emailing someone

willy wonka

Would you find it strange if a semi-strange girl sent you an email?
I know this guy in work, spoke to him a few times, fancy him, think he may have a thing for me (but not very sure). He is going back to college in Sept and so am I - not in the same area. We had a staff nite out a few weeks ago but he wasnt there - He told me before he was saving like mad for college. I don't want to ask him out and it's unlikely that he will be out before he leaves, so I was thinking of sending him an email. I am finding it extremely hard to talk to him now cause I like him - I know it's pathetic. You see I dont even know if he has a girlfriend.
Would you find it strange if you received an email from a strange girl?

qz

Yes.
Converse with him face to face, it can't be that hard, it's just in your head.

kmick

Yes I think an email might be a bit funny. It might be better to find out if he has a girlfriend before you ask him out as well. Ask him for his number and give him a ring. You could ask someone else to try and get his number for you and then give him a ring.

Kell

willy wonka wrote:

Would you find it strange if you received an email from a strange girl?

No.

But thats beside the point. The point is, this is the second post in not so long from you highlighting difficulties in talking to the opposite sex.

Just when are you going to do something about that particular issue or are you just here to have someone validate your point of view and not actually do anything about your issues at all?

K-

willy wonka

Kell wrote:

No.

But thats beside the point. The point is, this is the second post in not so long from you highlighting difficulties in talking to the opposite sex.

Just when are you going to do something about that particular issue?

K-

Are you stalking me?
I dont have problems talking to the opposite sex - only in guys I like, which isnt that uncommon. I am not going to go up to this guy in the canteen and ask him out - I don't think anybody would do this.

Magic Pips

what age are ya OP? I'd guess 18-20?

You'll need to get some more confidence in yourself, chat to him and be flirty. towards the end of the conversation say something about his g/friend, he'll either correct you (SCOOOORE!!!) or not, in which case, hardluck and move on!

Kell

willy wonka wrote:

Are you stalking me?

Mebbeh

willy wonka wrote:

I dont have problems talking to the opposite sex - only in guys I like, which isnt that uncommon.

Doesnt mean its not a problem and the second part of your sentence completely contradicts the first BTW. How can you like something and not go get it? Baffles the hell out of me.

willy wonka wrote:

I am not going to go up to this guy in the canteen and ask him out - I don't think anybody would do this.

Why the hell not - and yes, people do it. The worst that can happen is he says no. Thats it. The absolute worst, trust me.

You never did answer me when I asked you why you wouldnt approach a guy in a pub, when you have a notion that we should.

Now I smell confidence issues. Can you not?

Magic Pips wrote:

what age are ya OP? I'd guess 18-20?

30 something. More evidence of confidence issues.

K-

Ruu_Old

An email would be too weird. You need to be more confident, take the lead and go have a chat with him, even if you don't get anywhere. Keep trying and at least you will probably find out in the end. Best of luck.

kizzyr

willy wonka wrote:

Are you stalking me?
I dont have problems talking to the opposite sex - only in guys I like, which isnt that uncommon. I am not going to go up to this guy in the canteen and ask him out - I don't think anybody would do this.

Yes they do, it happened to me a few weeks ago at work. I was having lunch with some of the girls I work with and this guy came up to me and asked me if he could have a word. I said yes and we moved to the side, he asked if I wanted to have dinner with him sometime. Good day for me;)

ircoha

Can we sort out the genders here please?

Originally Posted by willy wonka
Are you stalking me?
I dont have problems talking to the opposite sex - only in guys I like, which isnt that uncommon. I am not going to go up to this guy in the canteen and ask him out - I don't think anybody would do this.

Yes they do, it happened to me a few weeks ago at work. I was having lunch with some of the girls I work with and this guy came up to me and asked me if he could have a word. I said yes and we moved to the side, he asked if I wanted to have dinner with him sometime. Good day for me

WW seems to be feemale and want to ask a guy out

kizzyr, gender unclear, but seems to be feemale, has a quy asking her out, which, the last time I looked is the more normal event.

Am I missing something or is the whole post a trolling exercise

Black Swan

OP: Not sure why you cannot chat with him in the canteen or someplace else at work. I think an email would be awkward, given that you have access to him at work. If you read Cosmo, you will find articles in back issues about relationships that start at work. They are quite common. If you are uptight about asking out for a drink or dinner, then how about lunch? Lunch does not have the implications of the others.

kizzyr

ircoha wrote:

Can we sort out the genders here please?




WW seems to be feemale and want to ask a guy out

kizzyr, gender unclear, but seems to be feemale, has a quy asking her out, which, the last time I looked is the more normal event.

Am I missing something or is the whole post a trolling exercise

For clarification purposes I am female and yes I do agree that it is more common for a guy to ask a girl out rather than the other way around but. However I do think that life is there for living and as the mysterious "they" say nothing ventured nothing gained. Maybe this guy is as shy as WW and is dying to go on a date with her but is too scared to ask. And you know if she does ask him and he says no then she'll be a little embarrassed but thats it. They don't go to college together so it won't be rubbed in her face everyday.
WW I think you should go for it and good luck:)

Kell

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Lunch does not have the implications of the others.

Now as a bloke I would NEVER invite someone for lunch if I had any real intent.

"Friends" do lunch. Where do you go afterward if everything goes according to plan? The jax in the office? Now the OP does not sound that "up for anything" does she?

A potential lover does drinks/dinner and something that actually implies romantic thinking.

K-

willy wonka

yes I am female and yes I have a confidence problem. And an email is weird - If I received an email from someone I suppose I would be a bit freaked but flattered if I liked the person.
I know its so pathetic but the last time I was talking to this guy, I was so nervous and couldnt relax and be myself. I dont know why I have this problem but I know it is completely jeopardising any chances I have with men.
Ironically I am a really friendly person and will chat to anyone so it isnt a shyness thing really, although I am a bit shy

bug

Kell wrote:

Now as a bloke I would NEVER invite someone for lunch if I had any real intent.

"Friends" do lunch. Where do you go afterward if everything goes according to plan? The jax in the office? Now the OP does not sound that "up for anything" does she?

A potential lover does drinks/dinner and something that actually implies romantic thinking.

K-

what's wrong with lunch?
Lunch is a good starting point, especially if she's working with him.
If she likes him after lunch she can ask him for drinks later on in the week.

And if he says no because he's busy its the sort of thing she can say "well I'll have to catch you for lunch before we both leave".

People tend to have stuff to do in the evenings. I wouldnt be arsed going home and back out again to meet someone i hardly knew for dinner.

willy wonka

I'm not going to ask this guy out. Say if I did and we got on and eventually started going out, how would I know if he really liked me or not? I think if somone really likes you, they will get together with you, one way or another. I don't think the girl should initiate it (PS I know I am contradicting myself when I said should I email this guy, but tbh I probably wouldnt have sent him one)

Pigman II

willy wonka wrote:

Would you find it strange if a semi-strange girl sent you an email?

Would you find it strange if you received an email from a strange girl?

That was quite a quick descent. So basically you're telling us you're a bit strange then?

Well I wouldn't find it strange but I would find it suspicious. What if I read it and conclude you were just bored or kidding or taking the p or what one of your pals had sent it under your name for a laugh?

Basically you shouldn't do it. Bite the bullet on this one. Get talking to him and soon you will find you have nothing in common and you can then get back to normal (whatever that is for you).

bug

willy wonka wrote:

I'm not going to ask this guy out.

what? why? you don't have to ask him out as such, not like on a date. Just lunch! Its a safety net. Its not like a date!

better still ask a few people working in the place out for lunch. Bonus, you get to yap to him and other people.

Say if I did and we got on and eventually started going out, how would I know if he really liked me or not? I think if somone really likes you, they will get together with you, one way or another.

What? I'd assume he wouldn't start going out with you if he didnt like you.
and how on earth do you expect these things to happen? Divine intervention?

I don't think the girl should initiate it (PS I know I am contradicting myself when I said should I email this guy, but tbh I probably wouldnt have sent him one)

Fair enough, but you might be kicking yourself later if you don't at least try.

AngryBadger

willy wonka wrote:

I'm not going to ask this guy out. Say if I did and we got on and eventually started going out, how would I know if he really liked me or not? I think if somone really likes you, they will get together with you, one way or another. I don't think the girl should initiate it (PS I know I am contradicting myself when I said should I email this guy, but tbh I probably wouldnt have sent him one)

Honestly, what advice are you looking for here? You won't ask him out because you're either too terrified of rejection, or you feel that men should d the running. And if you did ask him out you're afraid things might go so well you'd be insecure as to whether or not he actually liked you?

Sorry if I sound harsh, but this "problem" is just ridiculous. You're not willing to compromise, or make an effort in any direction, how do you ever expect to go out with someone?

If he's going back to college, and you're in diferent colleges, sure you have nothing to lose. So what if he says no.

Kell

bug wrote:

what? why? Its not like a date!

Precisely the reason I dont invite people for lunch. Lunch doesnt say anything about the fact that you might harbour something for the person.

willy wonka wrote:

I think if somone really likes you, they will get together with you, one way or another.

Now you are contradicting yourself. You say "they" will get you with not "I will get with them". If you hold onto the perception that blokes should make the first move you WILL get left behind like many women are moaning about here on PI's. Having been at the dating game for some time, I find it unbelievably boring to make the first move all the time. If two people like eachother or you get the impression they do, why do the majority of women not make the first move? Each stands to get rebuked if the feeling isnt shared. Being a bloke doesnt necessarily mean we have thicker skins.

willy wonka wrote:

and yes I have a confidence problem

:rolleyes: but a little earlier you said

willy wonka wrote:

I dont have problems talking to the opposite sex

Can you please make up your mind as to what you are saying? You are spelling out that you have massive self-confidence issues and are a bit of a procrastinator. Your comment about "if we did start seeing eachother, how would I know what he thinks of me" implies that you also have HUGE insecurity issues too.

Why havent you asked yourself where these issues come?

Wondering why you *havnt been chatted up in ages and are feeling a tad on the shelf is merely a product of your deeper issues. Fixing the latter is entirely inconsequential and cannot be achieved until you fix the former.

K-

*refers to older thread.

colm_mcm

jaysus, go on a few dates with him first, and worry about the deep emotional stuff further down the line.