Uninteresting and brainless...

LegacyUser

Hi,
Up until this last year I was kinda unsocial, have since lost alot of weight gained confidence and from that new friends.

When I am talking one to one i typically 'preform' well, but in a group I go downhill so quickly. With different people I am different, its strange because in school some of the lads consider me loud outspoken, wity as hell centre of attention guy. But my newfound group of friends see me as the quiet guy. Now albeit the school group I mentioned above would be the more geekier group while the others are full of amazing people.

I think one of my main issues is that I cannot retain any information, if i see a movie I dont remember, have a conversation I dont remember... Celebrities, quotes, tv, people I just cannot retain information. Sometimes this makes me feel really stupid particuarlly when it comes to remembering what larger words mean.

I just feel that when I'm around most people I havent nothing to say, I'm not great at 'random' comedy, and some of the new group are like genious' at saying the strangest things, so i tend to stick to more regulated topics.

Also, I typically talk about myself or my experiences... I notice others dont, yet I'm stuck for what I could come up with that isnt about me!? Most of the things I say within the group are fairly thought out and seeing as I am new to the group I feel i need to be active to stay in because the others are amazing, people I really enjoy socialising with.

I was back at school today, talking to a guy who I am probably most comfortable with and was on fire, then talking to one of the popular funny guys and the conversation went stale. I need help in retaining information (followed up by a crash course with TONS of general knowledge and a dictionary) and how to assert myself correctly to conversations, i guess its confidence but has anyone any advice or an outsiders opinion?!

Thanks

Black Swan

qqkksd wrote:

I need help in retaining information (followed up by a crash course with TONS of general knowledge and a dictionary)

You can exercise your mind a bit and have fun over under Sys on these boards. The Cuckoo's Nest has two useful threads, Soft Cushions and Three Word Story, where you play with words, and sometimes need to consult a dictionary. There are other threads there for fun and interaction among a generally playful group. Not a big solution, only a little one, but may be of interest to you? Just a thought.

Ruu_Old

Well theres a couple of forums on boards that might help, a Puzzles/Quizzes forum under the Rec menu. If you are still worried about your fitness or weight still, have a look through the Fitness forum, also under Rec.
What activities do your friends get involved in?

Ishindar

sounds like u have had a rough time and missed out on the opportunities that most people take for granted.
from your description of your social outlook it sounds like u need to find yourself. explore and experiment with who u are and take it one step at a time

Funsterdelux

Basically, you just dont talk sh1te like most people, its alright to talk about yourself/your experiences, if the other person is talking baloney about something agree with them or take the piss have a laugh.

And what ever the last few posters said but dont dwell on it always.

layke

Sounds like my youth all over again, having said that I am still all young and sexeh loike.

Anyway, I find you tend to grow out of it. The problem is your 'trying' to fit in and 'trying' to be funny and entertaining around these specific people which leads to a stale conversation because you just don't manage to capture the person's interest. I think (or always thought) it was always down to nerves myself.

Anyway my point is, it took me over a year to settle in with my current friends and once I did they see the real me.
This was some time back and i haven't experienced a situation like that in a long time.

MonkeyWrench

I sometimes go through similar experiences myself when I meet new people or out with the regular bunch but i'm either too tired to carry on a long conversation or I just lack confidence at that particular moment in time. My recommendation would be to have a backup plan if a conversation goes stale. sometimes conversations just can't be rescued no matter how much effort you put in, it takes two to tango as they say so if the other person isn't full of dialogue then you can only do so much.

In the situation where you feel like you are the one who is struggling, the backup plan might be to have a list of topics that you can remember - travel, books, music, football etc and then have interesting stories to relate to these topics and try to steer the conversation in the direction you want to go. The most interesting and friendly conversations you can have with people is where neither person has the objective of getting 'one up' on the other person, like talking about their accomplishements or how great they are at such and such...

If you don't want to talk about yourself all the time then try to keep up to date with current affairs and form a solid opinion about these before you enter conversation. Another example would be imdb.com to read about movies etc. you can read about a movie, then relate the main actor/actress to other movies he/she has been in and so on and so forth....I find that its hard to remember stuff if you are not genuinely interested in it in the first place...

Dragan

qqkksd wrote:

But my newfound group of friends see me as the quiet guy. Now albeit the school group I mentioned above would be the more geekier group while the others are full of amazing people.

..................................

I was back at school today, talking to a guy who I am probably most comfortable with and was on fire, then talking to one of the popular funny guys and the conversation went stale.

To be honest, these two parts stand out for me most.

I assume you have known the geekier friends for a long time, and these new people for a short time.

Just to point out the the big difference seems to have been the weight loss, so these new people will talk to you now? I think you gotta ask yourself if people who would place so much emphasis on you appearance are people you want to be hanging around with?

Did they talk to you before, when you were a fat geek? Just out of interest.

Also, don't forget your old friends man, that would be mistake I think.

Finally, did it ever occur to you that you are the live wire with the old friends because they are true friends, and they is nothing to say with the new group because there is simply nothing to say???

Trinity

It sounds like you are constantly trying to impress and entertain people.

some people are just more comfortable in certain situations and with certain people.

i hated the fact that i couldnt do well in a group, wall flower springs to mind, yet was ok on a one-to-one basis, now i have just accepted that that is the way i am.

If i was constantly trying to come up with funny, interesting topics i'd be dead in the water.

an example is of some of the witty posts and threads - i look at some of them in for example after hours - and i break my ass laughing - and i often think i could never come up with a witty remark like that - but i know that thats just not me!!

there is nothing wrong with ordinary topics of conversation so stop worryin about what people think. YOu cannot always be the clown - some people get sick and tired of all that i am sure they just wanna sit down and have an ordinary conversation.

and yes some of it would be confidence i mean look at your heading - uninteresting and brainless - is that really how you view yourself?

Stop putting pressure on yourself.

Froot

I decided a while back that I was sick to death of trying to be something/someone I thought others wanted to be and I was just myself.

And being honest it works for me. People now understand I'm a no bull**** straight up person and that I am also very friendly.

then again: someone described me recently as having vibes that say "get the **** away from me" even though thats not even what I'm thinking so I could be disillusioned instead of actually happy.

Chinafoot

Dragan wrote:

To be honest, these two parts stand out for me most.

I assume you have known the geekier friends for a long time, and these new people for a short time.

Just to point out the the big difference seems to have been the weight loss, so these new people will talk to you now? I think you gotta ask yourself if people who would place so much emphasis on you appearance are people you want to be hanging around with?

Did they talk to you before, when you were a fat geek? Just out of interest.

Also, don't forget your old friends man, that would be mistake I think.

Finally, did it ever occur to you that you are the live wire with the old friends because they are true friends, and they is nothing to say with the new group because there is simply nothing to say???

Have to agree 100% with Dragan here.

Why do you care what the "popular" people think and why would you want to be with people that you can't be yourself around?

Dilbert75

If you're feeling under pressure to make conversation, why not turn it around? Starting asking (gentle) questions - don't interrogate but just be interested in the people you're with. Particularly with the opposite sex - everybody likes speaking to someone who takes an interest in them, not in themselves.

nobodythere

You seem to see friends as people you have to impress. You sound like you don't have much confidence in yourself as a person and feel that people won't like you unless you're entertaining them. The way you say "I was on fire" seems very socialitic, as if you feel you should walk into a room like a comedian, play a great set and walk out with the audience clapping.

You just need to relax. Stop wanting to be liked. Life's a bitch that way, it only gives you things once you stop wanting them. You don't have to be funny or impressive. Be yourself. I know that's a cliche so those words won't ring in your head easily, but be yourself. See your friends for what they are, trust them, open up to them - some people you'll click with, others you don't, that's life. The popular guy is no more important than anyone else, you owe him nothing and all you see is his surface. If he doesn't get along with you, you lose nothing unless you choose to lose something.

I'd take a crack that your inability to retain information comes down to your mask. If you're worried about appearing impressive you can't take a genuine interest in things.

Exon

Just be yourself and talk about the first thing that comes to your mind, there's nothing else too it. People think waaay too much.

marie_85

When you're truly comfortable with yourself and have self confidence you stop acting differently around different people. And if you try too hard to impress people, then you'll give off a worse impression than if you are just yourself.