The Unofficial Freshers Guide

TheRabbit

I've written a new Fresher's Guide for the lickle freshers this year, based on my own experience.

The Unofficial UCD Freshers Guide

Freshers, Little Freshers, Come Unto Me...... and I shall tell you wondrous advice on how to survive First Year. I know you're probably all here to knuckle down and get started on a year of hard study. No, no wait, you came here for the booze and the social life. I know it, you know it, don't even try deny it.

So are you all sitting down? Are you listening closely? Very well then, I shall begin.

THE REAL FRESHERS GUIDE--according to Rabbit

1. EASY LAYS
Lads, girls will more or less throw themselves at you if you are studying in Quinn or Roebuck, so B&L, Law and Commerce guys, you have a headstart already. The best-looking girls are either in Quinn or Arts, but there's far more of them in Arts, so they're probably a better bet. Also the Arts girls have a habit of wearing short, short skirts and drinking a lot, so you know, that helps...

2. AG SCIENCE TROLLS
Girls, I'm sure you've heard this before, but let me tell you it is NOT an urban myth; Those creatures of Ag Science DO turn into hideous trolls when the full moon appears. For your own health and sanity, you would do well to stay away. I myself have never spoken to one, but I have heard they communicate in guttural grunts, and that they have more than the usual hair on their great, strapping arms.

3. HIDEY BOOZY
No-one knows why this is, but somehow, magically, the price of booze in the Student Bar goes stealthily up each year. Last year Fosters was €3 and this year? €3.10, the swine! Stick it to the man by bringing your own booze. In my experience, cans in the bushes tend to go unnoticed. Naggins in your bras, ladies, can be snuck without hassle into the Student Bar and into the bathrooms for maximum boozing. Just wear a jacket; square tits are a big giveaway.

4. DRINKING GAMES
The drinking games are only fun when you're ****faced, so either get that way or stay away - it is no fun to get sprayed with beer when you're stone cold sober.

5. SPORTS
No-one does them. Or at least, self-respecting lads might play rugby, or five-a-side football, but that's about it. None of the many (all stunning, of course) girls I know play any sports at all. Tennis on the odd weekend, and, of course, many of them are serious gymbunnies, but apart from that, they are untouched by the holy hand of physical exercise, which brings me to...

6. THE WEIGHT FACTOR
In school, girls and boys have classes called Physical Education where some psycho of a coach makes you run laps, do sit-ups, press-ups, play rugby, football or basketball, and by the end of it you're hot, sweaty, tired and all you want is a Mars bar. In school, all boys and girls eat what they like, and burn it off playing sport.
Ladies and gentlemen, in college this is not the case. In college, as I stated above, very little sport is played, and yet our eating habits, if anything, become worse, and as a result we all tend to put on a bit of weight. Or as my sibling says, people "balloon" when they hit college. Of course, there are exceptions, but what I'm saying is UCDians, watch that sneaky weight.

7. ARTS STUDENTS
You will have to put up with a bit of abuse for the first few weeks. When anyone asks you what you are studying and you say arts, the reaction will most generally be a roll of the eyes, or a sympathetic look in the manner of oh-lord-you-poor-simpleton. This is standard practice, I'm afraid, since an Arts degree is generally considered to have all the merit of a sheet of toilet paper. Accept this. There is nothing you can do to change this perception.

8. THE LIBRARY
This will be the place where you will spend many a hopeless hour either studying, pretending to study, or counting down the minutes til your next break. In this hollowed place of study is a man more legend than flesh; His name is Librocop. He is stealthy and (mostly) bald. He will creep up behind you if you let out so much as a whimper, and try to melt you with his eye-lasers. Also, you should be warned, if you so much as hold your mobile phone, he will swoop down and before you know what's happened, your hand will be empty and he and your phone will have disappeared...

9. FRESHERS WEEK
Societies are RUTHLESS. Remember this when you first step into the tent erected solely for the purpose of taking money out of your pocket. DO not be swayed by the donuts. Okay, DO be swayed by the donuts, but don't let the donuts make you join hopeless societies. B&L, Q Soc and C&E are generally the big front-runners, they're the ones you'll want to join if you want to be in the cool club. Steal as many freebies as you can. Believe me when I say that somehow, in some way, you are probably paying for them anyway.

10. THE HIERARCHY
I've hinted at this already, but I may as well state it in a plain and simple manner. There is a food chain in UCD. B&L, Medicine and Law are at the top. They are the lions, if you will. Commerce comes in just below them - hyenas perhaps?. Then Arts, with it's ozone-layer-destroying amount of fake tan. They would be the gazelles. After Arts comes Science, Physical Science and Engineering. They are the grass. Ag Science is at the bottom. Way, way at the bottom. Worms, perhaps. Or fungi.
I never said it was fair.

11. IL DUCE
<snip (mod edit).>

12. GENERAL ADVICE
Whatever you do, always remember the three rules of college life: Drink til you drop, **** til you pop and don't let the fun stop.

Oh yes, and always wear protection.
<snip (mod edit).>

OH, and don't forget to go to those fun lectures. That's why you're here after all, right?

HAH. Yeah, right.

jimi_t

TheRabbit wrote:

Also go there if you hate my attitude, think I'm a cocky ****e, or just want to hate on me.

Good idea to set up a fresh account - especially when you're singling out schools. Wouldn't advertise this around UCD tbh

Umaro

I thought it was rude, cocky and arrogant - in other words, absolutely brilliant. I'm going to bookmark your blog and I'd encourage you to keep posting. Much like that old d00d the UCD library is named after, you have a way with words.

Btw, I'd ignore anyone who gripes about the sterotyping of the schools.

Mr.Nice Guy

I thought you did well, rabbit. (There's a sentence I never thought I'd say)

You should have sent this to The Tribune to see if they'd print it.

As for this though:

if you are studying in Quinn or Roebuck, so B&L, Law and Commerce guys, you have a headstart already

There is a food chain in UCD. B&L, Medicine and Law are at the top. They are the lions, if you will.

I think it's safe to assume you're doing one of the above?

Dave!

Nice!

TheRabbit

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

I think it's safe to assume you're doing one of the above?

Actually, I'm not, but that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Narrowing it down further could be detrimental to my health.

panda100

TheRabbit wrote:

5. SPORTS
No-one does them. Or at least, self-respecting lads might play rugby, or five-a-side football, but that's about it. None of the many (all stunning, of course) girls I know play any sports at all. Tennis on the odd weekend, and, of course, many of them are serious gymbunnies, but apart from that, they are untouched by the holy hand of physical exercise, .

Roassana Davidson was on the UCD netball team.She sweated it out on many a day with us playing matches

TheRabbit wrote:

10. THE HIERARCHY
I've hinted at this already, but I may as well state it in a plain and simple manner. There is a food chain in UCD. B&L, Medicine and Law are at the top..

Dont think Id put B+l at the top Vet,physio,rads,law waaaay come above B+l

Good alternative guide though:) made me giggle

XchampagneX

TheRabbit wrote:

There is a food chain in UCD. B&L, Medicine and Law are at the top

woohoo i'm at the top

Dinxminx

Hey! I'm in Arts and can I just say, it's a lot harder than people think!

Hmmmph!

Llama

Why am I afraid to ask where JYA and Erasmus students fall into this little ecosystem? :rolleyes:

hullaballoo

TheRabbit banned from UCD. While the guide was a semi-amusing regurgitation of every other Freshers' guide I've ever read, there are just certain things that you can't say. I've deleted those parts of the post.

Also, you're not allowed to advertise websites here.

Dave!

Jesus h christ, why the hell is he banned? He was joking around, for f*ck sake!!! Fair enough edit out libelous comments, but banning him?

funLevel--

Ridiculous

Umaro

Oh for christ sake..

hullaballoo

Ok, I appreciate that it may seem harsh, but I have another reason I'd prefer not to disclose just yet. That said, Truckle and I have both asked that people don't comment on moderator decisions in this forum.

Please either do it by PM or in Feedback where it belongs. I have no issue responding there.

Het-Field

Dinxminx wrote:

Hey! I'm in Arts and can I just say, it's a lot harder than people think!

Hmmmph!

Couldnt agree with you more. To succeed in it one must work really hard. iF you dont work hard youll end up with a pass degree, which is totally useless (much like a pass Law/Science/Commerce/Engineering degree) and you anit going nowhere. Trust me the wealth of opportuniotes that spring up once you graduate is huge. In fact the training you get by doing an Arts degree is fantastic. My writing skills are so much better than many people who didnt study arts. I know how to research things properly and how to pock apart an argument very quickly. With the exceotion of Law, these skills are not taught in any other facukty.

Furthermore I have cultivated an interest in things like politics and current affairs which I only had to a small degree when I was in school.

The lecturing hours are great, but you need to spend a lot of time in the Library

A 1st, 2:1, 2:2 degree opens a wealth of opportunity to you. Yo9u can get into teaching/the legal profession/ journalism/ the civil service/ politics after it. While those who study science can say ( he we can do that), they really wont be able to do it as well as the Arts graduates. We have been set up in several diciplines.

Expext hard work, but if you do it Expect Great Rewards

Sangre

B+L at the top? Don't make me laugh.

Overall? A big meeeeh. Trying too hard to be hardcore obnoxious without actually being smart or clever. Seen it manys times in my years, nothing new.

If I wasn't so busy I might give the freshers a REAL guide.

Also Hulla, how are people supposed to know how not to get banned if you don't tell people why they're banned?

Chakar

Dinxminx wrote:

Hey! I'm in Arts and can I just say, it's a lot harder than people think!

Hmmmph!

Totally although it depends on the subjects you do as subjects like Statistics and Accounting would have a higher percieved value then say Information Studies and Canadian Studies.

While there are popular subjects are History, Politics and Economics are valuable subjects in their own right.

Arts is a unique course which you have a lot of choice in subjects which are timetabled in groups.It can be similar to Law in that there's a lot of reading to do each week and if you want to do well you have to do the reading.

Paddy (Het-Field) was absolutely spot on how you're trained to make arguments utilising the information gleaned and also in picking apart arguments which I have done on the UCD SU newswire with great success.

But if you want to do well you've gotta work just like I intend to do this year a lot more.

humbert

Sangre wrote:

Also Hulla, how are people supposed to know how not to get banned if you don't tell people why they're banned?

Kinda in the same boat here, read it before it was edited and can't recall anything offensive.

hullaballoo

Here, look, I've already said I don't want this discussed here.

Feel free to start a thread in Feedback about it, but don't hijack this thread.

dajaffa

panda100 wrote:

Dont think Id put B+l at the top Vet,physio,rads,law waaaay come above B+l

Yay Physio


Bnl Soc though is the most powerful society thou imo, winning a lot of positions in SU n such. LnH, Lawsoc next in line.

Medsoc 4 Terrace meds thou cause they know nothing else

Thing is, I actually think judging ppl by course is stupid. Arts has a really bad name but there are plenty of ppl there who wanted to do it + know exactly what they want to do in college and beyond. Imo part of it's bad rep results from loads of Arts Students who kinda fell into it cause they didn't get what they wanted + dont quite know what they want to do in Arts or what to do with their degree after. There are plenty of ppl in every course who don't really want to be doing it, just sorta fell into it + will end up doing something else, just in far far smaller numbers than Arts.

Just as an aside, science is lower :-P


PS If you want to do well in Arts going to lectures helps! I'm not being mean, just I know a few ppl who moan about it but basically never go, what do they expect like?!

arbeitsscheuer

Sangre wrote:

Overall? A big meeeeh. Trying too hard to be hardcore obnoxious without actually being smart or clever. Seen it manys times in my years, nothing new.

My sentiments exactly.

Also, it's too smug by half. It avoids originality or any form of insight, preferring to stick to well-worn cliches and tired old jokes. That ain't amusing - it's just dumb.

Stabshauptmann

Whether you read the various societies magazines or the SU fresher’s guide its practically the same list. This is not an attempt to be funny, this is actually the serious list Id give anyone:

1) Leave with a degree, and not just a pass degree
2) That being said, if you never fail an exam you’ve missed the point
3) Get a part time job and realise how great it is to have universities in which you can hide from the real world
4) Score people in your class and deal with the aftermath
5) Score total randomers and blank them completely, later on the same night preferably; for the rest of the year mandatory
6) Score a member of staff, your tutor counts
7) Get laid often and with many different partners. Enjoy the spice of life
8) Have a lasting and meaningful relationship. Note 5 and 6 not to be done at the same time.
9) Make a fantastic new friend that you never see again after the first day or week
10) Lose contact with other friends
11) Have a broad range of friends. Definitely a wingman, nerd, guy with a car and an alcoholic
12) Decorate your apartment with society posters and traffic signs
13) Live on campus
14) Live in a student house. A REAL student house. The type where you don’t know the people living on your couch
15) Go on a J1
16) See as much as the world as possible, inter-railing is a good start
17) Join every society for the free stuff
18) Get deeply involved with one
19) Pick up a new and quirky hobbie. Programming, Frisbee, martial arts, BDSM, whatever. There are some things that you wont be comfortable doing later on in life
20) Drugs. Marijuana is a must, others if you are able for it. Mentally able for what they will do and mature to control yourself.
21) Drink. Till you drop. Everything is better drunk.
22) Develop the skill and art of smuggle drink into pubs and clubs
23) Get thrown out of the student bar and banned from several establishments around the city
24) Discover the joys of living on a euro a day budget
25) Use this to justify your petty pilfering
26) Voice your political radicalism
27) Run for a student union position
28) Evolve into an apathetic skeptic
29) Go through a life style change. Diet, cloths, accent, attitude. Something will change. If it hasn’t you didn’t learn much outside a classroom
30) Find Glenomena
31) Cheat in an exam
32) Find the secret tunnels
33) Visit Hugh Brady’s house
34) Jump in the lake
35) Knacker drink around college
36) Visit other colleges for weeks at a time (preferably during their rag week)
37) Wake up not knowing anybody in the house you're in or even where it is
38) Go on a roadtrip
39) Stay awake for 50+ hours straight
40) Blag your way through a presentation/essay/seminar
41) Go through as many exams as possible without seeing the inside of the library
42) Stay in the library so long you lose all concept of time
43) Become a regular at black tie events
44) Partly because you’re sneaking in. Graduations and receptions are a good start
45) Skip lectures
46) Drink in lectures
47) If you’re a woman, participate in stimulating conversation on the back of a door in the toilets
48) Waste countless hours on bebo, msn, and boards
49) Come up with an ingeniously cunning plan only to realise its been done a thousand times before
50) Leave your mark, do something to be remembered for!

I think that sums it up nicely, though obviusly theres an extreme personal bias here as Ive done 90% of that list already

Scraggs

oooh nice list there Kaptain:)

Fast and furiously making my way through that list....

Stabshauptmann

Scraggs wrote:

oooh nice list there Kaptain:)

Fast and furiously making my way through that list....

if you need help with one or two let me know

Chakar

Visit Hugh Brady's house that might be a good one just to see what it looks like although I wouldn't risk going closer to it.

humbert

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Whether you read the various societies magazines or the SU fresher’s guide its practically the same list. This is not an attempt to be funny, this is actually the serious list Id give anyone:

1) Leave with a degree, and not just a pass degree
2) That being said, if you never fail an exam you’ve missed the point
3) Get a part time job and realise how great it is to have universities in which you can hide from the real world
4) Score people in your class and deal with the aftermath
5) Score total randomers and blank them completely, later on the same night preferably; for the rest of the year mandatory
6) Score a member of staff, your tutor counts
7) Get laid often and with many different partners. Enjoy the spice of life
8) Have a lasting and meaningful relationship. Note 5 and 6 not to be done at the same time.
9) Make a fantastic new friend that you never see again after the first day or week
10) Lose contact with other friends
11) Have a broad range of friends. Definitely a wingman, nerd, guy with a car and an alcoholic
12) Decorate your apartment with society posters and traffic signs
13) Live on campus
14) Live in a student house. A REAL student house. The type where you don’t know the people living on your couch
15) Go on a J1
16) See as much as the world as possible, inter-railing is a good start
17) Join every society for the free stuff
18) Get deeply involved with one
19) Pick up a new and quirky hobbie. Programming, Frisbee, martial arts, BDSM, whatever. There are some things that you wont be comfortable doing later on in life
20) Drugs. Marijuana is a must, others if you are able for it. Mentally able for what they will do and mature to control yourself.
21) Drink. Till you drop. Everything is better drunk.
22) Develop the skill and art of smuggle drink into pubs and clubs
23) Get thrown out of the student bar and banned from several establishments around the city
24) Discover the joys of living on a euro a day budget
25) Use this to justify your petty pilfering
26) Voice your political radicalism
27) Run for a student union position
28) Evolve into an apathetic skeptic
29) Go through a life style change. Diet, cloths, accent, attitude. Something will change. If it hasn’t you didn’t learn much outside a classroom
30) Find Glenomena
31) Cheat in an exam
32) Find the secret tunnels
33) Visit Hugh Brady’s house
34) Jump in the lake
35) Knacker drink around college
36) Visit other colleges for weeks at a time (preferably during their rag week)
37) Wake up not knowing anybody in the house you're in or even where it is
38) Go on a roadtrip
39) Stay awake for 50+ hours straight
40) Blag your way through a presentation/essay/seminar
41) Go through as many exams as possible without seeing the inside of the library
42) Stay in the library so long you lose all concept of time
43) Become a regular at black tie events
44) Partly because you’re sneaking in. Graduations and receptions are a good start
45) Skip lectures
46) Drink in lectures
47) If you’re a woman, participate in stimulating conversation on the back of a door in the toilets
48) Waste countless hours on bebo, msn, and boards
49) Come up with an ingeniously cunning plan only to realise its been done a thousand times before
50) Leave your mark, do something to be remembered for!

I think that sums it up nicely, though obviusly theres an extreme personal bias here as Ive done 90% of that list already

I'm pretty happy with my progress on that list too(will the ones I want to do), though i think 26 only ever existed as a sentence I was about to begin but didn't.

panda100

Het-Field wrote:

My writing skills are so much better than many people who didnt study arts these skills are not taught in any other facukty.

Wow het field your writing skills surpass me.....facukty anyone?? Sorry I couldnt let that one pass:)

Het-Field wrote:

Furthermore I have cultivated an interest in things like politics and current affairs which I only had to a small degree when I was in school.

You dont have to do arts to have an intrest in politics.There lots of people I know in medicine who are involved in politics and current affairs.

Het-Field wrote:

Expext hard work, but if you do it Expect Great Rewards

Like any course if you put in the effort you'll reap the rewards,this is not exclusive for Arts. If you work hard at college in whatever course then you'l reap the benefits

For the girls.Number 47 on kaptain red eyes list....the best convos are in the girls toilets near the library shop and the toilets on the second floor of the library!happy grafittying

irlrobins

34 of that 50 ticked off. 35 if I can think of something for no 50. Maybe being in UCD for 10 years straight is an acheivement? Although my parents view that as a failure

meowCat

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Whether you read the various societies magazines or the SU fresher’s guide its practically the same list. This is not an attempt to be funny, this is actually the serious list Id give anyone:

great job Kaptain!!


So, let's see.

Done: 1)2)3)4)6)8)10)11sort of)13)19)21)29)30)31)35)40)41)44)45)47)48)49)
ToDo: 9)18)22)23)26)27)28)32)33)34)36)43)50)
Will give it a miss: 5)7)12)14)15)16)17)20)24)25)37)38)39I like sleep)42)46)

Not much time left for the to do list ...well, nobody's perfect :cool:

Mrs. MacGyver

Het-Field wrote:

Couldnt agree with you more. To succeed in it one must work really hard. iF you dont work hard youll end up with a pass degree, which is totally useless (much like a pass Law/Science/Commerce/Engineering degree) and you anit going nowhere. Trust me the wealth of opportuniotes that spring up once you graduate is huge. In fact the training you get by doing an Arts degree is fantastic. My writing skills are so much better than many people who didnt study arts. I know how to research things properly and how to pock apart an argument very quickly. With the exceotion of Law, these skills are not taught in any other facukty.

Furthermore I have cultivated an interest in things like politics and current affairs which I only had to a small degree when I was in school.

The lecturing hours are great, but you need to spend a lot of time in the Library

A 1st, 2:1, 2:2 degree opens a wealth of opportunity to you. Yo9u can get into teaching/the legal profession/ journalism/ the civil service/ politics after it. While those who study science can say ( he we can do that), they really wont be able to do it as well as the Arts graduates. We have been set up in several diciplines.

Expext hard work, but if you do it Expect Great Rewards

I agree. its gives you great tools for life, i wouldn't be in the job i'm in now without it - but i'm back doing MA in a fit of madness .

Mrs. MacGyver

I thoight rabbit's post was a total put down on women in general and i as one wont stant for it.! Womens lib is alive and well- we are not stupid animals open to easy prey by male counterparts - to view us as such is a pure insult (even though the blog was done in jest)