Engagement etiquette?

giftgrub

Whats the story with popping the big question? Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

would it be ok to offer the girl an old engagement ring thats been in the family,(the original owner has since passed away) or is that a bit weird?

Ickle Magoo

My husband bought an antique engagement ring for me - no idea of price as I wasn't consulted...the only thing that mattered to me was that it came with a proposal of marriage to the man I loved - can't imagine you are marrying a girl who checks the price tag of her engagement ring & calculates what percentage of your wage it cost so just go for something you like, I think the family heirloom sounds lovely! Congrats in advance!

daveg

giftgrub wrote:

Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

Bollax. You spend what you can afford. You should not (or she should not) pick a ring by it's price. She should pick one she wants because she likes the ring not the price tag.

metrovelvet

You're welcoming her to be your family now by giving her an heirloom. Very nice gesture - as long as the ring is nice! What does it look like?

daveg

Double post... Sorry.

daveg

giftgrub wrote:

would it be ok to offer the girl an old engagement ring thats been in the family,(the original owner has since passed away) or is that a bit weird?

I'd ask her tbh. Maybe pop the question with that ring and then let her make the choice if she wants a new one. Congrats by the way

If you do decide to buy new may I suggest www.cooldiamonds.co.uk which is where my wife (only got engaged last year, married in December) picked hers. Would also be worth while searching for threads on engagement rings as I know good advice has been given buying in New York and Dubai. Better that than getting ripped off at home.

Chinafoot

giftgrub wrote:

Whats the story with popping the big question? Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

I always heard that it was 2 months wages. But to be honest it's all rubbish. Like the others have said, pay what you can afford.

If you think she'd like the family ring then go for it.
There's a good engagement ring thread here that might be of some help.

Enright

spend what you can afford, it would be terrible to start of a relationship in debt. Believe me the ring will be the cheapest part of getting married. When you factor in a house, wedding etc. If it was me i would give the antique

Congratulations,

biko

metrovelvet wrote:

You're welcoming her to be your family now by giving her an heirloom.

Indeed

the Guru

take her to the ring shop and ask her what she likes the bottom line is you don't have to wear it for the rest of your life she does, so she should like the ring, also all her girlie friends will be checking it out, I suggest if any of her mates are engaged check out their rings, to get a better idea, I would suggest not going cheap on the engagement ring the wedding ring will cost less. Get a loan and splash out she will thank you for it.

Noelie

Yeah spend what you can afford, also 4 months wage is a big ring and she may not want to wear something so expensive. I know from talking to my girlfriend she wouldn't want anything over 1000-1500.

Sleepy

If the old engagement ring is nice, I'd definitely use that, love the idea of proposing to someone with a ring that was a mark of a successful marriage. If it's not to her taste, any good jewellers will be able to re-set the stone(s) in a new ring which would save you a fortune as well as keeping the heirloom going.

Personally, I'd propose with that ring and let her know if she doesn't like it, you're happy to have it reset in a different setting (it'll probably need re-adjustment to fit her finger anyway). A friend of mine recently proposed to his girlfriend with his granny's engagement ring and she was chuffed to bits about the fact it was an heirloom rather than something he'd just picked from a catalogue

EDIT: whoever told you an engagement ring should cost 4 months salary was having a laugh imho. You'd be spending WAY too much on a ring for someone to comfortably wear it on a daily basis!

Ruu_Old

The old ring is a great idea, I would use it. I don't go along with buying expensive wedding rings or whatever other people set as the correct price to buy one. I'd rather (and she probably would) that you save your money for the future, house or whatever instead, just my opinion. Congratulations and best of luck, let us know how you get on.

giftgrub

We've been together 7 years, if i spent crazy money on a ring i'd probably get a slap!..............now to pluck up the courage.........

Magic Pips

be a romantic, send her this thread!

Have you decided on a location/setting?

joker77

Yea I heard that 4 times your salary thing recently and nearly fell off my chair!

Fecking lunacy

2 times was what I was going on before that

LegacyUser

Can I just point out that you're getting to spend the rest of your life with the girl, so I think four months salary is a good trade-off for that

On a serious note, I think a vintage heirloom ring is tres romantic, think of the history attached and the long and happy marriage the previous owner had, and preferable to a new one in many ways

pepper

giftgrub wrote:

Whats the story with popping the big question? Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

would it be ok to offer the girl an old engagement ring thats been in the family,(the original owner has since passed away) or is that a bit weird?

i know what my ring cost- it wasnt anywhere close to 4 times a monthly wage but it didnt matter-I think a ring from the family is the best thing you can give-It shows how imporyant they are you you

iguana

And diamond mining is terribly harmful to the environment and usually involves the displacement and near-slave labour of the local people. Using a family ring is an ethical solution.;)

Perhaps you could confide in one of your g'friends friends and ask her what she thinks of the ring. She might have a better idea of her taste in jewellery than you do. No offence, it's just that women often discuss their dream engagement ring with their girlfriends.

CathyMoran

My partner got 2 diamonds from an antique jewlery sale and the saphire from his parents and got it made up himself...in the end of the day it is priceless to me, all that I ever cared about was being his, not the ring (though I did cry when I first saw it)...a ring that has been in the family sounds lovely and very romantic. Oh, and congrats!

wet-paint

Antique antiquue antique. Go for it. It's a great idea. Don't even consider a new one. Reset if if she insists, but she won't.

ircoha

giftgrub wrote:

Whats the story with popping the big question? Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

would it be ok to offer the girl an old engagement ring thats been in the family,(the original owner has since passed away) or is that a bit weird?

As suggested elsewhere consider using it as the basis for making a more modern piece. [Pimp my ring soto speak:) ]This can work out well. and gets away from the problem that the ring, unaltered, was from a dead person, I have seen that issue before.

Victor

giftgrub wrote:

Whats the story with popping the big question? Ive been told you have to spent 4 times your monthly wage on a ring. to be honest i can't afford that

Bull. It used to be a month's wages.

BC

As others have said don't make your decision based on price. Spend what you can afford but the most important thing is that she likes the ring.

Does your girlfriend like antique jewellary? If so then the heirloom is a nice gesture. It really depends on the person though. I personally would hate it but thats because I generally don't like that sort of jewellary.

Naked Lepper

ye can get whopper ringz in da argos

its da tought da' countz init

Black Swan

Congrats! If the family ring is meaningful in some way, sure, it may be a way to go. I could never get into the engagement ring thing. So much money for a couple starting out that could be better spent on other things. Your relationship is the most important thing, not the symbols on someone's fingers. If surprise is not an important element for you two, then perhaps you might ask her about this, too?