Men Trouble

LegacyUser

I had an argument with my boyfriend of 8 months on Tuesday night.

He asked me to go up to his house. I go up nearly every night at this stage and stay.

Anyways, I went up about 10. I walked into the sitting room and say “Hey, hows it going!?” to which he replied basically a grunt.

I was thinking ok, maybe he had a bad day at work. Roll on an hour or so, and not one word has been exchanged between us. I start to get pissed off. Eventually he pipes up “Are you ok?”. I told him that I had made the effort, again, to go up and see him. I walk into HIS house and am basically ignored. I told him that I was sick of always trying so hard.

I guess that night is just the tip of the iceberg for things that are going wrong. I always feel a lack of attention with him. He hangs out with his mates a lot and plays a lot of sport. I tend to loose my temper with him a lot. It seems like he is only nice to me when he wants something.

I have been very very close to ending it on several occasions. The right part of my bain says “get a flippin back bone and end it with this looser” , the other side says “but when its good, its really good.”

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

Ickle Magoo

I'm a girl - I don't go for (or at least stay with) men who don't treat me with all the respect, care & affection I deserve.

He sounds like a pretty lousy bf but he can only treat you as badly as you let him....best of luck

BoozyBabe

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I'm a girl - I don't go for (or at least stay with) men who don't treat me with all the respect, care & affection I deserve.

Ditto!!!

You're only going out with him 8 months, & it sounds like hes been treating you like this for quite a while now.

Why would you bother?

Imagine the amount of attention you'd be getting in a few years time, if he bearly even acknowledges that you're there already.

Move on, why even contemplate staying? Surely the good times aren't near good enough, or aren't common enough to put up with that cr@p

Donegal Lass

Drop him fast and make him learn the meaning of "you dont know what you've got until its gone"

Miss Fluff

HideHi wrote:

I have been very very close to ending it on several occasions. The right part of my bain says “get a flippin back bone and end it with this looser” , the other side says “but when its good, its really good.”

Send the loser a one-way ticket to Dumpsville.
Why should it be only good some of the time? You deserve better.

pillsaregooood

he sounds like he's a bit of a cranky bastard ,give hime the flick should be the kick up the arse he needs to give ya a bit of respect ,He'll either come crawlin back and mend his ways or else ya won't see him again and in which case you'll be better off .Lifes too short for that ****e

ircoha

As the first man to post on this one:
OP: see http://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/b/bridgetjonesdiarylyrics/respectlyrics.html


Being good when it clearly suits him is ................

IMO respect is either there from the beginning or not.
Thats what missing here so flush him asap.

Dont agree that men mend thier ways as per post above, so flush and be done with it

padser

Ok to try and stop this turning into a big man hating thread I might just throw in a few points.

Firstly its sounds pretty much like you resent the fact that he hangs around with his mates and plays sport. Surely he is allowed to have a life outside of you? Its sounds a tad like your being quite controling and possessive of him, imagine what this must be like for him when he heads off to play some football and you are then complaining about it. How would you feel if he was complaining because you went off shopping with one of your mates for the day? Should all his spare time revolve around you?

Secondly it says 'I go around there almost every night now'. Does it sound a little bit like your crowding him? Where he gets the time to hang around with his mates and play sport is beyond me if you are around every night.

Its very easy to write a message and put it from your point of view, and you can listen to all the answers from all the women that read like lines written for the Gerrry Springer show [ ' he wouldnt know what he has until its gone' ] etc etc, but maybe part of the fault lies with you?

The very fact that you mention the fact he plays a lot a sport as an issue makes me think you must resent that? But in my opinion is completely and utterly unreasonable. He has a right to continue with his life and play his sport, and have his mates. If you cant accept that, then in my opinion thats where much of the problem lies.

Edit: Iv also just realised you entitled your peice 'Men trouble' - its quite obvious where your laying the blame anyway

Ickle Magoo

I agree with most of that padser - I'm certainly not a man hater. I think when you speak to a man & he grunts in response then he is an idiot. If he can't even formulate a sentence together & tell her he's feeling crowded/should be able to go out with his mates/play sports when he wants, etc - then she does have man trouble!

Beruthiel

HideHi wrote:

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

I don't know.
Perhaps you can tell me because I've never understood it myself.
Like Ickle Magoo, I would never bother with someone who didn't treat me right.
If you respect yourself, then you will also expect everyone else to do so.

/edit
padser has also made some very good points.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

When he goes off playing sports, I dont cringe or crib. Its afterwards that bugs me. We might arrange to meet and he'll turn around and then say "oh ive changed my mind. Im staying in the pub".

This happens actually, quite alot. Reason tells me to dump him. I have tried so hard. I think that I am having a leave of my senses. I feel a bit manipulated but cant see the wood from the trees. I know he is taking advantage of me, even if it is sometimes, thats enough.

I worry about him making a fool of me all the time. I guess I am letting him

Black Swan

HideHi wrote:

I have been very very close to ending it on several occasions. The right part of my bain says “get a flippin back bone and end it with this looser” , the other side says “but when its good, its really good.”

If you truly are unhappy, well, maybe it's time to pack it in?

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

I don't buy this generalisation. I found one that treats me grand, you should too.

metrovelvet

HideHi wrote:

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

Because we're raised to think we are second class citizens. There are many sober women out there who have snapped out of this and are insisiting on better. You know in your heart that you want more.

Time you did. Dump him. By making efforts, going to his house, blah blah blah you are only making him stronger and stronger.

You cant change him you can only change your situation, and the best way to do that is to stop trying and just walk away.

LegacyUser

HideHi wrote:

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good ?

Answer : Because they're stupid.

How many women get battered by their man only to continue to stick with him like **** to a blanket.

Another thing that amazes me is the fascination some wimmin have with the shaven-headed, muscular, tatooed b*ll*x type. Whatever about
between his legs ... there is sure nothing between his ears (or her ears either). If I knew of any girl that had dealings with such a type then she wouldn't be getting her 'meat injection' from me.

Anyways, I agree with Miss Fluff - U should dump that guy immediately ... and move on.

youcancallmeal

Sounds like he wants YOU to break up with him. I've seen this kind of thing before, makes us guys think we have the moral high ground when we turn around to our friends and tell them she broke up with me.

metrovelvet

youcancallme>al wrote:

Sounds like he wants YOU to break up with him. I've seen this kind of thing before, makes us guys think we have the moral high ground when we turn around to our friends and tell them she broke up with me.

I was thinking that too. Also hes going to want to keep the available sex around for as long as possible.

Really is it the moral high ground? I always thought it was plain old cowardice/passive aggressive bull****.

Tobias Greeshman

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

I don't buy this generalisation. I found one that treats me grand, you should too.

I think he meant, why some girls go for guys that treat them like crap. And personally I don't understand why they keep going for a**holes everytime.

OP you bf sounds like a bit of idiot who doesn't appreciate you, and does his own thing with little regard for you. If my gf treated me like that then she wouldn't be staying my gf too long.

Miguel_Sanchez

Can't fathom why you're still in this relationship.

Life's too short to stay with someone who makes you mad and can't even be polite to you when you visit them.

Time to say 'Adios'.

dr.bollocko

Well he's not going to change much, unless he's a lot less of a douche than you are making him out to be. (He kinda seems like a douche).
So you pretty much have three choices. Get used to it, and that would suck, or roar at him nonstop for about two years, and that would suck, or dump'im without any regrets at all. Plenty of men out there. much easier to move on. If he's not that important to you.

Laslo

NortSoide wrote:

Answer : Because they're stupid.

Still single, eh?

embee

I've got a man who treats me well... most girls as a rule don't go for the type who treat them mean.

OP - is it possible that between him asking you to go up to his house and you arriving that he had a row with someone and thats what put him in bad form?
There is such a thing as reading too much into things, although he should've just told you what was eating him. Perhaps he just wanted to be in your company without having to have a big conversation about something.. I know that sometimes, my bf and I will sit in silence together, just for each others company.

On the issue of him hanging with his mates - he's perfectly entitled to do that, as long as he has the balance right.

The crux of your issue is this : If you really believe that deep down, he isn't treating you the way you feel he should, then why are you wasting your time? After 8 months, its not "brand-new" anymore... are you trying to rekindle those early days? When you said "when its good, its really good"... be honest with yourself here. When was it last "good"? 2, 3 months ago?

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I think when you speak to a man & he grunts in response then he is an idiot.

What was he doing at the time?? Watching TV?? or something, if I was really engrossed in something, a book, TV or something on the radio, and someone started to talk to me they would be lucky to get a grunt in return.

Ickle Magoo

Doesn't matter what he's doing at the time - I speak to my husband in the middle of the footie or while reading, etc & he is capable of
multiskilling & watching the TV while also listening & talking to me....if you are incapable of answering a short question because you must use all your facculties to follow a book or radio programme which you can't switch your attention from & then find your place again, then in my book you're an idiot

dr.bollocko

Well people are different Magoo. Just because someone doesnt listen to you it doesnt mean they are an idiot. Some people just space out more than others, women and men, and to turn it into some gender related ignorant behavious is a bit OTT.

Ickle Magoo

I wasn't referring to gender related issues, my original post said "a man" to the OP as that was who she was having problems with....if you spoke to me & I grunted in response you have to assume I have heard you or I wouldn't have grunted & I'm too ignorant to tear myself away from whatever I am doing to listen to you or respond. That would make me an idiot.

padser

Ickle Magoo wrote:

.if you are incapable of answering a short question because you must use all your facculties to follow a book or radio programme which you can't switch your attention from & then find your place again, then in my book you're an idiot

If you are incapable of allowing your husband to sit an watch a game of football in peace then in my book, you are a nagging wife


How would you like it if you were in the middle of trying to talk to one of your friends on the phone, and they were in the middle of telling you a long story and someone came over to you and started asking you how was your day??

Ickle Magoo

padser wrote:

If you are incapable of allowing your husband to sit an watch a game of football in peace then in my book, you are a nagging wife


How would you like it if you were in the middle of trying to talk to one of your friends on the phone, and they were in the middle of telling you a long story and someone came over to you and started asking you how was your day??

The OP wasn't talking about just walking up to him & demanding a conversation, she said she went into the house & said hello & he grunted at her. Even while watching his most beloved of teams play, my husband would turn from the game & say hello without prompting, far less nagging. There are often occasions when I need to say something to him or visa vera while we are in the middle of something else. Do you usually watch or read in complete silence only to be broken when you consider yourself finnished?

Yes, I have excused myself from a phone conversation to answer a question from my partner or say hello if they have been out - why is it such a big deal? If your partner came into your house & you were watching footie, are you saying you would just ignore them & consider any form of greeting on their part nagging?! :eek:

LegacyUser

Why do you always go to the ones that don't treat you the way they should? because women are shallow.

My best mate and i go on the pull at the weekends, we see a group of girls and we'd start chatting. I'm the funny one, the girls usually like me because i'll constantly have everyone laughing. My best mate on the other hand is the best looking of the two of us (i'm not ugly mind!) and generally the girls will go off with him. The next day they'll relaise that he won't really want anything to do with them, unless he see's them when hes out drinking again.

Thats when they come back and cry on my shoulder, often saying how they should have just hooked up with me that night because i wouldn't have been such an arsehole.

dr.bollocko

Mabye women are shallow.... I mean guys are....
My fragile little mind is warped.
Run away from the bad gender!
Run screaming to the hills!!!

Dragan

HideHi wrote:

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

Guys can do the same, and it can be for any reason.....to be honest though i have no time for the whole "i always go for bad boys" garbage.

If your not happy then break up with him. It's really that simple. Being good sometimes is not worth putting up with bad the rest of the time.

It needs to either be good all the time, or the effort needs to be there to make it good as much as possible. This does not seem to be the case with you two.

6th

I saw dump him but chances are he wont care. I know guys like that and they just get on with their lives - he's not bothered either way, for him its easy.

bubthatub

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave".

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

Ickle Magoo wrote:

The OP wasn't talking about just walking up to him & demanding a conversation, she said she went into the house & said hello & he grunted at her. Even while watching his most beloved of teams play, my husband would turn from the game & say hello without prompting, far less nagging. There are often occasions when I need to say something to him or visa vera while we are in the middle of something else. Do you usually watch or read in complete silence only to be broken when you consider yourself finnished?

Yes, I have excused myself from a phone conversation to answer a question from my partner or say hello if they have been out - why is it such a big deal? If your partner came into your house & you were watching footie, are you saying you would just ignore them & consider any form of greeting on their part nagging?! :eek:

Just 'cos you and your husband operate that way dosen't mean everyone else does.
Personally if I had asked someone to come over to my house I wouldn't sit there watching TV when they arrived, if I was going to do that I wouldn't bother asking them over.

Ickle Magoo

FuzzyWuzzyWazza wrote:

Just 'cos you and your husband operate that way dosen't mean everyone else does.

I do know that - it was to show not all men are ignorant and not all women put up with guys who "don't treat them right"...

FuzzyWuzzyWazza wrote:

Personally if I had asked someone to come over to my house I wouldn't sit there watching TV when they arrived, if I was going to do that I wouldn't bother asking them over.

Precisely....well said

the_syco

HideHi wrote:

Why do girls always go for the ones that don’t treat them good?

Always thought the "treat them mean, keep them keen" thing was bullsh|t, but seemingly not

=-=

youcancallme>al has a good point. He's not making an effort to the point that he doesn't acknowledge you at times.

=-=

Try having a full "how was your day" conversation with a woman during Eastenders, or Corrie, tbh. They'll be more open during the ad's or after it.

=-=

As for the lack of attention, be busy for a week. See how he gets on without ye. A drought, if you would. And then pop over, and see what his response is. If its the same, look into dumping him. If he's chatty and friendly, maybe he thinks you were crowding him, but he didn't want to say anything in case he hurt your feelings.

Budo.Judo.Kev

bubthatub wrote:

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave".

Where's that from? too little information from the original poster. Maybe her fella is a bit depressed and needs some TLC from his woman.

AngryBadger

Surely this is straight forward? OP if you're with someone and they're disrespecting you then you should leave them and find someone else. I'm not going to comment on whether you ahve a problem with him having his own life or not, I'll elave that up to you.

As to the idea of women going with men who treat them badly. tbh if you're stupid enough to stay with someone who treats you badly then you deserve it.

metrovelvet

As to the idea of women going with men who treat them badly. tbh if you're stupid enough to stay with someone who treats you badly then you deserve it.
Today 19:36

Sometimes you fall for the wrong person. Sometimes the person you fall for doesnt start out as a bastard. Sometimes people put up with **** just because they love someone.

It has nothing to do with intelligence. Some egos are not tough enough to withstand it or to walk away.

No one "deserves" abuse for not being "smart" enough not to put up with it.

podge79

women always go for the bastards because they think they can change em. also your putting in alal the effort etc..up to his every night etc etc so basically he sees it that he doesnt have to make too much of an effort in the relationship...ask urself what you realy want and if it's not what you have move on...there's no point in been miserable and not getting much out of it cept the odd grunt...what you have to do is ask urself if the roles were reversed would he stay around or dump you