Advice please

LegacyUser

I don’t really know what to do.

I have been seeing this guy for about 7 months. He is not Irish.

So, we’ve been getting on really well. Like all couples, we’ve had our ups and downs, but get through them. We’ve said that we love each other, which is true.

Since Saturday, something has happened.

He has found out that his father is very ill. He is in two minds whether to go home or not. I feel a bit numb, even as Im typing this I dunno what to say.

I feel a bit selfish because I don’t want him to go. I thought that the two of us were made of stronger stuff than this but I feel numb right now, and he is shutting down emotionally.

He wont speak about anything. I don’t know what to do

Beruthiel

Support him, tell him you are there if he needs to talk.
He probably should go home for a week to see his Da.
You could offer to go with him for support if he wishes it.

Gordon

upsethelp wrote:

We’ve said that we love each other, which is true.

In my opinion if you feel that way then you have to be able to let him go. Do you think that he won't come back?

fuzzywiggle

He should go to see his ill dad. Put yourself in his position. You would go, wouldn't you, and you would want your boyfriend to want you to go too. How long would he be gone for? Alot of couples have to spend generous amounts of time apart. So he'll be gone for a little while... you'll be ok! There's nothing to say that you two still aren't a strong couple. Keep positive.

Miss Fluff

I don't think you are being fair. You have to remember too that he is in a foreign country and when a crisis like this rears its ugly head, the compulsion to go home is overwhelming as one can't help but feel helpless if far removed from the problem. He obviously loves his Dad and wants to go and be with him. Wanting to do this doesn't mean he loves you any less. Support him in his decision. Don't issue demands and ultimatums, support him all you can and offer to go with him if you can't face being apart.

LegacyUser

He's from the other side of the world. If he was to go home, it would probably be for good. Neither of us could afford to have a long distance relationship.

He asked me already if Id go with him. I had just heard all about his father and I didnt know what to say, for which now I feel bad. he told me if it was me in his situation he'd follow me to the ends of the earth.

He is shutting down. I text him early this morning to tell him I loved him and havent heard anything back - normally we text each other like that.

I feel so selfish. I am terrified for myself and us as a couple.

Feels like I am more concerned about myself than him. I dont want to loose him.

Aidan78

When dealing with such situations, OP, I find it is always best to put yourself in the other person's shoes, as fuzzywiggle above has suggested. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If you were the one living in the foreign country and you had gotten word that one of your parents were ill (God forbid)?

Being away from home when a relative is ill makes the person feel useless. Like if they were at home, there may be something that they could do, even if it was just offer emotional support or take part in an all-night vigil or whatever.

What other posters have said is good advice. Offer emotional support to your boyfriend. Allow him to go home for a little while to see his dad. Keep in regular contact when he's away. In today's modern world there are numerous ways that this can be done. But don't act too clingy - give him some space also to be with his family. If your love for each other is as strong as you claim it to be, then he will be back.

A

Black Swan

upsethelp wrote:

We’ve said that we love each other, which is true.

He has found out that his father is very ill. He is in two minds whether to go home or not.

I feel a bit selfish because I don’t want him to go.

he is shutting down emotionally. He wont speak about anything.

He is obviously upset about his father's illness. If you indeed love him, be supportive of whatever decision he makes (and he needs to make the decision himself). If you act selfish and persuade him not do go, and something happens to his father, he may blame you for his guilt, and your relationship could suffer. Of course, I am just guessing, not really knowing you or him.

Ruu_Old

Sit down with him and let him know that you are there for him, if he needs to talk or whatever decision he needs to make about his father. Good luck and hope all turns out well.