Ex married within 4 months of split to Lithuanian 17 year old

jimmycrackcorm

Seems to me that the ex is deleriously happy and the op is left up on the dusty shelf.

The Sweeper

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

Seems to me that the ex is deleriously happy and the op is left up on the dusty shelf.

Seems to me your post indicates you haven't really read this thread.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Unfortunately, "true love" doesn't get you far these days.

ah yes, here we have it. as another poster said

Xterminator wrote:

isnt it funny how posters bring their own problems into things.

"true love" doesnt get you far.
I.M.O. maybe you should start your own thread, reading your posts and the type of language you use, seems you have a lot of issues of your own.

The Sweeper

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

ah yes, here we have it. as another poster said

"true love" doesnt get you far.
I.M.O. maybe you should start your own thread, reading your posts and the type of language you use, seems you have a lot of issues of your own.

Well how about you address some of my points directly, instead of just making sweeping generalisations?

He's 34. She's 17. They love each other very much, and they all live happily ever after? Your post makes you sound like you're about 15 years old and still caught up in the thick of a notion of romance.

I've been happily married for two years. I love it, it's great, but it's all about partnership, and what you can both bring to your lives. You can't have a love life that's completely separate from real life. You have to be striving for the same things, content with the same things, satisfied by similar rewards in your life - or you'll spend the entire time pulling in different directions until you're miserable. When you're well matched in what you want to have and where you want to be, you'll be happier and you'll find that your bond gets stronger and you love each other more.

It doesn't matter what it is you're striving for - if you want a huge house and two flat out high paid jobs, or if you're goal is to try and get on the property ladder with a one-bed flat in the suburbs. Do you want kids or not? Do you want pets or not? Even if you don't want to own property or have kids at all, but would rather save up and do some travelling and leave it for a few years to 'settle down', the fact is, if you don't both want to do the same things, you'll end up stuck in a rut where you do nothing.

That's why true love isn't enough, and it's a foolishly immature idea to think that it'll be enough to make a marriage.

It's why the OP is confused, and why everyone on this thread who has even a vague understanding of what a long-term partnership actually means has questioned her ex-boyfriends motives. How can someone who is 17 and someone who is 34 possibly want the same things in life? He may have a clear idea in his head, but most school-going 17 year olds in Ireland feel hard done by having to make a university choice that'll affect the rest of their lives at that early age. You can drop out of university after the first year and choose to do something else. Doing that with a marriage just demeans it.

You've had little input into this thread other than sticking your head around the door to squawk something you've inferred from the OP's starting post. You seemed to take that as meaning people have to have a minimum level of education to be loveable. Perhaps you have issues and are paranoid about your own level of education?

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

Seems to me that the ex is deleriously happy and the op is left up on the dusty shelf.

i would say your spot on with that observation...

and that is what is driving some people on here into a blind rant or hissy fit, whichever you prefer.

EKRIUQ

Okay after reading all these posts would the opinions change if she way really 18 years old, now legally an adult, and plenty of adults at the age of 18 get married.

The Sweeper

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i would say your spot on with that observation...

and that is what is driving some people on here into a blind rant or hissy fit, whichever you prefer.

You can't answer my points, can you?

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

BingoBongo wrote:

Okay after reading all these posts would the opinions change if she way really 18 years old, now legally an adult, and plenty of adults at the age of 18 get married.

IMO no. true love is true love.

but i see rants here from people who obviously have never found true love and have settled down with the best they could find before age set in and all hope of marriage is lost. Trying to look for thing in common with each other to convince themselves that this he/she the right one with arguments like.."we want the same thing in life" or "we have the same goals" or "we want to live in the same type of property"...

some of you (those who have truly found love) will know that all those (material)things don't make happiness, love does.

and i think that the OP boyfriend woke up one morning and released this as well.

The Sweeper

Why does it have to be one or the other? As far as I'm concerned, it's true love between me and my husband, enhanced by the fact that we do want a lot of the same, or very similar, things. Building a life like that is a tremendous amount of fun. It's all good.

Might I ask what age you are, to have this utopian vision of the exclusivity of love and material things?

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Oriel

Fair play to your ex, I say!

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Thaedydal wrote:

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

what post/poster prompted you to give out this warning.

LegacyUser

Amazed wrote:

This does not sound like an upgrade. It looks more like entry level.

Ever hear the saying "Upgrade to a newer model" (not saying he has just some middle aged men have mid-life crisis and go for young women (for reasons much talked about)

Sounds like he on rebound/some form of crisis, and I wish him luck with the 17 year old.

The OP clearly is effected, hence why the post?
Plus I'd agree with others stating that she seems to have other issues, re: the MBA nonsense. Maybe IMO her question really is: Why would he level an 'MBA woman' for a 17 year old??????

It smacks of smugness from where I'm sitting.
BTW I'm well educated too but I dont feel the need or want to advertise the fact. Love isnt a CV, perhaps thats the OP's problem

jimmycrackcorm

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Seems to me your post indicates you haven't really read this thread.

Don't judge the car by the indicator. I read the thread very well - except I got bored reading your longerposts and skipped a few of those- sorry. Still I do reckon that the ex is deleriously happy with a 17 year old hot chick - who wouldn't?

We might well remember that at a time not so long ago in Ireland it was very common for people to get married very young and a lot of them were very happy.

Slutmonkey57b

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Well how about you address some of my points directly, instead of just making sweeping generalisations?

He's 34. She's 17. They love each other very much, and they all live happily ever after? Your post makes you sound like you're about 15 years old and still caught up in the thick of a notion of romance.

Your post makes it sound like you've given up on the notion of romance totally and are engaged in some limited-liability partnership where someone tots up your score at the end of it. Addressing your point about age difference, how is impossible that these two people could have similar desires out of life? The truth is you don't know what this couple are like, you're making a sweeping generalisation that this age difference is an insurmountable barrier and that it is impossible for either of them to have anything in common, or a common plan for what they want out of life. Yet in lots of other threads, we get told "age doesn't matter"? What's the difference? The difference is that in this post a "sister" is looking for validation of her own prejudices.

I've been happily married for two years. I love it, it's great, but it's all about partnership, and what you can both bring to your lives. You can't have a love life that's completely separate from real life. You have to be striving for the same things, content with the same things, satisfied by similar rewards in your life - or you'll spend the entire time pulling in different directions until you're miserable. When you're well matched in what you want to have and where you want to be, you'll be happier and you'll find that your bond gets stronger and you love each other more.

You've been married two years and you're questioning my long-term relationships? Two years is nothing dearie. Come back when you're ten or fifteen years down the line and actual real life happens, rather than planning house purchases or the challenges of reading the Lifestyle supplements.

It doesn't matter what it is you're striving for - if you want a huge house and two flat out high paid jobs, or if you're goal is to try and get on the property ladder with a one-bed flat in the suburbs. Do you want kids or not? Do you want pets or not? Even if you don't want to own property or have kids at all, but would rather save up and do some travelling and leave it for a few years to 'settle down', the fact is, if you don't both want to do the same things, you'll end up stuck in a rut where you do nothing.

Again, you are assuming that the couple in question do not have any of those qualities. You are projecting your assumptions onto people you know nothing about. Is 17 "old" enough? A lot of 17 year olds have been through more in 17 years than some middle aged middle class people have ever thought of, never mind dealt with.

It's why the OP is confused, and why everyone on this thread who has even a vague understanding of what a long-term partnership actually means has questioned her ex-boyfriends motives. How can someone who is 17 and someone who is 34 possibly want the same things in life?

The OP by her own admission knows nothing about her ex's wife. Instead, she's blathering on about how she's "mid 30's, Dublin based professional, MBA educated". That's not a description of a personality, or a relationship, that's estate agent speak. That's an advertising slot, it's meaningless, hollow boasting about education and social standing rather than honesty. She says the wife doesn't speak much English. The assumption there is that a) The husband doesn't speak the wife's language either, which there is no evidence of; and b) the Wife is mentally incapable of learning another language at all, and will be rendered deaf mute for the rest of her natural life. Both of these assumptions reveal that the OP is the one with the problem, not the couple.

He may have a clear idea in his head, but most school-going 17 year olds in Ireland feel hard done by having to make a university choice that'll affect the rest of their lives at that early age. You can drop out of university after the first year and choose to do something else. Doing that with a marriage just demeans it.

You have no idea what they're doing with their marriage, you're projecting assumptions based on precisely no evidence whatsoever. You are also making assumptions about this 17 year old's personality based on your observations of Irish teenagers, who grew up in a very different society. For anyone with any observational skills, you will have noticed that the recent immigrants into this country are nothing like Irish teenagers - they're hardworking, intelligent, educated, mature, decent people for the most part. In fact, they're the total opposite of Irish teenagers.

You've had little input into this thread other than sticking your head around the door to squawk something you've inferred from the OP's starting post. You seemed to take that as meaning people have to have a minimum level of education to be loveable. Perhaps you have issues and are paranoid about your own level of education?

Actually the OP was the one who seems to assume you have to have certain levels of education and social standing to be lovable. I, personally, am ridiculing her for it, as she deserves.

MojoMaker

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

the OP was the one who seems to assume you have to have certain levels of education and social standing to be lovable. I, personally, am ridiculing her for it, as she deserves.

I didn't read that from the original post at all. It was my understanding that the poster made reference to certain things to present the similarity of their backgrounds, age, and an indicator of their relative intellectual levels as a means of highlighting the disparity of her ex-fiancé's actions following the split. It was a fair reference which certainly contextualised the irregularity of the subsequent behaviour on the part of the fiancé, no more no less.

OP, be satisfied that his behaviour, while not necessarily wrong by any means, is highly highly irregular.

ionapaul

MojoMaker wrote:

I didn't read that from the original post at all. It was my understanding that the poster made reference to certain things to present the similarity of their backgrounds, age, and an indicator of their relative intellectual levels as a means of highlighting the disparity of her ex-fiancé's actions following the split. It was a fair reference which certainly contextualised the irregularity of the subsequent behaviour on the part of the fiancé, no more no less.

OP, be satisfied that his behaviour, while not necessarily wrong by any means, is highly highly irregular.

That's exactly how I read it too - the OP did nothing to deserve the attacks she's been getting.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

MojoMaker wrote:

I didn't read that from the original post at all. It was my understanding that the poster made reference to certain things to present the similarity of their backgrounds, age, and an indicator of their relative intellectual levels as a means of highlighting the disparity of her ex-fiancé's actions following the split. It was a fair reference which certainly contextualised the irregularity of the subsequent behaviour on the part of the fiancé, no more no less.

that's not what i got from the op...
it sounded to me like " i much more educated and have much more going for me" and " how could he she is uneducated, foreign and cant even speak English"

Marksie

Its all probably a moot point since the OP has been quiet since about the fourth or fifth post in!

The Sweeper

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

What's the difference? The difference is that in this post a "sister" is looking for validation of her own prejudices.

That's the saddest argument I've ever read. The rest of your points are very good - you're right, I don't know the minutae of the relationship between the 34 year old and the 17 year old. But this is the Internet, and it's possible and even justifiable to belittle any feedback that anyone gives on Personal Issues on the basis that:

1. It's only one side of the story.
2. We don't have the full details.
3. We don't know the people personally.

So what should we do, decide that all discussion on PI threads is invalid on the basis of the above three things?

I stand over my opinion of what the likely situation is in a relationship between a 34 year old and a 17 year old, and I don't refute your points about making sweeping generalisations, because it's not possible to make anything but generalisations, or express opinion, on a thread like this.

If you want to take an axe to any point I make on this thread on the grounds that you disagree with it based on your personal experience, feel free.
But don't try to demean my opinions by accusing me of prejudicial feminism. If it was a 17 year old girl posting on here saying she was about to marry a 34 year old man, I'd have responded from a similar viewpoint, the same if it was the 34 year old man saying he was going to marry the 17 year old of his dreams.

(By the way, you might want to reread the post which has apparently set you to calling me 'dearie' and questioning the validity of my personal experience when I'm in a four year relationship and married for the last two years of it. I never questioned your long-term relationships. My post was clearly directed to \m/_(>_<)_\m/, and we've already taken our opinions on this subject to PM. I'm just pointing that out because you seem to have taken it all terribly personally.)

koneko

MojoMaker wrote:

I didn't read that from the original post at all. It was my understanding that the poster made reference to certain things to present the similarity of their backgrounds, age, and an indicator of their relative intellectual levels as a means of highlighting the disparity of her ex-fiancé's actions following the split.

That's how I read it too, seems to me she added those things in to highlight why this is such a strange thing for him to do. Completely opposite to what he had before.

OP, don't think there is much point in dwelling over it, it definitely seems a bit odd though. Best you can do is just move on and be happy, if things weren't working out between you two then you made the right choice to end it.

MojoMaker

Had a quick look back at the original post again and the key word used was "both". By use of the word 'both' she was refraining from making a statement beginning with "I" and was grounding the scenario for us by making reference to their relative similarity, not shoving her academic achievements down anyone's throat. It was a very valid reference. Age, experience, intellectual ability, and professional standing, would all be valid variables, dominant or otherwise, in an equation of this nature. The fiancé's actions seem quite odd by anyone's outlook.

Odd is all though. Not incomprehensible, damaging, callous, illegal, selfish, or anything else you care to add. Just odd.

poker4life

Fair play to the ex. He gets to shag a 17 year old Lithuanian girl, good for him.
I don't know why some people are so outraged by this - its their life, he's doing nothing wrong so what's the problem?

REDZ

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i much more educated

Yes quite.
Sorry for going off topic, but the personally nasty nature of your posts on this thread and others in PI, really makes me feel like telling you to F*CK OFF, YOU NASTY D*CKHEAD.
Sorry everybody but this jerk has been pissing me off for a good while.
If you have nothing constuctive to add, then don't post in PI.
My impending ban is going to be worth it, i feel much better already.
J

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

My post was clearly directed to \m/_(>_<)_\m/, and we've already taken our opinions on this subject to PM. I'm just pointing that out because you seem to have taken it all terribly personally.)

i can confirm this. and may i also say we have come to an acceptable and mutual difference of opinion.

Gordon

REDZ wrote:

Yes quite.
Sorry for going off topic, but the personally nasty nature of your posts on this thread and others in PI, really makes me feel like telling you to F*CK OFF, YOU NASTY D*CKHEAD.
Sorry everybody but this jerk has been pissing me off for a good while.
If you have nothing constuctive to add, then don't post in PI.
My impending ban is going to be worth it, i feel much better already.
J

If you have a problem with any post please report it using the report post tool under the users username.

Banned for a week.

Blazer

King of Kings wrote:

Mathew Reilly -- the king states that you've missed the point. the OP is illustrating that the ex has very little in common with the new wife,

I doubt snobbery comes into it.

great...another idiot that refers to himself in the third person....how do we know that the ex has very little in common with his new wife? Do you personally know him or her? If you have read my post properly you'd have understood that I said that maybe the op completely misread her ex and he decided that her way of life was not for him? so maybe he then found another girl that fitted into his thinking of life?

mayhem#

Whereas you worked outside the house and probably came home around the same time as him she most likely has the house spic 'n span, dinner ready by the time he comes home and the she rides him into oblivion every night....

He's a male; you have to forgive him. Our gender has their frontal lobe split between our stomach and our scrotum...

E.

mariaalice

Hi all i got married at 19 to a man sixteen years older than me we married six months after we meet...we stayed married eighteen years and have children and i have to say it mostly worked..we are good buddies now and he still thinks i am a lovely woman,take too long to explain why we split up but it had noting to do with the age difference

Marksie

mariaalice wrote:

Hi all i got married at 19 to a man sixteen years older than me we married six months after we meet...we stayed married eighteen years and have children and i have to say it mostly worked..we are good buddies now and he still thinks i am a lovely woman,take too long to explain why we split up but it had noting to do with the age difference

No its a perfectly valid illustration of the fact that it can work.

I posted intitially that it was no-one elses business but their own and that still holds true.
The OP switched from not being bothered at all to being shocked. But seemed to be more looking for reactions than answers.
your very nicely illustrates that things can work despite what people think.

In fact i hope that it does work for them, i really do. Not because the OP nose would be out of joint, but because sometimes its nice tio beat the odds.

jonny68

metrovelvet wrote:

Hes rebounding.

very sad as well if you ask me jaysus :eek:

Slutmonkey57b

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

That's the saddest argument I've ever read.

How so? The whole thrust of your argument was that the age difference between a 34 year old man and a 17 year old woman is insurmountable, and that there was an unreal basis for the marriage in the first place. I've read more than one thread in this forum whereby people have been very much of the opinion that age doesn't matter. So what's different in this case? What's different about a 50 year old dating a 25 year old? What would be different if the sexes were reversed? How come the OP gets a huge amount of mostly female backing for what amounts to an uninformed, prejudicial, (and in my opinion snobbish and mildly racist) assumption about her ex's new wife? The most obvious explaination it seems to me is that there is a tendancy for people to side with people of their own background, choosing to ignore the inconvenient contradictions it might imply.

(By the way, you might want to reread the post which has apparently set you to calling me 'dearie' and questioning the validity of my personal experience when I'm in a four year relationship and married for the last two years of it. I never questioned your long-term relationships. My post was clearly directed to \m/_(>_<)_\m/, and we've already taken our opinions on this subject to PM. I'm just pointing that out because you seem to have taken it all terribly personally.)

You might want to reread your own post, seeing as it is a reply to a quoted post of mine. Post #44 in case you've lost track of your arguments here.

The Sweeper

You line-by-line quote me on post 55, which is in respose to dude-whose-name-is-difficult-to-write-coz-its-symbols, not you. Now who's confused?

Shall we just agree to disagree on this?

Slutmonkey57b

You say you're not confused. Yet in one post, you tell me (based on no evidence) I've never had a successful long-term relationship. Then you contradict yourself by telling me you never questioned it. Then when called on it you choose to cite a different post entirely, so either you aren't confused, or you're attempting to dodge about the fact that you've been caught out.

My line-by line quote of your post #55 was in response to your challenge to whatsishname that he couldn't answer any of the "points" you brought up in support of the OP, which I think at this stage I have proved are wishful thinking or downright obtuseness. I don't think it's a case of agreeing to disagree, it's a case of making a cogent argument vs ducking away. You still haven't come up with a decent argument in support of the OP that doesn't fall back on the same fallacies and prejudicial assumptions that her opinion was based on.

The Sweeper

That's because I don't think her argument is based on fallacies or prejudicial assumptions. You're not following me at all, are you?

Nevyn

Guys and Gals if you want to debate the socail dynamics of this and the moral rights and wrongs as it is not illegal take it to the humanities forum of if you just want to comment OMGS!!!! take ti to after hours.

thanks.