Domestic Bliss

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one. I'm in mid 20's I've been living with my girlfriend, in a house we own, for the last few months and we're not getting on at all. Any advice? Don't say leave as we have a kid.

miamee

You're not giving away too many details to go on there DB but lots of my friends found it very hard to get used to living with their partners at first & one couple in particular had a very hard time as when they moved in together it was both of their first times away from home.
It took them about a year to get used to each other but they are happily married a year now

Hang on in there I'm sure it's made doubly difficult by the stress of looking after a child too but if you love each other you should stick with it.


Good luck

LegacyUser

Well we argue a lot over the little things, there's no sex and she's quick to anger while I bottle it up.

Beruthiel

Domestic Bliss wrote:

Well we argue a lot over the little things, there's no sex and she's quick to anger while I bottle it up.

Well until you start to communicate and talk to each other about what the problem is, nothing much will change.
There is a reason behind not having sex and there is a reason behind fighting over silly little things. Find out what that is.

Ruu_Old

Beruthiel wrote:

Well until you start to communicate and talk to each other about what the problem is, nothing much will change.
There is a reason behind not having sex and there is a reason behind fighting over silly little things. Find out what that is.

Yep, sit down and talk about it, even if it takes you all day/night to sort it out. Communication is vital. Do you and your partner get some space from time to time from each other? That could be an issue also.

miles teg

I recently moved in with my girlfriend and as soon as we moved in, she started going anal about everything. The tiniest thing would set her off, which sounds simialr to your situation. I'm not saying either of us were to blame, but the problem was that both our families had different ways of doing things (from major stuff to small stuff like sorting out washing) and when all of a sudden she's living with me and I do things the way my family did, it really got to her. Other posters are right in saying you need to talk to her. both of you need to understand that you can't continue doing things exactly the way you did in your families houses. Compromise or a new way is needed

ircoha

You have the house, you have the child, all you need is to communicate, as suggested earlier.

You need to sit down and talk about it, with no alcohol.

Once you get past the "what pisses u off about her or visa versa" and the box of tissues is half empty, then get to what is at the bottom of this.

Dont take offence at the following questions and do not answer them on line.

I had a similair problem in my family and this is the sort of stuff that got discussed.

You have to be honest first with yourselfs and then with each other. Sometimes counselling may help, but only after the honesty sets in.

u say " for the last few months ...we have a child [ goats have kids:) ]"

How old is the child?
Did u both want the child?
Does the child stop u both from doing what u both did before, going out getting locked with ur mates etc?
Is the gf suffering from post natal depression?
Are u both working?
If so who minds the child?
Are there money problems?
Do u both get a "night off/day off" from minding the child?
Are u sharing the night time duties? {I know u cant breast feed but there are other ways of helping out]
What happens at weekends?
Do u go to the pub to watch the footie?
Who does the shopping cleaning ironing etc?
Do you both still see you pre-conception friends, either together or alone?
Do you get out alone for a quiet drink and a chat, not a mad drinking session followed by drunken sex and then brutal hangovers?

The final point is dont forget the child will pick up the bad vibes so get it sorted for the childs sake asap.
Good luck

neuro-praxis

Do sit down and talk to her, at an appropriate time. You've got to make the decision to love each other well, and when you do, all the old feelings will return. It will be hard work, you can count on that. But real love is worth it.

oulu

Domestic Bliss wrote:

Going unreg for this one. I'm in mid 20's I've been living with my girlfriend, in a house we own, for the last few months and we're not getting on at all. Any advice? Don't say leave as we have a kid.

Take the good with the bad no one has it good all the time, best way is to talk and express yourself and remember why you both got together in the first place, get a baby sitter and go away for a nice weekend together, stick with as the song goes 'dont give up on us baby'

Nickibaby*

Try counselling or just try talking as others said...

embee

Hi OP,

You haven't gone into a lot of detail, so we can only speculate as to how serious the arguments ye have are. Are they over day to day annoyances, like she gets annoyed when you leave socks lying around? Do you get pissed off at her because she takes too long in the bathroom? Problems like these can be resolved through communication, but you have to be careful that when ye attempt to sit down and talk through these issues that neither of ye is on the defensive and both of ye can accept responsibility. A middle ground is generally what is needed.

If your problems are deeper than that, then perhaps some sort of couples counselling may be an option for ye. Is it that ye want different things from life ( for example : one of ye wants marriage, one doesn't) or that you both have fundamental differing opinions on how your child should be raised, do ye row over issues like money and joint bank accounts? For a lot of people, the idea of moving in is soon tarnished by the reality of it, and it can be hard.

One thing I will say is this : You shouldn't stay with each other for the sake of your child. If ye were to seperate, your child would suffer in the short term, but genuinely I believe that its better to have a happy child with seperated parents than an unhappy child with parents who are together but constantly fight.

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

embee wrote:

One thing I will say is this : You shouldn't stay with each other for the sake of your child. If ye were to seperate, your child would suffer in the short term, but genuinely I believe that its better to have a happy child with seperated parents than an unhappy child with parents who are together but constantly fight.

I gotta agree with that, I am a child (well 26 now:rolleyes: ) from a 'broken' marrage, and I feel that I had a happier childhood because my parents wern't stuck together fighting all of the time. And they get on fine now, so really it was the best of both worlds for me, still had 2 parents and no big arguments.

Black Swan

Why not a nice lunch and then a long walk in a park during nice weather when both of you are off work? Get a sitter for your child or leave them to visit with their grandparents? Just you two together? After awhile, start to talk about these things?