Just curious!?

LegacyUser

Long story short.. gf broke up with me... wasnt expecting it and now im a mess still after nearly 3 months and we were only going out 6!

Im not very good with girls to be honest like when it comes to relationships, I dunno why, like I dont think im not goodlooking and I do think im a nice guy but I dunno it just never seems to last longer than a week which is quite frustrating! My ex was my 1st serious relationship! I have loads of friends that are girls and some very good friends that are girls though!

Just I feel like crap most of the time(or when im doing nothing, when im doing something it doesnt bother me) and im just wondering when I do finally meet someone else.. Will all the memories and such not bother me anymore from my ex.. Im thinking they will but I just wanted to ask on here anyway from people who have went through this scenario as im feeling fairly crap tonight!

Any advice or tips or anything at all...?

p.s please dont tell me stuff like get over or grow up.. It doesnt help lol

Ruu_Old

Well theres no easy way to make those feelings or memories vanish of your ex. You just have to move on but learn from any mistakes you have made (don't over analyse things either) so you can know better in the future. The memories will still be there I guess but when you find the right person, someone to care for and does the same for you, it'll feel like it was a long time ago and a distant memory. Best of luck in the future.

Black Swan

Well, it can take a few months to get over a serious relationship, perhaps longer depending on how strong it was. Been there. Done that. And I was the one who broke it off, but it still hurt something terrible. Then there's the trouble with being lonely afterwards and vulnerable to a rebound relationship, where loneliness drives you prematurely into one that has no future. Been there, too. One good thing to do during these times is to find a group of guys and gals who do something you really enjoy doing (Hiking, swimming, surfing, sailing, sports, films, theatre, creative writing, whatever). Mine was creative writing and I met someone when I was ready for a new relationship and it's now grand.

Trinity

Everything is a learning curve in life.

You will take some valuable lessons with you from that relationship, what was good and what was not (so you wont do that again!!)

Often when a relationship breaks up we think we will never meet anyone like that again, we will never feel that way again and we blew our chances etc etc but i find everything happens for a reason and you will meet someone even better (thats not a put down of your ex)

It was your first serious relationship and you may have many more so dont get too hung up on it, you will meet someone else!!

Colm_OReilly

Hi Curious,

This is just an assumption based on your posts, particular the bit about being a nice guy. Could it be that you are too nice? That you worry you're offending people and try to please others, instead of looking after your own interests first?

I'm not in any way saying be a jerk, you can be pleasent without supplicating or allowing yourself to be the weaker party.

Just I feel like crap most of the time

Becoming comfortable with yourself is infinitely more important than connecting with someone. Also, it's a prerequisite - if you don't feel comfortable with you, it's hard for others to feel comfortable with you.

You might like to ask yourself what exactly do you want? Is it to feel good? To be confident/comfortable with yourself? Or is it a relationship? And what type of relationship do you want.

Any questions, post, PM or email me,
Colm

LegacyUser

Hey Curious,

I am in EXACTLY the same situation.
A girlfrend, my first, broke up with me after 6 months late May (ie 3 months ago, same as you).
I'm 25 though (in college tho!), I'm guessing you're younger.

After a few days of numbness I spent the next couple of months thinking about nothing else. I tried working 7 days a week to keep my mind off things but it didn't help. Actually felt physically ill 24/7, like pre-exam stress but worse ('cos I like exams!).

I had a two week holiday with my mates ruined because I couldn't relax or enjoy myself.

Gradually it became easier, about a month ago I only spent a couple of hours a day with her on my mind. Still hurt the same tho.

Then a couple of weeks ago I organised a house party, there was a few girls there, one thing led to another and I ended up wearing the face off one off that I'd fancied for years. We're dating now and it feels great! She's way better a match for me than the last, prettier, kinder, better kisser, insatiable libido etc.

So my advice to you is, if you think you might be ready for it, find another girl. Even if you're not ready and you just end up with some random chick at least it will boost your confidence.

There are WAAAAY more fish in the sea brother and don't think for a second that some aren't twice as nice as your last girlfriend.

Good luck :-)


PS - google "stress cycle" in to understand your feelings right now.

LegacyUser

Yea its funny all you guys are like reading my like a book and alot of the things you have mentioned have like backed up what ive been thinkin about like I analyse over things way to much like I go back in my head how I could of changed things and made it better(I know that does not help it in anyway)

This is my 1st time going through this so like I am learning alot of things about relationships and myself! I agree with you colm I am too nice too like the extent I will let people have there way easily! I have the last couple weeks to fix that(might aswell put in the example to prove im trying) This guy (alot bigger and stronger) wanted to beat me up for something over his gf(which I had nothing to do with) and I stood up for myself like I wasnt going to be afraid I had nothing to be afraid of like I didnt do anything... Well he didnt touch me and I walked away!

Is it weird that like I would like to be still friends with her(I dont think we are) and not talk to her as much than not be friends and not talk to her!

If you get that..haha!?

Did everybody here whos went through this have like there ups and downs time like.. you would go from feeling really good one day to really crap the next?

Thats what I go through... but I honestly think if I met someone else that would go away or atleast not bother me as much

LegacyUser

Yea to same situation! Yea I am younger im 18(just turned 18 in august) Im going to America now like next week and im thinkin to myself ill just keep thinking about her.. but I dont know tbh! Also ive had the chances to do stuf with a girl but im just not into that sort of thing if you know what I mean!? I feel it would just make me worse!