Everything is going wrong

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
To start off, I'm a 19 year old girl and I'm miserable. Everything in my life is just crap.
I just finished my repeats in college and I'm positive I failed one of them really badly which means I'll have to repeat the year. I haven't got enough money to repeat the year internally (tuition fees are about 3000) so I'd have to repeat externally (just pay for the exam, about 200). This will mean a pretty damn lonely life because I have no friends at home, only at college. The friends I did have at home laughed at me for having depression and I could never trust them again after that. My love life is crap, I met someone I really liked a few weeks ago but he cancelled on our first date, he kept texting me for a couple of weeks after but never asked me out again so I ended up telling him if you don't like me then stop leading me on. I never heard back from him. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, both my exes are in happy long term relationships and I'm on my own. I'd love to settle down with someone too but have lost all faith in relationships, my first boyfriend broke up with me and was horrible about it which knocked me a lot. My second boyfriend has left me with no confidence, he has admitted he was never that into me in the first place and the sexual side of things really broke me down because he'd always just say goodnight and roll over the second he got into bed, which didn't exactly make me feel attractive. As for money, I'm 2000 in debt and am supposed to be paying it all back to the bank in a month. In the unlikely event that I did pass my exams I will have to work during my final year which doesn't bode well for a physics course because it's a very difficult course and I need all the study time I can get.

What am I going to do?

Sorry for the long post but I'm just miserable right now.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

Ruu_Old

Perhaps you would be able to get a few hours somewhere to help you pay off on the money side of things, that can be a big strain. Do you actually want to go through college? I think you might need a change of scenery or something. The people who laughed at you, I would ignore, they are not your real friends. Do what you have to do and sort things out one step at a time. I won't happen overnight but things will start to look up. Best of luck in the future.

cooker3

Right, well first of all forget about your so called friends, if they laughed at you when you told them you had depression then they are not real friends and not worth dealing with.

Now secondly, you may or may not fail exam, people tend to think they fail so you never know you might pass.
How far away from college do you live exactly?
Even if you fail and repeat externally then assuming you live near nothing stopping you going into college anyway, not like they take rolls or anything, if you can make it do the usual join new societies etc, actually if your an active member of a club or society could be even better as you have tons of time to dedicate to them so try going for committees.
If you live away from college and can't get in much, try clubs or activities in your local area, maybe got some casual job for a year and get to know people through work.

Generally it is up to you to make effort which I know well can be hard but will be worth it in end. Good luck

lau1247

unhappy_girl wrote:

Hi everyone,
To start off, I'm a 19 year old girl and I'm miserable. Everything in my life is just crap.
I just finished my repeats in college and I'm positive I failed one of them really badly which means I'll have to repeat the year. I haven't got enough money to repeat the year internally (tuition fees are about 3000) so I'd have to repeat externally (just pay for the exam, about 200). This will mean a pretty damn lonely life because I have no friends at home, only at college. The friends I did have at home laughed at me for having depression and I could never trust them again after that. My love life is crap, I met someone I really liked a few weeks ago but he cancelled on our first date, he kept texting me for a couple of weeks after but never asked me out again so I ended up telling him if you don't like me then stop leading me on. I never heard back from him. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, both my exes are in happy long term relationships and I'm on my own. I'd love to settle down with someone too but have lost all faith in relationships, my first boyfriend broke up with me and was horrible about it which knocked me a lot. My second boyfriend has left me with no confidence, he has admitted he was never that into me in the first place and the sexual side of things really broke me down because he'd always just say goodnight and roll over the second he got into bed, which didn't exactly make me feel attractive. As for money, I'm 2000 in debt and am supposed to be paying it all back to the bank in a month. In the unlikely event that I did pass my exams I will have to work during my final year which doesn't bode well for a physics course because it's a very difficult course and I need all the study time I can get.

What am I going to do?

Sorry for the long post but I'm just miserable right now.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

whoa 2000?? that's quite an amount.. Well I think it's time to do some budgeting..
Cut down in everything..??
can you ask your parent's for a little help on that matter??

As for friends.. i know it'll be easy for me to say.. but you can always find more.. so not much to worry about there.. In my personal experience, if you learn to rely alot on your own.. it'll be better but at times there are only things a friend can do..

If you find that you can't afford the repeat, why not take a deferred year out.. and work to fund yourself financially?

Crucifix

As a fellow physics student, I feel your pain.
My main advice would be to try and forget about looking for love for now, and make the effort to stay in touch with your college friends.
The finicial stuff is a doozy though...

lau1247

does physics get that hard?? and i thought engineering was hard enough.. do ye get lots of maths related problems too?

LegacyUser

OP, I know how you feel. Same happened to me last year about repeats. When I went to reregister, the girl at the desk said "just pay the 200 for the repeat exams, and walk/sneak into lectures, thats wht I did". I did it, got into every lecture fine, and passed the year.

gamer

i know students who work in small internet cafes ,they can read,study,during working hours,they just have to take money,for ten pcs as users come in,the wages are not great,they can work days or evenings,whatevers handy.

Webmonkey

Hey unhappy girl,

Wow yeah that is a lot happening at once there. Well i wish you the best of luck on the results but even repeating externally isn't all that bad i suppose. You wouldn't know what difference a year can make.
But yes physics can be hard alright, every seems to say so anyways.
Will you have to repeat all exams next year on the repeat or can you just do the subject you failed?

Them friends that you had don't sound like friends at all - they should have being there for you when you were depressed.
I know how it feels to be short money and all that, happened myself when i had a loan , well have still bit left but with a bit of work you'll handle that out. Just budget correctly.

Anyways wish you the best of luck!

Strokesfan

cooker3 wrote:

Right, well first of all forget about your so called friends, if they laughed at you when you told them you had depression then they are not real friends and not worth dealing with.

Now secondly, you may or may not fail exam, people tend to think they fail so you never know you might pass.
How far away from college do you live exactly?
Even if you fail and repeat externally then assuming you live near nothing stopping you going into college anyway, not like they take rolls or anything, if you can make it do the usual join new societies etc, actually if your an active member of a club or society could be even better as you have tons of time to dedicate to them so try going for committees.
If you live away from college and can't get in much, try clubs or activities in your local area, maybe got some casual job for a year and get to know people through work.

Generally it is up to you to make effort which I know well can be hard but will be worth it in end. Good luck

I think that's great advice - sure pay to repeat your exam externally but go back to the place where you go to college and work full time or part time for the year. You could still live with your friends from college and go out and have a laugh! Loads of people have to repeat exams. You might enjoy working and studying for the year away from home

flamingo

oh chicken, my heart goes out to you - it sounds like you really have been through the mill over the last while, and it's all gotten just a bit too much for you to cope with at the moment. poor thing.

i suppose my advice would be to sit down and make a 'to do' list of alll the things that are stressing you out right now, and do some problem-solving type thinking, going through the list methodically, and working out what needs to be dealt with now, and what you can just push aside for the time being. and just focus on the problems that reallyare under your control, for example, you cannot make love 'happen', but maybe there are other issues you can more successfully tackle?

Start by making some really clear, concise and practical goals, broken down into small steps. For example, the thought ot 2 grand debt, with no obvous way of paying it back, must be really quite scary - not to mention the extra fees associated with college ... you're obviously not going to be able to magically pay it back, but are there small things you could start doing to try and bring it under more cotrol? Could you go to your bank manager? Or, as other people suggested, would it be possible to get a part-time job? - which would not only give you some money and ease the stress, but could also be a really handy way to meet new people and to distract yourself from your own life for a while - I'm not talking about any hugely important or stressy job, just something to keep you ticking over and open up your options...

In relation to college, is there any chance you'd consider approaching one of the college counsellors? Just go in and spill out all your worries and sadness, and explain the situation you are in. They can be a great help with the collegey stuff, as well as helping your mental health - it really is good to talk you know!

And any chance you could approach your parents? Do they know how stressed and upset you are? Even if there is nothing practical they can do to zap away all your problems, it might feel good to have them onside!

And chicken, you are still only relatively young - I know how depressing it can be when all around you, your friends/exes seem to be happily getting on with their lives, but it really isn't a competition - it took me ages to work it out, but life isn't a race, there's no hurry, take your time and try to learn who you are and what makes you happier and more content, before trying to compete with other people! You will get through all of this, but your current upset and distress is completely undertandable given how stressed, anxious and confused you are about what's going on in your life now and what'll happen in the future. But I'm sure you're a great person, and not quite as alone as you may feel at the moment. Just take your time, and give yourself a break, ok? You will survive, and eventhough it's a cliche, all of this can only make you stronger!

and give yourself a little hug, eh?
x

Webmonkey

^^ Nice first post - great advice.

Black Swan

I assume you are bright. Although distressed, you articulated your concerns quite well. Use that bright mind. Take one problem on at a time and solve it. Debts might be a place to start. Exams? Set that worry aside until you get the results. Friends? Well, friends are to be supportive. If yours are not, make new ones. If you have to repeat and close to U, then join Socs. If not close, then think about something you really enjoy doing and join a group of others in your community who love to do it too. You will find friends with common interests, and perhaps that special someone. You are young like me. Don't feel you have to rush it.

Lorax

123the123 wrote:

OP, I know how you feel. Same happened to me last year about repeats. When I went to reregister, the girl at the desk said "just pay the 200 for the repeat exams, and walk/sneak into lectures, thats wht I did". I did it, got into every lecture fine, and passed the year.

Be careful about doing this, its an insurance thing or something about being on the premises of the college cant remember but we were told about it before. Maybe someone else can shed some light? Also u wont have a computer account or access to the library (well depending on your college)

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

Depression is cruel. It eats away at your soul. We are not so dissimilar, apart from age (plus a decade or so) & sex J. What is important is that you have realised that you are miserable. To your credit I think you are here looking for some sort of help to stop this miserable feeling you’re having plunge into something more. It took me a long time heal & I too am very aware that I can’t let myself dwell on too much, for the want of a word, badness for too long. It just drags me down. One of the things I do is try to fix the small stuff. If you look after the small stuff you’d be surprised how much to big stuff looks after itself J. So my advice would be:

The exams are finished. The results are determined. As for the results, there is absolutely no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. Plan both eventualities, yes but worry is wasted. Difficult but it can be done. Planning will take some doing. Not something that can be done immediately but as a student you have the time on your hands.

“The friends I did have at home laughed at me for having depression and I could never trust them again after that.” You’ve dealt with those idiots. Don’t waste you energy on people like them. The stupidity of people never ceases to surprise me.

“…so I ended up telling him if you don't like me then stop leading me on. I never heard back from him.” Fair dues to you. You spotted the behaviour & called them out on it. At least you are not wasting energy on them. Yes it hurt, but a hell of a lot less than if you kept going with the bs he was feeding you.

As for Mr. Rollover J I think the problem was with him. Guys can be idiots.

One thing about the money & I feel this is important. I wouldn’t advise getting another loan from the bank if you need to repeat. The fact that you have one out already is reason enough to not get another. I have a close mate that still in debt from his college loans. The banks are so willing to lend & people so willing to take. I would advise approaching the banks honestly & saying that you simply don’t have the money but will pay it bank. Renegotiate the loan but only accept terms that are reasonable, and I mean for the bank not only you. Don’t commit to something you can’t do. The banks want you as a lifelong customer. If you make a deal, stick to it, but make sure its realistic.

Again as for the, should I work during college thing, its wasted energy. You are spending part of you mind worrying about not passing you exams & the other half worrying about passing them. Does this sound reasonable? Small steps. Deal with the things that are real issues & that you can fix.

Honestly you sound like you have a head on your shoulders. Perhaps take a couple of days to think things through. Phone the bank once you’ve decided what you want & job done. Worrying won’t help. Plan but don’t fret.

Good luck

billy the squid

The Money Advice and Budgeting Service (MABS) might be able to help you with your debt. You will be able to find their number in the telephone book.

Suaimhneach

Take a year out*. Move to where your college is and you friends are. Put a love life on the back burner for now.

*Whether a year out is repeating externally, or deferring a year if you do pass. Get a job, it gives you time to pay back that loan and you would be able to save/afford rent whilst living out of home. You could also get grinds, no need to repeat internally, that should help you pass should you need to.

On your year out you can get away from your old "freinds", still see college freinds, experience a bit of independance, and get out of finacial debt, and then be prepared and refreshed for another year in college.

As difficult as past experiences were with exs, you probably shouldnt be looking for a relationship until you feel stable and happy on your own. If you find someone now it could be a very dependant relationship. Sort yourself out first, make you happy and less stressed... and go from there.

I really wish you the best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

First of all thanks to everyone for the replies, you have all been very helpful. Well I rang my old workplace today which is in the town I go to college in and they said they might be hiring soon, I am going to keep looking for jobs in other places. The town I go to college in is only 10 minutes away but I am thinking of moving out next year if I end up repeating externally just to be nearer to everyone. I think some of you were right when you said to not worry about the results now because they're not out til the middle of September (a few days before college starts again, my college isn't exactly good about giving us notice about things).

I will write back again to let you all know how I am getting on. I find it very hard to face my problems, I have a tendency to turn a blind eye which is why I failed my exams in the first place, I knew they were hard and sort of hoped if I ignored them they'd go away.

littlesurfer

you know it seems to me that your problem isn't all those little problems...your mood is the problem. if you fix your mood then everything else is just a little obstacle....if you have suffered from depression long term then you should be able to recognise that!

There are so many practicle things you can do to lift yourself...and did you have a gp that told you you sufered from depression...if so did he tell you what to do about it??


All those other things fall into place...its **** to be in debt, some of my friends are six and seven years in debt....I owe eight.....but banks know your young and they'll let you go slow with repayments.....they know they'll rake it in when you leave college.....

and I met some of my best friends at part time jobs....try busy places where you meet loads of people....if your college mates are real good friends then they'll be still around giving you a hand when you need.....i do hope you pass though

skywalker

unhappy_girl wrote:

I have a tendency to turn a blind eye which is why I failed my exams in the first place, I knew they were hard and sort of hoped if I ignored them they'd go away.

College can be very like that for a lot of people. Just ignore your worst subjects/areas untill the last minute and then panic about them. Ive seen it quite a bit and am guilty of doing it myself from time to time. Trick is to recognise when you start doing it and do the opposite. Make them your focus and make sure you pull the result out. Easier said than done I know.

Good luck with everything.

panda100

unhappy_girl wrote:

This will mean a pretty damn lonely life because I have no friends at home, only at college. The friends I did have at home laughed at me for having depression and I could never trust them again after that. .

They are not your firends if they laughed at you.You are lucky to be rid of them.
You would be suprised how many people suffer from this illness and it really is nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about. I was very depressed in my second year of college and failed all my exams cos I just couldnt concentrate and had to repeat the year. The year I repeated was the best thing I ever did. I got my depression under control and then was able to study and concentrate a lot better.

unhappy_girl wrote:

My love life is crap, I met someone I really liked a few weeks ago but he cancelled on our first date, he kept texting me for a couple of weeks after but never asked me out again so I ended up telling him if you don't like me then stop leading me on. I never heard back from him. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year, both my exes are in happy long term relationships and I'm on my own. I'd love to settle down with someone too but have lost all faith in relationships, my first boyfriend broke up with me and was horrible about it which knocked me a lot. My second boyfriend has left me with no confidence, he has admitted he was never that into me in the first place and the sexual side of things really broke me down because he'd always just say goodnight and roll over the second he got into bed, which didn't exactly make me feel attractive. ..

I know its a cliche to say but almost every girl has to go through the bad eggs to get to the good one. I had one really sh*te boyfriend who really abused me in every way possible but I am so pleased I went out with him as I know I will never be taken for granted agian or treated like that again. You sound like such a nice girl and you really cant lose faith in love just cos of some d*ckhead in the past. Use this year out from college to become more confident in yourself and reavaluate your self worth.

unhappy_girl wrote:

As for money, I'm 2000 in debt and am supposed to be paying it all back to the bank in a month. In the unlikely event that I did pass my exams I will have to work during my final year which doesn't bode well for a physics course because it's a very difficult course and I need all the study time I can get..

Im actually in a similar circumstance at the moment. I got out 7000 euro three years ago to repeat my college year internally from AIB.This summer they put me under huge pressure to repay it as my intrest is already going up and up even though it was a student loan. Anyways Im a medical student and itl be another three years before I finish now so I explained to them I have no chance of paying it back till I graduate. So in the end I got a loan out with the bank of Ireland and paid back the aib. I now dont have to pay back the bank of Ireland until I graduate. So I would highly reccomend going into the bank of Ireland as they dont ask for the loan repayments until you graduate.

This is

the important thing u should remember is that u have the chance to learn from your mistakes in college and everything in general.., not many people stay away from learning the hard way.

If u just set a direct debit of about 25e for 2 years from ur current account on ur part time job u wont even notice ur debt being paid off. repeat externally - get tutorials from ur mates who passed the course already but check to see if u can continue the course into the next year cause some colleges allow this if u have enough credits.

as for love, the opposite sex in general, its not something we can remedy with a certain approach, i reckon its something we find by being ourselves. afterall we cant tell wat the other person is thinking we just have to let them know how it is and if they reject you its better not to dwell. just believe that every day is new and fresh and that things happen to us wen we least expect them to.

Wex1

One thing I have to say and that's talk to people when you feel like this- a friend, family, the boards, your gp- just get it all out. Then you can concentrate on the bits that make the whole...

Good luck and keep up the talking!!!!