Moving in??

LegacyUser

I having been going out with my boyfriend just over a year. He is 23, I'm 22. I love him. I know he is the one for me, and that we are going to be together forever. I know we are going to get married.
We are talking about moving in together. I really want to live with him. It will make so many parts of our lives easier.
BUT.....I'm scared. Is it normal to be apprehensive? And how soon is too soon?

dr.bollocko

Of course its normal to be apprehensive, for no other reason than it is a big change, for the both of ye! It takes a bit of cop-on to make these things work, because you have nowhere to hide your box of crazy when you are living with someone. Thats the main thing that I have found it difficult to control, the problem that takes the longest to solve. when ye arent living together, ye are always plotting on ways of spending more time together, when you havent seen each other in a few days its really exciting, but when ye live together, you need to be able to assert yourself and grab a little time for yourself, which can be hard to do when you move in with a new person. Often your personalities will clash slightly, and this slight clashing over a few years can erode some personality, it isnt always perfect, sometimes its a tight squeeze.

Heh. When it comes to love, often making rational judgements is not really the way to go. (This is just my opinion) Things change a lot when couples move in together, but I have never lived apart from my GF from the night we got together and I have no regrets, though it really can accelerate the relationship, and minor annoyances become very major.
Its like any stage of the relationship after the honeymoon period. There are ebbs and flows, and sometimes the waves break all together, but if you are moving in together you begin to see things differently. Suddenly every argument isnt a reason to break up, little changes in mindset can bring the relationship closer together. But there is no real need to be apprehensive, becuase if you want to marry him, a good first step is living with him, and if ye cant stick eachother, in the simplest of ways, it really wasnt meant to be.

free2fly

There really is no right or wrong time for moving in together as far as timing goes. It is just when you feel that you are ready to do it. It's a huge step in a relationship and you should expect there to be ups ands downs at the beginning until you adjust to each others living habits and pet peaves. He is going to annoy you in some ways and vice versa. But if you can get past these minor issues your relationship will be stronger. And it is perfectly normal to be scared.

ircoha

apprehensive wrote:

I having been going out with my boyfriend just over a year. He is 23, I'm 22. I love him. I know he is the one for me, and that we are going to be together forever. I know we are going to get married.
We are talking about moving in together. I really want to live with him. It will make so many parts of our lives easier.
BUT.....I'm scared. Is it normal to be apprehensive? And how soon is too soon?

OP: Oh what an exciting prospect for you:).
Not having to get up to go home!
You make me a little jealous;)

In all the excitement, do give some thought to how the money is going to work and in whose names the bills will be etc. This depends very much on both of you but do give it some thought.
The other thing which is not clear is who is moving in where, u with him, him with u or a new place. When some of the issues raised in the thoughtful pieces by previous posters arise, it can get a bit funky if u are in "his" place or vica versa etc.

Start the way u intend to continue so share the boring routine chores with the same passion as exhibited under the sheets. For example, men can iron very well!!

dr.bollocko

Yeah, definitely thats true. There are practicalities to living with another person, and even though it is new and exciting, dont neglect the rent, the cleaning rotas, the bills, the cooking and all the mundane stuff that you have to do now. Sharing that with someone makes it better and brings ye closer together.

Mrs_Doyle

apprehensive wrote:

BUT.....I'm scared. Is it normal to be apprehensive? And how soon is too soon?

Hell yeah, of course it is normal!
I have been with my BF for 2 years, we are the same age as you and your boyfriend.
We have recently talked about buying a property together, and if we do, my BF will live in it and I will stay at home for another few months at least.

I don't believe in doing anything if I don't feel 100% right about doing it.
So I will give myself all the time I need, and my BF is happy to do the same.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone.
We are going to get a new place together. All the bills and rent will be split equally, unless he wants something like sky sports - which he pays for and visa versa. I'm a very tidy person, and he is too, so I think we will be ok with the household stuff. I've already told him that i like things clean. We went on holidays together and spent two weeks together 24/7 and we were fine then. We are always able to talk about anything that annoys us, even is its stupid.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I think it's perfectly normal to be aprehensive of making such a big comitment. I don't think there is such a thing as "too soon" - only when you feel ready. I moved in with my bf after 6wks (both our leases ran out at the same time & we figured it was now or leave it another 6months but as we spent every night together anyway - we thought it would be a case of the sooner the better) & altho we were both a bit nervous, we sat down & discussed any issues we could forsee....we decided to rent first to see how it went, we opened a joint bank account to pay half the bills, half the grocery, etc each & we had both our names on the lease.....fortunately it worked out well & he is now my husband! Best of luck!

Ruu_Old

Quite normal to be a bit scared about it, its a big step. Remember though to give each othe space also, you don't want to crowd each other. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote:

OP,
we opened a joint bank account to pay half the bills, half the grocery, etc each

Thanks, Ickle Magoo, Thats a really good idea. I never would of thought of it.

LundiMardi

Personally, i think you are very young, and a year together isn't that long really. Just be wary, things change when you move in together, you see each other all the time, it won't be the same as before. Just take it slow and like someone else said make sure you both have enough SPACE, alone time is precious. And yes, i'm talking from experience.

CathyMoran

I moved in with my partner after 6 months of dating him, or rather I moved near by him and lived with him (his parents were very strict)...I was 24 at the time but I really love him...we are still together but have yet to tie the knot (2 failed attempts), we are hoping that third time will be a charm (aka we will elope)...the bad thing about moving in is that you can take one another for granted (VERY bad idea), also there is less push to marry...if I were doing it again I would not move in, but that is just me, I feel that we would have both wanted to marry sooner.

LegacyUser

LundiMardi wrote:

Personally, i think you are very young, and a year together isn't that long really. Just be wary, things change when you move in together, you see each other all the time, it won't be the same as before. Just take it slow and like someone else said make sure you both have enough SPACE, alone time is precious. And yes, i'm talking from experience.

I don't think its too young to be honest. I'm 20 and I have been living with my boyfriend for two years ad we have been dating two and a half. We love each other very much and we felt that we spent all our time together anyway so it made sense to move in together.

I do agree that personal space is important, you both need time just to chill and be with your own friends separately. But setting aside one day a week where its an "us" day can be good too. Go out on a date, it may sound silly but its important so that you don't feel like you are stuck in a rut so to speak and you keep your relationship alive

dudara

My bf and I started living together after approximately 1 weekend. That was nearly 7 years ago (we were 21 and 24 years old at the time). I don't regret it, and I knew it was right at the time. I think that I was in lust with him those days, whereas now I love him more every day.

Go for it, but be sure! Be sure that you can stand sharing your space with another person and be sure that you can stand all their habits and characteristics. Be clear on financial arrangements, and if all this sounds good to you, then good luck.

Black Swan

apprehensive wrote:

We went on holidays together and spent two weeks together 24/7 and we were fine then.

Very wise of you! When to move in? When you are both ready. Living together is another good idea of yours! Keep in mind that it's usually the little things that cause the problems, not the big things, especially if you both love each other. Work through them and it will be grand.