I'm in love with my best friend (male) what do i do?

LegacyUser

I'm in a serious relationship for the last 4 years. i have known my best friend (a guy) for 8 years since college. we click in a way unimaginable and hae similar views on most things. We used to go out in college but we found each other too young at 19 and ended it. I was heartbroken. Used to think it was infatuation, the butterflys, sick stomach the real deal. However these feeling never really left and i dont know what to do. I've never told him even thought we saw a lot of each other during the summer and hes helped me throught many major events in my life such as bereavement and problems with my boyfriend. he's a pure gentleman. I think of him constantly but i dont want to lose what i've got as its too special. I'll never have another up front honest mate like him. However its eating my heart apart.

Mojito

Try reminiscing with him about your past relationship when you 2 were in college. Plan ahead about how you'll bring it up. What questions you'll ask and the if's, but's and maybe's.

If you plan it well then from his anwsers and the way he reacts (keep a close eye on his expressions) you should be able to gauge what kind of feelings he may have for you.

Darragh29

I think you are so so lucky to have met someone like this. My advice is do whatever you have to do to make it happen. Take this advice from someone who was in your situation many years ago, decided not to take the chance and risk it all and have regretted it from that day until this.

Ruu_Old

None of us can answer this question OP, go with what you feel is right but know there might be some issues if it doesn't work out. Good luck.

Black Swan

Lonley Lass wrote:

I'm in a serious relationship for the last 4 years.

What about this "serious" relationship? Do you truly love this other person?

Lonley Lass wrote:

I think of him constantly but i dont want to lose what i've got as its too special. I'll never have another up front honest mate like him.

You are so lucky to have a friend like this. Few people do.

Like Ruu said above, this is a decision that only you can make.

jubi lee

Darragh29 sounds like there's a bit of a story there!! would you not try get her back???

OP - just come out and ask him. better to know either way...

Darragh29

jubi lee wrote:

Darragh29 sounds like there's a bit of a story there!! would you not try get her back???

OP - just come out and ask him. better to know either way...

There is indeed! Book material TBH, no I wouldn't but just because events overtook our situation. But we are in contact every day and probably will be for a long as both of us are around, and that's been the case for about the last 17 odd years. The OP's situation sounded very familar, except that there are options open to her that are not open to me! My advice is that if there is nothing really serious standing between the two of them, i.e. go for it and never look back, or she could spend you life regretting things and looking at what could have, should have or would have been...

jubi lee

Darragh29 wrote:

There is indeed! Book material TBH, no I wouldn't but just because events overtook our situation. But we are in contact every day and probably will be for a long as both of us are around, and that's been the case for about the last 17 odd years. The OP's situation sounded very familar, except that there are options open to her that are not open to me! My advice is that if there is nothing really serious standing between the two of them, i.e. go for it and never look back, or she could spend you life regretting things and looking at what could have, should have or would have been...

Awww daragh thats so cute!!! forbidben love!!

yep agree with ya...

was in similar thing myself years ago, went for it, didn't work out and we didn't stay in contact afterwards.. but it was worth it. no longer think about it!

Darragh29

Lonley Lass wrote:

I'm in a serious relationship for the last 4 years. i have known my best friend (a guy) for 8 years since college. we click in a way unimaginable and hae similar views on most things. We used to go out in college but we found each other too young at 19 and ended it. I was heartbroken. Used to think it was infatuation, the butterflys, sick stomach the real deal. However these feeling never really left and i dont know what to do. I've never told him even thought we saw a lot of each other during the summer and hes helped me throught many major events in my life such as bereavement and problems with my boyfriend. he's a pure gentleman. I think of him constantly but i dont want to lose what i've got as its too special. I'll never have another up front honest mate like him. However its eating my heart apart.

GO FOR IT!

Chinafoot

Lonley Lass wrote:

I'm in a serious relationship for the last 4 years. i have known my best friend (a guy) for 8 years since college. we click in a way unimaginable and hae similar views on most things. We used to go out in college but we found each other too young at 19 and ended it. I was heartbroken. Used to think it was infatuation, the butterflys, sick stomach the real deal. However these feeling never really left and i dont know what to do. I've never told him even thought we saw a lot of each other during the summer and hes helped me throught many major events in my life such as bereavement and problems with my boyfriend. he's a pure gentleman. I think of him constantly but i dont want to lose what i've got as its too special. I'll never have another up front honest mate like him. However its eating my heart apart.

First thing I would do is end my current relationship. If your heart is elsewhere then you should really let your boyfriend go as it's unfair to stay with him while you're in love with someone else.

Then I would take some time to move on from that relationship before jumping in and telling my best friend how I feel. 4 years is a long time and even though you are in love with someone else, chances are you would still be very upset if you and your current boyfriend split up. You'd need to get your head together before embarking on a new relationship.

It's not an enviable position by any means and you should really have a good long think before making any rash decisions. Be sure that your friendship can survive if your feelings aren't returned - although if you've been best friends for 8 years after having had a relationship then I reckon your friendship will remain intact reagrdless of the outcome.

First things first though, show your current boyfriend some respect and end things if yor heart isn't in it.

Darragh29

jubi lee wrote:

Awww daragh thats so cute!!! forbidben love!!

yep agree with ya...

was in similar thing myself years ago, went for it, didn't work out and we didn't stay in contact afterwards.. but it was worth it. no longer think about it!

Well that's the other side of the coin I suppose! It's weird, when you are 19-20 as the OP said her age was when she was with this guy, you think you are so young and stuff and can't settle down at that age. Ten years later, you look back and think, "Christ, I was so clued in back then!" There is some sort of mad crazy convention in Ireland that says, "you cannot do this at this age and that at that age". Who says you can't meet someone at 19 and stay happily with them forever!?!?! Then you hit your late twenties and you almost feel hard done by 'cos you listened to a load of ****e in the past about having to do something this way or that way...

Darragh29

peachypants wrote:

First things first though, show your current boyfriend some respect and end things if yor heart isn't in it.

Yeah, sound advice here...

Darragh29

Tis weird, the phrase under my posts is particularly appropriate in this situation, only noticed it now!

"Faith loves the fearless"... Read into it what you will, but for me it means that faith shines favourably on you if you are not afraid of change in your life and are open to taking an auld risk every now and again, especially in affairs of the heart!

juanjo

OP, have u thought about ur partner in this issue or just about u? i mean it looks u keep the relationship u have only on your own interest, but i couldn't call that love. if you care about your partner be honest and explain the situation to him and break up. I've been a victim of one of those "forbidden love" situations myself and the feeling is horrible (2 years without wanting to see any1) if you realize that u are just being used by ur partner.

Even when you have to think about your own happiness, no one should never use anyone else to get it. Just tell me if you'd like that happening the other way round or you'd prefer your partner to be honest with you and end the relationship.

muppetkiller

Better to regret the things you do than those you didn't...

I'm in a similar situation but I asked her out after 12 years
she said no ..but I could've spent the next 50 wondering what might have been ...

metrovelvet

You have two choices.

1. Suffer the passion. Meaning just live with it.

2. Take a risk and go for it, yes you have something to lose, loss is that backbone of all risk. Having nearly died last summer, I come from the go for it perspective, as out time is limited and you never know when the wine will run out. So drink.

Tar.Aldarion

Go for it or live with it, I cracked after a year of supressing it, wanted to die.
A year later I'm not much better, but hey, it's best you let things out.
Anyway, it may work out or you may lose a friend. It will hurt a lot every day if it does not work out, but I don't think you can live with it indefinitely supressed.

Also, you have to end it with your bf tbh...I had to lose two gf's, same reason. It is not right if you are in love with somebody else.

lau1247

I'd say go for it..
It's no good to you if you keep having thought of him..
Might as well get it over with..

Just be aware though, it might never go back the same way as before if it doesn't work out..
And also do it when he's not seeing someone..