should i be upset

LegacyUser

Hi. Have been friends with my closest friend since we were four. The last few yrs she has gone on holidays to popular destination. Everytime she goes away she turns into this sex crazed girl and goes off with all these foreign guys (Im not being racist, its her preference but its important to my story). She returns to the same place a few times a year with her family. She had been going out with a foreign guy there but they broke up. Presently, she has a boyfriend here at home (hes foreign too). A few weeks ago she went away on hols, when she came back she said she met her aforementioned ex but claimed (many times) nothing happened. I didn't think much of it and anyway its her business. However, a few nights ago we were having a night out and in the middle she confessed she had in fact slept with the ex. Now, in the middle of a night out isnt the place to confess you had been lying and what more could i do at the time besides force a smile and shrug it off. However today I've been thinking about it alot. I'm really hurt about the fact that she lied to me about it, nevermind she cheated on her boyfriend. I know this wasnt the best way to let her know how I felt but I texted her about it (I am at work) and she replied totally ignoring it about something else. I didn't reply.

Just wondering what others think.

Hellm0

To be honest it really comes down to you, how do you feel that your friend is doing these kind of things? Does it bother you enough to stop being friends with her?
In all reality I would be pissed off with a friend if they cheated on their girlfriend but that wouldnt trouble me overly so unless I knew the girl well, if they lied to me about it I might be a bit annoyed though.
Just bare in mind that whatever she does to other people, as long as she doesnt do it to you theres no reason you cant still be friends, unless it bothers you.

Miguel_Sanchez

Ok really whether she slept with this guy or not isn't really any of your business. And she would have lied to you about it maybe because she felt bad that she did it or maybe because she didn't want her boyfriend to find out.

It's not a big deal that she lied to you, her sleeping with or not sleeping with this guy doesn't affect you directly. Also, she did come clean about it to you so if you think about it that way then she probably felt bad and felt compelled to tell you the truth.

So I think you're putting a bit more emphasis on the lie than I think you should. Now her lying to her boyfriend about it or cheating on her boyfriend in the first place is a much bigger deal. But again, that's her issue, not yours.

fuzzywiggle

It's really none of your business. Are you jealous? Why are you so annoyed? She didn't want to tell you probably because she knew you would frown upon it! So what, she told you a white lie. Look how you're reacting :rolleyes: I don't blame her

LegacyUser

I'm not jealous I'm just hurt that after years of friendship she would lie about it. If she had told the truth I wouldn't have bat an eyelid. I am always honest with her.

Beruthiel

she lied, because she knew you would not approve.

Miguel_Sanchez

unreg18femalec wrote:

I'm not jealous I'm just hurt that after years of friendship she would lie about it. If she had told the truth I wouldn't have bat an eyelid. I am always honest with her.

I'm sure if you think about it you'll find times when you lied to her about small things for whatever reason. Time to dismount from thy lofty horse.

Everytime she goes away she turns into this sex crazed girl

I'm not sure if this comment stems from jealousy or just plain disapproval but I think you should probably cut your friend some slack. She did something that maybe she wasn't proud of. It's hard for people to admit they've done something wrong. She lied about it at first but did tell you the truth about it. She could have easily continued to lie and you would never have known the difference. But she didn't. She told you the truth of her own accord. Does that not show you that maybe she counts you as a good friend?

You shouldn't be upset about this. Everything isn't just black and white all the time.

spinandscribble

clearly shes ashamed of her actions and she of course didnt want you to know. you seem already to judge her for what she does and i doubt you have been able to hide how you feel about her love life so i couldnt blame the girl for not telling you.
stop taking everything to heart, like the obove poster there are shades of grey and give your friend a break.

Heyes

unreg18femalec wrote:

I'm not jealous I'm just hurt that after years of friendship she would lie about it. If she had told the truth I wouldn't have bat an eyelid. I am always honest with her.

Beruthiel hit the nail on the head tbh. Of course she didnt want to lie to you, she probable felt bad about it, hence why a little while later she told you. She knows full well what she did was wrong, and that you wouldnt approve. There is absolutaly no point been annoyed in this given situation. Best thing to do is call her ( texts are never good at making points very clear ) and explain how you felt and that she is not to do that again as in lie to you, and take it from there. Good friends tend to put up with a lot of crap from there friends, hence the fact that your a good friend for sticking around. Dont be annoyed just make your point and move on.

Miss Fluff

unreg18femalec wrote:

If she had told the truth I wouldn't have bat an eyelid. QUOTE]

I beg to differ. In your first post you refer to her as a "sex crazed girl and goes off with all these foreign guys"......Not so sure this is all about the lie OP, seems to me it's the way she conducts herself that is the issue here. Would be crazy to sever a good friendship because you have problems with how she behaves. She probably knows this too, hence her reason for not telling you.

Black Swan

unreg18femalec wrote:

I'm not jealous I'm just hurt that after years of friendship she would lie about it. If she had told the truth I wouldn't have bat an eyelid. I am always honest with her.

Share your concerns with your friend.

LegacyUser

Just want to say it's all sorted now. Had a good talk on the phone yesterday (we were unable to meet up).