No girlfriend and fed up

needadvicebaly

I’ve been single for a while and to be honest my confidence around women isn’t all that great at the moment.
While I’ve seen three or four women for around the six mark over the past two years, I’ve only had one long term relationship and I’m a bit worried.
I’m 24, and out of my circle of friends most of the lads have been seeing women for three or four years. My best mate is going out with someone for six years.
I’m a decent looking guy, and I get on with most people but for some reason when it comes to clubs and women I ain’t at the races.
I don’t like the way I look and I just don’t have much confidence.
My friends are a lot more outgoing then me, and to be honest it’s a bit of a joke about my lack of skills with the women!
I honestly don’t have a clue, or have the confidence to chat to a woman in a pub/club situation…
I don’t know what its so important to me why I want a girlfriend, but it seems like it happens to other people pretty easy, but somewhere along the line I ain’t doing something right.
I have a good job but most of the friends I had in college have moved away, and to be honest I’m a bit bored with everything I’m doing.
Pubs and clubs seem to be the only place men and women meet in this country, and I’m fairly brutal in those drunken situations.
I tried taking up an activity, I gave it a good shot but it wasn’t for me and I didn’t feel I fitted in with the crowd. Nice people, but it wasn’t for me.
Anyway the weekend is here and I’ll be heading out, pubbing clubbing and all that and I could with a few pointers!
I'm also thinking about heading off on holidays on my own for a month, never done anything like it before...for someone who aint all that outgoing is it a good or bad thing?
Anyways, could do with some suggestions on all of the above...and girls how should a man approach/get your attention in a pub/club.
Stuck in a rut!

Ruu_Old

Sounds like a change of scenery wouldn't be so bad for you as you mention that the pub and club scene is boring you a bit. It is true that it seems the only way to meet someone is pubs or clubs. My advice would be to go out and just keep being yourself but try to relax a little bit more and stop expecting something to happen. Stay sober, have a dance and just have some more fun in general when going out. I think once that happens you will feel a bit better in yourself and when the ladies see what a fun person you seem to be then I don't see any reason why they wouldn't want to get with you. Best of luck and go on that holiday, you will have a blast.

Black Swan

Pubs, clubs and booze are not the only places to hook up. What do you really like doing? Hiking, sailing, swimming, films, theatre, creative writing, whatever? Find a young group of gals and guys who like it as much as you do, join it, and become one of the most enthusiastic members. Those who share your passion will be drawn to you, some of them women. Talk about those shared interests with them, and forget about pick up lines, pubs and clubs. Chill-out and let nature take its course.;)

Nalz

I agree with Ruu, change of scenary will do you world of good. I was with someone for nearly 4 years, it ended badly and out of the blue, I was destroyed by it and it took a good month to get my act together, and another 8 or 9 months to fully get over it. I did love her, as she did me. I tried to break it off twice but took her back. When she finally did it (after a change of scenary for her) it just killed me. I turned into a depressed mini physcho for a few weeks, then with help of mates and family I snapped out of it eventually.

Im still single now, havent really played the field. One or two here and there. Was never into the goin on the pull, chattin up air heads but I did it for the sake of doin it.

Now Im just happy bein me. Plan is to look for a job in Dublin, move up with mates and get the ball rolling. Im happy. Ive got a great family and great mates here and there. From college, old work, sport, primary and secondary school.

Im content and happy just being me. Looking forward to the change of scenary, gettin the ball rollin as they say. If some really nice gal comes along in the meantime that catches my eye then I wont stop her jumpin on for the ride(for want of a better phrase!!).

Just change your scenary, chill out more. Be productive in the right areas and things will happen for you. The lack of skills thing is just about confidence. Confidence will come with the change of scenary and a new angle on things. Not too sure on the on my own holiday thing, but maybe thats just apersonal thing with me. I wouldnt do it personally.

Good luck with it all

smk135

needadvicebaly wrote:

Pubs and clubs seem to be the only place men and women meet in this country, and I’m fairly brutal in those drunken situations.
I'm also thinking about heading off on holidays on my own for a month, never done anything like it before...for someone who aint all that outgoing is it a good or bad thing?
Anyways, could do with some suggestions on all of the above...and girls how should a man approach/get your attention in a pub/club.
Stuck in a rut!

personnally i hate pubs and clubs for meeting guys because it is always so drunk/sleezy/superficial. and although i can 100% honestly say that superficial would suit me right now, i just cant stand meeting lads in clubs.

i've moved back to Ireland recently and find that pubs n clubs seems to be the place to meet guys/girls. so now i'm looking to join some sports club )other than the bloody gym!) to meet people in general not necessarily bf though, just ppl.
however, i do really enjoy the whole friendliness of pubs and the way it's so easy to chat to people, and i hate it when after 3.5 seconds of talking to someone they'll ask for your number. so i usually give the wrong one...:o !
if you are relaxed and chatty i think itd get you a few numbers in pubs anyway (forget it in clubs>>pointless), just dont be all leechy and desperate.
girls spot it a mile off when someone is desperate and it's completely off putting. also i'd say gain a bit more confidence in yourself because thats so attractive in a lad and if you are posting this you are obviously lacking somewhat in that...

440Hz

Sounds just like the male version of me!! Except im a year older.. but yea I know exactly how you feel. Not so much on the needing/wanting a boyfriend part at the moment though, recently yeah, but right now I just wish I could get out of my rut and start enjoying life again. I reckon until I achieve that I wont be happy with anyone I meet anyway. You know the whole you gotta learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else lark - tis true I guess.

Anyway.. I thought all of this a few years back as well, all I wanted was a boyf.. and everyone said all the usual 'it will happen when you least expect it' type stuff, which i just brushed off as nonsense... but.. turns out they were right. People tend to come along when you are not expecting them... like in my case on the first day of college when I was looking forward to 4 years of social life++ instead I got 4 years of love++, not how I imagined my college days, but wouldnt change it for anything.

Now though, sometimes I feel myself slipping back into that wanting to meet someone urgency.. and I have to try and stop myself, cos the more you worry, the less likely you will be to meet someone. If you are worried about it, you aint being you, and you wont meet someone right for YOU.

As for the hol, best idea.. go for it.. in fact im planning a solo holiday soon cos all my mates are in couples as well and i just got sick of waiting for someone to join me... enjoy it .. and dont worry.. it will happen... thats what i tell myself anyway

empirix

Go backpacking and stay in hostels for the month - i done this in Asia nad OZ and was with many lovelies from all over the world - oh i wanna go back i wanna go back:D

6th

440Hz wrote:

Sounds just like the male version of me!!

Its times like this i get silly thoughts like "well then why dont you guys head out for a bite to eat or something". I mean i'm not suggesting that you guys start dating cos you're in a similar position, i think between the two of you (and more on here) you could go out and have a laugh without the presure of trying to meet people. I know that if a guy is out and hanging out with a girl (and vice versa) you get more attention.

6th

440Hz wrote:

As for the hol, best idea.. go for it.. in fact im planning a solo holiday soon cos all my mates are in couples as well and i just got sick of waiting for someone to join me... enjoy it .. and dont worry.. it will happen... thats what i tell myself anyway

Oh its screaming in my face now .... a travelling companion!

440Hz

6th wrote:

Its times like this i get silly thoughts like "well then why dont you guys head out for a bite to eat or something". I mean i'm not suggesting that you guys start dating cos you're in a similar position, i think between the two of you (and more on here) you could go out and have a laugh without the presure of trying to meet people. I know that if a guy is out and hanging out with a girl (and vice versa) you get more attention.

lol location, locatcion, location eh!

6th

Damn ... how far apart? And would that stop the travel plans? The travelling would be even more interesting if you two are from different countries ... a bit of a culture mix.

440Hz

Dont ya just love it when ppl have such great imaginations lol ... well i dunno 6th... no idea where the OP is from

6th

At 1 post i dont think you'll even find out either.

440Hz

6th wrote:

At 1 post i dont think you'll even find out either.

lol!! gutted.. how will i ever cope

anyway tho OP - best of luck

beefa

needadvicebaly wrote:

I honestly don’t have a clue, or have the confidence to chat to a woman in a pub/club situation…

Anyways, could do with some suggestions on all of the above...and girls how should a man approach/get your attention in a pub/club.
Stuck in a rut!

For one month try 1)not to score, 2) chatting to EVERY youngish woman you meet.
If your not trying to score them then there is less pressure, so if someone rejects your attempts at conversation it doesn't matter so much. In this time try to learn the art of flattery, having the craic with them and generally just enjoying their company. When you've got this nailed check back in a month for sleazy pulling techniques!;)

Approaching girlies doesn't have to be difficult, for instance the othernight a guy came over and told me that I had a really funky skirt which was a welcome change from "where are you from?" "whats your name?" which is really unimaginative and highly overdone:mad:

Donegal Lass

beefa wrote:

For one month try 1)not to score, 2) chatting to EVERY youngish woman you meet.
If your not trying to score them then there is less pressure, so if someone rejects your attempts at conversation it doesn't matter so much. In this time try to learn the art of flattery, having the craic with them and generally just enjoying their company.

this part of the post is very true- girls are more inclined to warm to people who are just chating and having a laugh, without feeling any need to take things further. if you leave things by asking for their number instead of trying to tackle them, you'l automatically earn more respect! this is a good thing because girls talk!!

needadvicebaly

folks thanks for all of the above post, I'll have a proper look at it all later on when I get home from work.
(And for the record I live in Dublin and I'm thinking of heading to Oz, thanks for all the inspiring advice...I'll keep you posted:) )

WunderFull

Dude you remind me of one of my friends who has just come back from Oz. Before he went, he was hoping to find a serious relationship, often these things come out of being bored and wanting soomething to deal with. Anyways, he's just back and has a much better perspective in life, is relaxed about the whole relartionship thing and is more optimistic about life in general.

So finding things to do or places to go will fill up that gap.