Dont know what to do

LegacyUser

hey decided to go unregistered for this one,

Ive been seeing this girl for 4 months, were getting on great perfect in everyway.

She has known my group of friends a bit before we went out. i knew my mate John thought she was really attractive. He has a GF of his own for 3 yrs but none of us in our group of friends think he is really happy in his relationship.

Basically everytime were out having a few drinks he make comments to make him look good and me bad in front of my GF.
He sez something about positive about wat shes wearing and then wud say that i didnt notice that ! im know this sounds stupid.

Also when the two of them are talking one on one he tells her how bad his relationship is goin and hes not happy and asks her for a hug.

Now i trust my GF totally and she tells me everything vice verse, it sounds stupid i know but it bugs me that hes doing these things !

Any advice on wat to do to make this feeling go away ???

free2fly

Talk to him about it and let him know that it bothers you and ask him to stop doing it. If he's a good friend he will stop.

LegacyUser

i know but its easier sed than done and if i do say anything im making myself out to be very insecure.

and ill be seen as making something out of nothing !!

LegacyUser

Am i the one being stupid or is he out of line ??

Amazotheamazing

One of your other mates should tell him to cop on.

exCrumlinBoyo

If I was you this is what I would do. Speak to your girl and let her know how you feel. Tell her you trust her and all that good stuff. Ask your so called friend to leave off your gal nicely and tell him you would appreciate that he follow your wishes, if he dose not you can either knock him out or stop going out with him. It’s simple. He is not a friend if that’s the way he behaves towards your girl.

free2fly

paramhyt wrote:

Am i the one being stupid or is he out of line ??

He's out of line IMO. He has a GF. Unhappy with her or not he has no right to be saying those things to your GF and asking for hugs. Does your gf know how you feel about this? The suggestions to have one of your other mates tell him to back off might work if you don't feel that you want to do it yourself.

Trinity

And where does this 'mates' GF be while all this is going on?

Invite her out the next time you are going. That'll stop him in his tracks. He'll be crapping in case someone brings anything up.

oulu

He is jealous and not acting like a real friend, I would let your girl know what is going on so she can give you some support which is always nice to get. This hugging somebody elses GF what is all that about, I only hug my Woman no other, It is something that I never understand I think it is some lads getting a quick thrill note not all lads, Your mate is trying to make himself appear great and you the fool, You should cool it abit with him ie just you and your GF , Why not go away for a weekend just the 2 of you's, I bet your mate will try leech on with his GF but say you both want to be alone, Next time your mate says something to you pull him up on it dont be idiot standing there taking it, looks bad on front of your GF, does she think the hugs are ok?

SoupyNorman

A tricky one, he sounds like creep and it seems quite apparent he is testing the water with regards to your ladys fidelity.

If my girl hugged any of my friends "after a chat", there would be words!

Why not get your GF to chat with Johns GF and see if she feels like their relationship is in the toilet???


You have every right to be suspicious, it stinks of old socks.

LegacyUser

oulu wrote:

He is jealous and not acting like a real friend, I would let your girl know what is going on so she can give you some support which is always nice to get. This hugging somebody elses GF what is all that about, I only hug my Woman no other, It is something that I never understand I think it is some lads getting a quick thrill note not all lads, Your mate is trying to make himself appear great and you the fool, You should cool it abit with him ie just you and your GF , Why not go away for a weekend just the 2 of you's, I bet your mate will try leech on with his GF but say you both want to be alone, Next time your mate says something to you pull him up on it dont be idiot standing there taking it, looks bad on front of your GF, does she think the hugs are ok?

He told her he needed a hug and that he felt unhappy in his relationship and couldn't understand why we were so happy, she was giving him some advice.

Then he asked for another hug 5 mins later.

When she told me the next day i was gonna say something to him, but she said not too.

Black Swan

Don't betray your g/f's trust. But when you see him doing it yourself, then use that occasion to talk to John and tell him how you feel. Ask him to stop it.

LegacyUser

Im not sure im gonna talk to another friend about it.
But Johns GF was out with us wen he told my GF he was unhappy in his relationship. 20 mnis later John is scoring his own GF.

In fairness to John he has only made half a dozen comments over the last four months. He has only done the hug thing twice on one ocasion.

Its just been bugging me recently. cos he made a comment the other nite we were all out.
if he makes a comment the next time any suggestions as to how i shud reply ?

ShiverinEskimo

paramhyt wrote:

if he makes a comment the next time any suggestions as to how i shud reply ?

"Oh here we go - slag me to make you look good - is it that time already? I hoped i'd be drunker by now - makes it easier to listen to this ****e"

Followed closely by a smile to keep it all civil..

6th

Say:
"listen its not like i think you're seriously hitting on her or anything would happen ... its just you're being a dick".

Fanny Cradock

If your girlfriend said not to say anything then you having it out over a ouple of hugs and half a dozen comments would only put in a bad light, and convince others that you are a wee bit insecure. do you think you are being just that?

assuming you are not paranoid, and he is trying to goad you into looking like a fool, then flipping out would be exactly what he wants. in similiar manner, any rant about this guy to your gf would have the same damaging effect. relax, bight your lip, and only disguss it with your gf or him if you can't take it anymore. think about the reaction he wants and avoid doing it.

however, if it happens again, why not take your friend aside that night and, in a concerned tone, say something like " oh, i hear things aren't going too well between you and your gf". he may realise that what he says to your gf gets back to you.

LegacyUser

Cheers thanks for all the advise really appreciate it !!!

I think i will hav a chat to him about his relationship and let him know that i know what he said to my GF

challengemaster

you need to talk with your "friend" and get him to stop this. if he was a true friend he would have some cop on and not do this

cheeky_guy

I was always under the impression only gay blokes asked girls for a hug?? :eek:

Moojuice

He is making moves, testing the water. I was in a similar situation I did not say anything. Either say something or remain worried. Just ask him straight out what his game is, if he gets defensive explain how it looks to you.

cance

ShiverinEskimo wrote:

"Oh here we go - slag me to make you look good - is it that time already? I hoped i'd be drunker by now - makes it easier to listen to this ****e"

Followed closely by a smile to keep it all civil..

yes... but it lacks intent...

instead of the smile try a kick in the testicals under the table

or just try the old favourite, wait for your insult, throw it back at him with serious devastation and watch him squirm.

"thats a lovely dress you are wearing xxxxx, pity your boyfriend didnt notice".

i dont know john, after a comment like that im begining to think the dress would suit you better." *roll eyes*

be extra mean with your response, it will make the point of "dont fuck with me you little pr1ck" while at the same time just turning his joke around on him.

you may get a "wow there, no need for that!?!?" from him but just remember he started it, so you finished it. If you insult him enough to get a reaction then he will think twice about slaggin you again.

oulu

Your GF knows all now correct, so maybe let her know that to many hugs from him are annoying you, not that it is the hug more who the hug is with, do say something say it nicely he will get meesage , You need to show GF you stand up for yourself

ShiverinEskimo

I think my approach lets him know you're aware, sick of it, and points it out to everyone that its regular and getting old without being the guy that rocks the boat. If the OP reacts strongly it will seem out of the blue and unjustified and could even backfire if he is the one that is singled out as the trouble maker. If someone's being sly and smart - be sly and smart back - reacting strong or violently will only bring the attention on you.

fuzzywiggle

If this were me, I wouldn't be happy. But since nothing major has happened, I wouldn't make a big deal over it. Just see what he says the next time he's talking to your gf. If he's ever out of line in a big way then let him know.

LundiMardi

if you trust your gf like you say you do,, then leave it. If he persists, then maybe make something of it. But like you said, there has only been a few coments made, and the hugging issue only happened once...

You won't have to worry about anything happening if you trust her, and she will tell you if he tries anything serious.

So chill out, enjoy the fact your in a trusting relationship and let the guy chase a lost cause.

Blub2k4

Personally I'd get your gf to deal with it, let her cut him down to size, that way he'll be in no doubt as the knockback would come from her. She'll also get the chance that way to prove to him that she's not interested.

Citizen Jake

I had a friend like that once, he would put the other guys in the group down if we were at a party to improve his own scoring potential. Also tended to take too much of an interest in myself and GF at the time's affairs. It was annoying, I had my suspicions but nothing ever happened and it's all in the past now but do wish I had said something at the time.

Needless to say as you move through life you get a better insight into who are longterm friends and who aren't. People come and go. You may as well say something now if you and John are likely to be friends in a few years' time. Friendship is as much about trust as it is respect, if you feel you are being disrespected by your friend's behaviour you may as well say something. If he respects you he'll understand and will have no reason to be angry.

Does your GF now how his behaviour is annoying you or does she think he's harmless?

ianmc38

6th wrote:

Say:
"listen its not like i think you're seriously hitting on her or anything would happen ... its just you're being a dick".

Nice.

LegacyUser

Citizen Jake wrote:

I had a friend like that once, he would put the other guys in the group down if we were at a party to improve his own scoring potential. Also tended to take too much of an interest in myself and GF at the time's affairs. It was annoying, I had my suspicions but nothing ever happened and it's all in the past now but do wish I had said something at the time.

Needless to say as you move through life you get a better insight into who are longterm friends and who aren't. People come and go. You may as well say something now if you and John are likely to be friends in a few years' time. Friendship is as much about trust as it is respect, if you feel you are being disrespected by your friend's behaviour you may as well say something. If he respects you he'll understand and will have no reason to be angry.

Does your GF now how his behaviour is annoying you or does she think he's harmless?

Yeah i think she thinks its harmless ! she doesnt know it bothers me !

LegacyUser

im not sure exactly wat to do ! everyone seems to have different opinions !
Im not an aggresive person so im not gonna go insane at him if he does say somthing. but i know sumthing has to be sed im not gonna bite my lip !