Worrying about unexpected death

LegacyUser

Hi,

Recently my mothers friends husband passed away totally unexpectedly - he died of a Brain Aneuryism while on a plane. He was only 41. Since then, It's really freaked me out about how it could be something anybody could be walking around with, and could drop dead at any second. Granted, it's probably very unlikely and unlucky to happen but at the same time no-one would have seen it happening to his poor man at 41 either and now he's gone leaving his family behind.

Since then I keep worrying and thinking about it - non stop. I can't concentrate on anything. I even went to the cinema 2 nights ago to see a film I'd been anticipating for ages and all through the film all I was thinking about was "What if I dropped dead tomorrow...there's no way of knowing if you were to have such a defect in your system or not!"

I don't know where I'm going with this but prior to this mans death I got headaches fairly regularly. I just hated for the simple fact that they were headches and as such annoying - now every time I get one my heart plummets and I nearly convince myself its the sign of an impending disaster in my brain. It doesn't really help that I have a very minor heart condition, even though I am only 18 and am extremely healthy and active otherwise...

It'd be one thing if this man was killed in a crash or something similar - but just the fact that he got medicals very regularly, was proclaimed very fit each time, and now he's dead - how could he possibly have safeguarded himself against that? How are any of us supposed to with these sort of rare occurances that are usually fatal and unfortunately usually undetectable unless you're specifically looking for one? (I would love to get some sort of full scan done to put my mind at rest regarding my health but I don't think it's possible, and even if it is, not so thorough as to cover brain or CAT scans)

Anyone ever felt like this? I just feel like I had to get it off my chest, not that this'll help things....

I remember a similar story a few years ago. I was doing some part time work for a car garage since they had a customer party on. However, on the day of the party one of their employees died of a massive heart attack. Needless to say we were all absoutely shocked.
One of my dad's friends also suffered an aneurysm, it didn't kill him immediately but he was in a vegatative (sp?) state for several years before he finally died from it.

I'm also quite anxious in life but when I see things like this I try not to think about them since I've already got a lot on my plate. I know that sounds a bit selfish but I just know that if I let myself think about it I'll feel the same way you do.

Have you ever felt this anxious about other things before?

HAZEMAN

We will all die.

There is no reason to be worried about it. Clear your concience and you will have nothing to worry about.

Ruu_Old

Get a full physical done if you are worried about your health. I try to take every day as it comes but of course its not always that easy when theres so much to do and only a few hours in the day to do so. At the same time I am easing up on things and trying to enjoy life best I can, making people happy and make my mark on the world as such.

CathyMoran

My mum had a burst anyursm in her brain 2 years ago, she was only 65. My mum now is severly brain damaged (though she is very much still my mum). I had the chance of getting the MRI test done but it took me a year before I decided to go ahead as the ramifications of getting a positive result for an anyursm would have been huge (I would have had to decide if I wanted to go for brain surgery that could have killed me or caused brain trauma)...as it turns out I did not have an anyursm. I have a friend who has lived with the fact that he has an anyursm and that it could burst at any time, it has not let him stop living his life to the full. There is no point in you getting screened if you are not at risk.

You could die tomorrow by being knocked down by the bus...nobody knows when they are going to die. All that you can do is live your life to the full.

chump

Hey I think it's understandable after such an event to be a bit worried.
I wouldn't let the fact that you are worrying, cause you to worry more.

I would also, if you're particularly worried about an aspect of your own health, to get it checked out.

jammie

OP I have gone through these very same feelings after my brother died just over 2 years ago, I am constantly worrying about if I drop dead or my family drops dead, what will I do etc...I think it's perfectly normal after somehting affects you so badly, try not to let it control your every thought, pm meif you want to chat..

Pigman II

hugeworrier wrote:

"What if I dropped dead tomorrow."

Exactly. What if? Well if it does happen then you won't know a thing about it and even at that you have to ask yourself "what did all your thinking/worrying about the subject do to prevent this outcome?". "Nothing" is the answer.

I used to have thoughts like yours (both about myself and others close to me) I almost enjoyed dwelling on the matter as it gave me an excuse not to see the point in anything. But one day I decided to just stop because whether it is to be or not to be there's really nothing (beyond the obvious) that I can do to prevent it. I could worry about myself or my those close to me dying or I could just forget about it and enjoy myself and them for another day while we're all still here.

Basically you have to eliminate any unneccessary thoughts that get in the way of you simply functioning, enjoying and making the most of today only (even if all you accomplish is to go to a movie). Let tomorrow be what it will.

It basically comes down to would you rather have 1 more day of happiness or a long lifetime of misery? There's people who have died at 20 or 30 or 41 who will have led more fulfilling lives than other 100 year olds simply because they didn't spend their whole life worrying about all the 'what ifs'.

CathyMoran

Both my partner and I have long term illnesses that will probably shorten our lives by 5 years. I am a type 1 diabetic, I do look after myself but I also live my life to the fullest...if I did exactly the same exercise, did not get stressed, ate the same thing etc every day I could probably live those extra 5 years but who wants to live their lives as a lab rat. Life is what you make it.

Hermione*

My little sister has a poster on her wall with a quote from James Dean: "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." I try as much as possible to remember this. The unfortunate truth is that we will all die, and some people die before they should. As Cathy said, life is what you make it. As long as you look after yourself and enjoy each day as it comes, there's very little else you can do. Don't waste both your time and your life worrying abouth things which are outside of your control.

Webmonkey

I am like this at times and especially when i'm extremly happy.
When i say get something new I like, or something great happens all i can think of, what the hell am i happy for - i could die any second.
I amn't afraid of dieing but what i am afraid of is someone close to me dieing. That would kill me

Hermione*

Webmonkey wrote:

I amn't afraid of dieing but what i am afraid of is someone close to me dieing. That would kill me

I'm the same, I fear the deaths of others far more than my own. Unfortunately, life doesn't stop, no matter what happens to you - somebody I know who's experienced a lot of bereavement lives by the opinion that there are some things you never really recover from, you just learn to live with them. I think that's very true. You never stop missing some people. You just learn not to dwell on how much you miss them.

jammie

Cathy:- are u saying because you have type 1 diabetes your life is going to be cut short by 5 years?? Really Im not being smart but that is ridiculous

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Whenever you think that something is likely to kill you or is fatal, could you try turning it around to being 99.99% likely that it's completely harmless & that the chances of any headache, chest pain, etc being any more serious than dehydration or indigestion is negligible.

Would you consider seeing a councellor or therapist with regards coming to terms with death? You seem to have a skewed perspective since your Mum's friends husbands' death & perhaps it would help you to put things back into perspective & get on with living your life. Best of luck

chump

CathyMoran wrote:

Both my partner and I have long term illnesses that will probably shorten our lives by 5 years. I am a type 1 diabetic, I do look after myself but I also live my life to the fullest...if I did exactly the same exercise, did not get stressed, ate the same thing etc every day I could probably live those extra 5 years but who wants to live their lives as a lab rat. Life is what you make it.

Cathy are you serious?

Or having a laugh?

Retrospective studies may well have shown that on average people with diabetes die 5 years younger than those without, but that is because a percentage with the disease where it is not well controlled die younger (due to complications etc etc.), and hence bring down the average.

If you have and maintain good control over your diabetes it will not affect your lifespan.

CathyMoran

Living the lab rat situation I could probably get those 5 years back, however diabetes has been shown in the past to shorten your lifespan between 5 and 15 years (I took the most optimistic figure). I look after myself very well (HbA1c below 6.5) but even I have had complications.

http://www.diabetes.ca/Section_About/prevalence.asp
http://www.jdrf.org.uk/cgi-bin/cms/RunScript.asp?sname=What+it+is+FAQs&smenu=Diabetes_FAQ&page=38&banner=Banner1&mainmenu=Diabetes&submenu=Diabetes&Search=Search&p=ASP\Pg38.asp

I would rather live my life the best I can but also have fun.

jammie

Cathy I am sorry but your pst really annoyed me, you have diabetes and you carry like its a death sentence, try have a deadly disease like Cystic Fibrosis and be an insulin dependant diabetic, an asthmatic, have an irregular heartbeat....Try and cope with all that Cystic Fibrosis throws at you where the average life expectancy is 31/32, reach 30 and think think think what could be round the corner, maybe then you can say that your life will be cut short.......Diabetes is very easily controlled, Im sorry but you need to cop yourself on mad:

Trinity

Hey

this is perfectly normal. Everyone goes through this.

i am terrified of losing people i love especially my son and to be honest terrified of dying myself and leaving him more or less an orphan.

the thing is though no matter how much we worry its gonna happen anyway.

letting these thoughts take over can have a terrible effect on your life, it can lead to a depression, anxiety etc. People who let this take over stop going out, stop travelling. My own relative didnt leave the house for 20 years. but after her husband died then she decided she couldnt go on like this.

but imagine how she feels now knowing she lost 20 years of her life, including that time she could have gone out with her husband to parties holidays etc.

but its 20 years she cant get back now.

i know thats the worst case scenario just dont let your fears spiral out of control.

Its a fact of life that we are all born with the knowledge (or soon acquire it!) that we are going to die.

Its not pretty but its a fact.

so just try to be as happy as you can be and live life to the fullest.

CathyMoran

cystic5roses wrote:

Cathy I am sorry but your pst really annoyed me, you have diabetes and you carry like its a death sentence, try have a deadly disease like Cystic Fibrosis and be an insulin dependant diabetic, an asthmatic, have an irregular heartbeat....Try and cope with all that Cystic Fibrosis throws at you where the average life expectancy is 31/32, reach 30 and think think think what could be round the corner, maybe then you can say that your life will be cut short.......Diabetes is very easily controlled, Im sorry but you need to cop yourself on mad:

Not all diabetics have an easy run of things, it depends. I do see where you are coming from though. The reason why I mentioned my diabetes was that the OP was having problems worrying about death and I wanted to put it into relative perspective. Cystic Fibrosis is a very serious illness and I admire your strength living with the condition (I have friends with the condition).

Black Swan

See your GP and get checked out. If he gives you a clean bill of health, but you are still worried, then perhaps see a therapist. Something else you might consider. I read a small paperback book by Viktor Frankel about what allowed him to survive the Nazi deathcamps during WWII. I believe the title of the book was Man's Search for Meaning. It reads like a novel and I became completely engrossed in his survival story. It was good for me, because back then I was concerned about life and death, and I came away with some positive insight.

magnum69

cheer up!...you're worrying over nothing.you'd get over your 'death fear' if you've friends and loved ones you're with all the time. be with someone always, soon you'll learn to set aside your fears.:)

Marksie

I have posted about thi before but my nephew died at 28 of a heart attack and my father in jan had 2 strokes and cancer and was given 48 hours to live (he is still here)

So on the one hand yes sudden early death is sensless on the other, the human spirit has a great capacity for survival.

Which honours the spirit of my nephew moe, wraping myself in cotton wool and hoping for a long long life. Or realising that yes, things can happen, but to do what you have dreamed of? Even if it is just small things?
To live your life to the full to experience the joys of it?

In my mind the latter.

Which doent mean that you live day to day.

I heard on the radio someone say "live like you have three yeas left".. always.