise you best on how to deal with things. Have you ever been abroad?

Trinity

Bosco84 wrote:

'as for friends they dont sound too great if they are excluding you. is there any way to expand your social circle? i notice you have your son weekends is there a club/group you could join mid-week? How about the sites aimed more at friendships as opposed to dating?'



How do you know he has a son?

i'm not sure how to take that or why i'm getting the third degree (problems with text no tone of voice) or indeed why i'm bothering to reply but we've been chatting in another thread about single parenting. i do pay attention to other peoples posts.

Marksie

No you don't need counselling.
Trinity1..great advice. We dont know if debt consolidation is sutable for the OP, but doing it via the credit union is the way to go.
One thing thou, and this is the experience from the UK, one you have consolidated your debts, learn to manage your finances.

I am in a job i dislike and seting up my own business. What helped with me was to say the job is there to fit my ends.

Working at a business as well as a fulltime job is very hard, but the ends will justify the efforrt now.
You cannot both have a great social life and the extra hassle of essentaily two jobs. I know i am in the same situation

Things don't happen overnight, you are feeling stuck in a rut and have isolated some of the issues. Which of these can you change simply ?
Well, look under the rec on boards..occasionally there are nights out. perhaps thats one way.

Because everyone else is in a relationship, doesnt mean you have to be.

A suggestion? how about joining a Gym? gets you out, gets you fit and kicks in feel good chemicals
an hour 2/3 times a week

Colm_OReilly

A coach would help you out better if you're looking to move forward rather than overcome a past problem. (See my explanation of coaching versus counselling in the "Despairing Man" thread)

If you go to www.coachfederation.org there's a coach referral service where you can pick what experience you want your coach to have, price range, and also enter in keywords to help you refine your search.

I deal with social impact and confidence but it seems to be your main focus is career (starting that business of yours). I'd recommend Colette Clail - who specialises in career coaching. www.coletteclail.com

Hope this helps,
Colm

spurious

Like Trinity said, go to MABS, talk to them.
I think taking control of your debt and financial situation will give you a boost in other areas of your life.

The relationship thing will happen when you least expect it, but definitely not when you're feeling crap about yourself.

JoeB-

There are free councelling services available in Dublin, one is out in Dun Loaighre, I can't think of the name right now... they would accept money if you can afford it but won't deny councelling if you can't...

I will see if I can remember the name of the place and post it...

Cheers
Joe