Taking a break

LegacyUser

Well, he wants to take a break after 2 1/2 years. Ive totally backed off and let him at it. Am i right?

BoozyBabe

Yes!

You had no choice, you can't make someone love you or stay with you.
If he wants a break then he's obviously not happy.

Do you really want to be going out with someone who's not happy, possibly with you or whatever.

If it's a permanent break he decides he wants, you'll have to deal with that.

If he realises during this break that he actually wants you, then the ball's in your court & you have the opportunity to decide if you want to be with someone who's so unsure about your relationship.

But yes, you did the right thing. He needs to get this out of his system himself.

Kell

Personally I think "a break" is a load of toss.

Take the bull by the horns and dump him. As Boozey pointed out, he is unsure of things so why wait around wondering?

K-

Ruu_Old

Let him have his space, have a chat about your relationship and where you see both see it going in the future.

qz

Yeah it was the right thing to do.

I "took a break" with my current girlfriend to see what it would be like not seeing eachother every day. Plus we were getting on eachother's nerves.

We lasted one day before agreeing to get it back on, and we've never been happier. It could work out for the best for you.

Static M.e.

Personally I think "a break" is a load of toss.

Take the bull by the horns and dump him. As Boozey pointed out, he is unsure of things so why wait around wondering?

Ditto

LegacyUser

if this guy is unsure after 2 1/2 years then what's to say he wont do it again in another 2 1/2 years. my gf said same to me after 2 years about a break but that was the beginning of end. it hurts but it would hurt more if this guy decides after 2 more years that it's over after u taking back. cut ur losses now i reckon.

King of Kings

unreg1234556 wrote:

Well, he wants to take a break after 2 1/2 years. Ive totally backed off and let him at it. Am i right?

The king says i think you need to finish it. if he isn't sure after 2 1/2 years then he'll never be sure..

If he is going through a tough time in his life he should share that with you...you'd expect that after 2 1/2 years.

Otherwise can you be sure he'll never run out on you again?
Probably not and if he gets away with the break it'll always be there again as an emotional escape whenever things get dodgy

I'd heave ho him..

Trinity

Without knowing the full history of your relationship (and you havent mentioned how you feel about this either) you are definately doing the right thing.

In fact its the most dignifed response you can give someone and i am sure in his own way it will actually make him realise what he is missing.

i realise backing off is extremely hard to do. Take this time to think about what you want - perhaps you might even find you want to make the break permanent.

But if not, this proof that you are capable of living without him and can give him space is more likely to get him back than begging or pleading.

Enjoy it and show him what he is missing.

the_syco

Having no idea of the relationship history, I think he may just "want some space", be it lack of time with the lads, feeling you're smoothering him, or some other reason. Would you prefer him dumping you, and in two days wanting you back, or a break, and for him to come back two days later?

Black Swan

Let him have his space, but you need to have a talk, too.

LegacyUser

I think breaks are a load of toss, look @ it this way, your with someone long term who you see as someone you may marry...if they can't handle 2 and a half years or think your not quite his ideal match and wants to look around, who is to say he will not be feeling the same when you finally marry him and are togeather for 20 years?

Break = End. Just finish it.

onemanband

Make it a clean break. There is someone special out there who will be happy to spend the rest of his life with you without having to reassess the situation after 2 years.

Taking a break for blokes is a load of bull. Dump him!!

Marksie

Yes, both of you take a break..it may be worthwhile to re-establish what you loved in each other in the first place.


If not, that is also useful then the break will turn into an ending.

But don't put your life on hold either, waiting, enjoy yourself, use the time to do what you want to do or what you always dreamed fo doing.

There is a saying:
"expect the best, but prepare for the worst"

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Of course you are right to let him take a break - what was the alternative? You can't demand he stays in a relationship with you. Just make sure you get a break too, don't sit around waiting on him. Personally I'd be very cynical of anyone who doesn't know how they feel about me after 2.5yrs. It doesn't sound like the solid foundations of a life-long partnership to me - but I don't know the specifics of your relationship or what you are looking for from him. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hello all, thanks for the replies.

Ive been letting him at it for a week now and it could go on for months but Im not waiting around, doing my own thing out with friends and having a laugh.

It sounds as if Im not upset but I am-Ive just resigned myself to the fact that there's nothing I can do.

I find it comical that someone who is, technically, your best friend, can take "time out" when in a normal friendship that wouldn't really happen. The break thing really is a load of ****e, a pure cop-out.

Thanks very much for the replies, much appreciated, and I mean that.

Donegal Lass

yup, you were right!

as basically said above, his break theory is probably an easy way out for him because he knows after this he can progress onto a full break-up and he wont look as bad, because he did tell you he 'needed a break', even if he did leave your hopes open for a reunion! I'd basically try getting on with it and get over him, so that you arent waiting on his call to get back, so to speak!

After 2 1/2 years, he shouldnt need a break to figur out his feelings and he is probably just using this excuse to his advantage! perhaps he wants to go out and meet other women, while safe in the notion that if it doesnt go his way, he still has you to fall back on? Dont be his doormat-he should know how he feels by now!

PS: for any of you that pipe up that this is a man hating comment- its not, id gave the same advice to a guy and have done on many previous occasions!:)

LegacyUser

onemanband wrote:

Taking a break for blokes is a load of bull. Dump him!!

Taking a break for either party is a load of bull. Don't be so sexist.

metrovelvet

Space the final frontier.

It's not such a bad thing really. Its good for both of you to know that its not just habit and time away can tell you that.

And quite frankly, I have been in situations where I felt like I needed a vacation from relationship, just like you need one from work or from anything really, and you can come back to it refreshed and renewed.

Space - such an act of generosity and trust. You did the right, noble and only thing you could do.

nickevan

give him his break

my mate is in a similiar situation except she was told if she ever wanted to take a break she would be dumped
she does want to take a break as she hasnt been single for more than a month since she was 14 and shes with him 3 years, she doesnt want to cheat she just wants to be able to do her own thing without having to say oh i've to see so and so tonight, havent seen him since sunday!

but she doesnt know how to break it and as well shes comfortable and he just bought her a car! I feel sorry for him but also I understand her, I'm exactly the same !
To be honest i dont think a break means the same for guys and girls though

onemanband

cheesedude wrote:

Taking a break for either party is a load of bull. Don't be so sexist.

I'm not being sexist. I happen to think that taking a break does not always mean the same for guys as it does for girls. I think guys are more inclined to use it as an exit mechanism than girls.

It is possible to have an opinion that guys and girls differ with respect to the same issue without being sexist about it!!

LegacyUser

Bull****, a break is a break regardless.

oulu

unreg1234556 wrote:

Well, he wants to take a break after 2 1/2 years. Ive totally backed off and let him at it. Am i right?

Yes and remember you are now a free agent, so enjoy your freedom go away with the girls and so, also he wants a break then give him one not on his terms but on yours, my advice is no contact at all this will help you clear your head, and also make him think she can live without me superman

dooloo

breaks arent always bad. some people just need some space every now and again to reflect what's happening in their lives. just to slow down and take a step back. in that case it would be nothing to do with the other person but more to do with the individual themselves. if the relationship was meant to be, the individual will come back and realise what exactly they have and what they have missed during the 'break'. it can make a relationship even stronger in that you now what it would be like to be sinlge again and to be without your significant other.

obviously in many cases, 'breaks' are just another way or totally breaking up with somebody but not in all cases. it depends on the individual.

Verita

Remember OP we were all dumped on this planet with minds, bodies and souls.
There is no real answer. Sadly there are no answers That is the type of equality that there is no getting around. One mans break is an excuse to cheat and anothers is a few days looking at being single from another point of view. Or just some days of thinking. Or just some days of thinking what you are in his life.

Talk to the guy and see where he is coming from.

LegacyUser

Dont dump him at all - a break can be a good thing. Sometimes relationships can be very restrictive and if he loves you he will come back with a better idea about what is wrong with the current situation, it could be something as little as he wants to go out with his mates on friday night or whatever, it can be a good way of getting out of a rut and coming back stronger. Everyone has needs and wants and people sometimes overlook or should respect that in relationships.