Girlfriend dresses down

LegacyUser

I've a stunningly beautiful girlfriend with a great sense of humour, loyalty, and commitment. But she drives me crazy with her dress sense. She's Polish, 26, living in Ireland for 2 years now with her own, Irish car, and a great job. She dresses like a housewife though, and it's not what I'm used to.

I've dated girls my own age before (I'm 28), and Irish girls will go out of their way to look as sexy as possible with recent fashions. My SO tends to always wear the same black worn out runners she has had for years, and dresses very sensibly, a bland T Shirt, and an anonymous pair of jeans. She has I think 4 pairs of shoes which is very little for girls, and even on a night out will dress like it's a night in.

How do I approach the subject? I want to tell her I love seeing her dressed up, that she means a lot to me, etc, but just that I'd love to take her shopping for some new clothes - clothes she normally wouldn't wear.

Am I the one with the problem? Probably. Advice?

The Sweeper

First off, not many women will refuse an offer to go clothes shopping. As long as you don't suggest anything that'll make her uncomfortable if she's not used to showing off skin, it could be a fun day out for both of you.

What's your taste like, are you going to end up giving her a worse complex if you go shopping with her?

cupsoftea

You find her stunningly beautiful or you don't. Is she a trophy for you to show off to your friends?
I have a very beautiful friend who was always in relationship that never lasted. But she always felt that men were interested in her looks and not her and they bored of her when she expected nights in or conversation.
It doesn't sound like you are just interested in her looks but maybe she dresses down because that is what she is used to.

Tarakiwa

I can picture the conversation now ........

"Listen love, you are a good looking lady but your clothes do nothing for you. Would you mind taking a bit more pride in your apperance?"

My advice is to tread very carefully!

neuro-praxis

Be sensitive with this - she may think you're saying she's ugly! You could maybe express that you'd love to see her make the most of her beauty, and ask if you could take her out to buy a few pretty clothes. It may be a lack of confidence that makes her dress this way, or it may be just a lack of interest.

I once talked to a very pretty friend of mine (very close friend) about the same issue. She usually wore a skirt and a white baggy tshirt and a pair of socks with sandals. Absolute comfort clothes. She understood what I was saying about making more of herself, and we went shopping together and found comfy, pretty clothes that suited her style. She was not at all offended about my suggestion, because it wasn't a criticism, but rather a nudge of encouragement.

She looks like a million dollars now, her confidence rose dramatically and everyone thought she had lost weight.

However, if she had said no to my suggestion, I would not have pushed it. She is, and so is your girlfriend, free to dress any way she likes, and you should be able to accept her just as she is, even if she never changes. Clothes mean very little, really.

secret_squirrel

Dressing down? wrote:

Am I the one with the problem?

Yes you are. Your girlfriend is more than her clothes press. Get a life before your GF dumps you for being shallow.

Instead of thanking the gods that you have a stunning woman in your life you're whining about it?

Do you love your GF or her looks? Sounds like she's some kind of trophy to me.

You also get to see this stunner naked presumably - isnt that enough?

Is your ego so weak it needs propping up by other people gawping at your girl?

Ruu_Old

Perhaps bring her out for a nice meal and suggest that she wear a nice dress or something, both of you get dressed up. Compliment here instead of focusing on the negative. Be careful when talking to her though as has been mentioned.

The Sweeper

I have to disagree with the posters beating the OP. Black worn-out runners, skanky jeans and a shapeless t-shirt? I mean, why turn 50 when you're not even 30 yet?

If the OP approaches this delicately, and spends some cash on his missus, he may discover she spends a lot more on herself, her confidence improves and it makes her feel better about herself and her life. It could improve their relationship because of how much better she may feel.

You're all assuming she dresses like that by choice. Maybe she's so badly lacking in confidence she'd never take the step to buy something well tailored and stylish herself, ever think about that?

The OP hasn't suggested buying a suspender belt and peep-hole bra, he's talking about clothes.

OP, is there a reason your SO has never had a shopping medley? Is she broke, or is she paying off a loan - could there be financial worries that she's not told you about?

metrovelvet

OP -if you have this conversation you may start sounding like her mother. Ok you may be right, but is it really your place to say something? She can dress how she likes.

I was in a similar position to you once. I had an extremely handsome boyfriend who just didnt think he deserved anything and never bought himself anything nice. It wasnt a financial issue, it was a "i dont deserve it issue." Through various ego boosting encouragements I accompanied him to a very good department store where he bought himself a brand spanging new designer suit. While the tailor was taking measurments, the tailor said "excuse me sir, have I seen you in the movies before." And that was the beginning.

Needless to say I created a monster. One day, as I packed my things and left him, he didnt bother saying goodbye but stared at his very handsome reflection in the rear window of my car as I turned on the ignition and drove away.

Moral: be careful what you wish for.

ircoha

Dressing down? wrote:

I've a stunningly beautiful girlfriend with a great sense of humour, loyalty, and commitment. But she drives me crazy with her dress sense. She's Polish, 26, living in Ireland for 2 years now with her own, Irish car, and a great job. She dresses like a housewife though, and it's not what I'm used to.

I've dated girls my own age before (I'm 28), and Irish girls will go out of their way to look as sexy as possible with recent fashions. My SO tends to always wear the same black worn out runners she has had for years, and dresses very sensibly, a bland T Shirt, and an anonymous pair of jeans. She has I think 4 pairs of shoes which is very little for girls, and even on a night out will dress like it's a night in.

How do I approach the subject? I want to tell her I love seeing her dressed up, that she means a lot to me, etc, but just that I'd love to take her shopping for some new clothes - clothes she normally wouldn't wear.

Am I the one with the problem? Probably. Advice?

Whats not clear at all from the post is WHEN she dresses as described.

How does she dress when she goes to work?

How does she dress when she hangs out in the house?

How does she dress when she goes out on the town with you or her mates?

The other VerY important issue here is cultural, have u ever been to Poland. If not I suggest you go. It is an eye-opener.

The other point is that she may be sending home loads of dosh to the folks back home so as they can have a decent life style and that she would not dream spending money on what she regards as un-necessary luxuries.

The // i will draw is that I was born shortly after WWII when there was SFA in Irelnd and my folks had to watch every penny. I have NEVER forgotten that.

At 28 u have NO idea what it like to have SFA, you moth will have.

Secret_ squirrel has posted a lot of what I think also, so the remaining question is

What attracted u in the first place?

Bottom line, be V careful because of the cultural issues. A few careless words and she will be gone.

tbh

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

I have to disagree with the posters beating the OP. Black worn-out runners, skanky jeans and a shapeless t-shirt? I mean, why turn 50 when you're not even 30 yet?

If the OP approaches this delicately, and spends some cash on his missus, he may discover she spends a lot more on herself, her confidence improves and it makes her feel better about herself and her life. It could improve their relationship because of how much better she may feel.

You're all assuming she dresses like that by choice. Maybe she's so badly lacking in confidence she'd never take the step to buy something well tailored and stylish herself, ever think about that?

The OP hasn't suggested buying a suspender belt and peep-hole bra, he's talking about clothes.

OP, is there a reason your SO has never had a shopping medley? Is she broke, or is she paying off a loan - could there be financial worries that she's not told you about?

spot on, as per. My advice would be twofold: maybe buy her something as a present, take her out on a special night out and be VERY complimentary. However, be prepared for the fact that she simply might not want to change. What would you do in that situation? and two - people tend to go on the defensive attack (if there is such a thing) if conversations like this are handled badly. Make sure you have no exposed windows in your own particular glass house as it were

oulu

I think you should get a life and let her be who she is, next you will be telling her to stop eating big macs and go easy on the sweets, think about for a minute, mine your own business before she cops on and dumps you for someone who does not judge her,Who do you think you are Elvis or something, I bet the real reason is you want tp show her off as some sort of a trophy , have all your mates say god she is a stunner, or has somebody said it to you she dresses like an ould one, she is happy who she is I take it so keep your opinion's to yourself, as your Mum always told you if you have nothing good to say say nothing, As Billy Joel says I love you just the way you are, but you dont you idiot, sorry for calling you an idiot but you are acting like one

Dressing down? wrote:

I've a stunningly beautiful girlfriend with a great sense of humour, loyalty, and commitment. But she drives me crazy with her dress sense. She's Polish, 26, living in Ireland for 2 years now with her own, Irish car, and a great job. She dresses like a housewife though, and it's not what I'm used to.

I've dated girls my own age before (I'm 28), and Irish girls will go out of their way to look as sexy as possible with recent fashions. My SO tends to always wear the same black worn out runners she has had for years, and dresses very sensibly, a bland T Shirt, and an anonymous pair of jeans. She has I think 4 pairs of shoes which is very little for girls, and even on a night out will dress like it's a night in.

How do I approach the subject? I want to tell her I love seeing her dressed up, that she means a lot to me, etc, but just that I'd love to take her shopping for some new clothes - clothes she normally wouldn't wear.

Am I the one with the problem? Probably. Advice?

tbh

oulu wrote:

I think you should get a life and let her be who she is, next you will be telling her to stop eating big macs and go easy on the sweets, think about for a minute, mine your own business before she cops on and dumps you for someone who does not judge her,Who do you think you are Elvis or something, I bet the real reason is you want tp show her off as some sort of a trophy , have all your mates say god she is a stunner, or has somebody said it to you she dresses like an ould one, she is happy who she is I take it so keep your opinion's to yourself, as your Mum always told you if you have nothing good to say say nothing,

Wouldn't it be really funny if the OP spent a load of money buying her clothes, she looked stunning, and she dumped him for a rich guy?

oulu

Love for that to happen really would, he is a plonker

tbh wrote:

Wouldn't it be really funny if the OP spent a load of money buying her clothes, she looked stunning, and she dumped him for a rich guy? That'd be more ironic than...I'm gonna say......a drawer full of spoons when all you need is a life.

tbh

oulu wrote:

Love for that to happen really would, he is a plonker

Ah I'm not having a go, just can't ignore the massive ironic potential there. I think the OP's heart is in the right place, fwiw, it'd be worse if he was trying to get her to go the other way. He's just helping her help herself. Would you object to someone stopping her learning English, for example?

jammie

OP make sure you are VERY sensitive on this subject, because she could end up feeling very self concious, what I think you should do is maybe go out and buy her gift vouchers for shops that you would consider trendy enough etc...Then she is not going to get insulted and will have to spend the vouchers!!! Problem solved! Good Luck

SingingCherry

I think this is your problem, not hers. If she's comfortable how she is, why should she change? She's not a doll, she's your girlfriend and if she is as wonderful as she sounds, then you should like her for her. She shouldn't have to dress up for you.

Beruthiel

Dressing down? wrote:

My SO tends to always wear the same black worn out runners she has had for years, and dresses very sensibly, a bland T Shirt, and an anonymous pair of jeans. She has I think 4 pairs of shoes which is very little for girls, and even on a night out will dress like it's a night in.

Perhaps clothes are not important to her. Maybe she comes from a place where clothes are at the bottom of a long list of more important stuff. I know the eastern europeans where I work save like mad, some of them have saved enough to put a deposit on a home where they come from. Is she doing something like that with her money?
Wait until it's her birthday/anniversary/christmas, buy her some clothes as a present or a voucher for a clothes shop. It's a less heavy approach. Be careful how you do it though, I would tend to tell you shag off and mind your own business if you were to come right out and comment on how I looked.

Strokesfan

I think that's really admirable that she feels comfortable enough in herself not to need expensive labels and barely there tops to feel good about herself.
If she has money and she chooses to dress that way, you could take her shopping and see what she chooses or get her a voucher for a big sum for Brown Thomas or Oasis or something and see what happens. If she's happy as she is after that, shouldn't you just accept her for being amazing and not following the crowd? Same advice as Beruthiel gave you really...

oulu

Why would I object to her learning English:rolleyes: I would not object to her doing anything that she wants to do as long as it did not put her life in danger, she is from a different Country and he should love her just the way she is, If someone told My dd's to dress a different way I hope they would tell him to take the highway quick smart, whether he tells her to dress down or dress up makes no difference he should cop on.She should dress the way she wants plain and simple, I hate people who try and control others hate it I tell ya ,

tbh wrote:

Ah I'm not having a go, just can't ignore the massive ironic potential there. I think the OP's heart is in the right place, fwiw, it'd be worse if he was trying to get her to go the other way. He's just helping her help herself. Would you object to someone stopping her learning English, for example?

Kintarō Hattori

OP, some of the boardsies here have given you terrific advice and some just haven't. Some of them think your a horrific guy for wanting your girlfriend to wear something nice from time to time. You never mentioned that you want her to be barbie, but people will jump to that conclusion. They live in an ideal world where you should take everyone as they are, and everyone has the perfect understanding wonderful relationship.

I won't judge you too much, I don't know you and I don't know your situation. I was however in your situation sometime ago. I've been seeing and living with my lovely Polish lady for the last two years and it has been the best two years of my life. She is a very beautiful lady both emotionally and physically, however it really bothered me that she dressed beyond her years. She's only 27, but she dressed alot of the time like she was in her 40's. Pretty much it was the samething no matter where we went or what we did.

I'm a pig though and just couldn't get past the clothes issue, I'm not vain, I'm no heart-throb, just an average joe, but it annoyed me that she was so beautiful and didn't show that off. So I went clothes shopping with her even if it was just to the charity shops. If I saw something nice I'd mention it and told her I'd get it for her, as generally it was really nice and I thought it would look beautiful on her. I tried to be sensitive, tactful and reassuring.
I don't expect her to dress up all the time, but it is nice if we go to the cinema or for a party or if we go out for a meal.
So I've done alot of clothes shopping with my missus, just tagging along. Also I've suggested certain things which I thought I might have been chancing my arm with, but I've been very surprised what my missus has let me get her.

So go shopping with her, even if you don't like it. Try the charity shops first, she will be budget conscious, even if you earn loads, she's used to being frugal. Suggest items, be honest, buy her small items. Eventually you can work your way up to buying her nice new and sometimes expensive items.

Sangre

Strokesfan wrote:

I think that's really admirable that she feels comfortable enough in herself not to need expensive labels and barely there tops to feel good about herself.

Its actually much more likely a sign of a low self confidence (unless of course there is a money issue).

Also I can only laugh at the other posters attacking the OP. HOW DARE YOU WANT YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND TO WEAR NICE CLOTHES!

dublinlawyer

I can totally see where your coming from here. I went out with a New Zealand girl and she was hot but she used to dress badly - runners, worn jeans and tshirts. It put me off big style.
I would say address this subtely and effectively.

LegacyUser

Thanks to the helpful posters, and to the negative nudie naws. For God's sake people, my girlfriend is not a plaything, and it's ridiculous that some posters suggested I'm with her purely for looks. I'm dating the girl 6 months.

To the poster who recommended I visit Poland, I have done several times, and have seen both abject poverty, and affluence there, but people are very conscious of what others think of them. I think this perhaps leads to her dressing down.

To the poster who queried when she dressed up/down? She needs to dress smart casual for work, but this is just usually a T Shirt and Jeans, and around the house like any Polish person it's flip flops with shorts. When we go to the cinema it's the same, and to the restaurants also.

I think we will go shopping for her Birthday, it's coming up in a month or so, and see what she decides to pick for herself, not what I pick for myself. Perhaps a little subtle postive reinforcement on the nicer items may give her the confidence to wear them.

Many many thanks to everyone on the thread!

Muzzy

Lotta people saying to go shopping but I hate going shopping with the girl-friend.........

.......The best, most subtle and less awkard way IMO is, just buy her gift vouchers from a good clothes shops next Birthday/Christmas/Thuesday

Bob the Builder

Tarakiwa wrote:

My advice is to tread very carefully!

VERY, VERY carefully.....

spurious

Leave the woman alone. Let her dress how she wants.
You could of course buy her a gift of your idea of a 'sexy' top, but whether she wants to wear it is her business.
Do you have control issues in general about her?

Black Swan

Dressing down? wrote:

I've a stunningly beautiful girlfriend with a great sense of humour, loyalty, and commitment.

All this and you are not happy with her because of what she wears? Maybe you should get to know this girl better, I mean really get to know her thoughts, feelings, and needs, and maybe you will understand why she dresses down? I would recommend that you do this before you start stuffing your bird with colourful feathers.

Kersh

Just take her shopping. And do what you said you would do- suggesting things..
fwiw, shopping with the gf is great... she thinks its torture for me, then i wind her up about how SHE is bringing ME into a shop full of girlies... that puts a premature end to those trips..:D

Kell

Dressing down? wrote:

Am I the one with the problem? Probably.

Indeed.

Why the fúck are appearances (clotheswise) important to you? Is she fully clothed when your between the sheets? No (at least I hope not). When you are having a conversation about life the universe and everything, are you really thinking "I wish she would go and change"? If so, you're a twat of magnificent proportions.

Qualities such as

Dressing down wrote:

I've a stunningly beautiful girlfriend with a great sense of humour, loyalty, and commitment

are getting increasingly difficult to find and your worried about her clothes? FFS.

Cop yourself on.

K-

Kintarō Hattori

What did I say eh OP?

Miss Fluff

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

First off, not many women will refuse an offer to go clothes shopping. As long as you don't suggest anything that'll make her uncomfortable if she's not used to showing off skin, it could be a fun day out for both of you.

Exactly. Treat her to some clothes (and clothes that she feels comfortable in). If something looks really gorgeous on her, buy it for her and be profuse with your praise. Hopefully she'll then think about experimenting more with her look. Tread carefully. I know a few people who really can't dress for sh1t but there's nothing really you can say, she probably thinks she looks great :rolleyes:

Sangre

Kell wrote:

Indeed.

Why the fúck are appearances (clotheswise) important to you? Is she fully clothed when your between the sheets? No (at least I hope not). When you are having a conversation about life the universe and everything, are you really thinking "I wish she would go and change"? If so, you're a twat of magnificent proportions.

Qualities such as are getting increasingly difficult to find and your worried about her clothes? FFS.

Cop yourself on.

K-

Why are clothes important lookswise? Hmm, let me see...maybe because looks are important in a relationship? In fact, aren't they very important? If you aren't attracted to them why bother being their partner at all?
(oh my God! that is so shallow blah blah BLAH). Well, its a reality.

The OP never, once suggested he was ever going to leave his gf, in fact this post suggests the opposite, its something he would like to improve but he is obviously not going to up and leave, othewise he wouldn't have made the effort to post.

Jesus, you think he was asking his girl to start throwing up after meals. He merely wants her to make a bit of effort some times, he would like see her wear a nice dress while he treats her to a nice restaurant or somewhere. Its the same as guys who like to buy lingerie for the SO, they like to see them dressed up nice. Why? Because people like their SO to be aesthetically pleasing. It also shows that they make the effort for them, it makes the other SO feel validated that their partner wants to look good for them

Appearantely thats a crime though....OP you disgust me and you're lusty needful ways. You don't deserve that precious flower of a GF who is so cool with herself she doesn't like to wear nice clothes. How dare you crush her spirit. You're desire to have her look more attractive is a quality fitting of a hermit, cast thee sinful eyes away and KILL YOURSELF SCUMBAG!!!

Aghhh

neuro-praxis

We've all behaved like scumbabs.

Kintarō Hattori

Sangre - a damn fine post.

Kell

Sangre wrote:

Hmm, let me see...maybe because looks are important in a relationship?

Initially yes. Primal instinct attraction to someone based on lust. THAT sort of thinking should have waned after a couple of months.

Sangre wrote:

If you aren't attracted to them why bother being their partner at all?

I never suggested that you shouldnt be attracted to your partner. I find it interesting to be attracted to someone for clothes sense. To me that speaks volumes about the beholder, and bad volumes at that.

Do you think Ed Norton gets out of bed thinking "Oh my god. Salma Hyek is the most amazingly beautiful woman in the world based on pure looks". ?? Prolly not.

People find beauty in all sorts of things, but to be put off because of fashion sense, this is a new one for me. Besides, isnt he essentially asking her to conform to what he believes women "should" be like as opposed to accepting "how" she is?? Long term relationships dont work if you dont accept peoples foibles.

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but looks, clothes etc are only skin deep. What about the person underneath? The OP has already stated she is a top chick so I dont get his problem with his GF's clothes TBH.

K-

airetam_storm

Beruthiel wrote:

Wait until it's her birthday/anniversary/christmas, buy her... a voucher for a clothes shop. It's a less heavy approach.

Muzzy wrote:

.......The best, most subtle and less awkard way IMO is, just buy her gift vouchers from a good clothes shops next Birthday/Christmas/Thuesday

Best idea yet, the voucher allows her to buy the clothes she prefers without thinking about saving, if that is her concern

Miss Fluff

airetam_storm wrote:

Best idea yet, the voucher allows her to buy the clothes she prefers without thinking about saving, if that is her concern

Yeah, but go with her lest she comes back with even more tat :rolleyes:
No offence but she sounds completely clueless when it comes to her image. No harm giving her a gentle nudge in the right direction.

metrovelvet

Kell is right. One of the biggest lessons in relationship is acceptance. If you dont have that, you are in big trouble.

However, lets face it, clothes mark many things,including your status and your station in life. We live in a superficial world where these things communicate where we stand and we are judged on them.

If you dress as if you dont think much of yourself then you will be treated that way.

There is a marked difference in how you get treated when you are wearing a skirt suit than when you are walking around in your gym clothes and no makeup. A HUGE difference.

Kintarō Hattori

Kell - Have you never done anything your partner might have asked? No-one is perfect, and in every relationship there is give and take. There are things I don't really do anymore as my girlfriend thinks it's silly, doesn't like or whatever. It doesn't bother me though as I am willing to bend a little and please her where I can, it works both ways.

Are you totally inflexible and expect to be completely taken as you are one hundred percent?

Kell

eo980 wrote:

Kell - Have you never done anything your partner might have asked?

Of course. I feel however, that asking someone to change their appearance based on what you want expects just a little too much of them TBH. Example- if someone asked me to change hair/shoes/type of jeans, they would be told to fúck off and in no uncertain terms. I would not want to be associated with someone who places enough importance in my appearance to ask me to change it. Asking someone to wear leather crotchless underwear if you think it looks good on them is a different kettle of fish entirely and doesnt even enter into what we're talking about here.

When you ask someone to change their appearance to suit your idea of how you want them to look, you are also saying that you disapprove of them in some way therefore making them self conscious. THAT is not reasonable.

eo980 wrote:

Are you totally inflexible and expect to be completely taken as you are one hundred percent?

For me, taking impressions from clothes is entirely nonsense. Face, arse & legs, when it comes to women, initially sparks my interest followed by what comes out of their mouth is what is important to me. Absence of intelligence will turn me off irrelevant of looks, but I stress, clothes do not come into it, at least for me. Some of my friends have worn fairy dresses when going out and I think "your off your fúcking head" but it doesnt make me lose any attraction to them.

To answer your question, yes I am flexible on a great number of things. That said if I knew someone found my appearance to be a repellant and suggested I do something about it, as said earlier, they would impolitely be told to fúck off. Its up to them to stick around or not, not up to me.

I find it far more rewarding to be around people who I can engage in interesting dialogue with than be around people who point out my shoes might be dirty.

Have I answered your question?

K-

metrovelvet

Kell wrote:

Face, arse & legs, when it comes to women, initially sparks my interest followed by what comes out of their mouth is what is important to me.
K-

Glad to see your prioties are in order. :rolleyes: OH well at least you're honest about it.

Dark Hair

Kell wrote:

Of course. I feel however, that asking someone to change their appearance based on what you want expects just a little too much of them TBH. Example- if someone asked me to change hair/shoes/type of jeans, they would be told to fúck off and in no uncertain terms. I would not want to be associated with someone who places enough importance in my appearance to ask me to change it. Asking someone to wear leather crotchless underwear if you think it looks good on them is a different kettle of fish entirely and doesnt even enter into what we're talking about here.

When you ask someone to change their appearance to suit your idea of how you want them to look, you are also saying that you disapprove of them in some way therefore making them self conscious. THAT is not reasonable.



For me, taking impressions from clothes is entirely nonsense. Face, arse & legs, when it comes to women, initially sparks my interest followed by what comes out of their mouth is what is important to me. Absence of intelligence will turn me off irrelevant of looks, but I stress, clothes do not come into it, at least for me. Some of my friends have worn fairy dresses when going out and I think "your off your fúcking head" but it doesnt make me lose any attraction to them.

To answer your question, yes I am flexible on a great number of things. That said if I knew someone found my appearance to be a repellant and suggested I do something about it, as said earlier, they would impolitely be told to fúck off. Its up to them to stick around or not, not up to me.

I find it far more rewarding to be around people who I can engage in interesting dialogue with than be around people who point out my shoes might be dirty.

Have I answered your question?

K-

If you have a certain style of fashion and thats it I would imagine there are a fair few jobs you are limiting yourself to. Or is dressing to conform to a work related medium outside the scope of your argument? Just wondering.

Kintarō Hattori

Fair enough, but I don't think that the OP disapproves of his girlfriend. I believe it very reasonable to put a little effort into your appearance when your going out somewhere. It shows that your interested in your partner, and also that you take some pride in your appearance.
I think it is a small thing to wish for and that you are taking it to extremes.

When I met my girlfriend first, my interest wasn't spaarked by her face, legs or her arse, she was very friendly, sweet and charming. Gradually I came to see her as more beautiful. I'm shocked sometimes the way guys speak of women on boards. It's often disrespectful and neanderthal the comments that are spoken. I'm not directly criticising you, just saying that you differ from myself, and possibly the OP though. My initial interest in my lady wasn't sparked by anything physical.

Only through time, and going out together did I ->wish<- that she would wear something more adventurous than a pair of old shoes and jeans. It is a fool who denys that nice clothes do make someone more appealing on the eye.

clothes do not come into it, at least for me

Fair enough, they don't bother you, but everyone is different and diversity is a great thing, so why criticise someone if they find quality clothing attractive on a member of the opposite sex?

To answer your question, yes I am flexible on a great number of things. That said if I knew someone found my appearance to be a repellant and suggested I do something about it, as said earlier, they would impolitely be told to fúck off.

Perhaps what you have been flexible on, others would think that you have gone too far and that your lovely lady should accept you as you are and not change those things. I also don't believe the OP ever said he found his lady repugnant.

Its up to them to stick around or not, not up to me.

He hasn't mentioned anything about leaving her, just that he wishes she would put a tad more effort into her appearance.

I find it far more rewarding to be around people who I can engage in interesting dialogue with than be around people who point out my shoes might be dirty.

My girlfriend has a degree, whereas I don't. She is without a doubt the more intelligent half of our relationship, and she is also the most interesting. She's highly educated, she's from a different culture, she has interesting ideas etc. She's a wonderful lady, interesting, beautiful, funny, charming, but I still like her to wear something nice when we are heading out somewhere.

I give alot to her, and I've given up alot. I don't believe it's an unreasonable thing to ask if undertaken with some tact and understanding.

To be fair, your view differs, but you shouldn't be so negative of the OP on the matter. Most people in most relationships put some emphasis on looking well for their partner. To say otherwise is just foolish.

_patchouli

She dresses like a housewife though, and it's not what I'm used to.

I'm dating the girl 6 months.

I don't get it.
If you find her dress sense so off putting was it even really attraction in the first place?
And why then stay with her for 6 months?

Dudess

I think the OP is really attracted to his girlfriend and seems like a decent enough guy - he just thinks it's a shame and a waste that such a pretty girl lets herself go when it comes to her appearance. Nothing wrong with that at all. I've felt like that about friends. I've thought to myself "wow, she'd look so amazing if she only made an effort". Yes, the OP would get something from it, but the main beneficiary would be his girlfriend.
How did I guess there'd be an "oh my god, you're such a shallow pig" reaction...

secret_squirrel

Dudess wrote:

the main beneficiary would be his girlfriend.

How do you know? She might be perfectly comfortable as she is.

Dudess

True, but I'd say it's more likely that it would give her a new lease of life seeing how gorgeous and sexy the new her is. I find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't get a kick out of looking good and would prefer to look crap (unless there are underlying issues, which, of course, can be the case). It's just like when really overweight people say "I don't care if I'm fat", "I prefer being big", bla bla. As if they'd be distraught if they woke up one morning to discover all the fat had vanished and they were slim!

_patchouli

Dudess wrote:

I find it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't get a kick out of looking good and would prefer to look crap (unless there are underlying issues, which, of course, can be the case).

:rolleyes:
Dudess, why do you jump to the conclusion that she looks "crap". Some people like to dress casually. It's simply a matter of taste. And taste is subjective.

Dudess

_patchouli wrote:

:rolleyes:
Dudess, why do you jump to the conclusion that she looks "crap". Some people like to dress casually. It's simply a matter of taste. And taste is subjective.

Ok, not literally crap, but relatively speaking - in comparison to how she could look.

Kell

eo980 wrote:

I think it is a small thing to wish for and that you are taking it to extremes.

And asking somone to conform to your expectations isnt?

eo980 wrote:

It's often disrespectful and neanderthal the comments that are spoken. I'm not directly criticising you

If not criticising, why point it out? Someone PM Wicknight to give us an evolutionary lecture on the primary spark of interest you show in someone. He would say it comes down to the primal part of your brain finding someone it see's as a potential mate. I happen to agree, and I am glad evolution has granted me the reason not to attempt to shag everything that has a pulse and a pretty face.

eo980 wrote:

is a fool who denys that nice clothes do make someone more appealing on the eye.

And only a muppet seeks to change what is ostensibly a good deal.

eo980 wrote:

Fair enough, they don't bother you, but everyone is different and diversity is a great thing, so why criticise someone if they find quality clothing attractive on a member of the opposite sex?

There was a 30 best and worst dressed carried out recently in some society mag. TBH, I was horrified that this magazine indescriminately pointed out peoples absence of fashion. For me, that promotes conformity in the way people should dress, puts pressure on people to have the latest fashions and fads and essentially turn them into 2D into plastic people. The world is full of plastic two dimensional people who can tell you what the latest trend is but cant name the closest counties/countries to their own. Life has enough pressures in it without worrying about clothes FFS.

eo980 wrote:

Perhaps what you have been flexible on, others would think that you have gone too far and that your lovely lady should accept you as you are and not change those things.

Now you have completely lost me. I never stated what I was flexible on so how can you assume others think I have gone too far.

eo980 wrote:

but I still like her to wear something nice when we are heading out somewhere

I am pretty sure the OP stated that his GF looks life a fishwife ALL the time.

eo980 wrote:

I give alot to her, and I've given up alot.

I never suggested compromise doesnt make the world go round. Compromise does however involve both parties gaining something from the compromise. What does the OP's GF get? A new wardrobe so she can look the way the OP wants her to? Great compromise yeah. Can I have a large coke with that?

eo980 wrote:

To be fair, your view differs, but you shouldn't be so negative of the OP on the matter.

If memory serves, the second last comment of his original post was "do I have the problem". I have categorically pointed out that yes he does, on invitation I might add.

eo980 wrote:

Most people in most relationships put some emphasis on looking well for their partner

And the majority of breakups involving unfaithfulness have nothing to do with the offender not finding their partner attractive anymore.

What was your point again about the importance of clothes??

And how old are you?

K-