Growing up, moving on

wet-paint

A dear friend said her goodbyes tonight to most of the circle of friends, before heading off to college again in parts far flung. We went out for a meal and a few drinks afterward. There was a big gang of us, we met up, had a laugh, some good food, took a lot of photos, and headed for Bar Cuba. I wasn't drinking, and spent the night mulling things over. It's sad to think that as we grow up, our really tight intense circle of bestest friends will start to drift away, as we all get jobs, go doing post grads, move back home after college etc. It's one thing moving off to Manchester o rtLondon or Cork for nine months, but the kicker is realising that the scene you return to won't be the one you left. The people have left, new younger kids are claiming your old haunts as their own, as I guess they're entitled to (I've got Dawsons Creek songs blaring out here, all soppy eyed git that I am). You won't recognise as many faces. Some friends will still be around, but you'll find they've adjusted to everyone's absence, and changed too.

You'll cry and kick and scream and vow that you'll always stay tight, and for the first while it might be easy, with instant emails, Bebos, and texts. You'll still all get together for the big nights, the bank holiday weekends when you can head home for a night or two, but it'll start to need more notice, and more organising. People will need to book flights, and time off work and so on. If at first you see them every weekend or two, it turns in to once a month, or for Halloween, Christmas etc. You'll see your once best college friends once every two months. Little by little, without you even noticing, you start letting people go.

The world and your friends will never be the same as when you were all together, finishing up college, being able to appreciate what real relationships mean to you, and still having the time to enjoy them; the people that matter most being around you all the time.

And you know what?
It scares me. It ****ing scares me to think my most valued friends are going to be taken from me by circumstance, and all I can do is promise to stay in touch and every so often, take a Ryanair to see them once in a while. I wish it wouldn't happen, all the while knowing it's going to; it's already started.

The bad thing in my case, is the friend who's leaving, was the girl who kept us all together, she was the one who'd organise the get togethers, dragging lazy asses off seats and out to meet up, texting and ringing and booking restaurants. Without her... Jeez, it'll be just that bit harder to get together so often.
So what I'm asking, apart from just wanting to vent a bit, is how do you foks deal with it, if you can. apart from promising things that usually don't get fulfilled?

Ruu_Old

Perhaps you should take up the initiative and try and organise something? Me, I can't do a whole lot being in another country, 3,500 miles away from Ireland but am going to make an attempt as I'll be home for a week in November. I have managed to stay in touch with two people and thats about it. One from school and the other from college, only those two are the ones I have managed to stay in touch with. It is a time in everyones life that they fear so you won't be the only one.

Black Swan

Listen to Ruu. Take the initiative and organise something. And make it fun!

LegacyUser

As good as it is when everyones together heading out every weekend with no commitments,after a while it becomes very mundane.The same town,with the same faces, nights out with even your close friends become all too familiar in the usual haunts.At some stage you have to move on from it all,at first it can be a bit ****ty but in time you make other friends through newer things and have as much fun.It is rare enough now when all my mates are together for a night out but when we are the craic is mighty and its something to really look forward to, the likes of Christmas and Race week its like no one ever left.It doesnt really bother me at all to be honest , i would hate to be at the same old craic i was at every weekend,i just wouldnt enjoy it much.If you think its bad now wait till you see what happens when morgages and kids come into the picture.

scojones

You just have to deal with it I guess. It's a part of life. People move away, get married, settle down - times change. Just look at the circle of friends you had in primary school, secondary school, then college, and now work. For me, my friends completely changed from primary to secondary school. I moved away from home to go to college and met alot of new friends there, but of course I came home nearly every weekend to see my friends that I grew up with and I'm still close to them, although we're not as close as we used to be because we're getting older, not going out as much, etc. Plus, some of my friends have decided to travel the world now.

I'm back in my home town now, and just starting a great new job. Most of my mates I grew up with are here, but some have moved to the other side of the world. I will rarely see my college mates again because college was so far away. We're meeting up on October 27th for our graduation though, which will be great craic.

You just have to face it, life changes all the time. People do what is right for them. They move away - be it a desire to travel or a good job opportunity. You're not the only one in this boat, every single person goes through it. Just wait until the friends you have now start getting married and settling down. That's when it can start to get shit.

You don't have the let it get to you though. You can arrange when you and your friends meet up. It's not a hard thing to do once you can find a time when everyone is free. Just because she is gone doesn't mean it can't still be done. Chin up, there are worse things in the world happening right now.

Miguel_Sanchez

Sad as it is this is unfortunately the way life goes.

Going to a friend's home town recently to pay respects after the passing of her father I had a conversation with a guy I was in college with. Basically he was saying that despite the circumstances it was nice to see a lot of the old faces again. We then realised that from now on weddings and funerals were the only places that so many people from the past would get together. Sad really, seeing as we're all still only mid-late twenties.

Unfortunately life has a habit of making us constantly look back and regret the passing of times and the breaking up of groups. Nostalgia is good every now and then and the excitement of meeting up with old friends for a weekend once every year or so is great. But you have to learn to look forward to, and appreciate your new friends and new social circles. Try to appreciate the good times as they happen - it's a hard thing to do. But every now and then I find myself stopping and checking myself for a moment and realising - "This is a good time. This is one of those times I'll look back on fondly and remember." - then you've got to snap out of that mode and just enjoy the hell out of whatever you're doing.

MonkeyWrench

I can relate to this being in my late twenties. I had a number of friends in primary school who became good friends in secondary school. I then moved to college in Galway and met many new friends. I gradually lost touch with all apart from maybe one guy that I went to school with. I have been out of college now about 6 years and I still keep in touch with my college mates. We try to arranage something every couple of months or a holiday away but it is becoming less regular especially seeing as though some have long term partners or are married. My advice is just try and keep in touch best you can by email/phone or whatever and try to arrange a weekend in advance. People change, get married etc its all part and parcel of life.

jester77

It's not as bad as you make it out. The situation you describe is the same for me. I've a few different circle of friends but it doesn't take alot of organinsing. I don't live in Ireland and neither do a lot of my friends. Christmas is a great time for organising as most people are back in Ireland. Summer is good as well, just pick a weekend and one of the friends to host or a random location and everyone flys in. It just makes those few occasions where you all meet up even more special! I remember these occasions much more than the weekend pissups when we were all together... it's not all so bad!

cooker3

Try to look at positive side, appreciate the fact you had those times in first place and had laughs and great times.

You know lots of people out there who are never that lucky.

Sleepy

As you can probably guess (I think you know who I am), I know exactly where you're coming from WP. Unfortunately it just seems to be the way of the world. One positive thing I've found from it is that you do tend to be more appreciative of the time you do get to spend with your mates when you manage to get everyone together. Best advice I can offer is to step into your friend's shoes. Become the one that organises all the get togethers

Ickle Magoo

I moved from Scotland to Ireland a couple of yrs ago but manage to keep in touch with my old friends via phone & e-mail & we meet up whenever I go home. I have no regrets about moving & would rather widen my horizons than live the same life with the same friends in the same place for ever more. Altho I have the odd pang of sentimentality re my student or school days, my life is much better now than it was then - hope you find the same. Best of luck.