What would you do

LegacyUser

At a stag recently and chatting to my brother about Amsterdam, shows, red lights etc., and he asks me if I have ever sampled, to which I answered no. He then goes on to tell me all about his little visits to certain madam's while away with the job. Great, fine and dandy, save for the little detail of his unassuming wife and two beautiful children.

Now this has been wandering round my head for the last while i.e. WTF do I do/say if anything at all. I was too staggered at the time to respond, but at the end of the day he is a fúcking muppet. If news of this ever got back to his wife, she would be devastated as would marriage children etc. Plus, I get to look really bad knowing about it given that I have known my sister in law since I was six (25yrs) and have quite a lot of loyalty to her too. In truth, my loyalties lie with his wife and kids, but thats another story.

My options, as I see it, are as follows-

A) Keep schtum and allow my brother to be a complete príck and risk ending his marriage
Lose the head with brother and tell him to quit being a príck, tell her or I do
C) Tell her of his activities

A bit of me says "forgive him. He's not perfect", a bit of me wants to throttle him and a bit of me wants to tell my sister in law. If he were only going out with someone and the fallout was lessened as a result, then yeah, I would say nothing. Another bit of me says "its his life, let him make his own mistakes" but there are others involved who stand to lose too.

I am dumbfounded as to why he told me as well. Picture it "bro, I get laid with women who's name I cant pronounce and risk ruining my marriage everytime I do". I cant look the guy in the eye anymore.

Anyways, back OT. Anyone any thoughts?

Blub2k4

It's nothing to do with you, I dont see how your option one leads to ending the marriage.

Foggedaboudit.

They'll only lose out if you tell them.

It's not your place to make a moral judgement on your brother.

Santa Claus

I would go for Option B without the Tell her or I do ultimatum. Read him the riot act and tell him that he's being a complete prat putting his and his wifes health/marraige at risk like that !

Trinity

Hes put you in quite a difficult situation alright. They say never come between an onion and its skin cos all your left with is the smell.

I take it he was drunk when he told you?

I honestly wouldnt tell his wife, i know you feel its your duty but can you imagine the heartache that when the dust settles you may be blamed for causing even though it was your brother doing the damage. She could forgive him much to your surprise and you will be left the outcast.

i would sit down and talk to your brother and tell him how you feel about his behaviour, i wouldnt threaten him with telling his wife. Sure i mean tell him he is a prick, tell him what he is risking. And point blank refuse to socialise with him again.

Give him a harsh reminder of what this ****e can cause.

these things usually do come out in the end. Stay well clear when the **** hits the fan. As for you knowing and not telling his wife well i think its rather obvious why you cant.

Blub2k4

Part of his buzz is also obviously doing the forbidden and I think he told you to spread the guilt a bit, but it's still nothing to do with you, I understand your upset but unless you have other issues I'd leave it as YOU would be the one ruining a marriage and not him. I guarantee the Sister in law would resent you for breaking up the marriage if you did it.

Static M.e.

I would take a little from A and a little from B

Lose the head with brother and tell him to quit being a príck, then keep schtum and allow my brother to be a complete príck and risk ending his marriage.

Remember he is your brother, dick or not, he is family.
Wife is EXTENDED family no matter how much you like her.

Zulu

He's not right, but...

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Give out to him? - fine.
Stop talking to him? - fine.
Tell your sister-in-law? - not cool.

the_quiet_man

man whatever you do dont tell anyone. EVER.
why not just forget about it?

tell the bro not to do it again or at least not tell you about it. then never ever mention it again.

Seraphina

i cant believe how many times this stuff comes up on boards and everyone says keep schtum. i'm a girl, and no matter how much hassle or heart ache it caused, i'd want to know that the man i trusted was a lying cheating scumbag, so i could dump his ass and leave him to pay for all the whores he wanted.

every time i see these kind of thread i wonder more and more why i trust guys if you think keeping quiet about cheating is the way to go.

ircoha

In truth, my loyalties lie with his wife and kids, but thats another story.

My options, as I see it, are as follows-

A) Keep schtum and allow my brother to be a complete príck and risk ending his marriage
Lose the head with brother and tell him to quit being a príck, tell her or I do
C) Tell her of his activities.

Re loyalty: I heard a best man comment on his bro at a wedding last week, which may apply here.

Blood is thicker than water, and you are thicker than both.

Re options: it is none of your business really.

Just, for a moment, consider that it is in fact not true but just a fantasy by your brother that he would like to do but has not. By telling you he is in part fulfilling that fantasy.

For the record, option 3 is not an option you have, only your bro or the broads have that option.

What you would be doing is telling her what he told you: A vast difference.

Ruu_Old

Its not up to you to tell her OP. Give your brother a good talking to yes, but its up to him whether he feels that he should tell his wife.

the_quiet_man

Seraphina wrote:

i cant believe how many times this stuff comes up on boards and everyone says keep schtum. i'm a girl, and no matter how much hassle or heart ache it caused, i'd want to know that the man i trusted was a lying cheating scumbag, so i could dump his ass and leave him to pay for all the whores he wanted.

every time i see these kind of thread i wonder more and more why i trust guys if you think keeping quiet about cheating is the way to go.

its his brother!!!

i see your point and you're right - but not to your brother.
If mine does something like that and he has cheated b4 (just normal girls) i give him a clip and tell him to sort it - go one way or the other.

dont tell on your brother, man. worst decision you'd ever make

haunted-room

Dont tell the wife, maybe talk to him and express your frustration in relation to what hes done and leave it at that

ircoha

Seraphina wrote:

i cant believe how many times this stuff comes up on boards and everyone says keep schtum. i'm a girl, and no matter how much hassle or heart ache it caused, i'd want to know that the man i trusted was a lying cheating scumbag, so i could dump his ass and leave him to pay for all the whores he wanted.

every time i see these kind of thread i wonder more and more why i trust guys if you think keeping quiet about cheating is the way to go.

Its not a question of trusting guys: neither is it about keeping quite on cheating:
it is a question of hearsay evidence versus firsthand evidence.

If the OP found his bro cheating first hand then it is a different matter.

In this case bro goes to SIL and says ur hubby TOLD me that when he is abroad on business he ..........

Hubby says: complete BS, I made it up etc.
Where then?

Seraphina
Would you

dump his ass and leave him to pay for all the whores he wanted

based on hearsay such as the above?

Miss Fluff

Twatbrother wrote:

My options, as I see it, are as follows-

A) Keep schtum and allow my brother to be a complete príck and risk ending his marriage
Lose the head with brother and tell him to quit being a príck, tell her or I do
C) Tell her of his activities

None of these are YOUR options bar Option A. It's absolutely none of your business what he chooses to get up to. He's an adult. You may not approve of it but it's his marriage and they are his children and under no circumstances should you feel you have the right to play God. Steer well clear.

Seraphina

ircoha wrote:

Its not a question of trusting guys: neither is it about keeping quite on cheating:
it is a question of hearsay evidence versus firsthand evidence.

If the OP found his bro cheating first hand then it is a different matter.

In this case bro goes to SIL and says ur hubby TOLD me that when he is abroad on business he ..........

Hubby says: complete BS, I made it up etc.
Where then?

Seraphina
Would you based on hearsay such as the above?

i would dump his ass alright.
a) who the hell makes up that kind of ****, he's obviously lying to cover his ass.. why would the guilty party, OR the person telling make up stuff like that
b) if he DID make it up, what kind of disrespectful asshole feels the need to lie about cheating on his wife, saying he uses hookers when on business etc. to make himself feel like a big man.

i would hope i would never be stupid enough to get stuck in a legally binding contract with an eejit like that.

Zulu

Seraphina wrote:

a) who the hell makes up that kind of ****, he's obviously lying to cover his ass.. why would the guilty party, OR the person telling make up stuff like that
b) if he DID make it up, what kind of disrespectful asshole feels the need to lie about cheating on his wife, saying he uses hookers when on business etc. to make himself feel like a big man.

People make all sorts of comments/statments to provoke reactions, that doesn't make them true. ...but that's not the point.
This is none of the OP's business. Sure the brothers an ass. Sure the wife might love to know. But it's not up to the OP to tell his brothers wife that her husband has slept with a prostitute.

Seraphina

yeah fine Zulu, you made your point. there's no need to repeat yourself, i'm just expressing my opinion. god forbid it might be different from yours.
i just said, as a woman, i would want to be told. that is all.

The Hill Billy

I agree with Zulu's posts 100%.

Zulu wrote:

But it's not up to the OP to tell his brothers wife that her husband has slept with a prostitute.

Unless the OP has another agenda...?

TwatBrother wrote:

In truth, my loyalties lie with his wife and kids, but thats another story.

Zulu

Seraphina wrote:

yeah fine Zulu, you made your point. there's no need to repeat yourself, i'm just expressing my opinion. god forbid it might be different from yours.

Settle down! Whats crawled up your as$??? I, too, was just expressing my opinion; making a point; trying to explain myself.

i just said, as a woman, i would want to be told. that is all.

...and I too, would like to be told should should I find myself in the wifes position, but that's not the point.

cousin_borat

Zula, learn some manners.

To the OP. None of your business alright, hard to take but true

GuanYin

Interestingly all your options are combative.

what happene dto the option where you sit down with your brother and ask him why he is doing this, ask him does he not care about his marriage and ask him how he thinks this may damage his relationship with his kids if it ever came out.

I mean you could try reasoning with him first and then if it turns out he won't or doesn't see reason think about an option above.

I dunno about keeping schtum, this is family and more than anything else, shagging hookers in Amsterdam is not always the safest option, which has repercussions on the wife (and kids).

By the way, the main reason I replied is to say the thread title reminds me of that country song from Team America, but my advice stands.

madhitchhiker

[HTML]B) Lose the head with brother and tell him to quit being a príck, tell her or I do[/HTML]

it's the best thing to do..for everyone!:)

Zulu

cousin_borat wrote:

Zula, learn some manners.

Get bent.

Beruthiel

zulu
you've been posting in this forum long enough to know we do not tolerate comments like the above.
Calm down.
B

OP
Go with psi's advice.

LundiMardi

wow, people have strong opinions on this don't they???

Personally, i do believe that this is the OP's business, A: Because his brother told him and made it his business and B: Because it's not some girl he's with, it's his wife, the OP's friend of 25 years and 2 kids, the OP's nieces/nephews.

I think the OP has every right to intervere, i'm not so sure if it's best to tell the wife though, but he should DEFINITELY have a word with his brother. Because it's just not on!!! What about STD's ffs!! Who know's what he's passed onto his wife at this stage!!!!

Marksie

option d) Tell the brother what a p*** he is. How you have lost all respect for him. How much he stands to lose.
Tell the wife..no

King of Kings

Seraphina - you willl find most women will agree with the idea of saying nothing to the wife

OP - give the bro the lecture (wife, kids etc...)
I cannot tell you not to tell her but remember it's heresay (you weren't there) and when he is getting grief from his missus he'll deny it saying it was drunken bravado to impress his bro and then you're left with egg on your face lost the respect of your family and the trust of your sis in law.

If you do tell her there will be a ****storm - your parents will probably kill you - what about other siblings?

Your call..but i'd lecture him and leave him to change his ways himself

nobodythere

I suspect people will tell you to do nothing about it having not read replies. "If I don't see it, it's not illegal!" (Homer Simpson). Fsck them.

Do the right thing. Option B. Don't just stand by and close your eyes while people you love are making mistakes and other people you love are being done wrong and could be in for a world of hurt in the future.

onemanband

OP you should have a serious word with him but do not tell the wife. You cannot play God in this situation.

dr.bollocko

This situation seems to be such an issue because of the relationship between the OP and the brother's wife. What kind of relationship is that OP?

Tarakiwa

I dont see that it is your place to get involved.

Sure - you should talk to your Bro & let him know how you feel but getting more involved than that is a bad idea!

Zulu

Beruthiel wrote:

zulu
you've been posting in this forum long enough to know we do not tolerate comments like the above.
Calm down.
B

My apologies Beruthiel, it was a poor attempt at humour.

LegacyUser

Hill Billy wrote:

Unless the OP has another agenda...?

I resent that implication.

dr.bollocko wrote:

This situation seems to be such an issue because of the relationship between the OP and the brother's wife. What kind of relationship is that OP?

And that one.

The relationship is a 25yr old one. You tend to build a lot of respect for someone over that period of time. You also tend to lose respect very quickly for a brother who písses all over his wife whenever the feeling takes him.

eimearnll

i have to go with zulu on this i would want to be told BUT it is a dangerous one it could all fall back on you id talk to your brother first tell him how you feel about it and be careful.goodluck with what you decide to do;)

eimearnll

i have to go with zulu on this i would want to be told BUT it is a dangerous one it could all fall back on you id talk to your brother first tell him how you feel about it and be carefull.goodluck with what you decide to do.