Alcohol black out

LegacyUser

*this is very long, thanks to anyone who reads it*

Hi, i'm a very long time poster on these boards, but i had to go un-regged for this, cause i'm so embarrassed.

I've been going out with my girlfriend 9 months, its my first serious relationship, i'm only 18. I love her with all my heart, and i think she's the one, i really do.

Anyway.

I was at a party on Saturday night, and i was in good spirits. I had had a few cans and was having a good night. A girl i didn't know before that night was chatting away with me, and i realised we were both flirting. I'm a very flirty guy. But once i noticed this, i realised that she didn't know i had a girlfriend. So at the next opportunity, i dropped in something like "Oh, my girlfriend went to that", or something similar. She didn't look too happy, but what can you do. She said she was going to get another drink and that was the last i saw her for the night.

I was so proud of myself, i was pretty drunk, and i had noticed that i was on a dodgy path, and i had gotten off of it.

Anyway, a few minutes later, some of the lads came over and said we were going to do some shots. I'm not a heavyweight, and am usually pretty drunk on 6 cans, which is what i had already had.

i was on a bit of a buzz though, it was a great party, so instead of acknowledging my limits, i agreed to doing shots.

i can't remember anything after that, that was at about 1 o clock in the morning, and i know that i went asleep at 3, because i left a voicemail on my gf's phone. i woke up the next morning with a killer headache and went home.

All i could remember from the party was having fun, i thought i had a great time.

until yesterday. i text a girl who was at the party and asked her had she had a great time. She said she had, and then the usual teenage thing "you were so locked". i laughed it off, and told her i had had a good night too. She then told me that i had tried to kiss the party-girl. (not the one from before, a girl i knew)

I thought she was joking, or trying to mess with me cause i had told her i couldn't remember much, so i text the girl who's party it was, and she confirmed the story.

My head was melted, i went and sat down, and tried to breathe, and try to remember, i literally was trying to grab a hold of any memory from the night, but i couldn't. It's so scary.

I've always been honest with my girlfriend, so last night, after work, i went to her house. I was there for a couple of hours, but never got the chance to say anything. She text me when i got home about a friend of mine that she thinks likes me, and i asked her why we rarely talk about things that are serious face to face. And to stop myself bottling it next time, i told her that i had to tell her something difficult the next time i saw her.

But she wouldn't let me wait, so i had to text her the story, about trying to kiss the girl. My girlfriend knew i was hammered from the voicemails i left, and i had told her that i couldn't remember much of the night.

She was obviously pissed off, and asked some questions about it and then said we'll talk about it tomorrow, and went asleep. I've never had a worse nights sleep.

I'm so so worried about this, i mean, i cant imagine losing this girl, but i know that i easily could.

I've promised her i'm not drinking as much (i promised myself too, i was so scared that i couldn't remember stuff). And i promised her its not going to happen again (it isn't), but still, I don't know what to do.

She's coming down to mine later on so we can talk about it, and i'm so worried.

I don't know what i'm on here for, i just needed to write it down, hear what you have to say.

Thanks

cance

hmmm,

Right well the point here is you did the right thing by telling her.

From what i can read you had no interest at all in actually "playing away from home" so it really isnt all that bad.

what you need here is damage containment, When you see her tonight, apologise, reassure and praise. rinse and repeat. tell her how you didnt want to do it, tell her how you cant believe it happened, tell her about the earlier incident and tell her how it will never happen again.

Once you have made sure your gf is happy with the truth, i would start looking at why you did it, and how to avoid it.

i.e. know your limits.

SGKM

I did a similar thing with my now ex girlfriend except she was standing beside me and saw my try and kiss the girl!! I dont remember it at all,so i just explained to her that i was out of my mind drunk and after a bit of apologising she forgave me.

Just explain to her how u feel about her,that it was a mistake and she should forgive you,she'd be pretty bent to not forgive you and break up with you over it. Its not as if you went out with the sober intention of cheating on her. It was a drunken mistake and everybody makes them!

NeMiSiS

Well.. if she's .. understanding.. she'll understand.. Just don't drink so much again.. stick to your limits. You should consider there would be.. no harm in her not knowing.. you 'tried' to kiss a girl while out of your face.. big deal.

TK

Marksie

Well texting is perhaps the best way to break that... however it has given you both time to think
However, she may be pissed off but at least is coming around to talk about it.
Telling her was the best.

Just be contrite. apologise and accept that it wont happen again.

Cyrus

2 things are important here:

1) you were blind drunk and dont remember doing it, i doubt the intent was there, after that much drink we men degenerate to caveman and u were running on instinct. You didnt mean it and you feel bad, thats a good thing, itd be a problem if you had wanted to do it.

Saying im a flirty guy is not a good thing, u can stop urself and you should before it gets u into more trouble

2) it was just (or it seems it wasnt even) a kiss. not a good thing, but not near as bad as going the whole hog

LegacyUser

I just got a text off her there saying

"you were going to cheat on me but the girl had sense"

And she's right. But its not my fault. But i cant just blame drink, i was holding the drink, i was drinking it. So i'm responsible too.

But i cant remember anything, i haven't a clue if i was going to cheat or if the girls just over-reacted to a bad joke.

I'll see her in an hour and a half and i'm worried.

Tazzle

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill here, you didn't go out with the intention of cheating on your girlfriend, you weren't soberly going off with another bird. From the sounds of things nothing really happened at all. Alot of people get in the same situation you're in, it's just drunken stupidity. Nobody got hurt, it isn't a big deal! You're only young.

Miss Fluff

Ah you poor thing, don't worry hon
I'd be completely honest, tell her what you told us and tell her the story of the first girl (not that YOU were flirting obviously:rolleyes: ) but that someone was being flirtatious with you and at the first opportunity you mentioned you had a GF, i.e. that's how important she is to you. Tell her how much you had to drink and remind her of the drunken voicemails, she should have a good idea of how twisted you actually were. You've been really honest with her and obviously love her, hopefully it will work out for you. Tell her you won't be getting so rat-arsed again too.

LegacyUser

I think U are making a mountain out of a molehill.

U tried to kiss another girl (was it her birthday ?) because U
had too much to drink and U were feeling happy. BUT - U did
it in front of other people (U didn't go sneaking off ...) ;
U didn't feel her tit or drop the hand (I take it). U were just
feeling extra jolly and affectionate due to the drink. U didn't
sleep with her or wake up with your underpants on your head.

Don't let your g/f tell U that U did (or intended to do) something
different - when that was not the case. In fact, U shouldn't have
bothered to mention it to her at all - a closed mouth catches no flies :
especially when it comes to 'the wimmin' ! Look at the trouble U
have made for yourself.

U were that locked that I doubt if U would have even been able
to 'bash the gash' anyway.

This passing out business can happen very easily if U
are indeed having shots/spirits after drinking a lorry
load of beer. U were just lucky U didn't wake up to find
that U pissed yourself.

Lesson learned ??? Until the next time ...

vandermeyde

no-memory wrote:

"you were going to cheat on me but the girl had sense"

.

if she has that low an opinion of you, maybe she's not quite the girl you think she is.

you were honest and contrite. If she can't handle that its her problem.

Don't let yourself be a doormat because it sounds like shes getting ready to beat you over the head with this at every opportunity. Personally, I wouldn't stand for that.

She either forgives you and ye move on or you walk away.

BillyGoatGruff

I agree. Mountain out of molehill. I gaurantee she will forgive you but she will find it hard to trust you again if you say you are going out with the lads again. I would brush it off as nothing and just say you were giving the girl a birthday kiss as everyone was that night. If the girl you tried to kiss is your friend just say you were having a laugh with her... egging her on and so forth... Make light of it and insist there was nothing sexual going of..... Then again, you have probably told here already that you can't remember a thing. There is no harm in a little white lie though if you really love her and won't take yourself past your alcohol limit again.

It will all be fine..

Good luck.... 5 minutes left. Let us know how it goes.

charlie@w.d

i read your post and it sounds like a very genuine mistake. If things go pear shaped show her what you wrote here to prove how worried and upset you are.

D-Generate

Eh stop just telling him stuff he wants to hear. He still tried to kiss her whilst he had a girlfriend. Drunk or not its still displaying intentions towards another person. If she hadn't rebuffed his advances then there would be no doubt in our minds that what he did was cheating.

leche solara

FFS you're 18. Do what ever you like. You're not married. You should be sniffing everything at that age, not tied down and having serious conversations about the 'relationship'
Act your age.

Jules

hey come on not a mountain out of a mole hill... sure we can all remember being 18 and meeting the girl/boy of your dreams.. everything is perfect and your just so in love. Im not being patronising either, i know how he feels. If she is the amazing girl you feel she is, well then things will be ok. She is gonna be mad and gonna be hurt, end of the day you still kissed someone else, but hands up who hasn't gotten drunk and done something stupid. She has a right to be a bit upset, so just listen to what she says take a breath and let her go off on one, and then just tell her your sorry and know your limits!

hope things go ok!

bug

no-memory wrote:

until yesterday. i text a girl who was at the party and asked her had she had a great time. She said she had, and then the usual teenage thing "you were so locked". i laughed it off, and told her i had had a good night too. She then told me that i had tried to kiss the party-girl. (not the one from before, a girl i knew)

I thought she was joking, or trying to mess with me cause i had told her i couldn't remember much, so i text the girl who's party it was, and she confirmed the story.

My head was melted, i went and sat down, and tried to breathe, and try to remember, i literally was trying to grab a hold of any memory from the night, but i couldn't. It's so scary.

could you not ask one of your male mates what happened?
Surely someone else other than these two pair saw it happening.
Sometimes, people make mountains out of molehills. Especially teenage wimmen!

LegacyUser

TBH sounds like a good night to me, if I was an 18 year old party goer then the only thing i'd be sickened about is that the girl didn't snog you back. Live a little and tell the ball and chain to take a hike.

LegacyUser

thanks everyone, i just went with the truth, told her anything she asked. I'm not coming out of this smelling of roses or anything, but i'm not in the doghouse.

[Jackass]

Hey, that's great. Don't be shy of suprising your girlfriend with something cool over the weekend either, ust to let her know howmuch you like her and how much you don't want to go through that again

Good going there georgie.

Miguel_Sanchez

These things always seem so much worse when they happen, and when you're younger.

It'll pass - in a while you'll look back and go - wow! I can't believe we both made such a big deal about that. But of course that's little solace now.

Being 18 and being in your first serious relationship is about making everything seem more serious and important than it really is. I'm not belittling you here - that's how it is for everybody.

Black Swan

Continue to be honest with her. Honesty is really important! Not only promise to cut the booze, but make sure you in fact do it, or you will lose her.

cork-langer

Hey dude, not trying to be smart or anything but it aint a big problem... everyone blacks out from time to time, if your a drinker it happens!

Start to worry about your black out problem when you wake up in a ditch on a sunday morning with no pants.

not fun.

Sarky

cork-langer wrote:

Hey dude, not trying to be smart or anything but it aint a big problem... everyone blacks out from time to time, if your a drinker it happens!

No. If you're an irresponsible drinker it happens. If it keeps happening "from time to time" you're repeatedly not getting the point. Cut. Back.

Beruthiel

cork-langer wrote:

Hey dude, not trying to be smart or anything but it aint a big problem... everyone blacks out from time to time, if your a drinker it happens!

Yes, it happens, if you are an alcoholic and do not have the ability to know when you should stop. If you are blacking out from time to time cork-langer, then you should have a long hard look at yourself and your relationship with drink.

dr.bollocko

I have to say, drink is drink and it does strange things to people, but dude put the shoe on the other foot. If she said this to you I reckon you would be pissed off. This permissive "Ah sher he blacked out" attitude it bull****.
You have to stand up and take responsibility for your own actions, because I can guarantee you nobody else will, and in this case, you did wrong.
Fair ****s though for owning up right away, that was ballsy.
Your girlfriend def has a right to be angry with you, and also to wonder if she can trust you again. But for you I reckon its a case of convincing her that your lesson is learned and that it wont be happening again. If you cant hold your drink then dont pick it up!
I know it wasnt a big deal and you dont even remember it, but I just dont really believe you. You tried to kiss another girl. In the cold light of day, and without alcohol, How moronic is that?

madhitchhiker

it happens and when it does, you'd do things you never thought you couldn't do.:D don't dread the talk, your gf will understand..:cool:

[Jackass]

Beruthiel wrote:

Yes, it happens, if you are an alcoholic and do not have the ability to know when you should stop. If you are blacking out from time to time cork-langer, then you should have a long hard look at yourself and your relationship with drink.

Sorry, but that's just not right!!

Loads of young people go out to get drunk, binge drink or whatever...this can be from mid teens to early twenties...if you're going out to pubs and clubs and doing shots and knocking back vodkas and red bulls or whatever, and just out to have a serious party, as happens every night all around the country, then people are going to get black outs or do something stupid!!

This dosen't make someone an alcoholic...sure, it's a bad drinking habbit, as in you're in the habbit of getting rat arsed when you drink, but that's usually once a week, two tops.

Hell, I do it, I hold down a good job, a relationship and good freindships, not usually traits associated with an alco and I wouldn't take back a second of it cause i just have such great craic and have no intention of slowing down!!

But OP, if you're worried drinking is a problem for you, then by all means, take it handy and don't get so drunk again. If it starts effecting personal relationships when you drink then you should probably take a look at it, but don't be affraid of having fun and don't do shots if you're not a heavy enough drinker when you go out anyway. Stick to sipping on a beer or whatever and concentrate on the craic, not the drink.

Nevyn

Nick you only have to abuse alcohol once a year or once every 10 years to be an alcholic.
Abusing alcohol means you let it dictate you behaviour and judgement and do things you would not do sober.

6ix

Nick you only have to abuse alcohol once a year or once every 10 years to be an alcholic.
Abusing alcohol means you let it dictate you behaviour and judgement and do things you would not do sober.

How is one an alcoholic if they binge and 'black out' once a year?

Abusing alcohol is not the same as being an alcoholic.