Scared of Driving

LegacyUser

I know it sounds stupid but this has become a MAJOR issue for me.

I'm 23, just graduated but have not learned to drive yet. Problem is I wont be able to get a job unless I can drive - not that the job particularly involves driving but being able to drive is pretty much essential to being employed in the area.

Thing is, I'm TERRIFIED of learning to drive. I don't really know why. I'm not a nervous passenger or anything, I just can't imagine myself actually driving. I seem to have a mental block about this. Believe it or not, I even have a little car and have been insured for nearly a year (!!), but just couldn't bring myself to do it. But that means I'm basically unemployable.

I took the summer off, like most of my friends, but now everyone is getting jobs. But I can't. I always knew I'd have to learn to drive but just kind of put it off, found excuses, tried to forget about it. I'm not like this about anything else, I'm actually usually very organised and prepared, so I'm not used to being in a situation like this.

On top of that I have a €5000 loan I have to pay back starting from next month and I really don't know what to do. I've started losing contact with friends and becoming withdrawn because they just remind me of the problem and that I'm being left behind. And also, my father keeps nagging at me that I'll never get a job, that my degree will be a waste, that I'll end up working in the local shop forever.

I have booked my first driving lesson for this week and I'm terrified. I know I just have to get on with it and that's what I'm trying to do, but I just don't know how I'm going to deal with everybody in the meantime?

I can't believe I got myself into this situation...

Wibbs

As you say it's a major issue for you so therefore it's not stupid. It's just a phobia. Look I know people who have two left feet and couldn't find their arse with both hands and a map and they drive(God love us all:D ). Like all phobias you'll just have to try and face it. Trust me you'll look back at this and laugh probably while driving your car.

eth0_

Have you had a bad experience that's made you phobic of driving?
It sounds like you have driven before and something happened that freaked you out - i'm just presuming, it seems a bit odd to buy a car before you've ever even sat in the drivers seat.

Have you thought of hypnotherapy maybe? See how you get on with your driving lesson - make sure they're a reputable driving school. They'll have dealt with very nervous drivers before and will know how to put you at ease.

Oriel

I'm kinda in the same situation as you. I'm 24 and I wish to God I had just learned when I was 17/18, like everybody else. I've had a car nearly a year now, haven't insured it though (nor driven it, mind).
I've taken a few lessons, but the whole thing appears to be unusually daunting.

S.

Mrs_Doyle

left behind wrote:

I know it sounds stupid but this has become a MAJOR issue for me.

I'm 23, just graduated but have not learned to drive yet. Problem is I wont be able to get a job unless I can drive - not that the job particularly involves driving but being able to drive is pretty much essential to being employed in the area.

Thing is, I'm TERRIFIED of learning to drive. I don't really know why. I'm not a nervous passenger or anything, I just can't imagine myself actually driving. I seem to have a mental block about this. Believe it or not, I even have a little car and have been insured for nearly a year (!!), but just couldn't bring myself to do it. But that means I'm basically unemployable.

I took the summer off, like most of my friends, but now everyone is getting jobs. But I can't. I always knew I'd have to learn to drive but just kind of put it off, found excuses, tried to forget about it. I'm not like this about anything else, I'm actually usually very organised and prepared, so I'm not used to being in a situation like this.

On top of that I have a €5000 loan I have to pay back starting from next month and I really don't know what to do. I've started losing contact with friends and becoming withdrawn because they just remind me of the problem and that I'm being left behind. And also, my father keeps nagging at me that I'll never get a job, that my degree will be a waste, that I'll end up working in the local shop forever.

I have booked my first driving lesson for this week and I'm terrified. I know I just have to get on with it and that's what I'm trying to do, but I just don't know how I'm going to deal with everybody in the meantime?

I can't believe I got myself into this situation...

I could have posted this myself... or at least part of it.
I graduated from college last year, bought a car, paid for 10 lessons and I haven't used a any of them.
The car sits outside the door and I still don't know how to drive!

Beruthiel

OP
You've made a mole hill into a big, fat mountain.
Having driven a bike for over 10 years, I was more than a tad nervous about driving a car. It felt so big and wide
For a few weekends I would get my b/f up at 8am in the morning just so I could drive around the estate before everyone else was up. After a couple of weeks doing that, I attempted driving to my work on a sunday morning. I was still quite nervous. I've now been driving for over 4 months and flying along. All you truly need is practice on a daily basis. It seriously is that simple.
Go get some driving lessons, try to get them at a quite time, like very early Sat. morning. Don't leave too much of a gap between lessons and try to get some practice in between the lessons. It's just all about constant practice.
In a few months you'll look back and laugh at yourself.

b3t4

OK, OP, stop putting so much pressure on your self. Oh, and try and block out what your Dad is saying to you, he doesn't know any better and thinks he's helping you, as mad as that sounds.

Concentrate only on the driving part of all of this. I know that you won't want to but i'd advise you to tell the person you're having the lesson with that you are nervous about the whole thing. They'll probably have met a hundred or more people just like you and be able to help you out. You are paying them remember

Well done on making the appointment for a driving lesson I'm sure that was tough enough to do

A.

Nightwish

Hey OP you are not alone. I am terrified of driving. I hate it. I know why I do though. I began driving when I was 17 and I was learning, driving on some laneways in the countryside. I crashed the car the day before my Maths Leaving Cert and it made me into a nervous wreck. I'm now petrified of it. I took lessons again 3 years ago and I hated them. The instructor was great and had lots of patience but I hated the nervousness and worrying I had. I used to be sick before the lessons because of fear. I hope to get back driving again this year. If you do succeed in getting behind the wheel, let me know what you did to get over your fear.

Lex_Diamonds

Have you considered a bicycle?




Serious answer: Life has an annoying habit of making us face things we dont necessarily want to do in order to get to a place we want to be, so chin up and all that.

Cheese Princess

I am 28 and only learned to drive last year. I was completely terrified as well and put if off for years. A friend recommended a really good driving instructor and I took a couple of 2 hour lessons to start off. My instructor was actually younger than me! I told her how scared I was and she was great. We started by driving around a circular green over and over and over.
I would advise you to just take it slowly. Don't push yourself and ignore your dad and your friends. At the end of the day you need to feel comfortable. It is scary at the beginning and it takes a lot of practice but the only way to do it is by practising every day until you get your confidence up. And you will feel confident but it will take time.
A good instructor will make all the difference as well so make sure you get one you're happy with.
And not being able to drive isn't the end of the world. I know lots of people who still don't drive and are in their mid 20s.
I was so proud of myself when I finally felt like I could really drive properly. You'll get there - good luck!!

tk123

OP as everyone says your not alone. I have a bike but started car lessons last year and I was really really nervous. When I went for my bike test I took some lessons and my intructor told me I was great so I went from being a confident kickass biker to a crappy scared car driver. The instructor I had for the car was one of the best in the country but looking back now he didn't really help me with my confidence - I used to get nervous before the lessons because he wasn't putting me at ease. I got a early test app (just my luck!) and didn't want to do it because I didn't feel I was in as much control of the car as I woud be on the bike but I was talked into it. I did loads more car lessons up to the test but I was so nervous I messed up my reverse and failed I was so relieved I failed because I didn't feel ready to be out in a car on my own - that was in Dec and I haven't been out in the car since. I'm planning on doing more lessons and trying again but with a different instructor this time.

Canis Lupus

What Berethuiel said.

leeroybrown

OP - learning to drive is similar to learning to ride a bicycle or swim. Both of those require that you get over an inherent fear before you can progress. Remember that every learner is nervous, every learner is slow, every learner makes mistakes and every learner takes a while to feel comfortable.

Just do some lessons with a decent instructor. They should be able to put you at ease and keep you safe from any mistake you might make (dual controls, etc). They should also be used to nervous new drivers. The more time you spend in the car the more comfortable you will feel. When you feel a little more comfortable you could get a (calm) friend who has a full licence to go out in your own car with you. As Beruthial says the secret is to not space the lessons out too much.

Also, if your father is the kind of person who will wind you up with suggestions, etc then don't go out in your own car with him as it'll only annoy you.

jinxycat

hey, i was in the same boat about 2 weeks ago. i was really nervous about driving and putted it off completely. i was a passenger in a crash a few years back and it put me off tbh, i still get nervous when the person driving is going fast, even though it's acceptable(ie the limit on the road).

alas i booked my lessons there about 2 weeks ago, told the instructor that i was really nervous so he brought me out on country roads, i wasn't expecting to be driving on the roads straight away, i assumed they'd bring you somewhere like an industrial estate til you felt comfortable driving, boy i was wrong:D

Though i have to say it was grand, i was still ****ting a brick, now 2 weeks later i'm still nervous but not as much and am beginning to enjoy my lessons. oh and yeah i'd agree to get them close together, don't space them out too much.

i'm getting them every monday and tuesday morning which is great coz i actually remember what he said to me then

yeah i still make mistakes but nothing major, hell on my first lesson i broke the speed limit infront of the guards without realsing til my instructor told me, which made me even more nervous, thinking they'd stop me but they didn't.

don't worry the instructor will be there to help you along at all times.

best of luck on your lesson, let us know how it goes.

ps sorry for the long rant, just thought i'd add my experience so you'd know it's not as bad as you think it's gonna be.:)

smemon

i know people who are petrified of driving and find any excuse possible to get out of it.

it is quite daunting, i bought a car in june and just did it. I'm now pretty comfortable driving and don't fear rolling back on a hill or stalling at lights

i think all of this is down to one thing - manual transmission. automatic cars are a breeze to learn to drive in, just brake and accelerate and keep your eyes on the road.

manual cars need clutch control, gear changes, brake, accelerator and handbrake. learning to drive in a manual car for the first time is scary. you'll be afraid of hills, won't like stopping at lights, crawling in traffic... and it's all because of manual transmission imo.

if it's a big issue and you just can't get over it, i recommend buying an automatic car if you really need it. i know plenty of people (women mostly) who have to drive automatics.

if i had the cash, i'd buy a semi-automatic mini with steptronic paddles my dream car.

leeroybrown

Slightly OT but it's important to remember that sitting your test in an automatic will result in an automatic-only driving licence being given.

Black Swan

OP: At least you will have an instructor who does not make fun of you when you grind the gears when shifting, or overcontrol the steering wheel. My cousins! They taught me to drive. It was an experience I would not wish to repeat. Your instructor will put you at ease, so it really will not be that big of a deal for you once you get started. I would not fall back on public transport, or bikes like suggested by others in this thread. Me? Now I am like Transporter I and II combined. I can outdrive those jeering cousins of mine, and now, I have the last laugh.:D

Ruu_Old

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

OP: At least you will have an instructor who does not make fun of you when you grind the gears when shifting, or overcontrol the steering wheel. My cousins! They taught me to drive. It was an experience I would not wish to repeat. Your instructor will put you at ease, so it really will not be that big of a deal for you once you get started. I would not fall back on public transport, or bikes like suggested by others in this thread. Me? Now I am like Transporter I and II combined. I can outdrive those jeering cousins of mine, and now, I have the last laugh.:D

Don't they have drivers ed in high school (equivalent of secondary in Ireland) in the US? None such thing in Ireland.

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement! It's nice to know that there are others in a similar situation so I don't feel so silly.

First lesson is on Wednesday morning so I guess I'll just have to take the bull by the horns / bite the bullet etc. etc.... I do feel relieved now that I have the lesson booked and I'm actually doing something constructive about the problem.

susiesue

I was exactly like you, terrified, it had turned into a complete phobia, I spent hundreds on lessons and was getting worse with every one. Eventually after 5 years of this and dragging 3 kids on a bus everyday a friend suggested I try out his automatic in a quiet industrial estate. I couldn't believe how easy I took to it. I got one and was on the road in weeks. I am still not the most confident and would only drive certain journeys, but I am getting there. People say, but you will only ever have an automatic licence for automatic cars - yeah fine that suits me.

Wex1

OP - don't keep thinking about all the scary bits of driving - think of all the good bits - freedom, independence, (I was going to say money but cars eat the bloody stuff!)

Just make sure the car is reliable - my first was cheap and nasty, broke down the first time I went off on my own!

I was driving for over a year before I didn't get white knuckles every time I say a car meeting me! But within a couple of years i'd done inner city dublin, cork, kerry, donegal and anywhere else in between.

Just take it easy and find your space, a whole new world awaits!!!!:D

LegacyUser

When i first started learning to drive I did a few bad lessons with some not so great instructors and I was really nervous. As a result i didnt drive for another year.........My advice would be
Make sure your Driving Instructor comes recommended, a number of schools specialise in teaching nervous drivers so they take you out when there is no one on the road
Dont let any of your family in the car with you, they usually end up undoing half the stuff you learnt in your lessons or worse still using hte handbreak/indicators/lights etc for you.
Remember that it is who are in control afterall the car can only go where you point it
I got myself an excellent driving instructor and went from nervous wreck to passing my test in 3 months,

blooeyes

hi, i started my driving lessons Oct 05, i was so scared!!! I was 39 and had decided that i was going to be driving by the time i was 40. I could never see myself driving and had been a passenger in a couple of accidents (nothing major), but i took the lessons with heart pounding and the instructor was great, took me around the local park for the first few lessons. When i first went onto the roads i was so scared, i made a good few mistakes, even ended up on pavement a couple of times (honest) but now i have a lil car and i drive to work by myself ( i know i shudnt but u wait so long for the test), i still get days where i am nervous and sometimes i say sod it and get the bus. But i turned 40 there at the beginning of August and yes i could drive!!!! S0 go for it and learn it's not as bad as you think! Good Luck.

Sarn

Same experience here. I used to dread having to drive, didn't start to learn properly until I was 27 (benefit of living in Dublin with DART and Bus lanes).

I arranged to take time off work so I could learn at a "quiet time" (if that's possible on Dublin roads). Was trembling while doing it and took a while to come down after it but did it none the less. It was the clutch, gears etc that used to stress me. Practiced with family members in their car during quiet times. Still stressed. Stopped driving for a year.

It wasn't until I got my own car that I got over the stress. It just had to be done (nothing like a woman as an incentive as well). At that point I figured if I spent all that money then I HAD to drive, it worked. Echoing Beruthiel, I drove to work at quiet times to limit my exposure to rush hour traffic and practiced at the weekend. Little by little the stress went away and now it's no problem.

Not being able to drive does not mean you are being left behind, your degree will not be put to waste. I know very successful people in their 30s unable to drive (although they do live in Dublin). Learn to drive for the right reasons, for yourself and the freedom to go wherever and whenever you want.

LegacyUser

Had my first driving lesson this morning. Just practiced starting and stopping and driving around a quiet housing estate.

Lots of cutting out unfortunately but think I'm getting the hang of it now. Wasn't as bad as I thought though... At least I've made a start.

Thanks again for all the replies, they were definitely reassuring and encouraging!

sullivk

I know exactly how you feel OP. I'm 19 and I'm getting my first car next week. I had my first driving lesson yesterday, I was a nervous wreck!
Because Ive never driven before the instructor just brought me to a car park for the hour and made me drive around all the cars and stuff. We just practiced taking off, stopping and steering. He wasn't very patient with me tbh. He told me that driving was easy
(EASY FOR HIM TO SAY!!!)

After yesterday I really cant imagine myself driving on a road. I have this major phobia of cutting out with a line of traffic beeping me from behind, or not being able to turn corners in time, or not braking in time etc...

Ive got another 4 lessons left and tbh I hope I get a different instructor.
I think once I get my car Ill do what a previous poster said and take it out really early on a sunday morning so theres not as much traffic about.

Hopefully with a bit of practice us
"driving-phobes" can get out on the road!! Goodluck!

Beruthiel

left behind wrote:

Lots of cutting out unfortunately

That's very normal when driving any new machine. It takes at least a couple of weeks to get to know a car or bike, they all have their own little personalitites. Once you get to know them, you'll be flying.

Poker & Pints

left behind wrote:

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement! It's nice to know that there are others in a similar situation so I don't feel so silly.

First lesson is on Wednesday morning so I guess I'll just have to take the bull by the horns / bite the bullet etc. etc.... I do feel relieved now that I have the lesson booked and I'm actually doing something constructive about the problem.

One recommendation that may also help after the lesson...I helped a mate of mine by doing this. Go to a golf course and drive the buggie around the course. I would play and my mate just drove the buggie. She said it made a huge difference.

smemon

just a point on an 'automatic only' license. i doubt very much the guards would think of checking to see if your car is automatic should they stop you, if you have a pink license, they don't want to know.

it's the same with glasses - i doubt they check to see if everyone wears glasses.

having said that, it could turn nasty insurance wise if you were at fault for an accident.

the quick and easy solution is to get an automatic car and then maybe try and change to manual in time - although i doubt you'd want to after starting in an auto.

best of luck anyway, practice makes perfect

Gillo

Thats great that you've started. Look if you are not happy with your instructor drop him or her. It's jsut a case of practicing again and again and again, and before you know it you'll be flying (actually try to stay on the ground;)
)
I was lucky and got a great instructor, even when I messed up and started causing traffic jams, with others cars beeping me, he just turned to me and basically said "f*&k them, they can see you're only learning".

PM me if you want his details.

last_orders

it just takes experience, im 22 iv been driving for only 2 weeks and i started out a complete whiteknuckled nervous wreack, iv had 12 hour long lessons an iv drivin long distance runs solo as well as loads of short trips in that 2 weeks an now the fear is gone and the happy novelty of driving is strong altough that will ware off and driving will just become another fact of life. im still making little mistakes like the odd cutout or being in the wrong lane coming up to traffic lights but as long as you take your time, dont let assholes who are in a rush to go nowhere beeping you freak you out, everyone was a lerner at some stage remember.

Pigman II

Sounds like you're pussying out over nothing.

I have a medical condition which basically means I have limited field of vision and practically no depth percetion. I can't enjoy 3d movies either (which is a bitch - Nighmare b4 xmas is coming out soon too! ) Anyway,Well I'm learning to drive, so why can you?

Another way I like to rationalise it is : Think of the stupidest most inept person you know who can drive. Well they're out there driving right now, so what's stopping you?

smemon

Pigman II wrote:

Another way I like to rationalise it is : Think of the stupidest most inept person you know who can drive. Well they're out there driving right now, so what's stopping you?

exactly. that can be big motivation. if JADE GOODY can drive, so can you

hadook

last_orders wrote:

....iv been driving for only 2 weeks and i started out a complete whiteknuckled nervous wreack, iv had 12 hour long lessons an iv drivin long distance runs solo as well as loads of short trips in that 2 weeks an now the fear is gone...

Please tell me I'm reading that wrong.. You've been driving for just two weeks and have done long distance runs on your own? :eek: By long distance you don't mean Dublin-Cork do you?

OP - My pink license arrived yesterday. I've been driving for over a year and have gone from stalling the car backing it out the driveway (and parking lengthways between the gates and getting the car stuck - OH reckons he couldn't have managed that had he tried to!) to driving to and from work (120 miles roundtrip) 5 days a week. Don't worry about stalling at lights - it's gonna happen & the only thing you can do is restart the car & get on with it.

lau1247

left behind wrote:

Had my first driving lesson this morning. Just practiced starting and stopping and driving around a quiet housing estate.

Lots of cutting out unfortunately but think I'm getting the hang of it now. Wasn't as bad as I thought though... At least I've made a start.

Thanks again for all the replies, they were definitely reassuring and encouraging!

Sorry guys for long post..
It's good to know you have started..
you are lucky you have a car..

I'm looking for a car of my own at the moment..
Hopefully I find mine soon..
I got my full licence a year and half ago..
Overall I took 7 lessons weekly from august 04 when I first send off my application..
I only took 7 because college has started..
Then I stopped until december before I took 3 more weekly..
My application came through in mid march schedule for mid april.. I took about 4 more lessons..
Passed it on the first go..
To date I have only driven with the instructor..
that's about 17 hours of experience
Can you believe it?
If I can do it, you definitely can too..

Trust me, when I started with the instructor..
I was shaking.. it really is about practice..
I used to get cut off, still do (rarely)..
every car is different..
Luckily my instructor's car have a car with good clutch..
I.e it has big gap where you can let go of the clutch before it stalls..

A tip from what my instructor told me..
Be sure to keep this in mind..
Cutting off is fine.. nothing to worry about..
you're asking why right?
He said "It's because other people know you're in an instructor's car on the road and you're a new driver and that they'll understand"..
That helped me a lot..

Remember if you ever feel out of control, just slow down a bit.. until you gain control again.. before you pick it back up

BTW have you applied for the actual test??
PM me, I have a good tip for the test which I think is very important.. if you're interested..

blondie83

Hey another recently graduated 23 year old here without the ability to drive! I think my problem is that I had my first flying lesson at the age of 15, and my first driving lesson at the age of 21 Thing is I took to the flying like a duck to water, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. I didn't take to driving at all though and had a couple of lessons with bad instructors which completly put me off it. But then I started going out driving with my parents in the quiet roads around our estate and that's had a great effect. I haven't really had to learn how to drive yet, so I haven't...but will have to soon! (My mum sitting in the passanger seat covering her face with her hands doesnt put me off in the slihtest for some reason:D ). Anyway like my parents told me, everyone has to work at it at the start, but stick with it and it with become second nature...I'm assuming they're right anyway!

Supercell

left behind, I started driving last year aged 34.
To say I was absolutely crapping my pants is an understatement.
The driving instructor was great, put me totaly at ease and now have to say i love driving
Believe me, there will be a who hoo moment when you realise you are actually driving the car and from then on you should feel better.

Best of luck, and realise you are soon about to get rid of the phobia..once you actually get behind the wheel with a good instructor you are set. Don't sweat about crashing it, the instructors car will have pedals for him too in case you make a mistake in the passenger seat so just enjoy it and in no time you will be driving yourself!.

Byrno

To be honest OP I was a bit like you. For no reason in particular I was petrified of driving, but I amn't a bad passanger! However I live in the country and am relying on lifts/taxis all the time so I need to learn. I also got driving lessons for my 21st and they expire next month so I needed to get my act together.

Eventually I took my first lesson a month ago and all I can say is that I've never sweated so much while being stationary! I wasn't expecting to be taken onto a road but in my first lesson I was even negotiating roundabouts! All during the lesson the instructor kept telling me to loosen my grip as I was clutching onto the steering wheel as if letting go would cause me to go flying out the window! I could barely walk afterwards due to the adrenaline rushing through me.

However it has gotten a lot better. I've taken five lessons now in the last month and slowly I'm getting the hang of it. I'm far more relaxed behind the wheel and I'm realising that being in an instructors car means that other drivers give you far more leeway than usual. As my instructor keeps saying, "They all had to start where you are once". Anyway good luck with the driving lark, it doesn't seem to be as bad as it first appears.