Technical Support

Dec McC

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no
Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please?

Capt'n Midnight

Upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I have been having some problems lately. I have been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases I have tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies runs fine as long as Girlfriend is ran in background mode and the sound is turned off.

Unfortunately, I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. Therefore, I have to run both of them separately. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some form of timing incompatibilities.

I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right, as soon as I purged my cache, and realized that no one in their right mind is installing new token rings, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 3.0 beta. Unfortunately, there was a bug in the program and the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time I used SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of Girlfriend and communicates with it in some way. This results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality.

Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts and I have never liked how GirlFriend is “object-oriented.”

A year ago a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girlfriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiance 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space: He can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it supposedly came bundled with a feature called FreeSex Plus.

Well, it turns out the resource requirements of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to trying installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install because of insufficient resources.

P.S. Watch out for the K-I-D-S virus because they have an insatiable appetite for memory and CPU time over and above everything else above.

Capt'n Midnight

Changing from application GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine, system administrator as myself, changed the application GirlFriend 6.0 by Wife 1.0 and found that the update was not very successful. First of all Wife 1.0 leaves very little system resources for other applications, not only this, but he has also realized that Wife 1.0 is a prolific processor of Babys 1.x, which are additionally consumers of valuable resources.

There was no mention of this particular fact neither from the product manufacters nor in the warranty, altough some colleagues had inform me that this was expectable, due to the nature of the application.

But surprises didn't end up there, additionally Wife 1.0 configures itself so that it always starts when the system is initialized, from where it can monitor the rest of the processes.

My friend is noticing that some applications like: NightOfPoker 10.3, BeerParty 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 no longer can be run, because Wife 1.0 locks the system when they are selected (even so they always worked fine before).

During the installation, Wife 1.0 installs automatically services not desired, like MotherInLaw 55.8 and the DEMO version of BrotherInLaw. The most outstanding effects of these services are the progresive and daily degradation of the system.

My friend is very seriously considering to change the version of the application Wife, but there are some features that he would like to be added to the next version (Wife 2.0), these are:

* A "Forget me" button and another for minimizing.
* A new option that allows to install Wife 2.0 with an option of "Desinstall at any time", without loosing the cache and other valuable system resources.
* An option to run the network controller in "promiscuous" mode, that allows to the system to try shareware version of different applications, to have a better knowledge of the market.

I have decided to avoid all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0, continuing with GirlFriend 2.0. Even so, I have found many problems. Aparently you can't install GirlFriend 2.0 on GirlFriend 1.0, you have to desinstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Additionally, aparently, the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts to share the same I/O (Input/Output) port. The technical support has said me that it is a known bug and that they are looking for some way to bypass the problem, because it seems to be implemented in the kernel (heart) of the application and it is not a good idea to change it.

Even worse, the program to desinstall GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving unwished traces of the application in the system. Another problem: all the versions of GirlFriend continually give anoying messanges about the advantages of changing to Wife 1.0. After talking again with the service they suggest me to ignore those messages, and when I point that for that solution it was not necessary to phone them, they go back again on the explanation of the former problem (bug in the kernel).

WIFE 1.0 INCOMPATIBILITIES: If you try to install Lover 1.1 before desinstalling Wife 1.0, this erases the files MS-Money, and after it desinstalls itself. Then Lover 1.1 won't install, claiming that system resources are too low. To avoid this effect, try to install Lover 1.1 in a different environment and never run a file transfer application, like LipStickSpot 6.0. Also try to avoid renting applications, because it's known that they can transmit viruses that can affect Wife 1.0. Another solution is to run Lover 1.1 through a network provider with and anonimous name. Once again, avoid viruses that can be accidentally loaded.

Capt'n Midnight

Problems with application Wife 1.0

¿Do you want un uninstall Wife 1.0?

REF: Operating SystemWife 1.0

Dear Sirs,

Last year I changed from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, and I have observed that the program runs a unexpected Child process 0.23 Beta that takes a lot of space and importan resources. In the leaflet of the program didn't mention this phenomena.

Furthermore, Wife 1.0 autoinstalls in all other programs and it runs when starting any other application, monitoring all activity of the system. Applications like Hunting 10.3, Drinking 4.0, HamRadio 2.5, or SundayFootball 5.0 no longer work, and the system hungs each time I wan to load them.

Sometimes a hidden program (virus or trojan?) called MotherInLaw 1.0 that seem to be memory resident appears and it completely hungs the system or it makes Wife 1.0 behave in an unpredictable way, for instance, not accepting any command I enter.

I haven't managed to uninstall this resident program. Aparently I can't keep Wife 1.0 minimized when running some of my favourites applications. I'm thinking about going back to the former program GirlFriend 7.0, but uninstall doesn't work. Could you help me?

Thanks.



ANSWER:

Dear user,

This a a very common complain among the users of Wife 1.0, but in general it's because of a basic missunderstanding. Many people change from GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is just an amusing program or a utility program. However Wife 1.0 (on the contrary that GirlFriend 7.0) is a complete OPERATING SYSTEM and it was designed to control the whole system.

It's very unlikely that you can purge Wife 1.0 and convert it back to GirlFriend 7.0. There are hidden operating files in your system that would make GirlFriend 7.0 emulate Wife 1.0, so it's not worth.

It's impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files once installed. You can't use GirlFriend 7.0 any more because Wife 1.0 is programed for that. The same happens with MotherInLaw 1.0 that is a hidden application that autoinstalls in the system while Wife 1.0 is running.

Some people have tried formating the system completely in order to later install the programs GirlFriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but they end up with more problems than before. Read the manual, section "Precautions", chapters "Divoce pensions - Child custody"

On the other hand, if you change to GilfFriend 8.0 don try later to change to Wife 2.0 because the problems of this new version of the operating system are the same, or even worst, than those of Wife 1.0. Although a version 3.0 (and even 4.0) of Wife exists, they are only for specialists and not advisable for the normal user.

If all fails, it's better to try systems based in completely different platforms, like Celibacy 1.0 or Gay 5.3. I recomend you keep Wife 1.0 and handle the situation the best you can.

I personally also have Wife 1.0 installed, and I suggest you study the whole section of the manual "General Faults of Society (GFS's)"

Wife 1.0 is a program very sensible to commands and it works in "Fail-Safe" mode. This means that you must assume the responsability of any problem that arises, independently of its reason, because the program will always consider any system fault as being due to the improper handling of the user.

One of the main application utilities is the command C:\IAMSORRY when a problem arises or the systems hungs. Don't restart the system because it will continue failing. Avoid an excesive use of the "ESC" or "DEL" keys, because then you will have to use the IAMSORRY command in order to make the program work normally. The system will work nicely if you assume all blames of GFS's. Wife 1.0 is a program very interesting, but with a high cost of maintenance.

Consider the possibility to install some additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recomend you Candy 2.1 or Flowers 5.0.

You can also use YesDarling 8.0 o YouAreRight 14.7, they are very well know Shareware programs that work great as residents. You can get them almost anywhere.

NEVER INSTALL SecretaryInMiniSkirt 3.3, OldFriendWithBigTeats 7.5 o Buddies 4.6. These progrmas doesn't work under Wife 1.0 and will probably cause irreversible damage to the Operating System.

Good luck. The technician.

Kazu

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