BF stealing money from my wallet?

LegacyUser

Basically I think that my bf of 8 months has been taking money from my wallet. There have been a few incidents where money has gone missing from my purse. I have no proof and I desperately want to be wrong in what I think.

Last night, I went to the shop, bought cigarettes, put €5 back into my wallet. It was definately there cause I checked again later if I would need to take money out for my lunch today.

Later last night, I went to my boyfriends house. We were going to bed. I went to the loo (en suite). He was in the room. I came out and went to get my phone out of my bag to set my alarm and noticed my wallet was open (it’s a button one). I looked in no €5. Looked in bag no €5.

I got quite upset and said to him that I was sick of “loosing” money. That I didn’t go to work all day to loose money. He was like oh it will turn up. Ive no idea what to do. Similar things have happened before too. But I dunno what to do. I shouldn’t think these things about him. Its just happening too often now for my liking.

Trinity

Obviously you dont trust him if you think he is capable of stealing.

Is he out of work that he would take your last lousy 5 euro and leave you with no lunch?

If you think that little of him i would just dump him.

if not ask him out straight. he was the only one in the room. what more proof do you need?

Strokesfan

I think a lot of the time our gut instinct is right and you should go with that plus there are a lot of people out there willing to exploit their other half...
I think you should be sure before you say anything - maybe leave 10 or 20 euro lying around or something - I say this cos I'm always losing money etc. If you continue to expect he's taking money (even if he doesn't see it as robbing) - dump him - you would never fully be able to trust someone who has it in them to do that because you don't know how far they can go?
Does he work? Does he go out alot? Stupid move on his part.

fillmore jive

are you sure it's just your money he's stealing? what about cd's or clothes or anything?

get rid of him. one of these days he'll take something that's worth more than a fiver.

BrokenArrows

WhatCanIdo? wrote:

Basically I think that my bf of 8 months has been taking money from my wallet. There have been a few incidents where money has gone missing from my purse. I have no proof and I desperately want to be wrong in what I think.

Last night, I went to the shop, bought cigarettes, put €5 back into my wallet. It was definately there cause I checked again later if I would need to take money out for my lunch today.

Later last night, I went to my boyfriends house. We were going to bed. I went to the loo (en suite). He was in the room. I came out and went to get my phone out of my bag to set my alarm and noticed my wallet was open (it’s a button one). I looked in no €5. Looked in bag no €5.

I got quite upset and said to him that I was sick of “loosing” money. That I didn’t go to work all day to loose money. He was like oh it will turn up. Ive no idea what to do. Similar things have happened before too. But I dunno what to do. I shouldn’t think these things about him. Its just happening too often now for my liking.

as a trap to find out for sure you can get maybe six or so $5 notes and leave them in plain sight in your room or something. Leave the room and when you come back check the amount of notes left. The more fives that are there the less likely he is to think you will notice the missing one.

Gordon

Mark the notes you have with a scribble.

Anti

get rid of him, if he can steal money from you im sure he could be capable of much worse. Be carefrull.

What i would reccomend is to sit down and talk to him. Maybe he is seriously hard up for cash ? im sure if he asked to borrow 5€ you would have no problem with this, explain it to him.

ircoha

anti wrote:

get rid of him, if he can steal money from you im sure he could be capable of much worse. Be carefrull.VERY

What i would reccomend is to sit down and talk to him. Maybe he is seriously hard up for cash ? im sure if he asked to borrow 5€ you would have no problem with this, explain it to him.

I would not be in favour of discussing it unless u are very sure he wont turn violent, I really mean that.

If u are right you will be making a thief out of him which may not sit well with him.

The other issue as already stated is that if he steals from u who else, u relatives, his mother?/???

As suggested else where use a bundle of 5's and prove it to your self.

If u are right, flush him pronto.

Santa Claus

Gordon wrote:

Mark the notes you have with a scribble.

My father used to do work for a pub that did investigations in shops/pubs where the owners suspected staff were on the take.
A scribble is very hard to prove it was yours, so they used to colour in 1 eye of whichever person was on that particular irish note they handed over to the staff member.
Now what they do is black out a certain number of stars on the european flag on top left hand of euro notes....very hard for anyone to spot except the person who knows it's there !

If you think he's stealing from you, then either he has no respect for you or he's in deep trouble somehow !

Huggles

Santa Claus wrote:

My father used to do work for a pub that did investigations in shops/pubs where the owners suspected staff were on the take.
A scribble is very hard to prove it was yours, so they used to colour in 1 eye of whichever person was on that particular irish note they handed over to the staff member.
Now what they do is black out a certain number of stars on the european flag on top left hand of euro notes....very hard for anyone to spot except the person who knows it's there !

If you think he's stealing from you, then either he has no respect for you or he's in deep trouble somehow !

I dont understand what marking a note would do? Surely if they steal it, its gone?

StandnDeliver

that sucks,if your suspicious make sure your bank details etc are safely tucked away.
if you do mark the note and notice its is gone,all you have to say is 'hey i cant find my €10 can i borrow a €10 off you til i do.and then see if the note matches.
without trust there is no point being with him.

Marksie

StandnDeliver wrote:

that sucks,if your suspicious make sure your bank details etc are safely tucked away.
if you do mark the note and notice its is gone,all you have to say is 'hey i cant find my €10 can i borrow a €10 off you til i do.and then see if the note matches.
without trust there is no point being with him.

I doubt he would fall for that TBH. and searching through his clothes and wallet would bring on a row if caught.. but may be worth attempting especially marking the stars.. good idea that. We don' know the OP bfriend so direct confrontation may not be possible. It is dreadful when that happens and a sticky situation.

He may be aware she is suspicous and on his guard as well.

Perhaps the OP could store everything in a safe place that only she knows about as you suggested standNdeliver. But keep ready cash in a single place that her boyfriend knows about and keep a check on its contents when he aint around.. even put a note in it... "XXXXX i know you are stealing".

aniascor

Please don't take marksuttonie's advice and leave a note, unless you can confidently predict the reaction it will provoke. I was in a similar situation with a flatmate (rather than a boyfriend) years ago and I thought that if I left a note indicating that I knew what the flatmate was up to, it would put an end to the thievery. Instead, it provoked an almost psychotic reaction from my flatmate, and led to a very scary few days for me which culminated in my flatmate getting violent towards me...

I recommend that once you are convinced that your boyfriend is stealing from you, you just call it a day with him and make as clean a break as possible. In my experience, people don't take well to being accused of stealing, no matter how valid the accusations.

mad ringo

He must be really low to steal from his girlfriend. Maybe confront him about it, and see what he says. If he blatently lies about it then ditch him, he's a scumbag. A relationship cannot be built on lies and deceat

Chucky the tree

I would just end it now. It doesnt really matter if he actually is stealing or not, its clear you dont trust him at all. If you come out and ask him, he will deny it and probaly break up with you anyway.

If you do catch him at it, it wont do much. Might aswell break up with him now and save the hassle.

joebhoy1916

Chucky the tree wrote:

I would just end it now. It doesnt really matter if he actually is stealing or not, its clear you dont trust him at all. If you come out and ask him, he will deny it and probaly break up with you anyway.

If you do catch him at it, it wont do much. Might aswell break up with him now and save the hassle.

I really would like to think your not listening to some people here.

You have no proof, no B/F should rob off there G/F or other way around but I mean come on it's only a fiver jesus christ. Have you ever left your bag with him with more than a fiver in it.

Chucky the tree

joebhoy1916 wrote:

I really would like to think your not listening to some people here.

You have no proof, no B/F should rob off there G/F or other way around but I mean come on it's only a fiver jesus christ. Have you ever left your bag with him with more than a fiver in it.

Its not the money really. ITs the principal.

Marksie

aniascor wrote:

Please don't take marksuttonie's advice and leave a note, unless you can confidently predict the reaction it will provoke. I was in a similar situation with a flatmate (rather than a boyfriend) years ago and I thought that if I left a note indicating that I knew what the flatmate was up to, it would put an end to the thievery. Instead, it provoked an almost psychotic reaction from my flatmate, and led to a very scary few days for me which culminated in my flatmate getting violent towards me...

I recommend that once you are convinced that your boyfriend is stealing from you, you just call it a day with him and make as clean a break as possible. In my experience, people don't take well to being accused of stealing, no matter how valid the accusations.

point taken

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

I deperately want to be wrong. Few weeks ago I was missing €20. Few weeks before that it was another €20. Both times he was left in the room on his own with my bag for a few minutes.

Its not that it was €5, i mean, its €5. Its the point that maybe he took it.

We are having problems at the moment anyways. Some times he goes out and might not hear from him for a day or so. Do I trust him? My trust has been ground down by his behaviour. It is time to call it a day. Better to feel bad for a while I guess, rather then being miserable and suspicious all the time.

joebhoy1916

Chucky the tree wrote:

Its not the money really. ITs the principal.

Oh yeah mate, if you were going with a girl for a year or so and you had a fiver gone from your pocket are you telling me you would just end it now?

Jesus people come here for advice and ye tell them just end it now.

Every fcuking person here that said I would just finish it now your all talking out your hole. I'm sure really nobody would finish with someone because a fiver was gone missing.

Anyways like I said nobody should rob on someone but I think by you telling him your sick of money going missing might have hit a point! If you ever realise money is gone you should say it to him maybe not blaming him but by doing what you have already done if he is stealing money by you saying it he will know that you notice the money gone.

Then again if you dont really love him and if your young I would say you might be better off finishing but just make sure that you wont regret it in the end but I wouldn't say end it now.

WhatCanIdo? wrote:

Thanks for all the replies.

I deperately want to be wrong. Few weeks ago I was missing €20. Few weeks before that it was another €20. Both times he was left in the room on his own with my bag for a few minutes.

Ah now were getting somewhere amazing what details can do.

It seem's like he is taking money from ya and that ain't a good thing so really it's up to you what you want to do I wish ya all the best of luck in whatever decision you make.

Chucky the tree

joebhoy1916 wrote:

Oh yeah mate, if you were going with a girl for a year or so and you had a fiver gone from your pocket are you telling me you would just end it now?

Jesus people come here for advice and ye tell them just end it now.

Every fcuking person here that said I would just finish it now your all talking out your hole. I'm sure really nobody would finish with someone because a fiver was gone missing.
.

You might enjoy being walked all over in relationships and treated like a gob****e, but its not for me.

No chance i would go out with someone who stole from me.

ThrownAway

Exactly. Even if it was 50c he still planned to take it from you, your money and not tell you about it. It's stealing and sneeky. Doing something behind your back. A lack of respect.

Now with all that said that is if he DID actually do it.

Either way you don't trust him and think that he is infact capable of stealing from you. Which if you ask me is very serious especially in a relationship.

If you find out it wasn't him you still doubted him. Maybe you should look at the reasons for this.

If you found out it was him - dump him fast.

mountainyman

I would try and extablish that this is correct and that you are not imagining it.

MM

dats_right

If you are absolutely certain that it is indeed your bf stealing from you then I think the best course of action is to dump him. Even, if you confronted him and he apologised and promised not to do it again, my gut feeling is that someone like him is only ever going to be trouble and by dumping him now you are probably going to save yourself a lot of hassle(and money!) by dumping him now rather than later..

grockle

i had that problem but with my teen daughter.

if it was not child of my body there'd be no question - get rid.

a relationship is built on trust

Ickle Magoo

If a b/f kept asking me for money they would be history, never mind stealing it from me! €1 or €5 is irrellevant, my bag/room/wallet is my posession & not for anyone else to help themselves to.

If I were in your position OP, I'd set him up. Have a large male friend on stand-by. Leave him in your room, with your bag & wallet & a couple of €5's in it...check your wallet as soon as you get back. I'd also mark the note & get him to empty his pockets if any cash goes AWOL.

Then again if it has crossed your mind that he's stealing from you then your suspicions have been raised somehow - is it really worth having a b/f that even raises your suspicions? No smoke without fire & all that...

Miss Fluff

Trap Him. Catch Him. Dump Him.