your opinion please

LegacyUser

so long story short iv been sick for a long time never had a chance to date or anything and i mean anything so my question is do most women really see a person or potential partner for their personality or do looks and health mean most im not saying im hideous im fairly average consider myself intelligent,funny,caring and thoughtful but my body is not so good from years of illness and i will always have health problems i have no problems talking to people but as regards chatting up a woman i have no confidence im always thinking are they talking to me out of sympathy or do they like me im not looking for answers like you will find the right person or something to make me feel better just straight answers

Black Swan

What do you really enjoy doing? Film, theatre, creative writing, painting, reading, photography, whatever? Find a young group of gals and guys that like it too, join this group, and become one of the most enthusiastic members. Forget about learning pick up lines, be yourself, and engage girls in your shared passion for whatever this thing is that you both enjoy doing. Be patient, chill out, and let nature take its course.;)

Ruu_Old

I don't think things are going to happen for you if you try and make them or force it. The above advice looks good to me, find someone or a group with the same interests as you and let yourself go, shine out among them and have fun.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys but Im not really looking for that kind of info more the original question do most women really see a person or potential partner for their personality or do looks and health mean most honest answers please whether good,bad,

Trinity

Well you havent mentioned what your health problem was so its difficult to say.

No looks are not that important but does your illness impinge on your ability to get out and do stuff??

DOes it have an impact on your social life? DO you spend periods in hospital?

Only post what you are comfortable with and I'm sorry to be so invasive but if you want honest answers you are goin to have to be more specific

missmatty

Well I think obviously when you meet someone the first time, the first thing you will notice is their looks. But i've found with my last two relationships that I wasn't blown away/initially stunned by their looks (average guys) but when I got to know them it was their personalities that made me fall for them. Just goes to show, you shouldn't judge ppl by their looks but get to know them. Anyway this is the way most sound girls would think, although there are shallow ppl too who would just write off ppl instantly cos they're not gorgeous.

LegacyUser

It can limit me somewhat but Im not in a wheelchair I am able to go out but wouldnt be able to do everthing someone else my age would

daiixi

OP: the more you get out into the world the more opportunities which you will create for yourself and the more people you will meet. Every one of those people you meet will judge you on your looks, your health, your job, your money, your clothes, your personality, your skills etc etc. But not everyone will judge you badly.
It's hard to say when you don't mention how old you are or what health problems you have but I'd definitely say that there's someone for everyone out there, you just have to find them. And the more people you meet the easier it will be.
Have you seen the film Murderball? It was released at the cinemas last year. It's about the USA paraplegic basketball team. The guys in the team have no problems finding partners because they make the most out of every moment they have and the most out of what they have.

MojoMaker

OP, not possible to answer this in straighforward yes / no form, unfortunately. It's very subjective. My gut feeling is that you know yourself you may have it more difficult than some but definitely do not get the impression from anyone or anything that it's impossible. Hard, yes possibly.

What are you into btw? Might get some recommendations or hear some good anecdotes from folk here.

jammie

OP I feel for you I really do, suffering from a serious illness all my life I know how you're feeling, personally I have had serious problems with guys and some have accepted me for who I am even though I cant socialise like every other 30 year old, it all depends who you meet and how they cope with your health problems, I have been lucky to meet someone who accepts me warts and all...Just try and relax and stop worrying so much about people accepting you for your health...If they get to know you first there shouldnt be a problem unless they are totally self centered...Good Luck

Trinity

cystic5roses wrote:

OP I feel for you I really do, suffering from a serious illness all my life I know how you're feeling, personally I have had serious problems with guys and some have accepted me for who I am even though I cant socialise like every other 30 year old, it all depends who you meet and how they cope with your health problems, I have been lucky to meet someone who accepts me warts and all...Just try and relax and stop worrying so much about people accepting you for your health...If they get to know you first there shouldnt be a problem unless they are totally self centered...Good Luck

Yes what she said

If you meet someone who likes you for you then it shouldnt be an issue. Try to have confidence in your good points and have faith.

if you are constantly waiting on people to judge you, you will be on edge all the time and your true self wont shine through.

just be happy and optimistic as best you can be. People are attracted to people that make them feel good, and we are all capable of that with or without a health issue.

Strokesfan

I would say nice hair, nice clothes, confidence and common ground (i.e. being able to talk interestingly about travelling or something) are more important than looks. Get it out of your head about people talking to you out of sympathy - we can't mind read - they may be thinking you are really interesting.
Even if you have been unwell - you can still look good. I don't like pumped up guys personally

Anti

Ruu wrote:

I don't think things are going to happen for you if you try and make them or force it. The above advice looks good to me, find someone or a group with the same interests as you and let yourself go, shine out among them and have fun.

great advice from the ruu-meister one again

CathyMoran

I'm a diabetic and I have never had any problems dating...when I met my partner I had just finished a Masters thesis on Food Allergies but had also researched Crohns which he immediatly told me that he had, I felt that it was fate. Having a serious illness should not preclude you from dating, as long as you have a good personality that is all that matters.

RandomOne

qwert wrote:

It can limit me somewhat but Im not in a wheelchair I am able to go out but wouldnt be able to do everthing someone else my age would

Personally speaking, I got to know my guy before I knew what he looked like (common interest website). We weren't trying to pull one another, just got an idea of who the other was from the things we typed. Started to talk on the phone, not even slightly awkward, laughed a lot, even about the day to day reality of living with a disability. Think I was a gonner before we even met, and that first meeting scared the pair of us to death. Now: We can't easily go out, certainly never on a whim, sex can be awkward, if not downright impossible at times. I have no idea if he's good-looking or not, but he's not ugly, and he can turn me on without even being around (I have a good memory ).

So, for me.... personality every time. The rest you just deal with if they're worth it.

LadyJ

OP,the answer is it depends. It depends on the person,it depends on their age,it depends on the kind of future they have envisioned.

I don't think that many people ever really consider the possibility that when they meet a potential partner,he might not be in full health. It is something that a lot of people take for granted. Therefore,I think some women could be intimidated by the prospect of dating you.

However,I think you will find that it will just be water off a duck's back with other women. It's surprising how,when you meet someone that you really connect with,even the largest obstacles mean nothing anymore.

As for looks,being good looking is always a plus but I think you'll find that it's not a necessity!